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how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/10/2004 7:09:46 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		Hello everyone, i have a question that other switches may have possible solutions to.
This weekend, im to meet with my Dom. We have 3 days together, no work, no kids, just perfect.
This is the issue. Im day 9 of my menstrual cycle. My libido is through the roof! and im not feeling submissive, i want to top, and i want to top bad!
Im only 3 months into this D/s relationship. Prior to this, ive only ever been with a switch, or a submissive. This is my first experience in submitting.
Finding someone credible for me as a Dom, has taken years. In all that time, there has only been 2 people i would offer my submission to. So its a rare opportunity that is unlikely to come along again. I do not want to blow it.
He knows i am a switch, but does not have any switching tendencies himself. We are monogamous, and so other partners are not involved for play. This does seem to be the normal route of expression when a switch is subbing, to take a sub for themselves.
Problems occurred during a telephone conversation tonight. Due to my not feeling submissive and giving the incorrect responses to questions about the possibility of him using orgasm denial this weekend.
Topping from the bottom, is never a good idea. But seriously, who in their right mind, would suggest to a person who's libido is gonna make them internally combust if not addressed, that this is a possibility? I feel that i would be set to fail in my submission. I would try of course. But this time of the month is difficult for me to control. The reason why im good at being 'his slut' is because i AM a slut. The reason i like to have him do despicable things to my body and mind, is because i adore it. I cant get enough of it. And that is not very submissive.
How do others control their needs when submitting to others? Im only 3 months into this submission and so have very little experience of this.
We are not 24/7, mainly in the bedroom, with a little leakage outside. This i find helps as my personality is definately not submissive.
Any suggestions would be welcome
PandoraVampire
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/10/2004 7:49:19 AM   
melbfetishmale


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2004
Status: offline 		pmt!/// ferrari tried to make an F1 engine based on that principal and its seems to have worked well for them
but to get to your dilema, just remember that submision is a GIFT.
wherether you and in the ptm zone of just out of it, it not in your hands to control and supress your mood and needs at the time. If the dom in question has trouble dealing with that specialy as he knows you are a switch the i'd say he ain't worth it honey.
here we are going on preching to the perverted when you try to used this against your sub? in white way would they feel keen and willing to sub for you next time?
some one here says in her profile " deep in the heart of a dom lays the soul of a submisive" dead right. and you you ( and thats general now) as a dom dont get it then hung up the leather vest. as for you my dear remember SS&C?
now its the time to enforce it.
xx melbfetishmale

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/10/2004 7:22:19 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmmm. Not exactly part of my personal experience. Orgasm denial has never really bothered me (I sort of liken my libido to a reverse camel - I can go for a long time without a hump) and those I have played with have always been incredibly impatient about their own needs. However, when I submit, I still make my personal needs known, even if I have no real expectation of having those needs met.

You might just want to explain to him, as part of your pre-scene warm up/get together/begotiation, that if he intends to enforce chastity during this period, he's going to have to deal with a rebellious sub. This isn't topping from the bottom, just bringing up the fact that you are not in the most submissive of moods right now, and this will factor in to your playtime together. A little upfront and honest communication is frequently all that is neeeded. You've only been with this person for a few months, so you're both feeling each other out still. This is doubtless going to be one of those recurring situations that will need to be dealt with if your relationship is going to last. Maybe this just means you spend the entire weekend in chains because he knows you can't be trusted to behave yourself.

Hey - since it's a monthly thing, maybe you should just add "werewolf" to your list of roleplay kinks. "The full moon is rising master! Chain me up! You don't know what I can be like! Aieee!"

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to pandoravampire)
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RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/12/2004 6:04:40 PM   
darlyn


Posts: 24
Status: offline 		Pandora... i feel ya.. i really do...

when i went from nilla to lifestyle, i literally went from AlphaFem to submissive....no S/switch time in the middle....thank GOD i had a Dominant who was more dominant than me.... it actually got easier for me as time went on, but i still have this Alpha side that i have to deal with...

And as one Dom was quick to point out to me... that 9th-11th day may be even tougher if i'm are emitting the pheramones that are going to make my Dom even MORE dominant...lol...

i have the same problems though around the 20th day when i'm wanting to take on the world, lol... but again... if i let my D/M know in advance that i'm in that 'danger zone', He can usually set up a scene where i will experience even more loss of control.. sensory deprivation, heavy bondage, something that will help to re-iterate my decision to be His submissive/slave.

but that is just what works for me *smiles*

_____________________________

~darlyn~

"Nurturing the mind is just as important as pushing the limits of the body." ~ Master of my Destiny

(in reply to pandoravampire)
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RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/13/2004 5:48:37 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Sometimes it helps to have like steps, a ritual basically that helps your prepae your mindset for a submissive outlet.

Like wearing the collar on the way to meet him, or perhaps going about some clearly defined ritualized actions by yourself, without him around to align your mindset to the weekend.

I found weekends only to be a lot easier than when we lived together. Infinitely so. Mostly cuz the drive to him made me have time to get my mind geared for that.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
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HumanFauna
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(in reply to darlyn)
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RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 12/15/2004 7:38:01 PM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		Thankyou for the suggestions.
Thankfully, his dominance was far stronger than my libido and submission was a dream. Fears were unfounded (as often the case for me) and i had the BEST weekend!
The idea of ritual is normally done during my bathing prep part. but as i was going straight from him picking me up from work, this wasnt a option. But yes, this very much helps. But not nearly as much as knowing that having muted my 'vampire' streak (love that! im keeping it lol) he was there with oodles of blood for the thirsty.
Delicious.

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/22/2005 5:38:58 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		well it was time for the 'sap' to rise again, and despite my best efforts to remain submissive, got myself into a whole heap of mess, by attempting to dominate again.

Im getting fluctuating levels of concern about my ability to remain submissive at certain times of the cycle, in direct correlation to my libido swings.

what do others do, besides masterbate more i mean, to keep the level of dominance down when its not required nor desired?

this is only 2 days twice a month, so no biggy really, just painful to get through.

and being punished for my undesirable behaviour whilst on a period is damn painful. I would certainly now, always take into account anothers menstrual cycle and pain thresholds being lowered, anyone else get this phenomena occurring?

i am going to be talking to my Dom about this, and just would like a few ideas of possiblities for solutions.

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/22/2005 5:53:11 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		In my seldom humble opinion... he knows you're a switch and if he is a Dom he will have to find which buttons you need pushed to stay on the subbie side. If you have faith in him as a Dom give him some credit and let him figure it out. Give him the information but let him have the control to make it work.

I don't believe in topping from the bottom or the gift of submission. It's a two way street, you aren't doing this alone.

Also, I get the feeling you expect every time (session?) with him is going to be everthing you expected. Why do you expect that? There will be mistakes, there will be fumbling and imperfection. Underneath all the BDSM you are still two people getting to know each other. Don't expect things to run smoothly each and every time. Learn from the mistakes but expect they will be there.

< Message edited by Laura -- 1/22/2005 5:58:51 PM >

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/22/2005 7:52:52 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		What Laura said.

Also, they will sometimes hit the domme buttons. <shrug>

Not every dominant-only person can handle what an uncontrolled switch is apt to put them through.

We take a lot of work, at various points I think.

Sometimes they fail, sometimes we fail.

Always an opportunity to learn though.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/22/2005 7:57:17 PM   
LdyAuburn


Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline 		my husband is a switch, I have a personal preference for switches to play which is really odd considering i dont switch.
The only comment I can make is he does blow every so often there is huge overload of non subness for lack of a better word. It is usally very tense around here for anything from 24 to 48 hours.
We have lived together for just under 3 years. He has lost it three times.
I think it happens on occasions

(in reply to ShadeDiva)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/26/2005 8:02:24 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I think for every Switch there is a time when you need to let loose and be sub or Dom, whichever side has been suppressed. I think it must be tense at times to ignore that need. For myself there are times when one or the other is very strong. Someone would have to know me very well to push the right buttons if they wanted a sub when I was feeling strongly Dom.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to LdyAuburn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 1/27/2005 7:48:39 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		very wise words.
Laura, what you said about having faith in him. Each time this has come to a head, he has managed to remain in control, and my trust that he can do so improves.
Mistakes come and go and are there for the lessons they bring.

Shadediva; 'sometimes they fail, sometimes we fail' very profound and insightful. I find this makes perfect sense for me. thankyou.

Ldyauburn, 'sometimes its very tense around here for 24/48 hrs' - you can say that again!

thanks for the reality cheque and the insight into how others cope. its not always a bed of roses, despite what i might fantasize about lol

(in reply to Laura)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 2/1/2005 6:01:51 PM   
REXALS


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/29/2004
Status: offline 		yeah...what Laura says!
Given that its been a few months now...he should have got his head around your cycle by now...Hi-Ho Silver!...Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: how to stay submissive when the sap is rising? - 2/8/2005 6:58:26 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		This is just a thought. But have you considered not scening while during your menstrual cycle?
Or perhaps, you are not so much a switch, as a Dom, who likes bottom on occasion?
Or is that what a switch is, and I am just misunderstanding what the definition of a switch is?


Tempest's pet


(in reply to REXALS)
Profile   Post #: 14
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