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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
I didn't think this fitted with the Consents 1 and 2 threads. Perhaps I was wrong, but, well ...
A weird little thing that I don't quite get, and have never got, related to the question of 'consent': If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, and shows it, isn't that depressing enough to kill your boner anyway? I mean, beyond 'yes' or 'no' - if, for instance, she says 'yes', but with no enthusiasm? (OK, I'm factoring out, here, those people who either don't care whether or not the target sex-partner wants sex or not, or even actively get a buzz out of her not wanting sex.)
The reason this question pops into my head right now is the thought I've had, recently, that in all the years I've been bonking, I can't recall any woman, ever, pressuring me to have sex when I've not wanted to have sex with her. I think I've been clear that I've not wanted sex - with the way I've looked and sounded. On personal experience, anyway, if a woman catches the vibe that you don't want it ... she won't push it. She won't want it herself, because *you*, the person she wanted to have sex with, are now showing you don't want it. Her buzz has been killed, by your lack of ardour.
... Or so I've always vaguely assumed. Am I wrong?
Genuine question, folks, please don't boil my bollocks over it.
In specific response to your question...
..."A weird little thing that I don't quite get, and have never got, related to the question of 'consent': If a woman doesn't want to have sex with you, and shows it, isn't that depressing enough to kill your boner anyway?"...
...the answer for me is yes. Not necessarily because it's depressing but because I just can't imagine staying hard or even getting hard once I've been given the no thanks vibe.
I've been in a couple of "I fancy you like mad but this isn't a good idea" situations where you both stop, remain aroused and both of you come down slowly without going further. Conversely any sign of "no, absolutely not" gives me a soft-on at the speed of light.
Although it has been suggested that this might be a D/s thing, I don't think this has anything to do with my being essentially submissive. Consensual non-consent or wanting to be "forced" or "persuaded" all comes from an initial consent.
Anyone feeling a bit dominant and trying to score with someone they met in a bar, with the thought in their head that "I bet she wants it deep down" is just giving themselves an excuse for potentially damaging behaviour. We all know that we have to tread very carefully when getting into certain situations and not just make assumptions about what we think people really want, even if we think they are submissive and want it really.
Only a fool rushes in without checking and safeguarding themselves and the other person. No means no, unless you have specifically negotiated something different. So in the absence of that kind of pre-agreement, I am still wondering what the small number of men who say they are confused about consent in "this day and age" are driving at.
If you can't take care and stop as soon as someone wants you to, you have no business being out in public. Dating and fucking is only a risk if you make it into one, and if someone can't wait until they are sure that the other person is sure, they are a risk to themselves and others.
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RE: Consent 3 - 
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