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Unlimited forgiveness - 4/5/2017 4:41:54 PM   
smileforme50


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Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
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This doesnt pertain to JUST lifestyle situations I'm sure, but I'm sure it wouldnt be so bad if I didnt have a submissive personality. Anyway....

I was in a relationship with a Dom last year and it was pretty rocky. I kept telling myself that whatever issues we had were there because we were still getting to know each other, and we would work them out as time went on. Well, eventually it ended completely.

What's driving me crazy about myself, is that there were several times that we split up, then a while later he would apologize (since he was always the one who wanted to split and always the one to initiate reconciliation)) and not only would I forgive him, but I wouldnt even feel angry toward him. The last time I went back to him, I told him that was going to be IT. If he wanted to split up again, I wasnt coming back. So when he wanted to end it again, I reminded him that was the last time, I left and now I live in another state and we won't be getting back together.

What's prompting the question is that he has contacted me a few times....and while now I am much more closely guarded when talking to him.....I STILL talk to him. I know I should be mad as hell at him and tell him to fuck off....but not only do I not tell him to fuck off, I don't even really FEEL myself being angry. My brain says I should be mad as hell at him....but I'm not. Why am I not totally pissed off with this guy?????

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/5/2017 4:57:17 PM   
tamaka


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Because he's not worth it to you.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/5/2017 9:51:26 PM   
heavyblinker


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Narcissistic abuse is probably involved.

(in reply to tamaka)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/5/2017 10:07:48 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
@heavyblinker. What do you mean? Please elaborate.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to heavyblinker)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/6/2017 4:02:23 AM   
kiwisub22


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Perhaps you are an emotion stuffer. You get angry , it makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, so you stuff it down so far that you no longer feel it. Problem solved - for the minute.

You might research codependent relationships as well. They're tricky things for submissive people, because it feels as if we're going what we should.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/6/2017 5:29:20 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
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These relationships are destructive. One, sometimes both, of the two parties rejects the other, or is cruel to the other because of their personality/upbringing...the essence of who they are as a person.

Cyclic/circular – love & hate, high & low. Even schadenfreude, for want of a better word, as misogynist is not the correct word here, nor is narcissism.

Loneliness often comes into it as does addiction to cruelty, addiction to rejection, punishment, abuse etc.

Sometimes all people desire is a destructive relationship – to be abused or an abuser. This never sits well with me.



(in reply to kiwisub22)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/6/2017 10:59:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Codependency.
You were never taught that you deserved to have your boundaries respected. The opposite, in fact. And he trips the old buttons causing you to feel as you did then.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/6/2017 1:26:06 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
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So all this pertains to this situation even though I'm not looking to rekindle the relationship?

I could understand what you all are saying if I actually got excited by his contact. But I don't ....I don't get excited and I don't get angry

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/6/2017 1:29:49 PM   
tamaka


Posts: 5079
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

So all this pertains to this situation even though I'm not looking to rekindle the relationship?

I could understand what you all are saying if I actually got excited by his contact. But I don't ....I don't get excited and I don't get angry



See my post above. You really don't care about him. You can take him or leave him. Has nothing to do with codepency at all.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/18/2017 12:54:05 AM   
Nature417


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He must have something more in depth to his reasoning. In some occasions something powerful draws two people together but some type of limit, expectation or boundary is put in place that doesn't work for him. He may not see it but it seems to be there. Like, maybe he hates your politics.

Then again, he could just be inept.

(in reply to tamaka)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/19/2017 7:48:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
You are responding in the same way you've been conditioned to react. As long as he pushes those buttons, the emotional reaction occurs.

How long a break was there without contact? It needs to be a minimum of six months, total no contact at all.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Nature417)
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RE: Unlimited forgiveness - 4/21/2017 1:06:11 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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I think it's good that you feel nothing and not angry.

I think you have simply chose acceptance that this is the way he is.

And that's his choice. And your choice is not to live with it.

But you have made peace with your choice.


(in reply to smileforme50)
Profile   Post #: 12
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