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"I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 5:55:54 AM

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We all have times when our libido doesn't match up to that of our partner. Hectic days of work or caring for children, stress, too much on one's mind...busy lives. We all have those "I'm just not in the mood" moments. How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner? When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom? Do you not communicate it at all and just comply? Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 6:43:33 AM

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I know for a fact if i was really not in the mood due to not feeling well either emotionally or physically neither Scooter or Jewel would push for sex. Nor would i feel a little bit funny telling them i am not in the mood or why.

Fortunately this has never been a problem; in fact Scooter is the only man i have ever known whose sexual appetites matched my own.

Question; Ready? Answer: Now !

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 6:50:21 AM

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It takes little effort to please my Daddy even if I do not "feel" like it as in sexual arousal. I have had days I do not feel well and I want to please him anyways. I enjoy being used in that way anyhow, even if I do not have an orgasm there is something very satisfying about it for me. I cannot imagine turning him away even if I wasn't able to orgasm myself. It isn't all about me all the time.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 7:11:05 AM

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I second what Julia says. It takes very little effort to make Loki happy, and while there are certainly times I don't feel like it, and there are times when I make my feelings known, it comes down in the end, for me, to just go with the flow. And I never regret it.

Brat

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 7:15:16 AM

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i agree. i have neva said no to Master, even when i have had the flu and and felt like poo... it is not about me at all, and being used makes me feel wanted/needed anyway, and more often than not, makes me feel a bit betta anyway, whether or not i get to orgasm.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:02:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
We all have times when our libido doesn't match up to that of our partner. Hectic days of work or caring for children, stress, too much on one's mind...busy lives. We all have those "I'm just not in the mood" moments. How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner?

"I'm really not in the mood today. I (give explanation for not being in the mood)."

quote:

When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom?

Nope, but I know tons of subs who do.

quote:

Do you not communicate it at all and just comply?

To me that would be basically lying to the dom, unless the dom had ordered me NOT to communicate or had let me know they didn't want to know.

quote:

Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

Yes.

It's pretty much similar to the issue I've illustrated before- subs have a REALLY hard time letting go of control over their own pleasure. Beat them until they are black and blue? No problem. But tell them "It's ok to be not in the mood, sit down and I'll get you a cup of tea" and they freak out like their entire world of submission has suddenly fallen apart.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:17:43 AM

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Kudos to you with the great attitudes..... I am sure your D's or Masters have tremendious appreciation

K-U-D-O-S !

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 8:44:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We all have times when our libido doesn't match up to that of our partner. Hectic days of work or caring for children, stress, too much on one's mind...busy lives. We all have those "I'm just not in the mood" moments. How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner? When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom? Do you not communicate it at all and just comply? Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

A lot of it depends on why I'm not in the mood. My owner can pretty much tell with a fair amount of ease where my libido is based off of the way I'm reacting, so I don't think I've had to literally say whether I'm in the mood or not. Last week I went through some root canals so like the evening after it I wasn't really in the mood (since I was still waiting for the novacaine to wear off) and he didn't push it, tho he certainly would have been fully within his rights to push it or expect sex at that point.

If I'm just in a weird mood or a little tired then we will still usually have sex. I view sex as an earned privilege so I don't really want to deny my owner that, nor does it really make to deny him sex, but I do appreciate that he is considerate if there is a legitemate medical reason.

C~

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 9:08:17 AM

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If she isn't in the mood for something she has no hesitation in letting me know and the reason why. She understands it isn't topping from the bottom as it is simply giving me information. I make my decision based on all the information *I* have to hand, including what she said.... Whatever my decision is from there, she accepts it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 9:35:38 AM

onestandingstill

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When I'm insubmission to a Dom my body's usage is open to him at all times. If he felt I did not want to participate or ask me if I wanted to participate I would tell the truth. Sometimes for his pleasure we'd play anyway, but most of the time if he knew I was not emotionally there his desire to continue waned. Sometimes I wouldn't want to, but once touched it made me burn with desire and I was lead into my deisres after we'd started. There were also times I submitted fully & was just detached from it as far as my desire, but still feeling good feelings as I was making his needs met, thus pleasing him. Pleasing others in most aspects of my life leaves me happy. Overall it was a win/win situation for me one way or the other.

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 9:40:52 AM

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There is one thing that Fox is not allowed to do above all others in our relationship -- say "no" to me.

However he is expected to give me information and I have the responsibility to use that information to make a decision. Honestly I can usually tell when he's not feeling good (physically, emotionally, sexually) before he can and he can usually tell that about me too.

Personally I'd rather have an eager and into it sexual partner than one who is feeling blah about it. I can pleasure myself if its a matter of some physical/sexual urge afterall and I have another partner as well. I think its my responsiblity to myself to have multiple outlets and its my responsibility as a consensual slave owner to value my property and not ill use it. I think those two things work well together in my life.

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(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 9:55:02 AM

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My sub has never said No, but if he doesn't feel well I want him to tell me. Then I will decide if we will play or not. Generally in the past even if he has been sick he will still want to play just to please me. However I find that I don't enjoy myself as much because I know he doesn't feel well. So for us the rule is if you don't feel like it, we can always do it another time. I don't get pissed or upset, its just something that happens.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to thetammyjo)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 10:37:11 AM

agirl

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Basically, it's never happened. If he's tailoring activities, bearing in mind my feelings at the time, he's done it seamlessly and sensitively and I haven't noticed.

I can't think of a single time when I've not had *libido* where he's concerned.

agirl

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 10:44:11 AM

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L.A. that's funny. When my last sub was sick or didn't feel well (That time of the month) I had no problem taking care of her like bringing her in a cup of hot tea with lemon and honey or making her some soup if that's all she could keep down.
I consider taking care of my sub one of a Dominant's responsibilities .

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 11:18:13 AM

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I don't have a Dom, but I do have a husband, so I think this still applies. It doesn't take much effort to provide pup with release, so I'm usually willing to take care of his needs if it's just a matter of my not being 'into' it. If I'm ill, he has never even asked. He's generally more concerned with looking after me, which I have always been grateful for. I make it up to him when I'm feeling better.

zuma

(in reply to popeye1250)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 11:55:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

I consider taking care of my sub one of a Dominant's responsibilities .

I believe it is one of our Top priorities, these people serve us and occasionally we need to help them out. We are afterall, human.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to popeye1250)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 12:15:16 PM

Mavis

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The only true "hard limit time" for me would be during a toothache. Of course, in 25 years, He knows that i get like a klingon woman with a toothache, i'm likely to rip His dik off by mistake... so there's a certain lack of appeal there that keeps that scenario from happening.. Things like headaches.. sex can cure. Illness or exhaustion, i just don't think i look attractive enough to anyone then to be asked to go sportin' right then.

For me, if i balk, it's never about "mood", but about erm.. "preparedness" and feeling sexy right then. i love morning stuff, but i feel nasty if i can't get to the bath first.. and i should set alarm to be awake first to plan for that. i try, but i still get caught off guard sometimes. that squicks me out.

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RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 12:23:57 PM

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I have no problem telling him if I'm not feeling up for something. Fortunately I'm usually always ready for something.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 12:52:33 PM

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quote:

How as a submissive, do you convey that to your dominant partner? When you do, do you feel unsubmissive or like you are topping from the bottom? Do you not communicate it at all and just comply? Is your partner receptive to the fluctuations in your libido?

I am the kind of person who does not hide things very well. Master is very much able to tell when I am not feeling good, in a bad mood, had a bad day, etc. This however, does not mean that Master is going to coddle me. If he wishes to use me at those times, regardless of how I feel about it, such is his right to do so.

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Taylore

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: "I'm not in the mood" - 8/7/2006 12:58:28 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

The only true "hard limit time" for me would be during a toothache. Of course, in 25 years, He knows that i get like a klingon woman with a toothache, i'm likely to rip His dik off by mistake... so there's a certain lack of appeal there that keeps that scenario from happening.. Things like headaches.. sex can cure. Illness or exhaustion, i just don't think i look attractive enough to anyone then to be asked to go sportin' right then.

For me, if i balk, it's never about "mood", but about erm.. "preparedness" and feeling sexy right then. i love morning stuff, but i feel nasty if i can't get to the bath first.. and i should set alarm to be awake first to plan for that. i try, but i still get caught off guard sometimes. that squicks me out.

This has to be the FUNNIEST post I have read since I've been here!!

Somehow it hit all the right buttons all at the right time.......LOL.

My Mum's name is Mavis....and I've been to the dentist today and can't eat a goddamn thing because my new crown is too *high* and I'm in pain from trying to close my teeth together correctly. I'm HUNGRYYY,whingy, weak and whiney and am more than thankful I'm alone tonight.......not least because my *libido* theory could be tested for the first time.....LOL

Thanks Mavis.......agirl

(in reply to Mavis)

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