SusanofO
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Joined: 12/19/2005
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I don't want to dwell on the past, or seem pathetic, or anything, but I have a probably not all that uncommon story of how unipolar severe depression affected my own life.
Firstoff- the good news is that depression (bi-polar or uni-polar, or one of the many kinds of other depression) is, over 80% of the time, considerd to be highly treatable. Plus, there are really much more effective (I think) medications to treat it on the market, with fewer drastic side effects, than was the case, even 10 years ago.
My father's side of the family has a high genetic pre-disposition to unipolar depression. Both my father's sister and a brother committed suicide due to untreated depression. I believe in my case, it is inherited, and not much else - even though I did have "talk therapy" when I first was hit by severe depression, it didn't seem to make much difference - I felt better when I found a medication that worked, though.
When I was 18, many moons ago, and has a college partial scholarship at the state university, I was hit at the end of the semester with what turned out the first of several episodes of severe depression (half a dozen lasting two-six months). It was very scary to me, because I suddenly lost interest in almost everything around me, lost over 20 pounds without trying, and had trouble concentrating, and cried a lot. This did not abate by the beginning of the next term, and I was forced to drop out of school temporarily for the next school term to try to deal with it. The next several years (until I was about 23) were a gradually lessening nightmare of various medications, doctors, quacky suggestions re: Alternative therapies, and even a shock treatment or two (which is considered by many doctors to be the "treatment of last resort"). I had the kind of severe depression that "nice people didn't talk about" (or really want to hear about, so my mother said).
My poor father was at his wit's end (and guilt ridden, because he thought is was "his genes" that had caused the problem, etc.). Due mostly to insistence and encouragement from my father, I stayed in school at the university - he wouldn't let me drop out, and said it would be wasting my brain, etc. My mother wanted me to go to secretarial school (to be fair, I think she was just tired of seeing me struggle). Nobody at the university, none of my teachers, or the other students, knew what I was going through, ever. Which made it all the sweeter when I was invited to join an honors program, and managed to get the first ever internship in my department (Marketing). I ended up graduating with honors and getting a great job.
How it affected my sex life was a moot point, at least until Iwas Junior, when I finally started dating again (my mother had partially managed to convince me that nobody was going to want me anyway. I know she maybe didn't mean to make me think that, but I stayed away from guys for the first few years I was a student). I didn't want to have to explain why I was taking pills, how I sometimes had trouble remembering little things, even though I was smart, etc. I was very self-conscious about it and just didn't want to mess with dating at all.
When I did (finally, my sister fixed me up with someone) start dating, finding someone to get serious about had its own set of problems. I had made a decision I was not going to pass on these weird genes and was never going to have biological children. I was, however, more than open to adopting some, and do like them. Well - this managed to short circuit most of the relationships I had that got serious; many guys want their own children. We'd start getting serious and then we'd inevitably have "the talk" (which usually ended things between us ona romantic level). They may not have believed me when I said it was hard for me, too (but it really was). When I finally met my husband, I was thrilled he already had been married and had two teenage sons, and had had a vasectomy! I thought that was just about perfect, and it was porbably no small part of why we married, thinking back on it. Well, enough about all that. It's over.
But - the great news is -it is possible to live a completely normal life with depression, and that the medications today are more effective (much of the time), and also some of them specifically are marketed as offring no sexual side effects (in that they do not inhibit someopne's sex drive, whoch had, in th epast, been a major problem with some anti-depressats).
Having depression does not make someone a weirdo, or an untreatable mental case (although if left untreated, I'd ask them why they were sufferiung when so much good treatment is available). I have managed to live a very full life, I think.
I had some great corporate jobs, have hobbies I truly enjoy, many freinds, and do fulfilling volunteer work. This was, in no small part due to the fact I had support, and also coudn't picture living a half-life kind of existence (which is not at all necessary with the great meds that are available, and other kinds of help as well).
Also, the roots of someone's depression can be varied, so to find out what is causing it, it is best to see a doctor. There is "situational depression" (someone has just had a major, life-altering sad event, or several, that have jarred them). Also, "cumulative depression" (someone has several bad things happen to them in a row, and the stress for them just piles up, and they react with a depressive episode). There is bi-poloar depression, dysthymia, and the list goes on. But - it is extremely treatable.
- Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/28/2006 3:21:26 PM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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Depression in your life and play - 
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