Romance is Dead

Romance is Dead (Full Version)

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Real0ne -> Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 8:44:25 AM)
In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression?

WickedsDesire -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 8:53:44 AM)
I concur but a more accurate term re fetish swingers = poly as long as you not tell their partner = cheat same thing. What about the cavity stretchers, those hypno nutters, and the ones who preach brutality and shag all else, and prey on the weak, those who know no better, stupid, fractured, broken and vulnerable. I have always rejected that world and yet it is the prolific bdsm/fetish/online world.

CaptR -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 9:41:37 AM)
I don't think we've any higher failure rate in the fetish world than the vanilla but I have no stats to support that opinion. Maybe because we open up on a very deep, private level exposing a more vulnerable emotional underbelly we feel the loss of a partner more crippling? Many times relationship implosion has nothing to do with kink at all. I'll grant there are high turnover rates and for some the leather will forever be more supple in a different dungeon but there are serial daters/ lovers everywhere. Also, we are a community that has our share of emotional scars/ walls, etc that are sometimes hard to lower/penetrate. As a result I believe some are reluctant to connect romantically long term. Romance is alive and well it's just finding the right well to draw from is tough at times. Your arms get sore from hauling up empty buckets.

Twickerman -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 9:54:29 AM)
I think the immediacy of the modern world has made everybody act in haste generally but specifically in terms of publicly emoting. People are collared and in relationships then out the other side, bitter and twisted in the blink of an eye today. Slower and more face to face communication led to a greater level of consideration before action. The decreasing length of the average vanilla marriage would seem to indicate this is a general social trend not just one associated with BDSM.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 9:58:18 AM)
here is a profile I have just read - they come up on my main page I dont ask for them/search for them. 12/24/2016 5:00:36 AM: daddy just raped me and 12/12/2016 8:35:59 AM: im just an anal rape whore just cum without permission so master evan has been punishing me.had to force my largest butt plug in and out of my arsehole for 30 min. didnt quite manage 30min but i am soo sore right now many things are sad - that is a man using a women's stolen picture and pretending to be that women These profiles are endemic No wonder people have the wrong idea about BDSM.

peppermint -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 9:58:29 AM)
My "til new fetish do we part" relationship is now 11 1/2 years. I know others who have been together that long or even longer. Some have broken up, however, people do break up whether in a vanilla or kink relationship. Everyone goes through short relationships while searching for someone compatible. It's call dating. It's normal.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 10:29:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne Anyone else get that impression? In a word: Nope.

WickedsDesire -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 10:37:27 AM)
Relationships generally fail peppermint…no matter the site/real life situation they meet. But that is a lovely story and >10 years is wonderful thanks for sharing

needlesandpins -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 10:43:32 AM)
Some people are just train wrecks in theirs lives, and really shit at being good people. It makes no difference whether they are vanilla, kink, fetish, BDSM, or whatever combination of labels they slap on themselves to convince others they are different to the herd. Besides, who ever said romance had to be a part of anything. I spent 16 years with a man that wouldn't have a first clue of what I consider a romantic gesture, but the guy that was my playmate for 6, professed to never do anything with any romantic intention, actually did more that could be considered so if I'd chosen to take it that way. When you've got these guys on every swingers and fetish site going, trying to fuck anything with a pulse that will have them, why would you expect any kind of romance? If I really wanted romance I'd consider it a complete fluke to find it in one of these sites. Personally I'd be looking for it in real life. Needles

CaptR -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 10:53:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: needlesandpins Some people are just train wrecks in theirs lives, and really shit at being good people. It makes no difference whether they are vanilla, kink, fetish, BDSM, or whatever combination of labels they slap on themselves to convince others they are different to the herd. quote: Very true quote: When you've got these guys on every swingers and fetish site going, trying to fuck anything with a pulse that will have them, why would you expect any kind of romance? Women can be just as culpable

OsideGirl -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 11:11:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne Anyone else get that impression? I've always had that impression. People tend to confuse tingly genitals for love. The Velcro collar comes out. Then after 3 months, the tingle has calmed down and they realize they don't even like the person. That's why I advocate not having sex/playing on the first meeting and actually dating. That said, I don't think it's ALL like that.

DesFIP -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 12:34:16 PM)
We're on our fourteenth year together. But to be fair, the same can be said of most vanilla relationships. Most are short term as people fall in lust and slowly determine incompatibility.

CaptR -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 12:34:28 PM)
Regarding your feathered menagerie, I have Vizsla puppies who would remain in a perpetual point at your house or.... with a mouth full of feathers, unsuccessfully hiding their guilt, they'd collectively ~> point at the cat.

peppermint -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 12:42:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaptR Regarding your feathered menagerie, I have Vizsla puppies who would remain in a perpetual point at your house or.... with a mouth full of feathers, unsuccessfully hiding their guilt, they'd collectively ~> point at the cat. My cats and geese tried to take on a hen with 10 chicks. She won. They learned to stay away from hens in mommy mode.

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 1:33:20 PM)
quote: Anyone else get that impression? generally yes, which is why the "lifestyle" holds little interest to me. In my current relationship we did it the other way round, we started out vanilla, established an actual relationship, then introduced kink (it was all haphazard, not as planned or methodical as that sounds), and that seems to have worked well for us.

PeonForHer -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 1:33:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne In the bdsm world, romance has been replaced with 'fetish connection', and LTR is just a buzzword for 'till new fetish do we part'. I am convinced that this so called 'lifestyle' is not much more than a shallow ruse for fetish swingers, that for appearance sake looks like and sounds like a relationship but is merely a temporary relief to scratch an itch. Anyone else get that impression? Yes, hmm. I know what you mean. All I really know is that I cannot go in that direction. I've tried 'kink-without-connection' many times ... and it just doesn't damned well do it for me. If anything, it actually helps kill what kink I have, to be honest. I've actually come to envy those blokes who can go to a BDSM venue and go home sated after having their hides ripped into spaghetti by a woman they don't know and don't care about. I know one or two - their lives are so straightforward. Grrr. But I'm less enamoured of the idea of romance than I used to be. The best relationships I've had have been more 'When Harry met Sally' than 'Romeo and Juliet'. That is - a friendship first; albeit one where you fancy the others body. Kink comes second. Well, actually, for me - it might not come at all. I've come to realise it's really just ten percent of the whole package, at most. I do not want to go 'Dom' again - been there, done it too many times. (Hah - I know a lot about very pushy femsubs who are determined that I should 'know my place' as Master.) But I don't think I really need to be a sub. Not any more. Nice, but not mandatory.

SexyBlackMan2 -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 1:40:13 PM)
I actually disagree with that. It's no different that in the vanilla world when you look at someone and say "how could this person end up with that person?". I find that in true BDSM, there is romance. A good Master or Dominant has to take care of his slave or submissive. Otherwise, it's abuse. Similar to the vanilla world when you ask why can't this person get out of a toxic situation, some use BDSM to cover for all sorts of issues and aberrations there could be.

PeonForHer -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 1:50:33 PM)
quote: People tend to confuse tingly genitals for love. Oside, you need to set that as your tagline. And it should be foremost in your profile, in my ever so humble opinion. ;)

kiwisub22 -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 2:23:48 PM)
Romance is NOT dead - at least for me. My sweetie bought a kettle and my brand of tea for his apartment when he was romancing me. If that isn't romance, I don't know what is. Made me all gooshy inside - because it showed he was paying attention to ME, not the "fetish delivery system". And that was about 7 years ago. Since then we have married and moved in together. Love is lovely - and kink makes it more lovely. :)

Real0ne -> RE: Romance is Dead (1/2/2017 3:28:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire here is a profile I have just read - they come up on my main page I dont ask for them/search for them. 12/24/2016 5:00:36 AM: daddy just raped me and 12/12/2016 8:35:59 AM: im just an anal rape whore just cum without permission so master evan has been punishing me.had to force my largest butt plug in and out of my arsehole for 30 min. didnt quite manage 30min but i am soo sore right now many things are sad - that is a man using a women's stolen picture and pretending to be that women These profiles are endemic No wonder people have the wrong idea about BDSM. You mean negative idea maybe?

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