From: Somewhere Texas
Yesterday, I helped a friend with some chores around his place since he pulled the male "I may be 56 but I can still do the work of a teenager" attitude last week and tried to break a very ornery 3 year old mare.
Suffice it to say the mare broke him, in three places, his right femur to be exact.
So, after a day mucking stables, shoeing two horses, cleaning a feed lot in prep to fatten a couple of calves for meat this winter, I got a bit dirty.
Now, there is a really nice English Style pub in town, with imported British ales and other liquid refreshments.
It also happens to be popular with ex military types who were lucky enough to spend time in the UK, and happened to have been raised here in west Texas, and followers of the cowboy culture of getting dirty and going for a beer after words.
In other words, a good number of her clients smell of horse sweat, manure and sometimes blood (ours as well as some animals that needed doctoring or castrated.)
I must admit that I get a kick at some of the facial expressions she gets when she is subjected to the unique smells associated with the life and work of a cowhand.
Anyway, a few of us good neighbors decided that since it was late in the day, a nice pint along with some traditional pub food would be a welcome reward to the days efforts.
We got the following questions"
Do any of you men know what a shower is?
Well, yes, actually, and when we get home we will hit that first thing.
Why not clean up before you come in for a drink?
Well, your pub is between where we was and where we are going, so why pass a perfectly good watering hole to go home only to turn around and come back? Gas is over $2 a gallon.
Could you at least clean your boots?
We could, but you dont have a boot dog at the door.
(a boot dog is a device that allows you to scrap the stuff off the bottom of your boots as well as being equipped with brushes to brush off dried substances from the sides of said boots.)
Now, it is my personal opinion that this lovely lady failed to take into consideration that West Texas is populated by men and women who get really dirty at work around the homestead, and such dirt usually stinks to high heaven.
She seemed to have had the impression that Texas is a civilized place, at least civilized in same manner as some of the higher class neighborhoods in and around London.
So, for all you UK citizens who are considering a move to Texas (I mean the real Texas, not those citiefied towns like Houston and Dallas etc) you need to understand something.
As far as your average Texan in concerned, guns go in the back window of your pickup, boots are cleaned on Sundays before church, unless they are truly caked with mud and shit, and we have no clue as to what the fuck a crumpet is, and biscuits are served with gravy, bacon comes in strips, and we pretty much put salsa on everything, including fish and chips (which really look more like french fries to me) and chili goes with everything, like bacon.
Oh, and chili does not have beans in it.
Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?
You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.
Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI