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Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 8:30:49 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     I had one of those little moments earlier this week.  Going through my e-mail, I had the automatic notice about a regular group event on Thursday evening.  I saw what it was and deleted without even thinking about it.  I always get up early in the morning but I'm working a new project for my company right now and that damn alarm clock goes off at 4 am.  A bit further along in my e-mail was a note from a favorite Aunt who lives 1000 miles away.  She and one of the cousins are going to be in the area next week and want to get together.  I got her on the phone and figured out day and time and then made another call to get things properly arranged.  And then I had to pause and laugh at myself a bit.  Not only had I completely ignored the alarm clock factor in setting the evening with them, I was up past my usual bedtime making arrangements.

      It's a simple matter of priorities.  Being well rested for work ranks higher than a vanilla event with the local group, and family I like and rarely see outranks both.  It got me thinking though.

       What priority do you give to the R/T community?  (Online doesn't count cuz you can 'come out' for a chat with smelly armpits and in your baggy underwear).  Whether your BDSM is 24/7 or third Tuesdays from 8-11 pm, how big a part of your life is your local group?  Does the Munch trump other plans?

      There are a percentage among us who make WIITWD the center of their universe.  Among them, I see a lot of similarities to people who go to church 5 nights a week or hardcore political activists of any stripe.  This is what they ARE as opposed to something they do.  I can, and do, respect their right to make those choices but sometimes I feel like we are living on different planets when it comes to basic values.  How do you handle this, or if you felt slightly insulted by this paragraph, how do you feel about people like me who don't contribute as much?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 8:38:05 AM   
Looking2Bused


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		That is a great post and everyone should read it several times.  I have tried to say the same thing many times on chat and email and no one seems to get it.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 8:38:49 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Munches, no, they fit in when I basically having nothing else on my schedule, and realize that I haven't been in a while.

Playing till 2 or 3 or 6 in the morning?

Hah!  Sleep is... for......los....erzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 8:42:46 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Playing till 2 or 3 or 6 in the morning?

Hah!  Sleep is... for......los....erzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


    LOL!  I think I resemble that remark.  Lately I'm the guy falling asleep at the BBQ.  Good thing the nephews haven't thought of painting my nails while I'm out.

(in reply to Alumbrado)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 9:25:34 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Even when I was doing the submissive thing, living in the same house as my partner, it was far from "24/7" - although it was Called that for the simple fact that we lived in the same house and saw each other every day.
 
Life Happens.  Kids and the garbage getting out to the curb on the proper day and jobs and bills getting paid.  They all take precedence over having time to play - regardless of what variety that Play takes - dungeon time, camping, throwing a football in the back yard, going out to the lake to paint, whatever.
 
That being said, there are a couple of specific nights each month that I have "set aside" to go to the local dungeon for play parties.  I don't stick to it rigidly, and I don't refuse other plans based on whether something is going on the same night.  Many (er - most) of my local face to face friends are also part of the same group.  We do things together besides just play at the dungeon.  There are cookouts, river rafting trips, etc.  There are a couple of them who are close friends that I simply hang out with every now and then - go to dinner, watch a movie, go out and play pool, whatever.  Since most of those who I hang out with are all part of the same group, we simply seem to instinctively avoid scheduling something on a night that we already know something else is going on.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 9:49:42 AM   
NurseKitty


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Syracuse, New York
Status: offline 		    This is a very interesting question, and I read your original post twice before responding.  I have a different perspective than many because I am very new to the lifestyle, having not even thought about it until I met a man whom I fell in love with and have since entered into a D/s relationship with him (I would be the 's').  The interesting thing about my situation is that he's at least thought about BDSM for literally most of his life (since before he was a teenager) so he's got an incredible head start over me on all things lifestyle related.  As eager and willing as I am to become as 'proficient' in my role as he is in his, it's impractical for either of us to place the lifestyle and BDSM-related activities above all else in our lives.  We're both divorced, both have children and families and jobs of our own that require our attention, and it simply can't come from a place of D or s, our interactions with family/work/etc.

    We've lived together since the first of the year, which is pretty quick considering we met just before Thanksgiving, but it seemed (and still does seem) like the right thing to do.  We both have a LOT of learning to do, and even though we have our share of difficulties and arguements stemming from our respective roles and the subsequent uncertanties within those roles, we're coming along quite well.  I'm sure I speak for the both of us when I say we wish we had more time we could devote to R/T activities.  I imagine if we put some solid effort into it, we could attend more functions.  I have joined a BDSM book discussion group which is great for me as I have an entire month to read the given book and come up with discussion points, plus I have one night a month I can spend with others for some serious intelligent conversation and discussion regarding not just the book but anything else that might come to mind.

    All that being said, I'm thankful that I have not yet come across any 'zealots' within the lifestyle.  I know there are some who have the luxury to devote practically all their time to the lifestyle, and I do look at this as a luxury.  Fortunately, I've not met one person who has treated me poorly, or made me feel inferior because of the amount of time and energy I have to devote to the lifestyle.  As with anything not considered 'mainstream', it's reassuring to see the tolerance for all different levels of involvement that at least I've encountered, and I hope this continues to be the rule and not the exception.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 9:53:50 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich
   ...       What priority do you give to the R/T community?  (Online doesn't count cuz you can 'come out' for a chat with smelly armpits and in your baggy underwear).  Whether your BDSM is 24/7 or third Tuesdays from 8-11 pm, how big a part of your life is your local group?  Does the Munch trump other plans?

...  How do you handle this, or if you felt slightly insulted by this paragraph, how do you feel about people like me who don't contribute as much?


Thought provoking post here Rich...

My personal priorities are #1 - Family (includes my girl), #2 - Job, #3 - My local BDSM community, #4 - the rest of the world.

My job and BDSM community rarely come into conflict, being on different schedule (job is M-F day hours, the community is evenings and weekends), so the conflicts that arise generally fall into the familial variety.  My kids usually trump everything, including my girl.  Then comes janey, then the ex- and my sister not so much. My other blood relatives I am not close too, so unless someone is getting married or buried, they are outta the loop.

I know where I will be the 3rd Thursday of each month, and most 1st Saturdays.  Those are our munches and demo/presentations respectively.  I usually host an after-demo play party at my house.  For the last 2 years the 2nd Wednesday of the month I have been doing our group orientations.  We do Meet & Greets (think bar night or pool night) from time to time and other events as well.  Since I'm the founder of the group, unless I find a really compelling reason not to go, I will be at all of our events.

I also present to other groups in the area, I travel to support other groups, and to see worthwhile presentations/presenters when I can.  Sometimes I travel just to get the hell outta Dodge and go someplace new and different to play.

Yeah, I guess I'm one of those really active in the community types, as opposed to the occassional Sunday attendee, or "only on Christmas and Easter" type folks.  *grin*  But with BDSM, just as it is with demonstrations of faith, it isn't what you appear to be to others that counts, it's how you ARE on the inside.

YIK,
- Geoff


(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 12:31:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff
My personal priorities are #1 - Family (includes my girl), #2 - Job, #3 - My local BDSM community, #4 - the rest of the world.

That's pretty much my list.  We have to wear a lot of hats simultaneously and give the right attention when needed to each one.

So, when BESS had a business meeting, my family and other social circles knew that it would be scheduled ahead of time and not to expect me to plan other things.  However, if my mom had an accident that day, I'd certainly attend to her first.

Or, if I had a Firefly event scheduled the same night as a BESS event, if I were unable to find another manager for the event, I'd attend the Firefly event.

The good news is that my friends and partners all enjoy the same social sorts of things that I do for the most part.  So we can get good time in with friends while also hanging out and being together.

It's all about shifting and responsibility and making things flow smoothly. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to EvilGeoff)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 1:13:23 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Unless there is something spiritual going on that involves me or there is an emergency involving one of my family (leather or bio), I simply cannot give up my sleep. This is for my mental (and every one else's) well-being. If I interupt my sleep cycle too much, my mood will become unstable. This is one of the things that I have learned being bi-polar. I will give sleep up for my higher power, or if one of mine TRUELY needs me, but otherwise, I owe it to myself and the people I love to give myself proper care.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 6:15:55 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		      I can't say I've ever felt any intolerance to my level of participation.  Occasionally I'll feel a need to tread a bit lightly and bite my smart-ass tongue within my local group (it doesn't always come easy either).  More of a disconnect between attitudes.  Hot day or not, I'm not trying to launch a flame thread.

      This is a journey.  Five years from now I might be ID'ing as an UberDom and living the lifestyle full-time.  Right now, my priorities are different.  I'm just trying to figure out how to better communicate and associate with people who get far more from community events than I do.

(in reply to NurseKitty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 6:39:26 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		We are not big on going to munches and play parties - we have been to a couple of them just out of curiosity but haven't found a real "need" to involve ourselves. We are more involved with speedway (Master is in the crash crew) so our summer Saturday nights are taken up with that. We have more friends in speedway than BDSM (although they know all about our lifestyle and call us the DV8s )

Master's health problems take priority and we have to arrange our lives around how He is feeling day to day plus dialysis 3 mornings a week and various clinics and doctors visits. Neither of us are able to work (I am His full time carer).

Using the church analogy we are the ones who go at Easter and Christmas

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Losing Sleep - 7/22/2006 7:55:49 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		There is no Lifestyle group anywhere near where I live that I am aware of. My work and commuting to and fro take alot of time. I am away from the farm from 7AM to 7PM most Monday thru Fridays. I get up at 5AM to have time to take care of horses, dogs etc and have time to shower and get dressed for work. It takes almost as long to do everythng in reverse after I get home. Saturday and Sunday are, catch up on everything I did not get time to do on the farm, days. Also, I have grown children that live 70 miles away that I am very close to, and try to spend 1 or 2 days a month with. That does not leave alot of free time to play. I find that with the hectic pace of my life I really need whatever quiet time I can get here at home on the farm. For me, my spiritual growth and communing with nature is most important to me right now. I guess that BDSM is more of a "who I am" right now versus any activities with others of like mind. There just does not seem to be a large supply of others close enough to spend time with. 

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Rayne58)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:14:31 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		       This sorta fizzled about 6 months ago.  I'm wondering if it might wake up... 

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:18:17 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		our group meets once a month. i go when i can, and really the only thing i have to worry about rearranging is work, and that usually works out. it's a bit of a hassle for me because i have to make sure i have a cab arranged to get me from the munch to work so that i'm not late, but it's worth it. if we met more often and my schedule allowed for it, i would go, but while i like having a local community and wish we had more things going on, i also have a lot of other stuff going on in my life that will always come before that, like my dominant, school, and work.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:24:26 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		Both my husband and I function on a lack of sleep.  He is in the military and has to be up around 4 or 5 to go to base for morning PT and sometimes doesn't get home till late.  I also work long hours as a teacher.  Aside from our demanding jobs, play times comes in second place.  Play time consists of clubbing and D/s.  My hubby is 19 and has a lot of energy to burn ... so it's easy for him to go go go ... I am older and I find my "get up and go" ... slowly going away.  It's now more common for him to stay out till 2 am with the platoon drinking and dancing while I stay home and do laundry (this thread is making me feel like my mother suddenly).  Both of our families live out of state, so we don't talk to them too often or see them very much.  We regularly attend a play party/munch the first Saturday of each month (when he isn't deployed).  We do practice a 24/7 lifestyle ... so aside from work, D/s comes in at the top of what we do. 

_____________________________

My Journal

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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:41:04 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I've never been to a munch.  A slave is what I am, but that is not defined by my participation (or lack of) in any local group.  While it would be nice to meet locals with whom I might relate, I simply don't have the time to invest, currently.  Because I am so busy trying to keep up with all my current demands, sleep is something I might experience later on in life, lol.

My priorities are set by my Master, himself being #1.  In times of crisis and stress, he has never prioritized things in a way that caused me more stress.

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:42:54 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Has anyone noticed the abundance of threads that are in some cases years old being revived, this one was posted in July

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:45:45 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I notice it now!! 

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:46:43 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I almost started a thread about it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Losing Sleep - 2/17/2007 7:49:23 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Anyone ever notice how many people scream"search button search button" when people post a topic?

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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