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Greta75 -> RE: -=Would you fuck on the first date?=- (5/29/2017 12:15:12 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dreamlady
It didn't matter that my sweetie is much shorter than I would normally prefer, a bit older than what I wanted, and half-bald and relatively average, because he's such a terrific guy.
It would matter to me if he is older than I wanted, shorter, half bald, as I either like total bald, or with hair. Not half ways.
I think no matter how terrific he is in other areas. I could not be with him. Physical attraction is rather important to me for long term. I do like having someone I consider eye candy. But my ideas of eye candy isn't hollywood standards either.
For a ONS, maybe...., possibly and it happens, just because if the guy is a nice guy, great conversation, I'd give him a chance to see if I will like him better after he rocks my world in bed. But the desire to want more will probably vanish. If I like someone just for their personality and not for their physicality. Chances are, I just like them as friends for the long term and not want more.
Recently a guy told me in frustration that, women wouldn't care about a man who is short, half bald, obese and rich, except for his money. She wouldn't care about anything else about him.
But I gave him a chance to prove to me he is spectacular in personality and character alone. Also giving him clear blue print of what will make me happy. His a vanilla guy.
But he totally fucked up on those blue prints, totally only focusing on what he likes and not what I like, not listening at all to my needs.
And then worst of all, I got sick. And when I was sick, food poisoning, in excruciating pain, he was more concern with his disappointment that my illness made me unable to meet up with him than actually show any concern for my illness at all.
When I did meet him the next day, as I was already mad. He claims just spending time with me having a drink makes him happy already. But later, after we left each other, he said he couldn't stand it that he couldn't fuck me anymore.
So the real problem isn't even his appearance. The real problem is his personality and character.
Even the gifts he gave me. You know the kind of "gifts" men give you are very very telling about him as a person.
Alot of man gift you what he likes, and not what you like. I hate that.
I told him point blank that the best kind of gifts I love to receive the most and makes me happiest are sex toys! Infact, I am always super happy when I get a dildo or whatever. Those are the best gifts!
Yet, he decided to do something, artistic with his hands, build something, but it wasn't a sex toy. He is talented artistically and good with his hands, with a different woman who appreciates those things, may appreciate his gift. But I didn't because he was giving me what he thinks is sweet. But I told him upfront that i have zero appreciation for artistic things. He wasn't listening.
And anyway, it's how things can go south.
It's like my x-marriage where I would tell my xhusband that every year, I just want this specific chocolate cake from this place for my birthday. Yet every year, he finds a new interesting different place and brings me a new chocolate cake from some new fancy desert place. I don't get it. Is the gift meant for him or for me? It's my birthday cake! I don't want anything new. I want my favourite chocolate cake! I like it for it's very specific taste. That cannot be recreated by other cake shops.
It's just sometimes, I guess, criss cross. These two guys, for a different woman, they may seriously appreciate the gestures. But for me, I don't like surprises. I like predictability, and I like to tell them what I want if they wanna give me something, and I want to know I am getting exactly what I asked for, so I don't get things I don't appreciate and them wasting their time and money on something I don't even like. I prefer to be gifted nothing at all, than to be gifted anything I don't like. I told my x-husband, the safest gift he can give me is, to be there for me when I need him. Material gifts, not necessarily at all. Like I don't even need them in a relationship at all. I never ask for gifts, but men when they are smitten with you, often likes to gift. So that's how those gifts happen, without me asking for it.
The is very prevalent in the vanilla world. Vanilla men just love to gift. But I have also met guys who just listened and gave me what made me happy. But every guy who has ever gotten it right happen to be physically attractive too, which is strange.
So physically unattractive guys just seem to not have the right social skills, and then also lacking in looks department. Why is it related? I have no idea, and I don't date women, so I don't know if the experience is the same for men dating women. Are the physically attractive ones generally better personality and character?
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