Are "slaves" control freaks?

Are "slaves" control freaks? (Full Version)

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NoirMetal -> Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/24/2017 9:56:51 PM)
I tend to run away from women who tell me they are. I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention.

Greta75 -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/24/2017 10:32:59 PM)
I think the whole idea of "being a slave" is to find someone you can trust to let go control of. Personally, if I had to manage my dominant. We wouldn't be a good fit. And I would be the first one to walk away. All the great dominants in my life are dominants, I never had to say "No" to them or "protest" anything or even ever utter my safe word, even though I have them. Because I trusted them to do everything in my best interest. And their "kinks" fit my "kinks". Their sexuality fit my sexuality. I would advise any slave if they find that they are actually having to "manage" their dominant. They should probably realise that, it's a doom D/S relationship. Dominants like to feel like they have control over you. And a submissive will never be happy if they are leading. Even in my vanilla marriage, I leave all decisions to my x-husband. He is not into bdsm. But it's important to be with a man who leads fairly, justly and reasonably.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 5:10:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal I tend to run away from women who tell me they are. I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention. "On all the time" I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged. I watch train wrecks from afar, I don't get into them. If you have a "D" on switch then you need to make it abundantly clear that you are NOT a 24/7 type and establish relationship parameters and goals up front.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 5:40:16 AM)
I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant.

NoirMetal -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 6:50:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant. You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better. She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top?

ThatDizzyChick -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 8:07:58 AM)
quote: feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better. You sure you aren't dating a guy?

NoirMetal -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 8:29:43 AM)
The behavior has a certain similarity.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 11:37:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant. You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better. She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top? When I need to "unwind" and she's feeling clingy I use her as a footstool. If she keeps running her yam-yam I duct tape it shut and enjoy the quiet. YMMV but my mileage doesn't because they know what they're signing up for before they walk in the door.

NoirMetal -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 12:03:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I think if you're not a “D” type all the time, then don’t expect her to be an “s” type all the time. I.e., don’t whine about her being controling as though she should be slavish even when you can’t be dominant. You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better. She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top? When I need to "unwind" and she's feeling clingy I use her as a footstool. If she keeps running her yam-yam I duct tape it shut and enjoy the quiet. YMMV but my mileage doesn't because they know what they're signing up for before they walk in the door. "My way, or the highway" sure filters out a lot of bullshit.

OsideGirl -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 12:13:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged. M is the same way. It's his nature to be the leader. Micromanaging drives him crazy. He tells me what he wants done, doesn't really care how as long at gets done and expects me to be smart enough to get it done.

Greta75 -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 10:05:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal You are missing the point. This type wants to control the top, because they have a narcissistic streak that means everything he does is "All about them." And as such-expectations are very very high. I can't imagine being so insecure that you feel beaten up when a guy needs some time to unwind ...but he's unhappy about something and you feel compelled to "fix" it so YOU will feel better. She may mean well-but if it's all about how she feels-where is the respect for her Top? You have lost control of her. Period. Blame yourself for your lack of leadership and learn from it. It never looks good on you as a dominant to complain about being disrespected by his sub. Because you are suppose to the one in control. Not her controlling you. It just made you look like you lost control. The other thing that struck me is why are you talking about "expectations being too high"? Shouldn't expectations be properly pre-discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to engagement? You just sound like somebody who don't know what you are doing. Part of your job as a dominant is to set the expectations straight right from the beginning clearly and precisely, and make sure she is clear about what she is walking into and this was mutually consensual and what she wanted as well and if she agrees to how it's gonna go, then you run it your way. This means that you dictate the "time outs". And she would have expected it and respected your will, because she has pre-agreed to it to go along with your rhythm. What you have is communication problems and have not communicated your expectations well prior to engagement. I can tell you, I have lead a team of over 100 people and 100 people with different needs and expectations and complains of me. I am not into dominance, but I think when you want things in your world to go smoothly and get people's co-operation to work with you smoothly and go along with what you want. There are certain things you need to control and take responsibility for and address accordingly as needed. I never blame the employee. I always ask myself, what can I do to motivate this employee to do what I need them to do.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/25/2017 10:44:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal I tend to run away from women who tell me they are. I can't be "on" as A Dom all the time, it's exhausting. And seriously-I do have other things that need my attention. "On all the time" I don't have an off switch, it's my nature to the core. I also don't fuck with people that need micromanaged. I watch train wrecks from afar, I don't get into them. If you have a "D" on switch then you need to make it abundantly clear that you are NOT a 24/7 type and establish relationship parameters and goals up front. Of course you don't have an "off" switch you Dear Silly Troll Dude! You then wouldn't be, well, YOU!! Lawdy Lawd love a Rubber Ducky, why you think I'm still sooooooo caaaaaa-razy boutchu? From your number # 1 never stahp lovin' ya fan, A PoohBear Psssst....... Iz gotz a hot date on Wednesday night...WOOOOHOOOO & YIPPEE KAI YAY! !!!!!!!!!! 😉😆

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 4:13:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear Psssst....... Iz gotz a hot date on Wednesday night...WOOOOHOOOO & YIPPEE KAI YAY! !!!!!!!!!! 😉😆 Oh hell yes!!!!! I hope it goes amazing and he doesn't turn out to be an asshat wearing twat waffle riding in a douche canoe. Xoxoxoxox

DesFIP -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 12:47:38 PM)
Someone has to be in control. If she can't trust you to be that person, then don't bitch when she fills the power vacuum that you left. Or, in Harry Truman's phrase, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. When problems occur, I can trust him to rise to the occasion. He doesn't claim that his switch is off so he can't fix this. He's always the dominant, even if he's taking a nap. If you just want to top on occasion, don't lie to people about being dominant. The two are not the same. It's like being a good parent. Doesn't matter that you were enjoying some down time, when you get a call about a sick kid, you go get them to the doctor.

tamaka -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 5:53:39 PM)
FR They can be until you break them.

NoirMetal -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 6:18:19 PM)
I agree-"needy ineptitude" never flies very long.

Greta75 -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 6:18:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka FR They can be until you break them. Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent.

NoirMetal -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 6:29:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka FR They can be until you break them. Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent. Tamika understands things about this dynamic that seem to elude your limited grasp. It's part of the initial negotiations-not everyone wants a bossy bottom in the house.

tamaka -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 6:31:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 quote: ORIGINAL: tamaka FR They can be until you break them. Nope, they cannot "break them" unless they were given consent to go to the that extent. Sure

Greta75 -> RE: Are "slaves" control freaks? (9/26/2017 7:04:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoirMetal Tamika understands things about this dynamic that seem to elude your limited grasp. It's part of the initial negotiations-not everyone wants a bossy bottom in the house. Dude you are the one complaining here about being unable to control your submissive. So I am just making sure that you don't take tameka suggestion to attempt to "break her" because you don't seem to know what you are doing. If you did, your bottom wouldn't be bossy towards you, you'd have her under control and you wouldn't be crying about your submissive trying to "dom" you over here. And I bet you don't even realise how undominant you are sounding. I've never met someone who was naturally dominant crying about being unable to get their submissive under control. Even if they aren't BDSM dominants, but just natural domineering men, they got things under control big time as they know what they are doing and what they want to achieve. There are quite a few dominant regulars on this forum alone, and you'd never see any of them complaining about being unable to control their sub. And blaming their sub for it.

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