What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas

What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/20/2017 6:15:54 PM)
Yesterday, I helped a friend with some chores around his place since he pulled the male "I may be 56 but I can still do the work of a teenager" attitude last week and tried to break a very ornery 3 year old mare. Suffice it to say the mare broke him, in three places, his right femur to be exact. So, after a day mucking stables, shoeing two horses, cleaning a feed lot in prep to fatten a couple of calves for meat this winter, I got a bit dirty. Now, there is a really nice English Style pub in town, with imported British ales and other liquid refreshments. It also happens to be popular with ex military types who were lucky enough to spend time in the UK, and happened to have been raised here in west Texas, and followers of the cowboy culture of getting dirty and going for a beer after words. In other words, a good number of her clients smell of horse sweat, manure and sometimes blood (ours as well as some animals that needed doctoring or castrated.) I must admit that I get a kick at some of the facial expressions she gets when she is subjected to the unique smells associated with the life and work of a cowhand. Anyway, a few of us good neighbors decided that since it was late in the day, a nice pint along with some traditional pub food would be a welcome reward to the days efforts. We got the following questions" Do any of you men know what a shower is? Well, yes, actually, and when we get home we will hit that first thing. Why not clean up before you come in for a drink? Well, your pub is between where we was and where we are going, so why pass a perfectly good watering hole to go home only to turn around and come back? Gas is over $2 a gallon. Could you at least clean your boots? We could, but you dont have a boot dog at the door. (a boot dog is a device that allows you to scrap the stuff off the bottom of your boots as well as being equipped with brushes to brush off dried substances from the sides of said boots.) Now, it is my personal opinion that this lovely lady failed to take into consideration that West Texas is populated by men and women who get really dirty at work around the homestead, and such dirt usually stinks to high heaven. She seemed to have had the impression that Texas is a civilized place, at least civilized in same manner as some of the higher class neighborhoods in and around London. So, for all you UK citizens who are considering a move to Texas (I mean the real Texas, not those citiefied towns like Houston and Dallas etc) you need to understand something. As far as your average Texan in concerned, guns go in the back window of your pickup, boots are cleaned on Sundays before church, unless they are truly caked with mud and shit, and we have no clue as to what the fuck a crumpet is, and biscuits are served with gravy, bacon comes in strips, and we pretty much put salsa on everything, including fish and chips (which really look more like french fries to me) and chili goes with everything, like bacon. Oh, and chili does not have beans in it.

ShaharThorne -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 4:34:04 AM)
LOL!!! She is definitely out of place there. Any decent place would have a boot dog installed if they don't want shit tracked in. Word of law among us country folks.

needlesandpins -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 9:13:16 AM)
Look, she would have been out of place here in Yorkshire because she simply has no idea how country life works. It's not that she's from the UK, it's that she's an uneducated city twonk. I'm a country girl, and I've turned up to pubs here in the UK in my horse stuff in the middle of winter, OUR winter where we are knee deep in sludge ... liquid clay, covered in hay, straw, shavings, crap, and God knows what else. If you live in the country it's rather expected, but if she is used to town life, well she's just what she is. Biscuits are not something we serve with gravy, they are 'cookies' that are actually fully cooked so that they are crunchy. This habit you lot have of part cooking biscuits so they feel like they are already three weeks out on the counter is just wrong [:'(] What you have with gravy is a scone that should be eaten with jam and cream. Chips are fat french fries, fries are what Mcdonalds sell. What you call chips are actually crisps. It's not our fault you lot have mangled our language. You can't claim to speak English, and then tell us we are the ones getting it wrong [:D] I agree with you on Chili though, no beans, and if you want it with everything, crack on. I make a mean lasagna with chili. I wouldn't be complaining about guys smelling of horses were I to be running a pub in Texas, but then I also fell about laughing when walking through a country park here and a little girl in front of us turned to her Mum in total horror and said 'Mummy, I think I have some of the countryside on my shoe!' Seriously, I couldn't believe she said that, and that her mum was just as bad [:D] Needles

WhoreMods -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 11:00:19 AM)
Never mind biscuits: he's talking about "gravy" that's made out of bacon grease...

PeonForHer -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 12:10:05 PM)
quote: Gas is over $2 a gallon. Appalling. How do you Americans survive?

needlesandpins -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 12:38:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: Gas is over $2 a gallon. Appalling. How do you Americans survive? Yeah, I forgot about that little nugget! Needles

jlf1961 -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 2:44:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: Gas is over $2 a gallon. Appalling. How do you Americans survive? Because it is not over $4 a gallon like it was a couple of years ago. No, if you Brits and Canadians would quit using so much in your Bentleys and Rolls, the amount of oil available for the rest of the world would increase. Of course, we have to through in the Italians and their super cars in that request. However, should you decide to use the fuel that you stop using in those big land yachts (which brings the question, how in the hell do they get a Bentley or a Rolls around some of those damned narrow country lanes you people seem so fond of?) and use that fuel in more formula 1 races, that would also be acceptable.

DesFIP -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (2/21/2017 3:17:56 PM)
suggest she puts up a shower and charges for it. Like in a truck stop. And I always used a hoof pick on the bottom of boots before getting back in the car.

servantdaniel -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/13/2017 7:25:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 Yesterday, I helped a friend with some chores around his place since he pulled the male "I may be 56 but I can still do the work of a teenager" attitude last week and tried to break a very ornery 3 year old mare. Suffice it to say the mare broke him, in three places, his right femur to be exact. So, after a day mucking stables, shoeing two horses, cleaning a feed lot in prep to fatten a couple of calves for meat this winter, I got a bit dirty. Now, there is a really nice English Style pub in town, with imported British ales and other liquid refreshments. It also happens to be popular with ex military types who were lucky enough to spend time in the UK, and happened to have been raised here in west Texas, and followers of the cowboy culture of getting dirty and going for a beer after words. In other words, a good number of her clients smell of horse sweat, manure and sometimes blood (ours as well as some animals that needed doctoring or castrated.) I must admit that I get a kick at some of the facial expressions she gets when she is subjected to the unique smells associated with the life and work of a cowhand. Anyway, a few of us good neighbors decided that since it was late in the day, a nice pint along with some traditional pub food would be a welcome reward to the days efforts. We got the following questions" Do any of you men know what a shower is? Well, yes, actually, and when we get home we will hit that first thing. Why not clean up before you come in for a drink? Well, your pub is between where we was and where we are going, so why pass a perfectly good watering hole to go home only to turn around and come back? Gas is over $2 a gallon. Could you at least clean your boots? We could, but you dont have a boot dog at the door. (a boot dog is a device that allows you to scrap the stuff off the bottom of your boots as well as being equipped with brushes to brush off dried substances from the sides of said boots.) Now, it is my personal opinion that this lovely lady failed to take into consideration that West Texas is populated by men and women who get really dirty at work around the homestead, and such dirt usually stinks to high heaven. She seemed to have had the impression that Texas is a civilized place, at least civilized in same manner as some of the higher class neighborhoods in and around London. So, for all you UK citizens who are considering a move to Texas (I mean the real Texas, not those citiefied towns like Houston and Dallas etc) you need to understand something. As far as your average Texan in concerned, guns go in the back window of your pickup, boots are cleaned on Sundays before church, unless they are truly caked with mud and shit, and we have no clue as to what the fuck a crumpet is, and biscuits are served with gravy, bacon comes in strips, and we pretty much put salsa on everything, including fish and chips (which really look more like french fries to me) and chili goes with everything, like bacon. Oh, and chili does not have beans in it. Say what dude! The British were there at the founding of Texas and at the Alamo and other battles. They founded places like Baylor University and had counties and mountain named after them. They need to consider nothing because they own most of the Texas real estate.

jlf1961 -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/13/2017 1:24:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: servantdaniel Say what dude! The British were there at the founding of Texas and at the Alamo and other battles. They founded places like Baylor University and had counties and mountain named after them. They need to consider nothing because they own most of the Texas real estate. The founder of Baylor University was born in Kentucky, not anywhere in the UK. Of the defenders of the Alamo, Richard W. Ballentine born in Scotland, William Blazeby born in England, Daniel Bourne born in England, Stephen Dennison born in Ireland, James R. Dimpkins born in England , Andrew Duvalt Born in Ireland, Robert Evans born in Ireland, James C. Gwin born in England, William Daniel Hersee born in England, James McGee born in Ireland, James Nowlan born in England, George Olamio born in Ireland, Jackson J. Rusk born in Ireland, Marcus L. Sewell born in England, Richard Starr born in England, James E. Stewart born in England, Burke Trammel born in Ireland, William B. Ward born in Ireland, Thomas Waters born in England, Robert White born in England, David L. Wilson born in Scotland. Or 21 out of the 150 fighting defenders of the Alamo were either from England, or countries occupied by the English. So to make a claim that they were represented in any great number is a bit of a stretch. And I was referring to Brits who decide, for whatever reason to move to the state today, something you would have realized had you actually paid any sort of attention to what I posted. As for the rest of your claims concerning real estate owned by British nationals, the office of the governor disagrees. Commercially, British holdings represent only 22% of the total investment, and of private real estate, less then 3%. But as far as foreigners owned properties and commercial enterprises go, you are at the top of the list, but not in the amounts you claim. Furthermore, of the six flags that flew over the territory that is now Texas, the Union Jack was never one of them. Of course, the Union Jack does still fly over part of some of the my ancestors homeland, and by the grace of god and through divine justice, that should be a temporary problem.

WickedsDesire -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/13/2017 1:58:49 PM)
47 myself jeff(jamie).…now my exact age is something I rarely type anywhere. I always thought Texas was part of Mexico. The chances of me ever being wrong are not high. I would also simultaneously launch against Americashire and Englandshire Do you have a ranch- for real? If you wondered drambuie :)

jlf1961 -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/13/2017 7:52:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire 47 myself jeff(jamie).…now my exact age is something I rarely type anywhere. I always thought Texas was part of Mexico. The chances of me ever being wrong are not high. I would also simultaneously launch against Americashire and Englandshire Do you have a ranch- for real? If you wondered drambuie :) Wouldnt call it a ranch, more like 250 acres of mostly scrub brush and canyons, with about 100 acres of cultivatable land. I run a few head of cattle on it, but mostly try to grow hay for some extra cash and to give some decent forage for the deer, five of which will be shot come deer season to go in my freezer. The primary reason for owning the land is the abandoned military installation on the property. Your basic early cold war era SAM control and launch site with a SAC com bunker. 4 foot thick concrete walls, floors, roof, with 1 ton blast doors. Figure if civilization goes to hell (and considering the current pro v anti Trump crap going on) it probably will sooner than later. Keep a large supply of food, ammo, etc there as a bug out location. Can house about 20 people and have supplies to keep everyone going for 36 months. Of course, a few friends in the local community feel that I should turn the Nike missile magazine into a BDSM dungeon.

WickedsDesire -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/13/2017 8:24:04 PM)
read

WhoreMods -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/14/2017 6:08:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 Keep a large supply of food, ammo, etc there as a bug out location. Can house about 20 people and have supplies to keep everyone going for 36 months. Of course, a few friends in the local community feel that I should turn the Nike missile magazine into a BDSM dungeon. You could do both: a sort of post apocalyptic version of 120 Days of Sodom (though you'd be in there a lot longer than four months, I suppose...)

jlf1961 -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/14/2017 7:03:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WhoreMods You could do both: a sort of post apocalyptic version of 120 Days of Sodom (though you'd be in there a lot longer than four months, I suppose...) The idea behind a bug out location is to keep the number of people who know about it to as few as possible. The local bdsm community is actually fairly large (especially when you consider there is one church for every 500 people in a town of 119K. The joys of the bible belt.)

WhoreMods -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/14/2017 9:48:18 AM)
Good point. I'd not thought of that...

AtUrCervix -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/14/2017 3:12:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 Yesterday, I helped a friend with some chores around his place since he pulled the male "I may be 56 but I can still do the work of a teenager" attitude last week and tried to break a very ornery 3 year old mare. Suffice it to say the mare broke him, in three places, his right femur to be exact. So, after a day mucking stables, shoeing two horses, cleaning a feed lot in prep to fatten a couple of calves for meat this winter, I got a bit dirty. Now, there is a really nice English Style pub in town, with imported British ales and other liquid refreshments. It also happens to be popular with ex military types who were lucky enough to spend time in the UK, and happened to have been raised here in west Texas, and followers of the cowboy culture of getting dirty and going for a beer after words. In other words, a good number of her clients smell of horse sweat, manure and sometimes blood (ours as well as some animals that needed doctoring or castrated.) I must admit that I get a kick at some of the facial expressions she gets when she is subjected to the unique smells associated with the life and work of a cowhand. Anyway, a few of us good neighbors decided that since it was late in the day, a nice pint along with some traditional pub food would be a welcome reward to the days efforts. We got the following questions" Do any of you men know what a shower is? Well, yes, actually, and when we get home we will hit that first thing. Why not clean up before you come in for a drink? Well, your pub is between where we was and where we are going, so why pass a perfectly good watering hole to go home only to turn around and come back? Gas is over $2 a gallon. Could you at least clean your boots? We could, but you dont have a boot dog at the door. (a boot dog is a device that allows you to scrap the stuff off the bottom of your boots as well as being equipped with brushes to brush off dried substances from the sides of said boots.) Now, it is my personal opinion that this lovely lady failed to take into consideration that West Texas is populated by men and women who get really dirty at work around the homestead, and such dirt usually stinks to high heaven. She seemed to have had the impression that Texas is a civilized place, at least civilized in same manner as some of the higher class neighborhoods in and around London. So, for all you UK citizens who are considering a move to Texas (I mean the real Texas, not those citiefied towns like Houston and Dallas etc) you need to understand something. As far as your average Texan in concerned, guns go in the back window of your pickup, boots are cleaned on Sundays before church, unless they are truly caked with mud and shit, and we have no clue as to what the fuck a crumpet is, and biscuits are served with gravy, bacon comes in strips, and we pretty much put salsa on everything, including fish and chips (which really look more like french fries to me) and chili goes with everything, like bacon. Oh, and chili does not have beans in it. Flawless except for one thing...(actually....several things...okay...two things)....first....the whole whole castration thing is a bit unsettling....second....you did NOT use the : or the ; properly....STEP the FUCK back! Right...and....everything else...looks just fine.

passionist -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/16/2017 5:38:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire 47 myself jeff(jamie).…now my exact age is something I rarely type anywhere. I always thought Texas was part of Mexico. The chances of me ever being wrong are not high. I would also simultaneously launch against Americashire and Englandshire Do you have a ranch- for real? If you wondered drambuie :) Wouldnt call it a ranch, more like 250 acres of mostly scrub brush and canyons, with about 100 acres of cultivatable land. I run a few head of cattle on it, but mostly try to grow hay for some extra cash and to give some decent forage for the deer, five of which will be shot come deer season to go in my freezer. The primary reason for owning the land is the abandoned military installation on the property. Your basic early cold war era SAM control and launch site with a SAC com bunker. 4 foot thick concrete walls, floors, roof, with 1 ton blast doors. Figure if civilization goes to hell (and considering the current pro v anti Trump crap going on) it probably will sooner than later. Keep a large supply of food, ammo, etc there as a bug out location. Can house about 20 people and have supplies to keep everyone going for 36 months. Of course, a few friends in the local community feel that I should turn the Nike missile magazine into a BDSM dungeon. Would you also launch against the Ayrshire, Lanarkshire,Dunbartonshire,Renfrewshire and Glasgow Celtic?

Lucylastic -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/16/2017 5:46:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire 47 myself jeff(jamie).…now my exact age is something I rarely type anywhere. I always thought Texas was part of Mexico. The chances of me ever being wrong are not high. I would also simultaneously launch against Americashire and Englandshire Do you have a ranch- for real? If you wondered drambuie :) Wouldnt call it a ranch, more like 250 acres of mostly scrub brush and canyons, with about 100 acres of cultivatable land. I run a few head of cattle on it, but mostly try to grow hay for some extra cash and to give some decent forage for the deer, five of which will be shot come deer season to go in my freezer. The primary reason for owning the land is the abandoned military installation on the property. Your basic early cold war era SAM control and launch site with a SAC com bunker. 4 foot thick concrete walls, floors, roof, with 1 ton blast doors. Figure if civilization goes to hell (and considering the current pro v anti Trump crap going on) it probably will sooner than later. Keep a large supply of food, ammo, etc there as a bug out location. Can house about 20 people and have supplies to keep everyone going for 36 months. Of course, a few friends in the local community feel that I should turn the Nike missile magazine into a BDSM dungeon. damn I would love to see that:)

jlf1961 -> RE: What British Ex pats need to consider BEFORE moving to Texas (3/16/2017 9:14:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucylastic quote: ORIGINAL: jlf1961 quote: ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire 47 myself jeff(jamie).…now my exact age is something I rarely type anywhere. I always thought Texas was part of Mexico. The chances of me ever being wrong are not high. I would also simultaneously launch against Americashire and Englandshire Do you have a ranch- for real? If you wondered drambuie :) Wouldnt call it a ranch, more like 250 acres of mostly scrub brush and canyons, with about 100 acres of cultivatable land. I run a few head of cattle on it, but mostly try to grow hay for some extra cash and to give some decent forage for the deer, five of which will be shot come deer season to go in my freezer. The primary reason for owning the land is the abandoned military installation on the property. Your basic early cold war era SAM control and launch site with a SAC com bunker. 4 foot thick concrete walls, floors, roof, with 1 ton blast doors. Figure if civilization goes to hell (and considering the current pro v anti Trump crap going on) it probably will sooner than later. Keep a large supply of food, ammo, etc there as a bug out location. Can house about 20 people and have supplies to keep everyone going for 36 months. Of course, a few friends in the local community feel that I should turn the Nike missile magazine into a BDSM dungeon. damn I would love to see that:) When Trump and Putin blow this rock to hell and gone IF you can get your butt from Canada to my nice little hole in the ground before the hordes of diseased mutants get you, and know the secret password, you might get in. Or if you bring a sufficient supply of single malt scotch and Canadian whiskey, 1000 liters of each would be minimal.....

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