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Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 12:37:54 PM

MisterDLadyD

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Why would a Master/Dom lose interest in doing anything bdsm like with a woman he decides to get married to. Especially when they met on a bdsm website? And he will still do those things/ has a desire with others?

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 12:46:50 PM

Spiritedsub2

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I think that got answered in a book some years back. It’s titled “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Seriously, it’s an idea worth considering.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 1:03:21 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterDLadyD

Why would a Master/Dom lose interest in doing anything bdsm like with a woman he decides to get married to. Especially when they met on a bdsm website? And he will still do those things/ has a desire with others?

M and I went through this shortly after we were married. His kinky desires were at battle with his love and desire to protect me. After a few months, we sat down and talked it out. The key for him was remembering that causing "hurt" wasn't the same as causing "damage". After that, we were back on track and I've been pinched and groped for 18 years.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 1:15:55 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterDLadyD

Why would a Master/Dom lose interest in doing anything bdsm like with a woman he decides to get married to. Especially when they met on a bdsm website? And he will still do those things/ has a desire with others?

These sound like excellent questions to ask him.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 1:23:12 PM

MisterDLadyD

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As far as "not that into", that is a possibility, but not probable after ten + years being married.
Will think on it.
When asked those questions, at first it was the respond of: I will, eventually, ect. Eventually came, went, and subsequent conversations are met with frustration, anger, and are unproductive.
Its like a flipped switch. Or a broken one?

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 1:52:27 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterDLadyD
And he will still do those things/ has a desire with others?

That's the key, right there.

Beyond doubt, there absolutely are people who lose the desire to engage in BDSM. For one reason or another, it's just not really fun for them, any more. Their tastes have changed. They just don't get the same jazz out of it, so it becomes <meh>. This has to do with the person as an individual. It has nothing to do with anybody else. The lack of desire has changed, no matter who the potential engagement is with.

However, if the idea of engaging in BDSM is fun with other people, but it's not fun when it's with YOU, that's not a person losing their tastes for the activities. If the "fun" level is dependent on who the bottom (or the top) is, and that's the general motus operandi, that's external, rather than internal.

Here's your limtus test...

If you are kink club or play party going kind of folks, it's real simple. Scenes with other people are more fun, a higher priority, something he is willing to put the effort into, and all of that good stuff you wish he was doing with you, but isn't? It's not him. It's you and/or your dynamic. When you watch him play with other people, does he look happier than when he plays with you? Is he 'ready-Freddie when the opportunity to play with others comes along, but getting him to play at home is like pulling teeth, you might want to start asking why.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 2:17:17 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterDLadyD

As far as "not that into", that is a possibility, but not probable after ten + years being married.
Will think on it.
When asked those questions, at first it was the respond of: I will, eventually, ect. Eventually came, went, and subsequent conversations are met with frustration, anger, and are unproductive.
Its like a flipped switch. Or a broken one?

People's needs and desires change. Why his might have isn't likely to be answered by anyone here. If it's been a decade and your needs are no longer being met, perhaps it's time to move on.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 5:53:52 PM

Wayward5oul

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Thank God there is no limit on how many people we can put on hide.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/25/2017 6:28:21 PM

DesFIP

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Too bad there isn’t a limit for wd’s socks.

Op, it’s called Madonna/whore complex. He looks down on women he does this to. But he has an unrealistic view of what his wife/mother of his children should be and do.

Marriage counseling, otherwise a divorce lawyer. Those are his only options.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/26/2017 4:37:44 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterDLadyD
Why would a Master/Dom lose interest in doing anything bdsm like with a woman he decides to get married to. Especially when they met on a bdsm website? And he will still do those things/ has a desire with others?

Tough one. Take away BDSM, he may be just the 12% of men who will always need variety, in terms of women.

And worst of all, most men are terrible at explaining the "whys" when they do something like this.

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RE: Lost mojo - 10/26/2017 10:44:22 PM

BeaverOlindy

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Because.

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RE: Lost mojo - 11/10/2017 4:13:48 PM

Mystryst

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Thank you. I found your reply very helpful, actually. Along with the one about Maddona/whore complex.

I guess I was hoping that someone could direct me on how to fix the problem, but I'm not sure its something I can fix. Many years I believed it was something I'm lacking, something I've done. I know I'm a key player, but I can't make someone want to play with me.

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