Everyone has preferences, and for some people those include age, appearance, financial security. So long as no one tries to impose their personal preferences on anyone else, I don't see it as a problem. So, I'm not everyone's cup of tea? That's ok with me; it simply narrows the field and makes it easier to find someone who IS compatible.
People have "lifestyle" preferences too. (My personal preference is to avoid the word lifestyle when referring to bdsm, because i have LIFE, not a lifestyle; I'm more than just a collection of kinks.) There's nothing wrong with wanting to "submit" only in a sexual situation, for example. It's just another preference. It's not better or worse than wanting to live 24/7 naked except for a collar and cuffs.
I think you'll have difficulty getting people to agree to the definitions of the terms. "Submissive", for example, is an adjective not a noun, yet people here use it as a noun with regularity. When we morph the meaning of words to suit our purposes it leads to difficulties in communication more often than not. Personally, I always suggest spelling out how YOU use the words at the beginning of the interaction, and coming to some kind of agreement of what the terms mean for the individuals trying to communicate.
Bottom line, there is NO One True Way. We're not all cast from the same mold, nor do I think we should try to be. We all need to find what works for us personally, and understand that that may change over time and with experience. It's not a matter of making everyone fit into little labelled boxes, I don't think. What we really need to do is to learn to communicate our personal needs/wants more clearly so that we don't end up in situations like you're describing.
Realize that other people's paradigms are just as valid as yours, and don't expect everyone to want the same things that you do. Ultimately, it will make things easier for you, as it will weed out the incompatible folks more readily.
< Message edited by SherriA -- 4/16/2004 6:31:16 PM >
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.