Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (Full Version)

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adreammmm -> Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:22:17 PM)

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle



popeye1250 -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:35:39 PM)

First of all, put up a profile.
And keep looking!



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:37:29 PM)

Well you obviously know what you want, wether you leave this life or no,is not the solution.Here or in vanilla you will meet those who you connect with and those you do not..I mean..really...you are just meeting them ,their aggressiveness has no bearing on you at that time and if it is not your cup of tea all you do is go on searching.no biggie IMO..leave or stay it is your decision..but realize you will quite possibly miss the dynamics of what you have had....Tempting



diamonddreamlove -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:39:04 PM)

Giving up certainly won't help you find the Dom you wish.  Keep looking just make your needs and wants know upfront.  That way either the Dom will adjust His approach to you or He will be upfront and tell you that is not who He is.  I personally love my aggressive Dom and One that can not be aggressive would not be happy with me.  It takes all kinds and there are all kinds of Doms and subs, just be patient and you will find your special One.



Submotive -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:53:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle

i believe there is only one way to fail at anything - give up. Anything else is experience. i too suggest that you create a profile, an honest one that presents you in the manner that you wish to be experienced by the kind of Dom that you would cherish.
 
If life handed us what we wanted just because we asked, that might be wonderful, and then again, maybe it wouldn't - i wouldn't know as i've always had to work hard for what i've wanted, especially AFTER i got it.
[sm=flowers.gif]



LTRsubNW -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:54:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.   or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle


Don't lose hope.

Your future is waiting for you.  All you have to do is look for it.  Know where it's hiding, and realize that at least 50% of the population is wondering why it hasn't struck them yet.

(Trust me on this...I read the manual).

Ask.

Listen.

(You may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming).



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:55:23 PM)

A profile that specifies that you do nto prefer overly aggressive Doms might help. 
If you are that willing to give up and go vanilla, though, becasue of some frusteration not finding what you want, then maybe the lifestyle wasnt that good a fit for you anyway?
I know it took a LOT of frusterating searching before I found the boy I have under consideration now. I could have given up at any point, and gone back to vanilla dating.  It would have been easy... but wholy and completely unfulfilling.  Before you decide to leave, ask yourself how much you need it in your life.

DV



Sasy -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 8:58:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle

take your time .... One thing I have learned with all the crap I  have been through is no matter how bad you  want to  leave it .... it is who you are and who  you  will always  be. Seems no matter how long you  force yourself to stay  away ...  you will  only  be half of a whole with out it



MasterLon -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 9:13:25 PM)

adreammmm, I have read a lot of good advice here so far, Except for one, But, Anyway, Here on line is not the only place one can seek, Try your local munch or bdsm club, Most times real time is better. True there are a lot of the egotistical, So called dominants, That think this is the way they have to be, They are the ones to watch out for and stay away from. The true dominant does not have to prove that he or she is dominant by being egotistical.  He/She is what he/she is and you shall know it...Again, No need to quit,  Just look other places as well, Do not limit yourself to only one place....Take care and be happy and safe....
                                                                                  MasterLon



LTRsubNW -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 9:49:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sasy
take your time .... One thing I have learned with all the crap I  have been through is no matter how bad you  want to  leave it .... it is who you are and who  you  will always  be. Seems no matter how long you  force yourself to stay  away ...  you will  only  be half of a whole with out it
....


Yes.

Take your time.  Ask really great questions.

(She's clear). 



amayos -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/8/2006 10:15:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck. But the Dom males that I am meeting. I am just loseing hope. They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way. Never had been forceful. I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try. Any suggestions for me?
Michelle


Dominant males were never forceful?

Anyway, I would suggest that staying in "the lifestyle" may in fact be a good idea; many people in it preach many good things about safety and communication, if you would care to lend an ear. They have numerously announced conventions and workshops, scads of books, abuse hotlines, munches and collaring ceremonies. Among them you can have a safe group of fiends, should you so choose. All paradises have their serpents; is it not unfair to lay a few bad experiences on the doorstep of an entire collective? Goodness.



obis -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:24:15 AM)

The good news about the internet is that it doesn't matter how forceful anyone is, you can hit the delete key and they disappear from your life. Much more convenient than meeting an overbearing person in the flesh.

So stick around, learn to love your delete key, and say what you're looking for in your profile.



Arpig -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 1:25:40 AM)

aggresive doms are bad??????
perhaps you seek a submissive dominant?



DelRey -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 4:39:08 AM)

yeah,,,,,
were all assholes, over bearing and aggressive

all of us...



LaTigresse -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 6:53:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle


I would suggest walking away from the computer.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 7:23:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adreammmm

I dont know if I am just having bad luck.  But the Dom males that I am meeting.  I am just loseing hope.  They so aggressive and the Doms before that I have had never ever had been that way.  Never had been forceful.  I am scared to even look anymore for a Dom or even try.  Any suggestions for me?
Michelle


In all honesty, I have to go along with amayos and Arpig on this, all the while understanding that you might be offended by it or assume that I am just another arrogant ass.

There is a difference between domineering and dominant.  I've met quite a few dominants.  Some were arrogant assholes who thought that all they had to do was state that they were dominant and that gave them right to give up courtesy in the form of manners and other behaviors.  Most were mannerly.  Underneath varying layers though, they all exuded a certain 'flavor' of aggression/control/whatever name you choose to apply to one of the elusive qualities that makes them dominant and which has to do with the willingness to take control of a situation or a submissive (and before I get flamed, nooooo I do NOT mean any submissive...that would be the ones who fall into the asshole equation and they've been dropped from the discussion).

Perhaps it is the assholes you are referring to and maybe those ARE the only ones you're meeting right now...but are you sure that's it? 



SweetSarijane -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 7:24:50 AM)

First of all I agree with those that have said fill out your profile, be upfront about the type of Dominant you are looking for. Next, don't count on finding your dream Dom online. Meet people in area groups, make friends, go to munches.

Since I first found WIITWD, I have read from online sites, bought books such as The Bottoming Book, The Loving Dominant, SM 101, etc. and have been reading those, asked questions here on collarchat, joined local groups, gotten out and socialized and made friends, attended play parties and events, and am learning and growing.

Take your time. Fill your life with friends and let things come in their time. If a Dom is too overbearing and not what you're looking for then move on. There are numerous Doms and all are individual. It's a matter of finding the one who fits you and you fit just like in vanilla.

Just my thoughts. Take what works for you and I wish you all the best in your search.



IndigoDadesi -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 10:43:08 AM)

Dont let the door hit you on your way out.



DelRey -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 10:55:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IndigoDadesi

Dont let the door hit you on your way out.


Is that your way of suggesting there are quite enough whiners around here that snibble about something then dream up a "poor poor me" post in order to drum up some attention ?

Because if it was.... I caught your drift...  [;)]





mnottertail -> RE: Needing help..close to leaving the lifestyle.. (8/9/2006 10:57:52 AM)

Yeah, but Del....if it wasn't  then the subtleness has completely escaped me.  If that is the case, keep me posted, ok? 



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