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some advice on being a dom - 11/13/2016 12:23:47 AM   
taurangabloke


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Joined: 11/12/2016
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I'm new to this and was just wondering if any doms could help with any advice and guidance
Thanks in advance
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 11/13/2016 5:21:18 PM   
JVoV


Posts: 3226
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Satisfactory bowel movements improve attitude.

Or did you have a specific question you need advice on?

(in reply to taurangabloke)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 11/13/2016 10:46:19 PM   
DarkSteven


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Welcome!

1. Get out and meet people. Munches, events.

2. If someone trusts you, do not abuse that trust.

3. Do people favors when you can.

4. Make friends.

5. Attend workshops and seminars on kink.

6. Genuinely enjoy interactions with others.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to JVoV)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 11/14/2016 4:27:01 PM   
HereAndWhere


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The best place to start is with yourself. Be confident that *you* are dominant, have and set clear expectatins, and above all else, understand that we are ALL just people.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/17/2016 8:05:55 PM   
HypnOrgasMaster


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Never forget that the one you play with is also a human person with their own feelings.

(in reply to HereAndWhere)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/17/2016 10:05:53 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
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Be the Dom you are

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to HypnOrgasMaster)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/18/2016 8:47:03 AM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Figure out what you need and want and make sure the other person needs those things also. Be honest. Lying about things always comes back to bite you in the end.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/21/2016 9:01:50 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Welcome!

1. Get out and meet people. Munches, events.

2. If someone trusts you, do not abuse that trust.

3. Do people favors when you can.

4. Make friends.

5. Attend workshops and seminars on kink.

6. Genuinely enjoy interactions with others.

^ great advice. I would add, read up (books) on the topics that interest you. See link in my sig for a nice list.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/22/2016 5:58:05 PM   
ReMakeYou


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"Being a dominant" isn't really something that can be taught. It's just an element of personality. Do you tend to be a take charge person, or not.

There are two things that can be taught. How to be a top (how to best conduct a kinky scene), and how to safely engage in various forms of kinky play. You don't have to know everything - there's little point to studying needle play if you don't expect to engage in it - but you will want to have a good working knowledge of any sort of play you do want to engage in.

(There are also baseline issues of being a good partner/being a good human being, and communicating as much to other people. DarkSteven's list covers that, but a slightly modified version would work just as well for non-kinky folk. They're good practices in general, not just good kinky practices.)

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/23/2016 9:24:24 AM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

"Being a dominant" isn't really something that can be taught. It's just an element of personality. Do you tend to be a take charge person, or not.

There are two things that can be taught. How to be a top (how to best conduct a kinky scene), and how to safely engage in various forms of kinky play.


I disagree.

Being A Dominant is learned behavior. Having a dominant personality is natural, but you still have to learn how to use it.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ReMakeYou)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/23/2016 2:03:03 PM   
kiwisub22


Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
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Best advice I can think of that hasn't been covered - listen to your sub/play partner - even if you don't do or act on what they say. People like being listened to, and heard.
And being a dominant isn't all about playing. Playing is the icing on the cake - its fun, but not the be all and end all of our existence.
Decide what you want out of your relationships, and find someone who is compatible with your goals. Don't think you're going to be able to change someone.

and have fun. :)

(in reply to taurangabloke)
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RE: some advice on being a dom - 12/25/2016 2:47:55 AM   
Taramafor


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/22/2016
From: UK, Manchester
Status: offline
Ok, so basically you're wondering how to go about being the dom you're not yet sure you want to be. I'm sub now but was once dom.

First thing's first. Be you. Not who you want to be but just you. Which is probably someone struggling with adapting to being dom. That's ok, we'll work on that.

Now... how do you want to go about being dom? Do you need someone to interact with before knowing first? Or do you have a certain "style" of going about it that you would like to try? Pet play perhaps? Forced interactions? Willing obedience alone?

Ask yourself these kind of questions. And maybe get others to ask them too. Make a game of it perhaps. Take turns asking each other. Maybe hop on Second Life and click on the truth ball at PAC (it covers a lot of BDSM related things). Keep asking yourself these questions and find out the dom you want to be. Because only you have the answers. No one else.

Btw, I avoid group interactions myself. Nothing to do with fear or shyness either. Before even considering anything like a munch or anything I'd need to have at least talked to someone that would be heading there so we can make 1 on 1 time. I please people that take an interest, not strangers that might not be interested.

You don't so much as "learn" about being dom/sub as much as "adapt" to being it. It's just something you get used to the more you do it. Like anything else we pick up on. Naturally things like health and safety and danger and facing such dangers willing to be faced and consent and the lack of it (I myself do no consent due to "full trust") are all things to keep in mind in the area. I suppose that could be teaching as such. But beyond that it's about how you go about things yourself with who you're around and interacting with. That reminds me, you might hear a lot about how things "should" be done. And people may assume much because of a lack of understanding about the way you might choose to dom. Go about it your way, not the way others tell you too.

If you're interested in more "dangerous" things or sadist/masochist things and such then obviously check for advice from those areas. It's not just a dom thing. It's being aware of multiple other things as well. Which tie into dom and sub alike. Feel free to address such concerns in this thread since you're trying to figure out how you dom. it might be something you want to be a part of dom.

Oh, and as the above poster mentioned, treat people like people. Because that's what we are. Even if some people enjoy one night on a BDSM dungeon. I'm more lifestyle myself. That's not a "start with play and move up to there" thing. That's a "I'm lifestyle only" thing. You don't "advance in class" with this. You find what works for you. Some people like hookups at bars. Others like intimate, close company alone. Take vanilla logic and put it into BDSM. Presto, it suddenly makes more sense.

< Message edited by Taramafor -- 12/25/2016 3:43:03 AM >

(in reply to kiwisub22)
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