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Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 10:34:05 PM

Sub03

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The poll in the random section got me thinking about something that I have questioned about myself for awhile....don't really know if I am phrasing it right, just looking for opinions I guess.

Outside of my life I understand Bi-sexuality and see no problems with it......inside my daily life its a huge confusion. The confusion being I have always thought of myself as straight and have always went with guys, but a past Dom of mine gave me my first experience with a female and it was something that was interesting to experience and wasnt all bad. Then the same Dom watched when a female Topped me and I can say that i enjoyed being Topped by a female and really enjoyed playing with her and would defiently do it again. But every since then I have questioned myself on what exactly my sexuality is. If the thought of playing with another female excites me would that mean I was bi?? But then I dont consider myself bi because if I look at a female in public or somewhere I dont find myself attracted to them. But I enjoy playing with females in a BDSM setting. It confuses me so if I confuse everyone else im sorry.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 11:10:57 PM

TheShadows

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As a Dominant woman, I prefer to scene with and own females over males. Always have. Just a personal preference. I have also always considered myself to be heterosexual. I'm married and I love having sex with my husband. I've never been involved with a woman on a sexual level, unless you consider genital torture and the like to be intercourse. I do admire the female body for it's inherent beauty, but am not sexually/relationship-wise attracted to, or aroused by, females in a vanilla or lifestyle context. I have absolutely no desire to have sex with a female.

In my opinion, if sexual activites occur with a woman during a scene, and that's what turns you on/excites you, rather than the BDSM activities by themselves, I'd think you were bi-curious. If you only get excited by the BDSM play, I'd say you're not bi. Just because the person who happens to be holding the toy is a female doesn't necessarily mean that you're attracted to women in all other contexts. Maybe you're "lifestyle bi"? I dunno.

Or...I could just be speculating out of my ass, and none of this is correct anyways. Since I don't have sex, and have no desire to have sex, with the females I own or Top, I feel very comfortable identifying as heterosexual.

I'm sure others that identify as bi-sexual could answer this question better than me. If you feel comfortable, you could always explore this avenue further, and find out if it's really right for you, or not. I think what really matters is being who you really are.

As always, YMMV...
MrsShadows

< Message edited by TheShadows -- 7/30/2006 11:16:58 PM >

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 11:34:56 PM

Lordandmaster

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Did I mention somewhere that I'm very attracted to males who are content to wear a plug and chastity device while I fuck their wives' brains out?

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 11:37:16 PM

Sub03

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Did I mention somewhere that I'm very attracted to males who are content to wear a plug and chastity device while I fuck their wives' brains out?

Interesting fact but how does that relate to the question??

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 11:40:51 PM

Lordandmaster

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Well, since you mention it, I didn't see a question in your post. Maybe this was your question?

quote:

If the thought of playing with another female excites me would that mean I was bi??

Ummmm...yes, if the thought of playing with another female excites you, I think most people would say you're bi. It's up to you to decide what you want to call yourself.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/30/2006 11:52:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I'm not sure why people think bi = willing to have sex with everyone because it doesn't. A bi person doesn't find EVERY woman or man attractive. A bisexual person can be just as happy living with ONE particular person for their entire lives.

And bisexual does not mean that you find every single person just as attractive as another. Or that you find every person attractive in the same way. Most bisexuals have a "spectrum" of attractiveness in which "Most of the time I'm attracted to men in this way and most of the time I'm attracted to women in this way" and those ways can be VERY different.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 12:01:39 AM

Sub03

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm not sure why people think bi = willing to have sex with everyone because it doesn't. A bi person doesn't find EVERY woman or man attractive. A bisexual person can be just as happy living with ONE particular person for their entire lives.

And bisexual does not mean that you find every single person just as attractive as another. Or that you find every person attractive in the same way. Most bisexuals have a "spectrum" of attractiveness in which "Most of the time I'm attracted to men in this way and most of the time I'm attracted to women in this way" and those ways can be VERY different.

What I meant was that outside of BDSM play I dont find mysef ever attracted to females. If I am out and about in public and I see a guy I may think he is cute or not, dosent mean I want to have sex with ever guy I see it just means that I may find one attractive. But I dont see girls in public and think they are attractive and that is I guess the part that confuses me the most. If I dont find myself attracted to girls but the idea of playing with a girl excites me....in my mind the two contradict one and other and leaves me confused.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 12:13:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03
But I dont see girls in public and think they are attractive and that is I guess the part that confuses me the most. If I dont find myself attracted to girls but the idea of playing with a girl excites me....in my mind the two contradict one and other and leaves me confused.

I've only found myself genuinely attracted to three women in my entire life.

I've had sex with a lot more and met a lot more women than that.

Your chemistry buttons work a certain way. Not a big deal. I'd say stop being confused and just say it's how your senses work for you.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 1:17:54 AM

Lordandmaster

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Some people are excited by the idea of having sexual contact with someone who physically revolts them. I'd say being attracted to someone and being aroused by the thought of having sex with someone are two very different things.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 1:32:56 AM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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You dont always have to be physically attracted to someone who you find fun to play with. The excitement of playing witha girl, even if you dont find them attractive enough to turn yuor head on the street, is only very slightly actually attributed to the girl herself. The excitement comes from the scene, from what your doing and who is going to be watching or enjoying it. Who the other actor is doesnt matter.

Personally, being bi and uot, I find it funny the strange ideas some people have about bisexuality. I have had female friends who get insulted after they find out becasue tey assume I have spent my time stealing glances at them when we were changing, or fantasizing about them if we shared a bed at a sleepover. Trying t explain to them that, just like they dont fantasize abut every man they meet, I dont fantasize about every woman seems to be a foreign concept.

DV

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 6:18:23 AM

PairOfDimes

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Oops! Wrong ID.

< Message edited by PairOfDimes -- 7/31/2006 6:19:36 AM >

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 6:21:13 AM

mp072004

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Perhaps the activities you engage in in BDSM scenes are most important to you, and the partner (and therefore his or her gender) is secondary, or even unimportant. This isn't uncommon.

Like earlier posters have said, bisexuality works in many different ways. It's probably beneficial for you to use the appropriate label to the appropriate context. If you don't see yourself having a serious, meet-the-family relationship with a woman, you don't need to concern yourself about coming out as bisexual to family and friends. If you do see yourself as playing with women within BDSM only, then you should identify as bisexual on your personals ads on sites like collarme and within your local BDSM groups, because sexuality is often correlated to choice in partners. You can explain what you mean by "bisexual" subsequently.

Monica

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 7:41:13 AM

slaveofdarkhold

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Call yourself whatever you wish to call yourself. If you only want to engage sexually with women in a BDSM context that's fine. If you consider yourself Bi because of that, that's ok. If you don't that's ok too. If you want to say 'oh I'm 70/30, in favour of males' then do it. They're just words at no matter which you pick it wont change what you like and what you do. Words like these are used to explain and justify our actions to other people. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone as long as you aren't hurting other people.

Sexuality is a hugely complex thing, and by diving it into 'gay', 'straight' and 'bi' is a massive oversimplification. If we only had three words to describe colours, we'd be missing out huge amounts of detail. This is the same thing. It's a spectrum. And whether you want to call yourself burgundy or deep red or reddish-purple-kinda-like-wine, it doesn't change who you are. It's all about perception. If you perceive a certain term to have negative connotations (and right or wrong, many people do feel this way about the word 'bisexual') don't use it. Call yourself something different every day if it makes you happy. Don't get hung up over defining yourself.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 8:02:57 AM

akisha

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One thing people have to realize is that not everything is balck and white, there are multiple shades of grey in so many aspects of our lives and personalities.

My girlfriend called me from University one day and in her Womens Studies class they were talking about sexuality. The professor was saying that about 6% of people are actually 100% hetero or 100% homosexual. everyone else is somewhere on the scale between heterosexual and homosexual.

I'm not sure why so many people freak out at the idea that they might be bi-sexual. It's not the great horrid secret it used to be. Well not in most areas anyway.

The more people start to openly accept themselves for whom they are I think the more will not get so stressed out by the fact that they can appreaciate, admire or even be attracted to and aroused by the same sex.

I think the fact taht we worry so much about lables is one of societies biggest hinderances. We need to learn to be honest with ourselves about who we are, which tends to continuously change and evolve. Most of all we need to stop worrying what someone else might lable us as.

A friend of mine says he's situationally bi *S* maybe that would be a good way to look at yourself.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 9:46:49 AM

LotusSong

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I met a male sub that is only Bi in scene. "Bi" looks very good on a D/s resume. You can always change your mind later :)

Bye-Bye, Bi's

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 10:28:16 AM

mykarma

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I's a very funny take on the idea that bi sexuality is an attraction to members of ones own sex, and He is most attracted to those who facilitate his own enthusiastic coupling with the opposite sex, so he must be bi sexual... haha. I thought it was pretty cool, and it may earn Him a romp with my girlfriend!

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 10:36:01 AM

mykarma

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Joined: 6/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Did I mention somewhere that I'm very attracted to males who are content to wear a plug and chastity device while I fuck their wives' brains out?

Interesting fact but how does that relate to the question??

My message above pertains to the quote above

It's a very funny take on the idea that bi sexuality is an attraction to one's own sex and the members of His own sex He is most attracted to are those who provide him access to enthusiastic couplings with the opposite sex, so He must be bi sexual! That sense of humor just might earn him a romp with my girlfriend!

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 17

RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 2:50:12 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

One thing people have to realize is that not everything is balck and white, there are multiple shades of grey in so many aspects of our lives and personalities.

My girlfriend called me from University one day and in her Womens Studies class they were talking about sexuality. The professor was saying that about 6% of people are actually 100% hetero or 100% homosexual. everyone else is somewhere on the scale between heterosexual and homosexual.

I'm not sure why so many people freak out at the idea that they might be bi-sexual. It's not the great horrid secret it used to be. Well not in most areas anyway.

The more people start to openly accept themselves for whom they are I think the more will not get so stressed out by the fact that they can appreaciate, admire or even be attracted to and aroused by the same sex.

I think the fact taht we worry so much about lables is one of societies biggest hinderances. We need to learn to be honest with ourselves about who we are, which tends to continuously change and evolve. Most of all we need to stop worrying what someone else might lable us as.

A friend of mine says he's situationally bi *S* maybe that would be a good way to look at yourself.

Its not the label that I care about...I could care less about that. What I care about is trying to better understand a part of me that I dont fully understand. I have no problems with labeling myself as bi or bi curious or anything else, I guess its just about a lil self discovery. Better understanding me and my dislikes and likes and what they fully mean.

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RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 3:12:19 PM

zumala

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*shrugs* Personally, I don't get it. But I think that's because I must fall in that 6% quoted earlier. I've never been turned on by a female, and the idea kinda squicks me, to be honest. That isn't to say that I don't notice when a woman looks good. I notice when a guy looks good, too. It doesn't follow that acknowledging someone looks good means that they turn me on.

So... that wasn't much help, was it? Sorry about that!

zuma

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Post #: 19

RE: Understanding Bi-sexuality - 7/31/2006 4:41:28 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

The poll in the random section got me thinking about something that I have questioned about myself for awhile....don't really know if I am phrasing it right, just looking for opinions I guess.

Outside of my life I understand Bi-sexuality and see no problems with it......inside my daily life its a huge confusion. The confusion being I have always thought of myself as straight and have always went with guys, but a past Dom of mine gave me my first experience with a female and it was something that was interesting to experience and wasnt all bad. Then the same Dom watched when a female Topped me and I can say that i enjoyed being Topped by a female and really enjoyed playing with her and would defiently do it again. But every since then I have questioned myself on what exactly my sexuality is. If the thought of playing with another female excites me would that mean I was bi?? But then I dont consider myself bi because if I look at a female in public or somewhere I dont find myself attracted to them. But I enjoy playing with females in a BDSM setting. It confuses me so if I confuse everyone else im sorry.

I've thought about this and I think I have the answer for you and one that will fit everyone that wonders about themselves: "Do you YEARN for the touch of your same sex as you would the touch of a man (if you are het identifing orginally)

If so- I'd say you are Bi.

If you just want to play on occasion but do not get sexually turned on by the same sex- I'd say bi-curious or bi-tolerant.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

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Post #: 20

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