How to find a Mistress for play

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

How to find a Mistress for play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to find a Mistress for play

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 8:29:45 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/25/2016
Status: offline

Hi everyone,

First post on here. I'm in San Jose California. 30 year old male.

I identify as a switch as I am mostly dominant with younger partners, but when an older mature woman is involved, I am a total sub.

I recently had the experience of serving a mature woman in a non-erotic way and it really opened up my curiosity to wanting to do so in an erotic way.

I am a very busy guy with my job and other everyday life, so when I want to play its just that - play. I really don't have the time to regularly attend munches and do a whole lot of socializing in the lifestyle. I would love to meet and play with some mature women who can use me for their whim and fancies.

How do I get that without having to pay the professional women? I'm a guy that values the humanity and personailty in people, so instead of spending $200 on a paid professional, I would much rather spend that on a woman who wants to play by buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that we can enjoy together

advice from the experienced is always welcomed

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 9:35:55 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

You are gonna have to suck it up and go to munches. There is no easy way unless you pay.

< Message edited by Greatlilbabygirl -- 10/26/2016 9:36:27 AM >

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 10:26:21 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19

I am a very busy guy with my job and other everyday life, so when I want to play its just that - play. I really don't have the time to regularly attend munches and do a whole lot of socializing in the lifestyle.

There's no easy button here. If you want the cookie, you have to put in the work.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 11:24:13 AM

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

The only way is to find the time to meet people at munches, events, etc. If you want something badly enough, you'll make time, otherwise you won't get what you're looking for. The ladies aren't going to be interested in you unless they know you as a person first and find you are someone they want to "play" with.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 12:21:58 PM

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

...I'm a guy that values the humanity and personailty in people, so instead of spending $200 on a paid professional, I would much rather spend that on a woman who wants to play by buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that we can enjoy together

Let me fix this for you:

...I'm a guy that wants my needs met on my own terms because I feel that I'm special enough, so instead of spending $200 on a paid professional, I would much rather not spend that on a woman because buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that that we can enjoy together will be far cheaper and puts me in control of the situation as I am saving money and buying toys that work for my needs.

_____________________________

"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 12:40:22 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19
...I would much rather spend that on a woman who wants to play by buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that we can enjoy together

advice from the experienced is always welcomed

Sounds very much like a guy full of self-entitlement who thinks that dinner and drinks entitles him to have kinky sex.
Chauvinist exit is over there to the right thru the red door >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 2:48:29 PM

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

Multiple women get the pleasure of handling your genitals and having you dictate what to do with their compensation? I hope your wrist is in good shape, bruv.

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/26/2016 11:52:32 PM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You don't have time for a relationship, or to attend local events. You want to get the exact same services that a pro Domme offers, but for maybe $30 in gifts and food instead of $200.

Sorry.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sovereignsays)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 7:12:47 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/25/2016
Status: offline

Greatlilbabygirl, stef, MsLadySue Thanks for your positive welcoming feedback, I appreciate it. Munches are awesome from what I have heard and I want to attend, but my time commitments just isn't very allowing for that. I guess as you said, I gotta just suck it up, make some time and go to a few.

MissKatya, reedomdwarf1, sovereignsays I didn't come on here for your snide and outright rude and disrespectful comments. I thought this community was welcoming to newbies who are trying to figure out their way in the lifestyle and that this forum was to ask questions freely without remorse or face the judgements of others. I posted something that is a genuine request and you just replied very judgmentally without knowing anything about me or why I posted what I did, please don't fix anything for me MissKatya. You are all wrong you know nothing of my life or my personality. If my request doesn't sit well with your preferred way of doing things, consider that not everyone does things the way you do so just pass an move along. Please ignore my posts if you cant contribute. Makes me wonder if people treated you that way when you were new or is it that the general MO around here is that the more experienced and more senior members get to act like jerks with the new members?

I didn't come here to flame anyone, but because I am a newbie to your community doesn't mean I gotta put up with your attitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 7:30:20 AM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

Clearly you don't realize how much more valuable their critique of your attitude are than the generic "get off the Internet" line.
You'll find people are generally nice to newbies with real technical questions and intolerant of self-entitled children who think just because you're into something they're curious about you owe it to them to give them that experience. Online and irl.

If you can't even take and learn from criticism while behind the safety of the internet, you won't get far in real person contact.

< Message edited by Alecta -- 10/27/2016 7:32:27 AM >

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 7:59:20 AM

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19

Greatlilbabygirl, stef, MsLadySue Thanks for your positive welcoming feedback, I appreciate it. Munches are awesome from what I have heard and I want to attend, but my time commitments just isn't very allowing for that. I guess as you said, I gotta just suck it up, make some time and go to a few.

MissKatya, reedomdwarf1, sovereignsays I didn't come on here for your snide and outright rude and disrespectful comments. I thought this community was welcoming to newbies who are trying to figure out their way in the lifestyle and that this forum was to ask questions freely without remorse or face the judgements of others. I posted something that is a genuine request and you just replied very judgmentally without knowing anything about me or why I posted what I did, please don't fix anything for me MissKatya. You are all wrong you know nothing of my life or my personality. If my request doesn't sit well with your preferred way of doing things, consider that not everyone does things the way you do so just pass an move along. Please ignore my posts if you cant contribute. Makes me wonder if people treated you that way when you were new or is it that the general MO around here is that the more experienced and more senior members get to act like jerks with the new members?

I didn't come here to flame anyone, but because I am a newbie to your community doesn't mean I gotta put up with your attitude

Ah....now I know who you are. You should have not responded-you would have gotten away with the new identity longer.

_____________________________

"The desire to inflict pain, that is all that is uppermost"-Albert Fish

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 8:04:43 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/2/2009
Status: offline

Sounds to me like he is trying to top from the bottom.

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 8:47:22 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19

If my request doesn't sit well with your preferred way of doing things, consider that not everyone does things the way you do so just pass an move along.

Let me ask you something: How is your method working out? Because we know how Miss Katya's is working out.

She may have said something that you didn't want to hear, but that doesn't mean she was wrong.

Female Dominants are outnumbered by male submissive, I'd say somewhere around 100:1. You're going to have to work at it to get their attention. That means getting out in community, volunteering, networking and not acting like someone should be happy to feed your fetishes.

If you want someone to casually feed your fetishes, you're either going to need to get out to events and find a Domme that is okay with casual play or pay someone.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 10:47:35 AM

Posts: 196
Joined: 11/28/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19
I thought this community was welcoming to newbies who are trying to figure out their way in the lifestyle and that this forum was to ask questions freely without remorse or face the judgements of others.

Ha! You've got a lot to learn. Coming here with any preconceived ideas of what to expect is rather foolish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19
... doesn't mean I gotta put up with your attitude

Door's that way. -->

~

Here's what you need to comprehend; unless a woman, of any persuasion, finds that you have qualities that align with her priorities, you will always be relegated to seeking a professional for BDSM purposes. Always. You have to be willing to put in the effort and time to network within 'the scene' to make those acquaintances and hopefully, play partners.

So, stop being a cheap fuck. Either with your time/effort or your cash. Stop whining like a baby.

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 11:07:36 AM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19

Hi everyone,

First post on here. I'm in San Jose California. 30 year old male.

I identify as a switch as I am mostly dominant with younger partners, but when an older mature woman is involved, I am a total sub.

I recently had the experience of serving a mature woman in a non-erotic way and it really opened up my curiosity to wanting to do so in an erotic way.

I am a very busy guy with my job and other everyday life, so when I want to play its just that - play. I really don't have the time to regularly attend munches and do a whole lot of socializing in the lifestyle. I would love to meet and play with some mature women who can use me for their whim and fancies.

How do I get that without having to pay the professional women? I'm a guy that values the humanity and personailty in people, so instead of spending $200 on a paid professional, I would much rather spend that on a woman who wants to play by buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that we can enjoy together

advice from the experienced is always welcomed

Your best bet in getting what you want is going to be pick up play at our local dungeon but that will NOT include the part time erotic play you think you want. Kink is easy to get..intimacy is more difficult and will take more time and effort than you appear to possess now. You are not ready. You will make the time when it is important enough for you. Right now, shits and giggles is what you offer and in San Jose..that abounds already. Stand out or stand with the herd. Shuffling along doing nothing will garner you exactly..nothing.

When you decide it is important enough..check out the SOJ calendar to see whats available for the times when your real life does not interfer with the sort of life with which you want to experiment.

Just, you know, try not to treat folks like they are lab rats.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 1:44:26 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/25/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKatya
Ah....now I know who you are. You should have not responded-you would have gotten away with the new identity longer.

lady, trust me, you dont know me, you know absolutely nothing about me and whoever you think I am\was is a mistake. I'm leaving that there

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Let me ask you something: How is your method working out? Because we know how Miss Katya's is working out.
She may have said something that you didn't want to hear, but that doesn't mean she was wrong.

glad for her that her method is working out.
I have no problem being told things I don't wanna hear. I can live with that, I know that I dont have a handle on this lifestyle yet so I am open to suggestions and guidance. That is what i asked for, not dumb-assed judgemental responses esp from ppl with 1 and 3 posts who just come across as drama

I just dont like ppl acting like she did when she changed what i said to her perceived thoughts in an authoritive kinda way. she was totally wrong about my perspective and what I want from a woman, and the way she replied, it was rude and offensive. That's all. dunno if that is her personality. I'm done with that and leaving it there

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Female Dominants are outnumbered by male submissive, I'd say somewhere around 100:1. You're going to have to work at it to get their attention. That means getting out in community, volunteering, networking and not acting like someone should be happy to feed your fetishes.
If you want someone to casually feed your fetishes, you're either going to need to get out to events and find a Domme that is okay with casual play or pay someone.

Thanks for your input and you suggestion. Didn't realize that the ratio was that small.
In hindsight I think I should have put that in my original request. I DO want someone for casual play only. I have vanilla casual play friends and that works pretty good for me. Most I have met online and taken to irl. I could have hired a hooker and paid her whatever, but I spend my $ when when my casuals and I meet and they spend on me and I rather do that, than on a hooker. Its not a blow and go thing. Now I want a kink casual play friend, again not a blow and go type still. If that offends anyone's morality, apologies for being open about it. I'm not gonna get into any kind of committed thing just to play. I'm not a pay for play kinda guy and don't wanna be, so while I hear what you say about professional paid Domme, I'll take it under advisement

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Your best bet in getting what you want is going to be pick up play at our local dungeon but that will NOT include the part time erotic play you think you want. Kink is easy to get..intimacy is more difficult and will take more time and effort than you appear to possess now. You are not ready. You will make the time when it is important enough for you. Right now, shits and giggles is what you offer and in San Jose..that abounds already. Stand out or stand with the herd. Shuffling along doing nothing will garner you exactly..nothing.
When you decide it is important enough..check out the SOJ calendar to see whats available for the times when your real life does not interfer with the sort of life with which you want to experiment.
Just, you know, try not to treat folks like they are lab rats.

Thanks. In this case, I would rather be treated like the lab rat

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 1:45:20 PM

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

*inadvertently posts topic including great insight into personality*
*sees lack of ass patting*

YOU DONT KNOW ME!!!

If you want to avoid throwing public tantrums in the future, do a better job of masking your insincerity.

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/27/2016 8:17:20 PM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

you know absolutely nothing about me

True, so why do the opinions of complete strangers who know fuck all about you bother you so fucking much?

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/28/2016 6:11:44 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Titanium19
How do I get that without having to pay the professional women? I'm a guy that values the humanity and personailty in people, so instead of spending $200 on a paid professional, I would much rather spend that on a woman who wants to play by buying her a few drinks and/or dinner and some toys that we can enjoy together

I would try normal dating sites, and "Dating 2.0" sites like SeekingArrangement. There are definitely women who are 40+ and just looking for adventures. Divorced, kids finally out of the house, holy crap what do I do with myself. Come up with cool things you can do -- more than just dinner -- like going to Yosemite, or going to Paris, depending on your income level -- and seduce by offering experiences.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Titanium19)

RE: How to find a Mistress for play - 10/28/2016 7:13:04 PM

Posts: 3623
Status: offline

OP can i ask what reasons you have for writing off the pros? Just because they're accepting money doesn't mean they're insincere, dirty, damaged, supporting a heroin habit... or whatever issues you're taking with them. I see you've brought up hookers, so I think you might have the wrong idea.

If you just want to dabble, it's a good way to do it... otherwise you will need to do a lot of work. Making yourself desirable to a demanding woman who can take her pick is hard enough without approaching it like a casual fling. Also, serving someone is best approached if you ask them what they want as opposed to telling everyone what you want.... the right attitude goes a long way.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to find a Mistress for play

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.393