Am i being unreasonable?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Am i being unreasonable?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Am i being unreasonable?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 3:25:32 PM

Yourfutureslaves

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/21/2016
Status: offline

So i was with my Dom for 6 months and he was and everything i have ever wanted controlled and used me made me feel like i needef to!!! Then he tells me that he wants me to get my vagina peirced several times and padlocked bearing in mind this is after knowin him for 6 months and anything like that just aint my thing anyway however its not about what i like its all about Pleasing him BUT i just cant do this gor him and i feel like a failure had he asked me 2 years into the relationship then yes! But after only 6 months i really dont want to be disfigured in this way! He has told me its over if i don't do it!! All i want is to please him but he's not getting that i don't want this yet!!! Thoughts please am i being a selfish whatsit?????

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 4:50:07 PM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

If he says it's over if you don't obey, either renegotiate your relationship so that you are allowed to 'veto' certain commands, or leave him.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Yourfutureslaves)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 4:53:21 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

I think this is a very common scenario.

Fulfill all your fantasies.

Then later, the real control sets in and if you disobey, he threatens to dump you as a form of exerting his control.

That's why I think it's important to make sure kink matches with each other first. Otherwise, you'd get too attached and then all these nonsense sets in.

Everything is an ultimatum.

Personally, if he is threatening to leave you IF you refuse to go through with this.

THINK very carefully about this person. After the piercings, he will come up with something else just as distasteful or worst, and then use the same old thing again. And all you have done is get yourself permanently pierced for nothing, just to have him threaten to leave again.

Personally, I'd call his bluff and tell him to go, and walk.

At times like this, you got to be tougher than him. And if he walks, then, well, end of the day, if someone keeps pushing boundaries by threatening abandonment, I don't know if there is a happy future with such a person.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/2/2016 4:54:32 PM >

(in reply to Yourfutureslaves)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 5:41:47 PM

Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline

You have a few choices

1. Say no. deal with the consequences.
2. Do it and deal with the consequences.

Its really that simple. It doesn't matter what people HERE believe as they are not in the relationship you are -- and many will be confused as you say yes you want to please him but then you say -- wait i really don't because i don't want to do this. In the end, you will be the one to get that no, you really don't want to please him no matter what you say. If you don't do it, you don't want to please him. Period. Doing this will please him -- not doing it won't. Its pretty simple. However, here's the catch -- its OKAY not to want to please him in this. In the end, you simply have to figure out which consequences are more harmful to you -- i.e., his ending the relationship or your living with your decision to do it.

You either are conditional in how you please him or you aren't. There is no right or wrong answer -- there are simply consequences to your decision.

You said he said its over if you don't do it -- well can you live with that?

You said you don't want to do this "yet," have you explained that to him? if so, and his decision to end the relationship if you don't do it -- then you have your answer and your two decisions -- you do it or you don't.

In the end, there will be consequences -- which ones can you live with.

_____________________________

A dominant man is not a man who is content to simply receive submission; a dominant man is not so obliging.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 5:53:35 PM

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

To the OP

Yeah, i would have been out the door as soon as the ultimatum came up
But im not in your position.
I had my inner labia pierced five years ago... the fantasy was a bit obscure, multi piercings, not so much padlocked as corseted. but to be quite honest with you.... meh... altho the actual piercings were not a problem per se, the problem was periods and utis, heat, moisture and catching things in the rings and bad pain accidental tugs got old too quickly. I still have them, but I rarely wear them "out" as it were.
I cannot imagine now what I was thinking about having four each side or more...Im not that much of a fan. I love them on other people, I might get some more elsewhere but not my labia again.
Different strokes for different folks.
Good luck.

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to ohthat1percent)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 6:01:50 PM

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohthat1percent
You said he said its over if you don't do it -- well can you live with that?

Not a good deciding factor.
There could be sub frenzy that clouds judgement. As he did rock her world sexually.
A clear minded person could see that, this isn't the last of his ultimatums. This is just the beginning. How extreme is he gonna push it and threaten to abandon each time? Once he sees this is effective.

The consequences is not about losing him. The consequences is, how much do you want him to physically mar you until you can't take it any more and he leaves anyway.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/2/2016 6:03:08 PM >

(in reply to ohthat1percent)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 8:39:53 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

OP, disfigurement is a serious issue. The fact he threatens you with dumping you because you have hesitations with it, that wouldn't sit well with me personally. But I always put that up as a hard limit from the start so I've never had that problem. Maybe see this as a learning experience and put that in your limits in the next relationship. This one sounds like it should be over, imo.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 9:01:01 PM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

If he says it's over if you don't obey, either renegotiate your relationship so that you are allowed to 'veto' certain commands, or leave him.

This

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/2/2016 10:45:11 PM

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

You have a third iption: negotiate the circumstances in which you would do it. You said you would if it has been 2 years but it has only been 6months. So tell him that and see what happens. Maybe he'll accept and you'll do it 2 years from now. Maybe he won't and you'll be on to finding your next Dom next week. Be prepared for both.

(in reply to Yourfutureslaves)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/3/2016 1:41:18 AM

Yourfutureslaves

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/21/2016
Status: offline

Thanks guys some great points there! Ive decided to let him walk if he really goes through with his threat well actually i can't make him stay with me!! I suspect we'll be over such a shame!! It will definitely be a hard limit if I'm lucky enough to find anothet Dom!! X

(in reply to Alecta)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/3/2016 9:22:09 AM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

If you don't want to do it, then don't do it.

If he says it's over if you don't obey, either renegotiate your relationship so that you are allowed to 'veto' certain commands, or leave him.

I agree with this.

And I'll also add that this was something you should have talked about before agreeing to a power dynamic relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/3/2016 12:13:30 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Yourfutureslaves
he tells me that he wants me to get my vagina peirced several times and padlocked

I actually had a play partner who did this to herself, before she met me, because *she* wanted it. And it was a royal pain. Ringlets would fall out and the hole would heal up overnight. She'd need to get that hole re-pierced, and would grumble, "Good thing I'm a masochist." Elevated risk of infection from just about anything.

It's a big ask for a man who won't need to be doing any of the maintenance.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Yourfutureslaves)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/3/2016 2:48:02 PM

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

I had two labial piercings, one on either side, with rings.
My Sir put a padlock through them once during play, and that thing was uncomfortable to the point of unreal. It was pointy and dug in in strange and unusual places. Not made for wearing in the tender bits.

Unless the dom has experience in subs wearing padlocks, this sounds like fantasy meeting reality. Kind of like when people talk about leaving ribbon threaded through labial piercings. Sounds great in the head, and then you pee - or have a period - or have sex - or just have a moist vagina. It would be smelly after a short time.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/4/2016 2:08:33 AM

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

No mention of already being in a relationship in her profile...

(in reply to Yourfutureslaves)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/4/2016 7:41:15 AM

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissShey

No mention of already being in a relationship in her profile...

Does that change the advice we that ought to be given somehow?

No?

Then why does it matter?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to MissShey)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/4/2016 2:12:38 PM

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

Just reread the OP's post - for the record, once I took my rings out, I couldn't tell where they were. No disfiguring there - I guess if the holes were gauged out, they might stay open, but just regular rings close over very quickly.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/4/2016 10:07:45 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Body modifications are a hard limit for me. For good and sufficient reasons. And anyone who doesn't accept my limits is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.

But I don't pay blackmail. If people say do this or else, I always pick the else.

If he had told you first thing that he would demand this, would you have gotten involved with him? Yet he manipulated you into a relationship while lying to you. Good people are honest and want enthusiastic consent. He doesn't sound like someone who qualifies.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kiwisub22)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/4/2016 11:46:53 PM

Posts: 97
Joined: 6/17/2014
Status: offline

Drop him and find someone better.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/5/2016 1:30:22 AM

Posts: 71
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissShey

No mention of already being in a relationship in her profile...

Does that change the advice we that ought to be given somehow?

No?

Then why does it matter?

Only in that her (new) profile says she's looking for a relationship, whilst her post says she's been in a relationship for six months and is trying to preserve it. So perhaps she is being less than honest in one respect or another.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

RE: Am i being unreasonable? - 11/5/2016 12:16:30 PM

Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

To be fair though, OP did state in Post #10 that she decided to let him walk. Perhaps she just changed her profile to reflect that change in relationship before you looked at her profile. It would be far better to honestly ask her about that first rather than just jump to accusing her of being dishonest.

< Message edited by Danemora -- 11/5/2016 12:17:44 PM >

_____________________________

~The artist formerly known as SeekingTrinity on tour as a solo act~

(in reply to MissShey)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Am i being unreasonable?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.215