Question about following extreme rules

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Question about following extreme rules

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Question about following extreme rules

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Question about following extreme rules - 4/1/2017 7:01:24 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Hi, I have a few questions for any owned slaves or subs. I’m currently in training to be owned and my Master thinks that I don’t really understand what takes to be slave and he wants me to get a perspective some owned slaves and subs who live with their Masters. As much as I want to be completely obedient, I am having a very hard time following some of his rules. We are currently in different states but we’ve known each other in person for almost 10 years. So I’m by myself during this training period until I can move to be with him.

I know as a slave I need to put his needs first and obey without question or even thinking and and what I want is not supposed to matter but some of the rules take me so far outside of who I am as a vanilla person that I’m really struggling. He has given me some rules that I can completely follow for periods of time but am having a hard time following them endlessly 24/7. I have tried to negotiate some compromises but so far he has not been receptive.

-Has your master make rules that you have to follow 24/7 that are really really hard for you to follow? How are you successful in that situation?

-As a slave how to you deal with things that are expected of you that are at odds with who you are as a vanilla person. Things that effect your day to day life, not really related to sex but things like being naked all the time or very restrictive bathroom rules.

-As an owned slave, what is the day to day life like with your Master, are you always in a BDSM mode where you are maintaining strict protocols all the time? If you’re more of a sub how do you balance both sides?

I’m looking for the opinions of mainly more mature female slaves or subs but i welcome anyones thoughts. Thanks!

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/1/2017 7:07:39 PM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I don't get in relationships with people who don't care about me as a person. Slave or not- if you're uncomfortable and feel you're losing yourself- get out of there. You'll find someone who doesn't ask you such ridiculous things.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/1/2017 7:31:47 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Thanks Shiftyw, I do agree with you, if he didn't care about me as a person it wouldn't work. In this case I'm confident he does care, we've been close friends for almost 10 years and now pursuing a more serious relationship. Although, in interests and day to day demands he's turning out to me more extreme than I expected and I'm having a hard time living up to his expectations. I was hoping to get the perspective of people who've successfully dealt with similar situation.

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/1/2017 7:44:54 PM

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Well- hopefully more come along to back me up- but a bathroom schedule and making you spend the day naked and shit that will effect your relationships and work- is abuse. Full stop.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/1/2017 7:46:10 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No, The Man does not insist on stuff which I can't do without causing distress. He cares about me and wants to improve my life, not worsen it.

And here my rules include thinking things out and telling him when there's a problem. I'm supposed to put my welfare first. I'm not supposed to obey no matter what. He wants the relationship to last and that means we both need to be happy and healthy as a result. And since my intelligence is a valuable asset, I'm to use it instead of saying "yes, sir" when it's apparent that he's wrong.

Not all slaves have your rules.

I suggest you tell him this isn't working for you, and since he isn't around to see the results of his demands, you want to table this until/unless you can discuss it in person.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 4/1/2017 7:49:21 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 2:04:25 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/27/2011
Status: offline

pigslutmags,

I am a Dom and i understand where he is coming from although i do not agree with all that extreme control that would affect your work and personal life and relations with people in your life.

What you should do is openly communicate with him and trust him to understand your point of view and openly talk.

a healthy D/s relation is built on trust, love, care, hope and devotion.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 6:01:35 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Shifty, DesFIP, and MasterT thank you for your comments, I really get and agree with everything you’ve all said. I just want to clarify that he does allow me to dress normal when at work, with family etc, I do have some more minor bathroom rules to follow when not at home but otherwise I don’t have restrictions at those times. He is very reasonable and sensible about those things.

I was hoping to get the perspective of some slaves who have maybe struggled to follow rules at first but then overcame that and how they grew as slaves to make obeying something that comes naturally. I am very submissive and most things about serving and obeying do come naturally to me but there are a few things that I really struggle with that I have to overcome to be successful with him so I posted to get other's thoughts on how they have done that.

(in reply to MASTERT2385)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 6:10:06 AM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

what I want is not supposed to matter

Sorry, that is a load of fantasy bullshit. What you want is just as important as what he wants. That's why you have to find somebody who wants the same stuff you want.

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 6:51:21 AM

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pigslutmags

Hi, I have a few questions for any owned slaves or subs. I’m currently in training to be owned and my Master thinks that I don’t really understand what takes to be slave and he wants me to get a perspective some owned slaves and subs who live with their Masters. As much as I want to be completely obedient, I am having a very hard time following some of his rules. We are currently in different states but we’ve known each other in person for almost 10 years. So I’m by myself during this training period until I can move to be with him.

I know as a slave I need to put his needs first and obey without question or even thinking and and what I want is not supposed to matter but some of the rules take me so far outside of who I am as a vanilla person that I’m really struggling. He has given me some rules that I can completely follow for periods of time but am having a hard time following them endlessly 24/7. I have tried to negotiate some compromises but so far he has not been receptive.

-Has your master make rules that you have to follow 24/7 that are really really hard for you to follow? How are you successful in that situation?

Consistency and compromise. I try my best to be consistent in meeting his expectations. If I've given it an honest effort, and find myself struggling because I feel it changes the essence of me (if that makes sense), then I bring it to him and there we compromise on how to make it work. The thing is, you have to be ready to accept a true compromise - not him changing his expectation to what you want it to be, but both of you giving a little bit to help you meet it.

quote:

-As a slave how to you deal with things that are expected of you that are at odds with who you are as a vanilla person. Things that effect your day to day life, not really related to sex but things like being naked all the time or very restrictive bathroom rules.

Well, things that I find at odds with who I am aren't things like this. It's more along the lines of being told to take time off from an activity I'm involved in, or to be in bed at a certain time of night. These are lifetime and daily habits that are not easily changed, either in practice or in belief. How do I deal with that? Same as above. First, consistency. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. After you've given it an honest try, then come to him with your concerns, and see what can be done. Again, the end goal shouldn't be for him to say "Oh, okay, then, don't worry about that expectation if it's too hard for you." The conversation should be about how to make sure you meet those expectations and not lose your mind at the same time. :)

quote:

-As an owned slave, what is the day to day life like with your Master, are you always in a BDSM mode where you are maintaining strict protocols all the time? If you’re more of a sub how do you balance both sides?

There's no "mode." There are expectations of behavior at all times, for both of us.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 7:07:01 AM

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

what I want is not supposed to matter

Sorry, that is a load of fantasy bullshit. What you want is just as important as what he wants. That's why you have to find somebody who wants the same stuff you want.

I'm going to counter this a little bit. Mainly because I've had too much caffeine this morning.

First of all, of course, what I want matters. I've got the one life and I'll make my decisions on how to live it. But let's say that I've decided that what I want is to devote myself in service to someone. Let's say that is the overarching goal, and that even if I don't necessarily want to crawl on all fours naked 24/7, if the overall goal is to serve him and he gets something out of my doing so, then yes, the fact that I want to walk instead of crawl doesn't matter. If I've made the decision to be a "slave," then what I want kind of really doesn't matter - because that's what I want.

Now, I suspect that you're right. I suspect that 99.9% of those who like to think of themselves as "slaves" (since that's the term we're using) aren't really at all - that what they think they want is based on fantasy. And I'm not suggesting that I'm more englightened. I know that I'm nowhere near where I want to be and my slave-ish fantasies are actually not anything I'd want to live out in person. But where I do want to be is at that place to be obedient without thought about it. Where, essentially, what I want doesn't matter.

I don't think that can happen easily. I suspect it might take years, decades, of growth and intense trust - if it ever happens. (And behavior modification, hypnosis...all that kind of stuff that I'm into anyway.) But I don't think it's necessarily fantasy. It's not your goal, and I'm pretty certain it's probably not really the OP's, either. But it's a goal, and it doesn't have to be fantasy.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 8:04:25 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Kaliko,

Thank you very much for your insights. This is just the type of advise and perspective I was looking for. I need to find a way to serve him to the best of my abilities while also staying true to myself. I think we've been trying to make too many changes too fast and that has overwhelmed me.

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 8:34:12 AM

Posts: 450
Joined: 7/16/2016
Status: offline

OP - I'm not sure that you can reach the level of trust Kaliko is talking about without being with him in person.

My late dom was originally Gorean, with all that entails. By the time we met, he was Gorean light - none of the postures and elaborate rituals and odd speech(to me). What we had was submission on my part - what he wanted was how it went, BUT, if I needed it I had a phrase that allowed me to question/clarify any issue I might have.

And one of the first things he said to me when we first met was that nothing we did would interfere with my family or my work. All things kink were kept in the house or kink community. There was never any of the "butt plug in at work" nonsense, which to me works better on film than in reality.

Perhaps your dom is trying to instill a domliness from a distance which just isn't working. And you as a human being are allowed to as about the reason/expected outcome, and if necessary ask for modifications. Since you aren't together yet, this would seem more than reasonable. Its hard to be submissive when things are making you miserable.
I did do things I didn't like/care for/want to do , but for the most part I understood the reason behind it. And that was the most important thing of all.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 9:18:13 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Kiwi, thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and thoughts, it’s very helpful to me to hear your perspective.

(in reply to kiwisub22)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 9:42:04 AM

JVoV

Posts: 3292
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: offline

It may also help to examine the motives behind your master's rules and expectations. He has his reasons, and ultimately they may make no sense to you at all.

Are these the same rules he'd set for any slave, or are they customized for you, since he has known you for ten years?

Nudity can take some adjustment if you're a modest sort of person. But nudity at home won't hurt you. Unless you have leather furniture and no a/c... and then it's just sticky.

I don't know your kinks & needs, nor his. Forced nudity can be a psychological thing, humiliating, taboo... Or he may just really like your anatomy.

The restroom thing may be an actual problem. At the very least, an adjustment. You'll likely need to change your fluid intake, or the timing of it. If a physical or medical issue is in the way, then your master will have to deal with reality getting in the way. But you should make the effort to meet his demands.

(in reply to kiwisub22)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 10:29:17 AM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

God I can't believe I have to explain this to you. The "being obedient without a thought" IS what you want, therefore the idea of what you want not mattering being fantasy bullshit is totally confirmed by what you said. What you want totally matters, you just happen to want to be totally automatically obedient, but that is still what YOU want.

smh

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 4:57:53 PM

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/16/2017
Status: offline

Dizzychick - Good point, you are correct, I used a poor choice of words in trying to explain myself.. Of course I have wants and needs and they important.

JVoV - You're right, I do need to think of thinks from his perspective, and in fact I do understand things better when I do. I think he has designed these rules with his wants first but also taking into account who I am as he knows me extremely well.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/2/2017 5:20:18 PM

Posts: 5490
Status: offline

quote:

Of course I have wants and needs

And therein lies the answer to your question

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to pigslutmags)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/5/2017 9:32:07 PM

Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline

Being a slave is a fantasy, nothing wrong with that, but you wouldn't choose to be a slave to someone who cut off one of your fingers every month, so nothing is unlimited.

There is a very practical consideration here. If you can do the stuff he wants that is great, but if you genuinely can't and you are not just being bratty, then it should give you serious pause for thought.

Both of you being in a situation where you stretch your limits or modify your behaviour is great if that is what you want. However you have a responsibility to communicate with him about how you are coping and he has a responsibility to take account of that.

Your slavery fantasy is a journey not a destination. If it was a physical sexual act and one of your orifices couldn't take it, you would have to call a stop at some point.

No-one can tell you what that point should be but you have to have one, no matter how perfect a slave you want to be. Sadly to remain psychologically healthy in your relationship, you cannot ignore that essential truth even if it runs contrary to the dream.

I cannot be everything another human being wants no matter how much I would like to be. That kills the fantasy a bit but it helps me to remain anchored in reality and communicate in a relationship. If someone says okay but I would like to try and push you further, I love that sort of thing, but making sure it is okay takes understanding and communication on both sides.

Pushing on whatever the consequences is something he should be concerned about as much as you if this is to be a long term thing. If living together is dependent on you making the necessary adjustments, you have a very hard decision to make if you are getting to the point that you don't think you can.

The point at which you have to call stop is entirely up to you. Any relationship has to be about your needs too, even if those needs are about being as good a slave as you can be.

It may be all about him in terms of the dynamic, but that can only work in a long term relationship if beneath all of that in terms of care and love he is also all about you. That may include being as close to a perfect slave as possible, but the key word there is "possible". Pushing on past a certain point just breaks things, or it breaks you and that isn't anyway to live.

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 4/6/2017 11:29:23 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In order to have full trust in his decision making, you need to have had a sufficient history of seeing him make decisions, including in crisis situations while he explains his reasoning.

After you've learned that he can be trusted to make life altering decisions, then you can relax and just do it.

But in order to learn that he does merit this huge amount of trust, you need to see him make decisions day in and day out. And not just about things that give him a hard on. But about everything that matters to you.

Is he sufficiently knowledgeable about finances, and shows it in his own life, to be able to tell you what to do with an inheritance of $250,000? If not, then he shouldn't take control of it. Instead he should admit that he isn't capable and advise you to go talk to a professional.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to longwayhome)

RE: Question about following extreme rules - 12/3/2017 1:11:27 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

8 has not served long distance and its owners have had it with them, 8 is also somewhat extreme and many who know it think it is abused (it does not). 8 is trained to obey all protocols and instructions period it is not to question them, comment on them or do anything other that follow them. many are extremely difficult to follow or mentally unacceptable to 8 but it does follow them immediately. 8 accepts that is a slave and that it has no say in its uses and it will continue to do as its owners direct.
respectfully
8

(in reply to DesFIP)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Question about following extreme rules

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.055