RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 3:59:27 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
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we're not calling you or a fool or a pushover. It's the way you respond to people. Most of us have had years experience being submissives (not including the ones on the Dominant side of course), some of us have been in a very long D/s or M/s commitment and I don't even put myself into that category, for me my current one has been just over 5 years, others here have had a lot longer relationships. Some of had experience with poly relationship. But when you respond in a rough and antagonistic manner, you are showing your jealousy through. Its the same reason I left the only poly relationship I was involved with, I would expect the vanilla partner being jealous, but I had to deal with the jealous insecurities of the other submissive to the point, where she she broke my window and I got kicked out of my apartment for that. Maybe if you listen to those with more experience in both poly and D/s relationships, you might start to look at yourself as a decent human being that may not want to use jealous poison to keep her D/s relationship going.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 4:00:53 AM

LilJuly76

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
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it's hard to get her to realize this.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 4:36:26 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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I've been life-ing, but I had a couple of comments. I know some of them are to old issues, but also specifically point to ways of thinking that are important, IMNSHO.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

4) Do you trust him?

4. implicitly. I couldn't stay with him this long if I didn't. I don't trust her. I think she's playing with him.

It's not trust if you don't trust him to find the best option for him and you. You are also not trusting him to listen to what you have to say, and pay it the attention it deserves. You are not trusting him to continue loving you, even if you are jealous.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

But telling him I don't like her will make me look petty and jealous.

What makes a person look petty and jealous is saying, "I don't like them, therefore you shouldn't."

It's perfectly fine to say, "I don't like them, here is why. I trust you to make the best decisions for yourself and me."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

But I don't want to lose him. I'm not ready to do that. Not over some noob subby cum lately. She's not worth losing him.

You do realize that it's not your choice alone, right? And that to YOU she may be a "noob subby cum lately," but to him, she may be more, even if he doesn't realize it yet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

I want him to tie me up and make me watch him top and fuck her. The idea makes me so hot.

Too weird?

It's a fetish. You're a cuckquean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

So leave him to save myself? Hurt him before he hurts me? I don't understand. My willingness to battle my jealousy and not just give up and run away is a negative?

No. It's not. Be aware, though, and be ready to leave if the negative you get from the relationship outweighs the positive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

I've made a decision. I'm not going to beg him to pay me attention or Brat about this new girl anymore. As long as he continues to devote the same effort and time to me that he has and she doesn't make him chose between us, I'm not going to even stress about it. His time with me is ours, and his time with her is theirs. If we all happen to hang out together, he's my focus, not her. The end. Not going to act or feel jealous anymore. Doesn't do me any good anyway. I have my husband and kids and if Daddy decides my devotion doesn't mean anything to him anymore, I'll be fine.

This is an excellent position to take.

Except you can't control your feelings, just how you respond to them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself

Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

Bullsh^t! That's not the f^cking answer.

Agreed. These boards give you OPINIONS. Some of them are good. Some of them are not worth a cow puck.

You have to think things through and decide what they mean to you.

Do not do ANYTHING that does not feel deeply right to you, and if nothing does, you need to think some more.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The op is very passive aggressive. That's not something that improves any relationship. More the contrary.

This is true. Take what it says to heart.

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(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 5:09:13 AM

Aquanerd1983

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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Thanks guys.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 9:30:10 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: JOHNTHEFOX

BEWARE OF WHAT YOU WISH FOR. YOU MAY GET IT! PERHAPS YOU COULD HELP ME. I'M A SOCIOLOGIST TRYING TO STUDY HOW THE NET HAS CHANGED SEX AND DATING. MY PROBLEM IS FAKES AND BOTS. I WOULD LIKE TO PICK YOUR BRAIN. DEPENDING UPON YOUR LOCATIONI MAY EVEN HELP YOU RELIEVE SOME OF YOUR UNHAPPINESS!

No. Your problem is that you had a prof that would ever give you credit towards your degree if you typed it in all caps.

Holy sh^t, dude. People aren't stupid.

Not to mention the offer to be sexually involved with some one in his "study".

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(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/30/2016 3:54:46 PM

Aquanerd1983

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

Met with Daddy today. Had a long talk. Not going to go into details because we talked about a lot, but I do feel better.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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Post #: 306