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Buncha questions - 9/8/2016 4:36:19 PM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
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Wow.. I've been browsing this forum a bit and.. .wow... so many terrible people posting terrible things.
Here's to hoping I don't join them!

So, aside form one amazing session with a pro domme I've met here back when it was called collarme, I am completely inexperienced.
And I read a lot about how many many male "subs" are stuck on their fantasies and only in it for their own satisfaction
I don't want to be like that.
In fact I'm pretty sure I'm not like that.
Looking back on that one session, I remember being happy and eager about doing everything I was told and trying to please the woman and she did comment I was a natural once it was over and we talked a bit.
Mind you, when I say "please the woman" I don't mean sexually (not what was happening there), I mean making this enjoyable for her. I wasn't paying her for a service in my mind, more like.. for her time. And I wanted this to be as enjoyable for her as it was for me, you know?
So if I was like that with a professional, I'm certainly gonna care about a nonprofessional domme's enjoyment too.

So the question is... how do I show that in an online profile or ad?

Related question: How do YOU tell who's the real thing and who isn't?

And an alternate question is, how do I avoid all the gold-digging fakes aside from making it clear I'm dirt poor? :P

< Message edited by YourSincereSlave -- 9/8/2016 4:42:45 PM >

RE: Buncha questions - 9/8/2016 5:34:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave

So the question is... how do I show that in an online profile or ad?

Talk about the vanilla things that are important to you, talk about what you think a power dynamic entails (and keep it realistic), act like you're talking to another human being.

quote:

Related question: How do YOU tell who's the real thing and who isn't?

Pretty much the same things that I just laid out. If she's all about the kink, then she's most likely not really about a power dynamic.

Honestly, there are very few actual Dominant women and tons and tons of men that want their attention. It's like standing in an electronics store with every TV and stereo turned on. Eventually, it all get tuned out and it takes something special to get through.

The best approach that I have seen (and it has worked every time) is volunteer to be staff at local events. Serve at those events with grace and respect. It tends to catch the eye.

quote:

And an alternate question is, how do I avoid all the gold-digging fakes aside from making it clear I'm dirt poor? :P

If they ask for money, block them. If they seem too good to be true, they're probably a scam. And in my view, if they can't meet - they're fake.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/8/2016 5:49:01 PM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
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Thank you very much for the advice.
I update my profile based on that

I have considered going to munches but never thought about offering services at an event... I will have to look into that.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/8/2016 10:42:16 PM

Posts: 5490
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And for online, participate here in the forums, people will get to know you better that way, and they can see your posts.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/8/2016 11:07:24 PM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
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Yes I figured out that last part and it's why I'm here. ;)

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 3:18:05 AM

Posts: 196
Joined: 11/28/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave
So the question is... how do I show that in an online profile or ad?

Get rid of the fetish pictures in your profile. Women want to see you, not what gets your rocks off.

I won't address the other queries since you've already received the advice I would've provided.

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 6:36:41 AM

YourSincereSlave

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Joined: 7/29/2016
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Well... considering how many fakes and scammers there are around here, I'm not at all willing to put pictures of my face on the site.

Besides, isn't wanting to know what I look like just as shallow as having fetish pics?

Your own picture completely hides your face too so what good is that?

I'm not being snarky or anything, just seriously questioning that advice.

(in reply to Shandirra)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 6:47:12 AM

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Joined: 7/12/2016
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It's your choice but the rule for men on sites like this is No face pic = no reply 99% of the time. The exception to this are the fakes and scammers that you are worried about, who really couldn't care less about your picture.

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 6:55:13 AM

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave

Well... considering how many fakes and scammers there are around here, I'm not at all willing to put pictures of my face on the site.

Besides, isn't wanting to know what I look like just as shallow as having fetish pics?

Your own picture completely hides your face too so what good is that?

I'm not being snarky or anything, just seriously questioning that advice.

Simple rule of thumb for subs, especially male subs -
Women like to be treated as PEOPLE first, not a fetish delivery system.
Having pics of you, not fetish pics (or your dick), shows you to be a cut above the other 99.999% of other wankers out there.

I really don't understand why guys do this.
It's one of the biggest turn-offs for women on any site.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 7:24:17 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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This is a fast reply.

You simply need to overhaul your profile. You go on incessantly about fakes and those that are not real... do you honestly think that is going to stop a fake from trying? Hell, I doubt that any of them even bother looking at a profile, let alone read the damn thing. Additionally, it begs the question what your definition of "real" and "fake" is and whether or not, if someone isn't into what you are, that they will be branded as a fake by you. See the problem?

Lose the pictures, seriously. It's a turn off and nothing that a dominant woman has not seen hundreds if not thousands of times. There is a submissive male on these forums who has a picture of himself laying down, head cropped out of the picture, and he is bare chested and showing his abs. The women seem to really like that picture... even the submissive ones. So, there are ways to preserve your identity and still be enticing. Do some searching on the forums (upper right hand corner of the header) and search keywords: submissive profile. You may have to add male to that. and see what results you get. Others might have suggestions for searches.

quote:

Besides, isn't wanting to know what I look like just as shallow as having fetish pics?

No, it isn't. Think about it, are you going to message a dominant that does not have a picture in her profile? Don't you want to know if you are at least attracted to her? The same thing applies to your profile. If you are reticent to show your face, get creative, or Photoshop a big mouse head over your face... but you will eventually have to establish if the dominant likes what she sees or not.

quote:

Your own picture completely hides your face too so what good is that?

Some people are not "out" with their BDSM in their lives. Some stand to loose quite a bit if it was ever found out, therefore, some folks preserve their identity by cropping out their face.

OK, now... you have to stand out, the odds are against you simply because there are more submissive men looking for female dominants than there are female dominants. You must set yourself apart from the herd. Also, be honest about being new to this, that is not a bad thing... we all were new to this at one time, so it doesn't hurt to admit that you are still finding your way. Since you are relatively new, I suggest you get your hands on some books and read, read, read. In the General BDSM forum, at the top of the page, there is a book list thread that is stickied. Look it over, lots of good material in there.

Welcome to the forums... and good on you for asking questions. I mean that.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Diffident)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 7:38:11 AM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

Okay, good points.

But... abs pics? Really?
I doubt anyone wants to see my surgical scar, though... so no pics it is.

And yeah I guess the rant might seem unattractive but damn... I thought having to deal with fakes and scammers was thing only dommes had to deal with, but that is clearly not the case.

My definition of "real" and "fake is pretty simple though. Real is sincere and fake is not.

But yes, I am being honest about new and I have been reading a LOT. Not books, but forums, websites, blogs.. for years. I am inexperienced and new to the whole "finding an IRL domme" thing, or the BDSM dating scene if you will, now that I figured out what I want, but I have and will continue to read.

Thanks to alll the new replies, very appreciated.

P.S. I never understood the dick pics either... Nor do I understand the vagina pics... it's only gonna attract the dick pic kinda guys.
The fetish pics though... well, it just seems on-topic. But okay. You guys know better than me.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 7:59:11 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave

But... abs pics? Really?
I doubt anyone wants to see my surgical scar, though... so no pics it is.

It was an illustration to show you that you don't have to use facial pictures if you don't want to. I will assure you that if you have no picture, you are much less likely to get a response from someone you message.

quote:

And yeah I guess the rant might seem unattractive but damn... I thought having to deal with fakes and scammers was thing only dommes had to deal with, but that is clearly not the case.

I'm just telling you what I have read on here from female dominants. And no, the scammers come in all shapes and sizes and all orientations, and titles. What the female dominants deal with incessantly are the submissive males that just want to get off.

quote:

The fetish pics though... well, it just seems on-topic

You are on a kink site. Those that you are seeking are on a kink site. So the fact that you are kinky is a given. Again, what stands out to the female dominants that I have read on here, is something different, something that they haven't seen or heard a million times before. That is why the fetish pics are a bad idea.

quote:

You guys know better than me.

Not always. If there is one thing this community is good at is giving advice, some of it will apply to you, some of it won't, but you would be ill advised to not listen to all of it and figure out if it will help you or not.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 8:18:41 AM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

Well I did ask for advice and you guys are at least more experienced, is more what I meant.

Also, back pic.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 8:41:13 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

LOL. OK. Please ask peon just how 'unsuccessful' he is with that "ab" pic.

I'm going to go half with Gauge. Loose the negativity in the profile. You wouldn't walk into your local book club, talking about how most authors are hacks, etc.

However, I'm not feeling the same thing about your pic. Being a DL is going to discount you from a majority of women, but if it's your main fetish, get it out there up front. This gives other people the opportunity to make their own decision at first glance.

Mind if I tell you something else? I'm not a pro domme at all, but I have a certain view about being "at work". The clients that I walked through the door on Tuesday got the same reception as the clients that came through on Thursday. I smiled just the same, used my people skills to make them feel special, and hopefully, used me intuitiveness to entice them to want to continue doing business. It's a part of my JOB to make the clients want to come back. If the pro domme you saw isn't giving your next session for free, that whole crap of you being a "natural" was just her way of hoping you'll come back to pay for the next session.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 9:08:46 AM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

LOL. OK. Please ask peon just how 'unsuccessful' he is with that "ab" pic.

Oh I believe you but I'm surprised!
I mean abs pics are pretty much the epitome of the "douchebag" pic on vanilla sites, after all.
Different mentality, I suppose.
.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

However, I'm not feeling the same thing about your pic. Being a DL is going to discount you from a majority of women, but if it's your main fetish, get it out there up front. This gives other people the opportunity to make their own decision at first glance.

That was the intention, yes. However, based on the gentleman's (and other's) advice, I chose to instead mention it in the text.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

L
Mind if I tell you something else? I'm not a pro domme at all, but I have a certain view about being "at work". The clients that I walked through the door on Tuesday got the same reception as the clients that came through on Thursday. I smiled just the same, used my people skills to make them feel special, and hopefully, used me intuitiveness to entice them to want to continue doing business. It's a part of my JOB to make the clients want to come back. If the pro domme you saw isn't giving your next session for free, that whole crap of you being a "natural" was just her way of hoping you'll come back to pay for the next session.

The thought had occurred to me as well, but I believe she was sincere. , and I thought long and hard about how I felt about the session and how I felt about her afterward and I believe it's true.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 9:29:46 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave
Oh I believe you but I'm surprised!
I mean abs pics are pretty much the epitome of the "douchebag" pic on vanilla sites, after all.
Different mentality, I suppose.

Nah. The epitome of the douche shots go a certain way...

The dick pic.

The bent over "brown-eye" shots (cause we all know that women just can't wait to tag that unappealing, dirty @sshole).

The thousandth shot we've seen over and over again about the uninteresting pic of the torso with the head cut off that looks (pretty much) like the other 999.

The "oh my God, this is my fetish" type shots. The cock cage, the frilly panties, the sph guys... (Pardon me while I yak.)

.

quote:

That was the intention, yes. However, based on the gentleman's (and other's) advice, I chose to instead mention it in the text.

I don't especially agree with the decision, but it's your choice.

quote:

The thought had occurred to me as well, but I believe she was sincere. , and I thought long and hard about how I felt about the session and how I felt about her afterward and I believe it's true.

Yep. Ask me if I could to the same job to make you THINK that.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 9/9/2016 9:31:08 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 9:43:01 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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FR : What they all said.

OP, you've had some solid advice.

The only thing that I would add is that, you do develop a pretty fine tuned fake filter as time passes, to the point where I barely notice the fakers because they never make it past my "not even interested" filter.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 11:10:48 AM

YourSincereSlave

Posts: 82
Joined: 7/29/2016
Status: offline

@LadyPact

Online, I'm not too god at sensing sincerity, but in person, I can usually tell right away.Believe me , that one dominatrix might have said I was antural, but but by then I think I already believed it myself, based on how I felt and acted during the scene and based on on a lot of other personal things. It was a confirmation, not a revelation. ;)

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 11:34:19 AM

Posts: 274
Joined: 10/25/2008
Status: offline

Your profile is fine a 7/10. You have most likely took everyone above me advice - err away from porn pictures/avatars and cok pictures unless it a good 12 inches etc as to most sentient minds they show an immersion in fantasy and not being able to seperate it from reality and expectations

As other have said if you can afford a face picture do so. To an extent you can disguise them with eg neon filters, invert the image - someone on here does that I haven't seen him around for a while

You can try looking down when you take the picture if you wish to avoid filters - which I would.

Your image you have up is better than nothing - but convert it to black and white and turn down the brightness a bit. It is unlikely you will receive a mail without that face picture, so get mailing...And add good words to the forums >90% of the time you may be mailed if you offer exceptional advice of make someone smile or ponder

My apologies my memory is slipping/slips at times due to an illness - I have signed on in a redundant profile

< Message edited by wickedsdesires -- 9/9/2016 11:35:35 AM >

(in reply to YourSincereSlave)

RE: Buncha questions - 9/9/2016 2:32:35 PM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Well, the thing is, naked abs are the closest thing to exposed genitalia/nakedness vanilla sites will let you post, so not so different.
It's a good respectful profile, no issues there. I'm not keen on the hairy back but there's nothing wrong about the picture.

quote:

Please ask peon just how 'unsuccessful' he is with that "ab" pic.

and just tossing it out there, mmm.... Peon's ab pic

(in reply to wickedsdesires)

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