Frequency of Submissive Response

Frequency of Submissive Response (Full Version)

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nzaurelia -> Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 3:50:06 AM)
I recently did a deeply unscientific study of submissives and slaves. Even though I identify as a submissive, or a woman with a tendency or ability to submit at a far more extreme end of the spectrum than the "norm", I also know very few have ever been able to elicit what I would call a genuine submissive "response" from me. There are very few I have even "felt" submissive to, although I recall having this desire for and attraction to dominant male figures from my early teenage years. Despite this, I have felt or been submissive to only a few, certainly 5 or less. I wondered how I compared to others who identify as submissive females, so I began to ask them the same question,namely how many Dominants have been able to elicit any kind of submissive response from you in your life so far, even if it was only to "feel submissive"? I have now asked quite a large number, mostly in their 30s, 40s or 50s and I have to say I am both surprised and not surprised at the result. Every single one said 5 or less. With perhaps as many as half it was 3 or less. Quite a few said, only one. I'd really been expecting a far greater variety. I thought many might say 10 or less or even 20 or less, but not one of them did. Perhaps it is the cross section I asked. I do tend to run with a group of what I would call pretty strong and confident submissives, definitely not the type who are easily impressed or at all likely to fall at the feet of just any man. I think submissives should be rational and selective in who they submit to, but this deeply unscientific survey seems to indicate it is also very difficult to find the special chemistry that works between a particular submissive and a particular Dominant, and seems just as necessary. Perhaps this is why so many, both Dominant and submissive, seem to search so long for their opposite number without a great deal of success? Some people think we have 4 or 5 possible "soulmates". Perhaps it might as easily be suggested that many Dominants or submissives also have only a few of their "opposite soulmates"? Anyway, I would like to ask the female submissives and slaves who read this and would be kind enough to reply, how many times in your life have you genuinely "felt" or been submissive to a man, and how many times they have been men who actually identified as Dominants?

shivvy -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:10:17 AM)
hmmm... sorry, i prolly don't understand your question properly, but i tend to 'feel' submissive to most males... especially those older than me. perhaps i am confusing this with respect, i don't know.. i just know that if somebody asked me to do something, then i would. if you are asking how many people have i offered myseof too, and been proud to wear their collar, then including my current Master, 2. i am still very much learning about all sorts.. about myself, about D/s and about bdsm in general.. i woz speaking with somebody yesterday who is a Gor slave, and about how that actually works in real life, and she said something that really hit home with me, and that's how Men are supposed to be naturally Dominant, and we're ment to be submissve. and i know people will disagree, and that doesn't take into account switches and Dommes and boysubs/slaves etc... but for me, personally, it just sounded right. i think people are either Dom/me or sub naturally, and it's just how well they contol it in our vanilla society. i know vanilla blokes who can be just as demanding as Master is, but because of our style of relationship, Master tends to get wot He wants[;)] Under my first Masters collar, i woz shared with other Doms and Dommes, so i guess i submitted to them too, but i couldn't put a number on it, but it woz prolly more than 10, but less that 20. sorry. i hope this answers your question ok. sorry if it don't luv, shiv xx

amaidiamond -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:15:06 AM)
Hmmm.... for me, there have been cases where I have acted submissivly but not really felt it but I would say that there have been very few men with whom I have felt the instant need as it were to submit if I have done anything about it or not, definatly under 5

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:40:09 AM)
There has been 1 man that I've met during the years that I've done WIITWD who could consistantly elicit a submissive responce out of me. While he and I have remained close and dear friends to each other over the course of several years, we've never been involved with each other as anything besides friends, and I have never worn his collar or scened with him. Out of the 7 males that I've had specifically ds relationships with during my lifetime - while all of them identified as "dominant," none of them actually Were so, nor could they maintain any sort of submissive responce out of me for any extended period except through abusive behavior. There are a large number of self identifying dominants in my aquaintance who think all they need to be able to do to "control" someone consistantly is to use a physical trigger of sexual responce that they percieve as inherantly submissive. I find the whole hair pulling thing a huge turn on sexually - and there are a couple of them that I do not feel the least bit submissive to who are under the self imposed delusion that because I do, and they can gain that sexual responce, that they could consistantly get me to actually feel SUBMISSIVE towards them. None of them to date has suceeded.

Mavis -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:43:42 AM)
3. Hubby... neither of us identified as anything at that time, but i had some reaction to Him i just couldn't place, figured it must be love. :) Master... nothing special i picked up on at first meeting, but after interacting, it popped out there and now i can't see how i didn't pick up on it right away. Last one was a supervisor that just made me go "service n support" for some reason.. and nearly everyone picked up on we had a special interaction that got a ton of work done. His supervisors knew if they teamed us up, he would look good, the dept would look good, and i would be in geek-space. i think that's the first time i realised i could be happy in a support role that eventually made me more successful too. i don't think he identified as a Dominant, but i interrupted him ONCE and the look i got.. Froze the room for 40 seconds. it said so clearly he was unaccustomed to being interrupted, and my station would not change that. i got two sympathy e-mails from co-workers after that meeting. lol. Given all that, it was an entirely appropriate workplace support role, until i was promoted and we worked more as peers. i've often wondered about his awareness of D/s. will be an interesting thread, i think!

pleasuresoflife -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:57:29 AM)
Interesting that this is being discussed now. Yesterday I had to tell someone that I'd been talking with and then met that I didn't feel submissive toward him at all. That was a hard thing to do as he is a very nice guy... but that D/s spark just isn't there for me. I'd say there are 3 guys that have really pulled the submissive side out of me over the years, one of which I was in a relationship for 6 years. I'm hoping I find at least one more. S pleasure

spankmepink11 -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 5:20:03 AM)
To the OP, "Submissive response" thats a perfect description, and i have found the very same to be true. I've dated.... spoken to....and met , quite a few friends...potential Partners and while 100% of the time they have been good decent people, they did not illicit the submissive response in me that is needed for a relationship ( at least with me). It's been certainly less than 5...(maybe 3 ) Dominant males and surprisingly a female,which is unusual for me . On one occasion i was so inspired by One who was a friend only, happily married to His submissive. You're also correct, in my opinion, about a "special chemistry" taking place for that submissive response to kick in. (at least for me) Thanks for the thread....and for sharing the results of your "study"

twicehappy -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 5:42:02 AM)
Four for me, i was collared to two who passed away and am collared to two currently though one of the is a Domme not a Dom. I think we all tend to search for that ONE, the one that makes us melt into a puddle of submissive goo. During my search i met many who were obviously highly skilled Doms as well as great guys, but my brain just did not recognize them as my Dom.

agirl -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 5:54:51 AM)
Met quite a few, liked quite a few, had some respect for a few........but only 1 got that response from me....and still does. agirl

sub4hire -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 8:13:34 AM)
"Deeply unscientific study" meaning online poll? Something like that? Or not a study at all? From wht I read in your post you have not found the right person who can earn your submission yet? I have had two dominants in my life thus far. Personally I only know a few more worldwide whom I could ever even submit to. The trust has to be earned. Respect has to be there. I have to be able to feel secure and be myself with them. To let down my guards. The right person had to be willing to take the time to get to know me for me. Honesty is paramount because that is the window to trust. When and if all of these were hit upon to my satisfaction my guard went down. We're we compatible on other levels? People label themselves everyday. Just because they strap a label on their side does not mean that is what they identify to you as. It doesn't mean they identify that way to anyone else in the world. Perhaps they are someone like me. Incredibly strong. Intellectual. I think out everything I do a great deal before I do it. There is really no spontaneous anything about me. Though some may think there is. People see me and they see I can take control of a situation quite easily and brand me a dominant. When in reality those who really take the time see me interact with my dom on a whole different level. Which only means my dom has taken the time and energy to get to that point where other's have not. Does it make sense?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 8:31:50 AM)
What about male subs and female doms? I've had a "genuinely submissive response" towards about 10-15 people.

onestandingstill -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 8:38:32 AM)
Finding a match for me is like the proverbial needle in a haystack. It's going to be a one in a million man that can be respected enough, attractive enough, genuine enough & similar enough to my values to elicit my submissive response on a day to day level. While I have felt a submissive tug a time or two I'm actually still at a point I have never really experienced my full submissive response except in fleeting glimpses.

littleone35 -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 11:52:39 AM)
I would be in the 5 or less catorgorty even when i had dominate play partners i did nto as you put it "feel" submissive to them. I have had to date 3 Masters and 1 mentor eho have made me feel submissive. i would have to say though none as much as my current Master does go figure. Just cause we are submissive soes not mean we feel submissive to every dominate man that walks doen the street attracted maybe submissive no at least in my case. Matt's littleone

femalewonderer -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 12:12:32 PM)
Hello :) this is my first post, as I am trying to read up on this and find my place in it all. But I just have to answer this one. I'm young but already KNOW that I have sumbissive tendencies, but ONLY if the guy is mentally stronger than me, witch is someting I almost never see. If someone tells me to do something, and I want to know why a simple "because" isn't enough. Only when I know that there will allways be a very good reason to do something, or when I know I can trust this person to see thing clearer than me, I can comply without a question in mind... If you tell me something to do, or how something is or whatever, but cannot tell me anything more in detail, or understand less than me, I can never ever feel submissive. Friendly and perhaps some respect, but never submissive. _____ Female Wonderer, I wonder about everything, all the time :)

Kirei -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 12:19:50 PM)
I think your study is flawed. For example if you asked everyone here to define submissive with one word. ie. submissive= and then see the results you will find many different answers. A lifestyle search by either is based on the factors in the equation of what each is looking to find. You added soulmates into your equation, which adds an extra factor and therefore limits your results. You also have female subs looking for dominant men...well that too narrows the equations and so you have the 5 or less answers from people. The trick to finding someone is to see each factor you have in your search and then determining for yourself if that factor is a need or a want. If its a want, and you can eliminate it more possibilities will open up for you. Koneko

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:10:34 PM)
I'd also like to know how many of those asked were under 40 and under 30. How many of them had already experienced at least 2 or 3 serious relationships before getting into the scene?

babysburnin -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 4:24:22 PM)
I question your motives. Do those of us who respond get credit in your thesis paper or book? Maybe plug in the correlation between age, security as a person and decent Doms met.

nefertari -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/7/2006 10:59:43 PM)
I am rarely submissive outside of an intimate relationship. I have been submissive in every single romantic relationship I've been in...married twice, and 2 long term relationships besides. Unfortunately, I didn't recognize it for what it was, those were vanilla relationships and the men weren't Dom's and none of them worked.

fullofgrace -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/8/2006 12:43:14 AM)
i am also rarely submissive outside of an intimate relationship, and i have only had a few really serious intimate relationships. i do not think there are a select few that it's possible for me to be submissive to, however; it's just a matter of having found people so far that i click with long-term and therefore i haven't had a whole bunch of opportunities to submit to others. i do know that i have submitted once outside of a long-term, intimate relationship, and that that's not necessarily the only situation in which that response can be elicited. though i'm bisexual, i tend to submit more to males than females, but am sexually attracted to both just about equally.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Frequency of Submissive Response (8/8/2006 2:56:11 AM)
this slave has served every relationship she has ever had, whether they called themselves "Dominant", friend, parent or unmentionable...but then, this slave's "submissive response", as you call it, is an internal function. it does not rely on external stimulus, or a particular level of another's dominance or prowress to "draw it out" or "inspire" it... it just is, without anyone having to "earn" it. it also does not come with a requirement that there must be a "One" to serve, as there are many opportunities to serve in this world without having a formal collar or commitment.

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