RE: What am I? (Full Version)

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Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:35:21 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

Danemora you know why. But people are entitled to ask what they want and throw in their opinion as they see fit.

What I see here, I think, is someone vulnerable, or in a state of confusion as Chaska said.
Sometimes there is no real difference. And it is unlikely she can ever change. Not impossible, just rather unlikely

Using stuff and things like
1. To further complicate things I took the bdsm.org
The problem with these tests are few people are true honest so they give the answer they feel they should or to fin on a specific conclusion. Take the test five minutes, a day later and it will return a different answer. Or have someone who truly knows you take the test with you
2. More experienced lifestyles - another poor nugget imo – but you have so many people’s opinions


Surround yourself with better people; Quality, not quantity, although I do not think you can tell the difference, nor will ever be able to so. It is unlikely you will change whoever you are, and stop (absolute)labelling - then whipping out a plethora of other peoples labels of whom you are.

You have one person, fair enough. How many others do you need and why? 1,2 10 and duration and for what purposes


Holy hell, that was a lucid and helpful response.
You never cease to surprise me.
Is this the real WD? :p



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:37:32 AM)

Yep. That's our WD.

Once in a blue moon he comes up with a real gem.
Sadly, the other 99% of the time nobody can understand his ramblings.



Alecta -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:41:05 AM)


quote:


He's driven, intelligent, a good father (he's always been great with kids do I knew he'd be a great dad), funny, talented, steadfast, fun, and has a cute butt. I didn't know about his submissive sexual tendency until after we married. He was a virgin. :/


As I recall, you were given suggestions and advice to explore your husband's submissive side, this is a good idea. You may find things you enjoy. Remember, being a Dominant doesn't mean being exclusively on top for sex. There were also suggestions that you try being a submissive couple to a Domme or another couple. That may be worth considering.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:44:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta


quote:


He's driven, intelligent, a good father (he's always been great with kids do I knew he'd be a great dad), funny, talented, steadfast, fun, and has a cute butt. I didn't know about his submissive sexual tendency until after we married. He was a virgin. :/


As I recall, you were given suggestions and advice to explore your husband's submissive side, this is a good idea. You may find things you enjoy. Remember, being a Dominant doesn't mean being exclusively on top for sex. There were also suggestions that you try being a submissive couple to a Domme or another couple. That may be worth considering.


He would flip. He will not play with or have sex with others. I idea upsets him. I wish he would. But we've already had that discussion and it's a hard limit for him.

And I've been working with him more in bed for sure. He seems happier.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:45:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Yep. That's our WD.

Once in a blue moon he comes up with a real gem.
Sadly, the other 99% of the time nobody can understand his ramblings.


He intrigues me. Like the Mad Hatter or Cheshire Cat he is.



BitaTruble -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:47:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Did you follow her other threads Bita??

Perhaps you should read all her other posts to get the picture before saying it's something she'll regret.

I have read everything she has written and formed my own opinions on the situation. I hope that answers your question and puts any assumptions to rest.



ohthat1percent -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:57:47 AM)


Sure it makes sense but you are giving a hell of a lot of people power over you. Who are all these people you are talking about? If they aren't people who know you personally and understand all this. Then ---- stop talking to strangers about your relationships and who you are. People many times are idiots and make determinations without all the information as they listen to one side of the situation.

Yes I do it as does anyone who offers opinions ona messagesboard about a situation. Opinions are supposed to be processed as data not a personal judgement you allow to define you.

So now you've allowed other people to dictate your relationship, and you've broken up with a person. To me breaking up with someone is a personal decision because you have reached a place where you no longer communicate and the differences as to what each of you want are too far apart to compromise.

Seems to me you are asking for way to many opinions instead of soul searching yourself and determining the answers based on your understanding of yourself. I recommend you stop asking others for the answers you should be determining for yourself. Bdsm is a kaleidoscope of life, every time you make the slightest movement the horizon changes and new info appears to be processed. Instead of asking another to determine what it means to you - decide for yourself. You have to remember no one really cares what or even who you are- but they will have an opinion about it.



quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

why do you need to label yourself? You've described what you are perfectly. Instead of trying to fit into a box, why not just be who you are? If you try and fit yourself into a box, you won't grow or explore, instead you will constantly be looking for others to define you.

I'm submissive but I'm not easily so. I get told al the time what I am not by silly people. Because I'm aggressive and assertive I get told what I am by other silly people. But in the end, the men who fit in my life simply let me exhale and be because he simply is.

Your relationship with someone isn't defined by labels but defined by the whole of the peiople. Explore things to help you add to who you are - don't explore things to put a label on you behind. You are not a suitcase.

Edited to add: it's only been a year- you have a long way to go and a lot of exploring to do to add to who you are in terms of bdsm. No need to define a label - be the unique growing person you are. With a person that matters - he/she will need to understand you - not your label.


I try to eschew labels as much as possible but being told I'm not this or that or that I should be this or that by others in the lifestyle has brought me to tears. It is partly to blame for my recent breakup as well. I couldn't submit or agree with everything my ex Daddy was doing or asking me to do and when I spoke with others they said it was because I wasn't really a submissive or really poly or whatever and that I should breakup with him until I figured out what I was. It's a big deal to me, because he didn't want to break up but I was convinced I had to because I can't figure out what my role is.

Does that make sense?





freedomdwarf1 -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 9:58:52 AM)

Does that include the ones under a different ID?

Because most of us just didn't see her as any sort of submissive other than a scene-player. She was predominantly dominant and constantly trying to dominate her 'daddy' and his other sub under a heavy mist of the green monster.

And I still say she's just a scene-player because she doesn't seem to be able to handle any other aspects of being a sub for any sort of long-lasting arrangement.
That's ok and it works for many people.



ohthat1percent -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:02:36 AM)

Op listen to the song bitch by Meredith brooks- you may put watching you label into a better perspective.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:04:40 AM)

I've only ever had this ID. I wish you'd stop saying that. It doesn't help if you confuse me with someone else



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:05:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent

Op listen to the song bitch by Meredith brooks- you may put watching you label into a better perspective.

That song is hilarious and now it's stuck in my head.



BitaTruble -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:07:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Does that include ...

I have read everything she has written.



ohthat1percent -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:08:13 AM)

Maybe you need to understand what it's talking about. Labels mean nothing - what you are made of means everything and changes all the time.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:16:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Sure it makes sense but you are giving a hell of a lot of people power over you. Who are all these people you are talking about? If they aren't people who know you personally and understand all this. Then ---- stop talking to strangers about your relationships and who you are. People many times are idiots and make determinations without all the information as they listen to one side of the situation.

And you are doing just the same as the rest of us.

No, she isn't giving any of us any power over her.
We listen to what she says and offer advice and opinions.
It is up to her what she does with those comments.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Yes I do it as does anyone who offers opinions ona messagesboard about a situation. Opinions are supposed to be processed as data not a personal judgement you allow to define you.

We didn't.
She defines herself - not what others are saying.

But, those that say they are {whatever}, usually aren't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
So now you've allowed other people to dictate your relationship, and you've broken up with a person. To me breaking up with someone is a personal decision because you have reached a place where you no longer communicate and the differences as to what each of you want are too far apart to compromise.

And given what she described, that is exactly the position she found herself in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Seems to me you are asking for way to many opinions instead of soul searching yourself and determining the answers based on your understanding of yourself.

That was most of her problem.
She couldn't see the wood for the trees.
And that is why she came on here for help and advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
I recommend you stop asking others for the answers you should be determining for yourself.

Aaand... she couldn't do that for herself.

For what it's worth, there's nothing wrong in asking for opinions and answers to your problems.
After all, that's what forums are usually for; isn't it??

So stop telling her to stop asking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
Bdsm is a kaleidoscope of life, every time you make the slightest movement the horizon changes and new info appears to be processed. Instead of asking another to determine what it means to you - decide for yourself. You have to remember no one really cares what or even who you are- but they will have an opinion about it.

And that's one of the beauties of an anonymous forum.
We don't know her from adam.
We form our opinions on what she tells us and draw from our own experiences to make suggestions.

It's never a hard and fast rule 99.999% of the time.
And, as usual, there are a plethora of different responses.
But if the vast majority of those just happen to echo each other, there's usually some truth in what is being said and should be considered.

And much to your chagrin, some of us in the scene actually DO care about others playing in the same playground.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:22:36 AM)

Thanks FD. I'll never stop asking questioning and seeking the advice and opinions of others. I've always been that way. My ex Daddy never understood that about me. He was of the mindset it's no one's business and you should be able to handle your problems on your own. We never agreed on that. He thought I relied on and discussed things with others too much, and I thought he held too much inside and relied too much on doing everything on his own with no outside support.

He said he told me things he never shared with anyone else and I was his best friend. That gutted me. I took that away from him and he's closed himself off again.



ohthat1percent -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:32:14 AM)

Well bless your heart. You are a very odd person. No strangers don't care about strangers. Though some people try and be politically correct and talk about how much they care. Friends do sure but strangers no. So my assessment much to you chagrin is accurate.

You sound like an ass you've been barrating her accusing he of crap and now are going to try it on me. Sorry, I'm not as emotionally attached to strangers opinions and I play bitch pretty well. So while you may feel all cool- your simply insignificant in the general realm of my world but it appears you may be an annoyance on these boards. Oh yay!

I will tell people to stop asking strangers for opinions if they are incapable of processing it as data but internalizing it it and let assholes whose biggest thrill of the day is to see how they can play on someone's insecurity. If you listen to her she allows that a lot.

I think her responses to you are simply her attempt to see if masochist is part of her label. But I'm thinking not so I suspect she will just ignore your barbs you like throwing at Her.



ohthat1percent -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:40:41 AM)

Op, then you deserve the emotional distress you get if you insist on allowing others to 1) define you, 2) continue to ask strangers to assess and judge you etc. you can ask questions to learn from without putting yourself in the middle to be judges in your self proclaimed ignorance. If you don't like how what people tell you makes you feel about yourself - i.e. You said some bring you to tears etc, then stop asking those questions.

It's really simple. You are placing yourself in the negativity you say people say to you and providing them power to negatively affect you. If you don't like feeling like that - stop doing it.

Oh and I apologize to FD it appears you enjoy the negative posting and accusations thrown at you. By all means carry on lol.


Here's another thought- perhaps you are so focused on asking questions and always focused on the next question- you aren't listening or processing any of the responses that could actually help you understand more than the one question. You seem to listen with the intention of replying instead of gather the information provided.



OsideGirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:41:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

but after reading and participating in several discussions here I get the impression that being a submissive is a personality traits that comes naturally to those who are and that just isn't me.


Not quite sure where you read that because most of the successful male Dom/ female sub relationships here have strong, outspoken women as the subs.

I'm an alpha personality and the only place I'm submissive is someone more alpha than I am, then I fall into it naturally.

quote:

I'm naturally stubborn, controlling, dramatic, impatient, take charge, blunt, and opinionated and even if I love the guy to death if I think he's making a bad choice or is slipping in an area I can do better or give direction in, I can't keep my mouth shut and I tell him what I think he should do.
That a self control issue, not a submissive or Dominant issue.

quote:

I'm told real submissives don't do this
Please define "real submissive" because what I think is real probably isn't what you think is real, and it's probably different than a bunch of guys on the other side think is real.

And you've managed to contradict yourself in the very same post:


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

To further complicate things I took the bdsm.org test at the beginning of my journey and several times since, and my percentage of submissive goes up and up. I feel I long to be submissive, would thrive on it




quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

It's all so confusing because that mindset makes me extremely uncomfortable and I literally can't give up that much control or I get physically ill. I dropped 20 lbs in two weeks when my ex Daddy took on a second girl because I couldn't submit to the way he did it, how he conducted himself in relation to it and by trying to suppress my self and force myself to submit and agree to the new dynamic I stopped eating. It was horrible.



And why are you letting some unscientific test determine who you are. I can't wait until that fad goes away.



Greatlilbabygirl -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:48:20 AM)

Perhaps I'm like you and haven't found someone more Alpha than me yet.

And I would go back and quote everytime I saw someone on here say "submission is natural, it's just who you are, submissives don't do xyz" but I think that would overwhelm the thread and take a reaaaaly long time :p



WickedsDesire -> RE: What am I? (10/5/2016 10:53:07 AM)

Greatlilbabygirl Many on here have given you good answers. Your questions and reality change moment by moment. I only judge those whose reality falls below 5% (within my mind). I do not doubt for one second 1-2 genuine souls have been caught up with the many

I am currently undecided as to what you are. Which is why I asked those questions



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