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opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 5:10:47 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		slave friend and i were joking that if either of our Masters decided to get a Cm account, we'd have to create alternate identities to be able to ask our questions.  It was only a joke, but has some validity...  would that be "slave-legal" to the Masters and Mistresses out there?

i guess i'm asking, would You be offended to think Your slave had questions they might ask others before bringing a topic to You..

OR do You feel slave might need a place to help sort thoughts privately before proceeding with some topics with his/ her Master/Mistress, and that's ok?

If You were asked permission for slave to carry a private account for questions/ discussions about lifestyle topics... would it be granted?

Also, are there Big Ds out there that do use an account Their sub or slave isn't aware of, just so You can have privacy to ask questions without them listening in?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 5:18:50 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I'm not Dominant, but I woul think it's healthy for a sub to be allowed to ask others questions and have them answered.  I think in a healthy relationship, however, I would be willing to post with my real account.  I do nothing I am ashamed of, and should not be breaking any rules anyway.

If it is a relationship issue, I should bring it up with her first anyway.  The most common answer to what should I do questions is ASK HER!  The most common answer to how do I questions is ASK HER! 

Granted, some questions may be awkward to ask a whole group of people only to have my Mistress read it afterwards, but really, most things should be discussed with her first anyway.

That's just me though.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 5:23:33 AM   
Wolfspet


Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		*fast reply*

Well, this is just my  opinion, but if you feel the need to "hide" what you are posting from your Dominant or Master, you should not be in the realtionship, bluntly, you are being dishonest with them. 

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 6:18:04 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Wolfspet.  There is nothing i can not say to Thorns. 

Happy Monday y'all!

~smilezz~


_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 7:09:11 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		When I first began posting here I was not in a dynamic yet with my Daddy. We were talking all the time, but we had not even met yet (although we did shortly after I joined). I made a secret account that I used to ask the forum questions about my former Dom, and my feelings about the new dynamic I was just beginning to pursue. I told Sinergy the name of this account after we started our dynamic because when I told him about what I had done he wanted the ability to read those posts. I gave him the name without even blinking. The questions (two of them) that were posted on that account have long worked themselves out.

I would not ask a question about my relationship on collarme if I was having a problem, not in this account or any other. It isn't right to hide things from Him, it isn't okay to air dirty laundry in a public forum either. I have too much respect for him to do such a thing. If I have to talk to someone other than him there is my best friend, and I might want to run something past her before I run it past my Daddy as to make sure my perceptions are right... there has been more than one occasion I was happy that I did so as not to trouble him with drama (I hate springing drama on my Dom).

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 7:13:42 AM   
MzMinx


Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		there are many topics that fit more into the  understanding of the lifestyle and people..... and things that  concern safety ... or general  curiosity  etc ... rather than have a specific  bearing on our interaction
But I would be very concerned if a submissive/slave felt they needed to hide something from me.... or couldn't ask me something.. no matter what subject

but  I  think they should  be able to ask all sorts of questions  of others  and answer others questions to their hearts content  (well within reason,  after all I do  enjoy my pampering *grins* ) ... their exploration and  learning about things  is not a challange to my control or authority ....indeed  I see it as a benifit to their understanding  *smiles* and indeed to mine

I also tend to enjoy curiouse interested aware individuals  *smiles*   so the fact they ask questions and participate  in forums etc  would  be something I enjoy

Now if they had said some thing silly ... I mighty very well tease them about it



(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 7:16:12 AM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		*shudders to think of the consequences of that little stunt*

Not only would I think I'd be punished, if ever the account came to light, but I would also fear damaging the trust that we hold for each other.  With Loki on the road, we spend all of our time together either online or on the phone. I can tell you firsthand that the agony of blowing someone's trust over something that meant so little is not a pleasant place to be.

Again, (and as usual) I agree with Julia here.  If I have a question regarding our relationship, I either discuss it with him, or talk to an "in-the-know" friend.

Brat


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:25:16 AM   
psykocloud32


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		IMO, you would be trying to hide from him.. Be honest about it with him...

(in reply to LokisBrat)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:26:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis
It was only a joke, but has some validity...  would that be "slave-legal" to the Masters and Mistresses out there?

It would be ok only if they informed their doms that they were doing such and given the ok.

Needing to ACTIVELY hide something from your partner is already a problem.  It's why whenever I see a post from someone that says "I've got a problem but can't tell my dom" I already know there's a break down in communication to deal with.  It's also why you see the people in long term healthy relationships rarely to EVER actually start a thread with "I've got a problem and don't know what to do" because they KNOW the only way to work it out is through that direct communication. 

And if a partner feels retribution will be made for coming to a public forum and asking for advice, you've got another breakdown in the problem solving department.

Oh and have no doubts- about a third of the "new posters" we get with problem in relationships threads are actually regular posters who post under a disguisted name.
quote:


i guess i'm asking, would You be offended to think Your slave had questions they might ask others before bringing a topic to You..

I wouldn't be OFFENDED, but I'd be deeply concerned.  Unless it was a question about "what to get her for her birthday" which, why they would be asking a bunch of forum posters I don't know, or unless they had come to me FIRST and said "I'm having trouble with this, and am going to ask the forums about it."

Otherwise, I'd consider us to have a big communication breakdown that needed to be seriously considered.

quote:

OR do You feel slave might need a place to help sort thoughts privately before proceeding with some topics with his/ her Master/Mistress, and that's ok?

Sort through thoughts privately?  Sure.  Even go to a few close friends first?  OK.

Posting to a whole cyber forum?  That's different.
quote:


If You were asked permission for slave to carry a private account for questions/ discussions about lifestyle topics... would it be granted?

Not for at least a year.  And it would be a hard working year of communication.
quote:


Also, are there Big Ds out there that do use an account Their sub or slave isn't aware of, just so You can have privacy to ask questions without them listening in?

Of course there are.  People are hiding all sorts of stuff from eachother on the forums.  The drama fests are pretty amazing in their scope.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:34:08 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I would prefer to either be informed of the question/s prior to posting or at least ASAP.. I kow from experience that it is not always possible for me to be on hand unless the relationship is 24/7 live in. However I would be conserned if the slave startet to go to others and not approach me or even if I found that she was taking the views of others over anything I had to say. Should that happen:
  1. I'd need to reassess my own ability to teach and respond to questions.
  2. My own masterery over her.
  3. The whole relationship dynamic.
Been there, done that, learned from my mistakes....


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:40:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with what everyone else has said. If I am in a relationship I want honesty. I would be heartbroken if he/she felt she could not discuss ANYTHING with me. I would consider it a failing on my part that I did not create an environment that was condusive to complete comunication. I would feel betrayed if I was kept in the dark. If they asked permission I would probably grant it but would still feel hurt and like I somehow failed them. Of course thats just me.



_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:45:57 AM   
forhammey


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Wonder if u get this message

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:50:18 AM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am in the situation where my Dominant does know of my account here, but does not know my specific name on the site, etc. We each have LiveJournal accounts regarding these things as well, and know each other's names there. 

He has encouraged me to ask questions of people in the BDSM community wherever I come across them so that I gain more knowledge and better learn my own feelings on issues related to it. Should he ever ask to check up on me online, I would give him my account name here without hesitation, and I do discuss what I have learned with him- see the thread in which I asked about proper communication also in this section. He and I both feel that knowledge is something to be gained from as many sources as possible, and that evaluating that information together is a good way to stay connected in our thoughts.

In the end, he gives me this freedom so that I can become better at serving him well, and I have endless appreciation for that.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 8:57:04 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forhammey

Wonder if u get this message



If I get what message?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to forhammey)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 9:05:37 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		This one.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 9:07:21 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

slave friend and i were joking that if either of our Masters decided to get a Cm account, we'd have to create alternate identities to be able to ask our questions.  It was only a joke, but has some validity...  would that be "slave-legal" to the Masters and Mistresses out there?

i guess i'm asking, would You be offended to think Your slave had questions they might ask others before bringing a topic to You..

OR do You feel slave might need a place to help sort thoughts privately before proceeding with some topics with his/ her Master/Mistress, and that's ok?

If You were asked permission for slave to carry a private account for questions/ discussions about lifestyle topics... would it be granted?

Also, are there Big Ds out there that do use an account Their sub or slave isn't aware of, just so You can have privacy to ask questions without them listening in?


Honestly I think it would at least annoy my owner that I was willing to ask strangers questions or reveal things that I wasn't willing to reveal to him.  Especially if any of the questions or things I revealed were about him.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 9:15:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

This one.

Yours,


benji


Oh yes of course!


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 9:42:34 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forhammey

Wonder if u get this message


benji!  Did you just call LaTigresse a ham?      OMG
 
bearlee

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 11:24:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: forhammey

Wonder if u get this message


benji!  Did you just call LaTigresse a ham?      OMG
 
bearlee


Now that is funny.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: opinions on posting privacy. - 8/7/2006 11:24:48 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		wow, i see what happens when you pop a post, then don't hang around to see it go wonky.  LOL

ok, almost everyone who answered assumed i meant asking questions pre-supposes a negative.. a relationship failure, a complaint, etc.   Not so!  Many things we ask here are relationship neutral..  i've seen threads that ask

"How can i surprise Him"
"How should i word this most effectively?"
"Is this or that a commonly held view?"  
"Is this a safe practice, i need info"

All of those are things appearantly will be presented to the big D in due course, so while they might be "secret questions" now, they aren't things intentionally hidden from Dom/me out of deceit.  None of them indicate the relationship has gone to hell in a hand-basket, and probably just the opposite.

i would agree with LA in that i have often suspected some of the "First Post" questions are regular posters creating new accounts to ask somethng  T/hey don't wish their friends here or T/their board-aware partner to read. some are of the "help me save this" flavor, but a lot are not.

Just for the record, Husdom and Master both know of my account here, and i copy Master on posts i contribute to here, yes, EVEN the one where i apologised for the protocol typing and explained i was not thrilled with Masters orders to use it. 

i gulped a big gulp sending it, But i own my words, even the less than lovely ones.

What prompted my question is His pending arrival for a few days, and i wanted to ask for suggestions on something special to do, and it occured to me He might have an account here, and that would blow my planned surprises.  Also, i often have a set of expectations for visits, and i'd like to ask questions about that without oversight because i would rather He see the end result of my ponderings, not the exact ponderings themselves.  That doesn't mean i wouldn't share with Him how i got to that place.  i'm sure the struggle to grow is pleasing for a big D to see, on a lot of levels, but probably a lot moreso if it's after the fact. <g>

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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