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cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 12:07:58 PM

lilstarsoul

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/1/2006
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we have a friend.. who.. cuts herself.. do cutters ever really stop cutting themselves? i'm sorry to be so naive about it.. i know its something so deeply embedded within her.. she seems to be good for awhile... and then wham.. it just happens (or i should say someting happens ) and she is a mess.. is it possible with a strong shoulder behind them, they can stop without professional help? i'm just a bit confused really...

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 12:50:01 PM

MistressTexas

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Yes they can. If they want to badly enough. It's a very long hard process which is different for each and every person. For some people it takes years of counselling, some people find that anti depressants help, and other people throw themselves into a hobby. Either way, every person has a trigger, so what many people find helpful is to find the trigger and eliminate it as much as possible. As for the professional help thing... its possible to quit without seeing a psychiatrist, if thats what you mean, but most people will at least need to see a family physician for prescriptions etc etc. Many people who cut themselves find it to be a vicious circle, because the scars themselves will trigger a deep enough depression to star cutting themselves again. This is where the family Doc comes in, who can perscribe creams etc that will speed up the healing of scars. I'm not actually sure if I've done anything but babble, but I hope I've been a bit of help.

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 2:13:17 PM

ta2dqt

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Yes, a person who has cut in the past CAN stop cutting eventually if that is what they Really want....................

They would need to find another "outlet".

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"People are like fine wine, they get better with age!"

"Everything happens for a reason."

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 2:13:40 PM

Estring

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I had a girlfriend once who was a cutter. I think she did finally stop cutting herself, but it took a long time and she had many relapses. The cutting is really only a symptom of what the real problem is. That needs to be dealt with before the cutting would stop.

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 2:18:43 PM

impishlilhellcat

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I used to cut pretty heavily for me it was the only way that I could semi control what was going on in my life. The more stress and emotional pain I was in, the more physical pain I would cause myself. I found BDSM and didn't need to cause myself any physical pain anymore. I have Daddy to do it for me in a safe controlled environment. When trying to stop I had several relapses and it was really hard to stop, but eventually I managed to stop and now I don't even go into that headspace anymore.

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 3:33:41 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ta2dqt

Yes, a person who has cut in the past CAN stop cutting eventually if that is what they Really want....................

They would need to find another "outlet".

Maybe a good whipping would make a good outlet. I had an online friend whose son started cutting hmself and i suggested to her that she have him look into BDSM activities as an alternative (the movie "The Secretary" came to mind) and she got very upset with me and hasn't talked to me since.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 5:40:39 PM

StrongButKind

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Cutting is almost always a symptom. The cure involves treating the underlying issue. Whether that can be cured without professional help depends on the person; however, professional help would be highly recommended, as cutters often end up in more destructive behavior, including suicide.

BDSM is not a cure for cutting. It could well be argued that domming someone with mental issues that profound is abuse.

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 5:46:09 PM

sublizzie

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I quit cutting when I left my abusive husband. Amazing how much that one change did in my life!!!

(in reply to StrongButKind)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 5:51:59 PM

JustaDom

Posts: 84
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I would be cautious about whipping or any other form of masochism as an outlet. Having been in a relationship with a cutter, I think substituting S&M for self-injury is the wrong approach. Doing S&M can still be a positive experience and if they are into it, great -- but not as an "outlet" per se.

It isn't an entirely correct analogy, but stopping cutting is akin to recovery for an alcoholic. There can be relapses, counseling helps, etc. I strongly recommend professional help – self-injury is a tough issue and a skilled, trained professional can make recovery easier and safer. A professional and support groups also help by having that role there for them so friends and family can stay as just friends and family. There is no shame is saying you need help.

The best advice I can give, having been there for someone, is that a strong shoulder (and the occasional kick in the ass) is the best role you can take as a friend. Trying to also become a counselor is going to have all that resistance directed toward you and can actually make recovery more difficult. Support from friends and family is a very important part of recovery. Friends don't focus just on cutting; they are also there for going to a movie, ice cream on a hot summer day and other things besides. Friends help provide a break from recovery, it can be hard work.

What is probably the best thing to do as a friend is to get them to a professional and a support group. Self-injury is a complicated issue and often a symptom of past abuse or a number of other factors. Professionals are often the best first step to unravel what is going on. Let them take on the resentment, the resistance and the other factors cutters need to work through – the detachment provided by seeing a therapist usually helps that process. Be there as her friend, talk about cute guys, have a little Ben & Jerry's therapy and whatever it is you girls do when men aren't around. You can best help by being a part of her life making these changes worth doing. The emphasis there is very much intentional.

You can look up your local resources in your phone directory. I'd call a support group, they can often give you references for the better physicians to see and names of the ones to avoid. I don't know how heath care works in Canada for things like this and how much choice you have with national health care but the support groups usually can point you in the right directions.

Some web addresses are:

http://www.selfinjury.org/
http://www.lifesigns.org.uk/
http://www.selfharm.net/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

For teens, a good starting point is:
http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html

Please accept my best wishes for your friend's recovery.

Sincerely,

Joe

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 6:03:42 PM

MmakeMme

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Cutters typically cut in order to ~ feel ~ ... to bleed means to be real. Seeing the blood is a reminder that one is alive. There are serious underlying and often unremembered past issues that need treated professionally.

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 6:25:10 PM

JustaDom

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongButKind

BDSM is not a cure for cutting. It could well be argued that domming someone with mental issues that profound is abuse.

That is an excellent point. Someone who is using self-injury to cope may not have the perspective or the ability to separate negative coping behaviors from positive ones. In my case we were already in that sort of relationship and I knew her well. I took some time, made some adjustments and carefully proceeded with things after giving it a lot of thought on what would be positive for her and what may hold her back. We even discussed things with her counselor and she surprised me by agreeing with how we changed things and what we continued to do.

The key is it *may* still be healthy to continue with a BDSM relationship. If it is the right type of relationship for them it can still be done in a healthy manner but you need to be prepared for changing things as you go and suspending that part of the relationship if needed. Bondage, for instance, could still be a healthy activity as a safe way of giving up control. Bladeplay, not so much. There was a lot of playing things by ear.

There are still plenty of things a creative couple can do if a mental condition, injury or something like pregnancy limits play. Playing in the shallow end of the pool isn't a bad thing, I grew to enjoy it. There are so many ways to tease a woman with chocolate. Just be careful though -- you can lose a hand that way.

Joe

(in reply to StrongButKind)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 7:35:51 PM

formenteralady

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Joined: 8/4/2006
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I would try to encourage your friend to see professional help, if they are the age they are in college you can ususaly get free counsiling through the school..if not with that level of issue she/he might be able to find someone who could take them on pro bono.

(in reply to JustaDom)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 8:03:33 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
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It wasn't hard for me to quit cutting at all. I just lost all interest in cutting and I haven't in years.

Except every now and then I wish I could relapse and cut again but I have to much self disipline to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressTexas

Yes they can. If they want to badly enough. It's a very long hard process which is different for each and every person.

(in reply to MistressTexas)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/10/2006 8:50:38 PM

MistressTexas

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Joined: 5/30/2006
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I'm certainly happy for you.

In any case, the other piece of advice I can personally offer is... when they relapse, and most do... Don't judge. dont make them feel like shit and play into that circle.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/11/2006 1:23:44 AM

FelinePersuasion

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I also just couldn't bear to have any more scars. I do listen to sad music and make myself cry which induces a headache.

Yes, don't make fun of them, my dad used to tell me that kind of shit was what toddlers did, which didn't help the situation.

And my mom would just demand to know why I was doing that. and saying that she wanted me to knock it off.

(in reply to MistressTexas)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/11/2006 1:58:52 AM

sleazybutterfly

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I have thought about this thread today and whether to post on it or not. It seems I put my life "out there" on here a lot and pay dearly for it from others.

I am a cutter, well..72 hrs and counting without it..thankfully...but still one all the same. I have mixed feelings on getting help. I know the first time, I did and they wanted to put me in a mental type place. That was very scary and really didn't help the situation at all. I quit on my own and didn't do it again for about two months or so, I believe..then a lot happened and it came back as a way to cope.

It's such a scary thing, to not feel and to have the need to feel so much that you have to watch yourself bleed, to cause yourself pain. You start thinking that you must be a bit insane, but in reality, you are just hurting so much that it just has to come out somehow.

My experience with the therapist was not a good one, but I would hope your friends would be. I am kicking this on my own this time without going, though I promised if I couldn't quit that I would go again.

It's very hard to be the friend or loved one of someone doing this. I mean, how can a person understand that's never done it, or felt the need to? I can't see how it's possible. Please, just have patience with them and know how hard this is to face.

Many times afterward, I would just stare at the cuts with a huge sense of relief, yet so much shame. It's such a mixture, bliss, pain, relief, calm, anxiety..very hard to explain. It is strange what brings the cycles, there just becomes a time when it doesn't seem to work. Now, I could still use it..but I fight long and hard all day not to react with it when something upsets me, or makes me depressed.

I still have my scissors and my blades here on my desk. Do I plan on using them? No. They are there as a comfort for me, just to see them and know that I could, but choose not to is enough.

I am not sure any of this helped at all, it's very late and I may not have made much sense.

Just be there for them, laugh with them, let them cry when they need to...it will....they will get better. No, it won't happen overnight, but it very much can happen.

Like I said earlier this day.... "I noticed there were a more scars today, but that also means there are no fresh wounds. These are my scars, my "battle" scars, I will not wear them with shame...I will wear them with pride, I won the "battle" for my life."

~Andrea

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~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/13/2006 5:19:57 PM

slo18

Posts: 125
Status: offline

I have never seen or heard or been able to put it so well as butterfly did. I am a recovering cutter as well I say recovering because I know that I will never be truely free from the desire to do it again. I have had theripy in the past but they never helped me with my cutting in the end it was a promise I made to my Dom at the time that finaly did it. it wasnt any threat of punishment or fear of loseing him but the knowledge that when I hurt myself it hurt him to know he couldent help me. I stopped and even though that relationship ended i have not started again. I still ask the gods for the streinght some days not to do it and there have been days where I wished to the gods i had a knife in my hand. anyway, it can be done a person can stop with out theripy. but they cant stop with out suport and love.

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if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/13/2006 8:10:37 PM

GoddessSoul

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Joined: 7/9/2006
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I use to be a cutter. Everytime I was depressed... Everytime I heard criticism... I couldn't take it. I stopped. Worst things have happened... But I don't grab the Razor...as bad as I may want too... Physical pain is much easier to bear than mental or emotional pain. I don't know how I stopped... Perhaps during the time I got into BDSM!

~Goddess Soul

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/13/2006 9:17:38 PM

BigEyes

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Joined: 6/13/2005
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I agree with those concerned about the replacement of self-harm with bdsm. I think both the submissive and the dominant are responsible for their own safety and well being, but if someone is vulnerable that needs to be recognised and all steps taken to not take advantage of that. Like many here I speak from experience, but don't particularly want to share it with the world.

I believe - every single person alive has never existed before, and will never exist again in the entire history of the universe. Not in the same way. That makes every person overwhelmingly precious - every toe, every wrinkle, every scar. This thought helped me. Be careful with yourself, and be careful with others. There is too much to lose if you aren't!

Big Eyes xxx

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Never anger insomniacs. We can do things to you while you sleep.

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RE: cutting.. not the positive scene related kind. - 8/16/2006 12:57:26 AM

FelinePersuasion

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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Andrea not all therapists are bad or do poor jobs, But I have been there and done that bad therapist thing, so I totaly understand how sometimes therapy wasn't the best thing.

It's also like opening pandora's box and then in an hour trying to shove all the demons and pain back into the box other wise the issues in the box leak to the rest of your week.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

My experience with the therapist was not a good one,

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 20

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