RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (Full Version)

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Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit Cut the crap. You don't NEED a therapist. (I found one, if you really did, in less than fifteen seconds. Google-fu.) Do you know what your problem is, OP? The problem is that poly works for you when it's in your favor. You're perfectly happy when you have a husband and a Daddy. But, when Daddy spreads his wings... Different story, huh? <Paraphrased> I can be the ONLY babygirl. "Cause, that's MY place. "She" can't have it and I don't want to share!! Sorry for not kissing your ass and all. Who? Please tell me

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:08:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 That's what everyone is telling me to do. That's not what I told you to do. In case you missed it, I'm saying settle your own sh^t. "Cause that's what this is really about, isn't it? Like it or not, your Daddy is not responsible for your own insecurities. He didn't create that. YOU DID. I'm just asking you to own it. I've been telling her the same thing. We all have. The problem with any mental-based issue, the first thing you need to do is remove yourself from the source of it so you can work on the resolution at the root of the irritation. Most people can't fix that sort of problem all the while you are forever embroiled in the toxic soup. And for many people, it needs proper professional help. The OP can't seem to grasp this simple concept.... remove yourself from the source. She obviously does not have the strong mental capacity to resolve it herself. Yet she is railing against any suggestion that she needs to step aside to resolve it. Her immaturity is not letting her grasp something that is in bright neon flashing lights to others. And it may well be that this particular style of dynamic isn't the right one for her. If that is the case, unless her daddy is willing to forego any other subs, her only option is to let him go and find another more suitable for her personality. But she won't entertain that option at all; she'll stubbornly fight on until she's dropped.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:10:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit Cut the crap. You don't NEED a therapist. (I found one, if you really did, in less than fifteen seconds. Google-fu.) Do you know what your problem is, OP? The problem is that poly works for you when it's in your favor. You're perfectly happy when you have a husband and a Daddy. But, when Daddy spreads his wings... Different story, huh? <Paraphrased> I can be the ONLY babygirl. "Cause, that's MY place. "She" can't have it and I don't want to share!! Sorry for not kissing your ass and all. You are right. I need to accept this for what it is. He says he loves me and wants me. That's all that matters.

LadyPact -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:20:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 You are right. I need to accept this for what it is. He says he loves me and wants me. That's all that matters. OP, you're scared. It's ok to be scared. I'm gonna tell ya, ain't no sub of mine going to dictate to ME who I can and can not date. If it were me, I'd tell you to step the f^ck off.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:22:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit Cut the crap. You don't NEED a therapist. (I found one, if you really did, in less than fifteen seconds. Google-fu.) Do you know what your problem is, OP? The problem is that poly works for you when it's in your favor. You're perfectly happy when you have a husband and a Daddy. But, when Daddy spreads his wings... Different story, huh? <Paraphrased> I can be the ONLY babygirl. "Cause, that's MY place. "She" can't have it and I don't want to share!! Sorry for not kissing your ass and all. You are right. I need to accept this for what it is. He says he loves me and wants me. That's all that matters. Good. That's a start. But you've got to STOP the comparison games. What you do with him and what she does with him are two separate things. She doesn't need to know what you do and you don't need to know what she does. You also have to stop trying to pull the strings too. He is your daddy - when he's with you. He is her daddy - when he is with her. Learn to live with it without questioning it or getting in a tizzy over it. You don't have exclusive rights over him and you can't have everything your own way. Get used to it, deal with it, or get out. It's quite simple.

DesFIP -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:26:04 PM)
Because you keep trying to lay down rules for other people who aren't obligated to accept them. He doesn't have to tie you up and make you watch him fuck her. Because you want their lovemaking to be all about you. She doesn't have to agree to meet you and let you set up rules for her to be with him. You've tried from the beginning to set it up that you're primary partner to two men. Even though you can't fulfill that role. You promised your husband you would play casually and not get emotionally involved. You've never told him the truth so he could decide for himself what he wants to do. You've called this other woman all kind of names, you sneer at her because she isn't a bi exhibitionist. She doesn't have to be a carbon copy of you. She just has to have enough of a connection that he wants to be with her. As he does. So what happens if he wants to marry her and you just be his little side piece, the way you want him to be for you? What you don't understand is that the other people in this cluster fuck get to decide for themselves what they want and need. And you keep trying to remove their ability to consent or not. Which is categorically wrong.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:29:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit Cut the crap. You don't NEED a therapist. (I found one, if you really did, in less than fifteen seconds. Google-fu.) Do you know what your problem is, OP? The problem is that poly works for you when it's in your favor. You're perfectly happy when you have a husband and a Daddy. But, when Daddy spreads his wings... Different story, huh? <Paraphrased> I can be the ONLY babygirl. "Cause, that's MY place. "She" can't have it and I don't want to share!! Sorry for not kissing your ass and all. You are right. I need to accept this for what it is. He says he loves me and wants me. That's all that matters. Good. That's a start. But you've got to STOP the comparison games. What you do with him and what she does with him are two separate things. She doesn't need to know what you do and you don't need to know what she does. You also have to stop trying to pull the strings too. He is your daddy - when he's with you. He is her daddy - when he is with her. Learn to live with it without questioning it or getting in a tizzy over it. You don't have exclusive rights over him and you can't have everything your own way. Get used to it, deal with it, or get out. It's quite simple. He wants to take us both to the swingers club in two weeks. I said I was up for it, and I really am. I did tell a girl friend of mine who goes too with her fiance what was going on and how I was feeling and she said she'd try to be there if I needed her. I really have some great friends in the community. I need to develop those friendships more so I have a safety net if Daddy and I go south.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:31:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Because you keep trying to lay down rules for other people who aren't obligated to accept them. He doesn't have to tie you up and make you watch him fuck her. Because you want their lovemaking to be all about you. She doesn't have to agree to meet you and let you set up rules for her to be with him. You've tried from the beginning to set it up that you're primary partner to two men. Even though you can't fulfill that role. You promised your husband you would play casually and not get emotionally involved. You've never told him the truth so he could decide for himself what he wants to do. You've called this other woman all kind of names, you sneer at her because she isn't a bi exhibitionist. She doesn't have to be a carbon copy of you. She just has to have enough of a connection that he wants to be with her. As he does. So what happens if he wants to marry her and you just be his little side piece, the way you want him to be for you? What you don't understand is that the other people in this cluster fuck get to decide for themselves what they want and need. And you keep trying to remove their ability to consent or not. Which is categorically wrong. You are right. I've been overstepping my place big time. Strangely that made me feel a little better

LadyPact -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:37:39 PM)
Oh, so it's ok if he f^cks her in front of you, as long as it's on your terms. If it gets you off, it's fine. Right up until, he actually has a relationship with her that doesn't include you. Tell me one thing, OP. Does "Daddy" get to be involved in your primary relationship?

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:40:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oh, so it's ok if he f^cks her in front of you, as long as it's on your terms. If it gets you off, it's fine. Right up until, he actually has a relationship with her that doesn't include you. Tell me one thing, OP. Does "Daddy" get to be involved in your primary relationship? You are right, I've been a big hypocrite. It's helping me to hear this and get my perspective back.

LadyPact -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:45:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 You are right, I've been a big hypocrite. It's helping me to hear this and get my perspective back. THAT was sincerely worthwhile. Look, hon. I'm not trying to nail you to the cross. I'm asking you to look into your own motivations. They might not be pretty.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:48:57 PM)
I'm Sincerely grateful @LadyPact. I get too much on my own head sometimes. It helps to hear alternate and more learned perspectives.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 5:50:12 PM)
I just texted this to Daddy "I'm not going to try and control things anymore. I'm sorry I've been trying to do that. I was out of bounds." I hope it makes a positive difference

LadyPact -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 6:01:12 PM)
Fast reply. OP, you don't have to give up your place in a person's life. A part of being poly is recognizing that you aren't the whole person's life.

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 6:23:57 PM)
Thank you again. He's not my whole life and I'm not his. I'll just strive to be a positive part of his and make sure he's a positive part of mine. Maybe now my appetite will come back, lol Losing over 10 lbs in a week is not like me at all.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 6:41:53 PM)
And it's only taken the best part of 12 pages of posts to make you see the light. [:-]

Aquanerd1983 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 6:44:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 And it's only taken the best part of 12 pages of posts to make you see the light. [:-] Yes, we'll see how I feel tomorrow. And stupid me gave up drinking two weeks ago. [&:]

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 6:48:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 And it's only taken the best part of 12 pages of posts to make you see the light. [:-] Yes, we'll see how I feel tomorrow. And stupid me gave up drinking two weeks ago. [&:] I don't think that's stupid at all. Seeing and judging the world thru an alcohol haze isn't the best way to live. Stay off the booze hon - it's worth it.

OsideGirl -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 7:04:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 And it's only taken the best part of 12 pages of posts to make you see the light. [:-] Yes, we'll see how I feel tomorrow. And stupid me gave up drinking two weeks ago. [&:] Nah, stress and emotion plus alcohol never ends up good.

LadyPact -> RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable (8/28/2016 7:48:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983 Yes, we'll see how I feel tomorrow. And stupid me gave up drinking two weeks ago. [&:] Do mind if I have a word? This whole thing is a f^ck up from the ground up. It was all great when you were sitting in the cat bird's seat. And now, you''re not. Take that as you will.

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