RE: inferiority complex? (Full Version)

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Homestead -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/12/2006 8:25:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nefertari

I believe that is what she was implying.


Puffing up is for blowfish.



nefertari -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/12/2006 9:04:05 PM)

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zenofeller -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/12/2006 9:40:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
Puffing up is for blowfish.


and hootie.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/12/2006 11:20:55 PM)

Hiya, im not new here.
But i feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time when we attempt vanilla sex. As in, havent got a bloody clue what to do?
For us, we met as a bdsm couple. To try to reverse that into vanilla, is about as tricky as trying for a bdsm session with a vanilla.
Now im not sure if that's a inferiority on my part, and dont really give a shit either. Coz im having the time of my life without vanilla
Being 'made love to' occurs within the bdsm aspects of our D/s, so im still fullfilling my need for being made love to. Just in a better way for me and us.
But, lets have a vanilla night, sure is fun with that fucked up headspace of a teenager all over again, put me down for some of that.
little1.



WhipTheHip -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/13/2006 6:59:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Not everyone who practices BDSM considers themselves part of the "sub culture" or "lifestyle".  I think this issue of superiority is more prevalant in "the lifestyle" (here on collarme, at munches, at bdsm gatherings, or in instances where kinky people adopt a new circle of friends/peers) than in "non-lifestyle" circles.

I think people "in the lifestyle" also tend to look down on those that are kinky but don't subscribe to the subculture.  It does not matter how often the non-lifestylers practice bdsm, how extreme, how much the power exchange is prevalent in their relationship; if they aren't "in the lifestyle" they aren't as legitimate.

Some people don't want/need a sense of community, a brand new group of peers who "understand them," a place to go and hang out to feel a part of something, or a place to regularly measure themselves against and see who is kinkier. They may have some kinky friends and some non kinky friends, and they think vanilla is just as hot.  Akasha


I think this is what I was trying to say.  I've never been in a 24/7 D/s relationship, even though I've been into bdsm my whole life.  In the past, people in the lifestyle have always looked at me, and treated me like an outsider, and something less than those who have been 24/7 relationships.  For some reason, they feel I am not real.  All subs I encountered in the past were looking for "real" Dom and 24 / 7 / 365 / 100
 
Michael



KennelDeSade2 -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/15/2006 7:20:11 PM)

Inferior?  To what?  Because I can do everything vanilla covers, PLUS this whole additional universe of emotion and sensation, I'm supposed to feel like those living at half speed are cooler or something?

They aren't better or worse.  Just don't want the same things I do.  Why would any of us feel inferior?



SusanofO -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/15/2006 7:29:27 PM)

I don't really have this problem. I like bdsm with sex maybe more than "regular, vanilla" sex, but I don't think either one is "better" - I think of each as different, period. And (horrors) I do think that sometimes "vanilla sex" can be as intimate and wonderful as having bdsm with sex (but think, for me, bdsm "expands the intimacy" of accompanying sexual interaction). But, vanilla sex can be wonderful too. *I mean, sometimes it's just nice to simply hold someone, and-or be held - ya' know what I mean? Sorry if that sounds "boring"...

- Susan 



popeye1250 -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/15/2006 7:45:08 PM)

Susan, you hit that nail right on the head as far as I'm concerned!
I think B&D M/s makes people a lot closer in an intimate way moreso than "just" plain vanilla sex.
How can you "not" be closer in a "Lifestyle" relationship than in plain vanilla?
I think there is obviously more trust in wiiwd relationships and that trust makes people closer.
As for an "inferiority complex" nope, not at all.
For me when I have a sub who cares about me and wants to give "herself" to me what better gift can you have in life?
That type of exclusive relationship is the best as far as I am concerned, two people committed to each other so much that a Collar goes on.
There aren't many things that are more intimate than that!



AAkasha -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/15/2006 7:51:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Susan, you hit that nail right on the head as far as I'm concerned!
I think B&D M/s makes people a lot closer in an intimate way moreso than "just" plain vanilla sex.
How can you "not" be closer in a "Lifestyle" relationship than in plain vanilla?
I think there is obviously more trust in wiiwd relationships and that trust makes people closer.
As for an "inferiority complex" nope, not at all.
For me when I have a sub who cares about me and wants to give "herself" to me what better gift can you have in life?
There aren't many things that are more intimate than that!


But who are you (or any of us) to judge the closeness or intimacy of non kinky relationships? Have you seen enough of them, have enough information to prove your point? Or is it just because bdsm makes YOU feel incredibly intimate.

Non kinky people could just as easily "look down" on kinksters because  they are able to acheive a higher level of intimacy, trust, etc. through non sexual means.  If one or both partners in a bdsm relationship was to lose their sex drive, or sex organs, or sexuality, does that mean the relationship can no longer progress as the level of this nirvana intimacy?

Akasha



popeye1250 -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/15/2006 8:00:26 PM)

Akasha, I'm just saying that I think B&D M/s relationships are in my opinion, more intimate than vanilla for (me.)
I've been in vanilla relationships before.
I'm not saying that vanillas aren't intimate.
And I don't think that "love" is exclusive to vanilla relationships either.
We all know people who are in this lifestyle and married or not who are very much in love with their partner!



IndigoDadesi -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/16/2006 12:01:06 AM)

gandalf, everytime I see your posts all I can think of is Gandalf bare-assed being whipped by that belrock-fire-thing. Its kinda freakin' me out.




Wolfie648 -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/16/2006 12:20:46 AM)

O yes! It's anachronic sex that's making everyone nuts! Peanut? Cashew? p.s. trust in everyone but yourself the rest pay cash.

D (owner of j).



mons -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/16/2006 12:58:44 AM)

greetings to all
 
but zenoeller who in the world are you? with kind and gentle respect for all but who and the hell are you i had to ask you all over the place lol your so smart and sick but funny at times come tell me who are you a domme or dom or master i know you not a Gorean master they are nothing like you come please tell me
 
mons



shivvy -> RE: inferiority complex? (8/16/2006 1:42:19 AM)

i am not qualified to speak on behalf of anybody else, and in terms of generalism, there are others much much betta than me at talking about stuff like this (and LA is one of those people... she's grand![;)])
 
but from a personal point of view, being submissive is just the way i am. bdsm is just a way me and Master express ourselves. because of wot i woz taught by my first Master, yes, i spose i personally do feel a little inferior to vanilla, or 'free'  people, just as i feel inferior to switches and Dom/mes. i personally don't feel like this is a negative thing, i just feel more comfortable 'knowing my place'.
 
as a submissive, i enjoy doing things for other people and i enjoy helping them and pleasing them.
 
sex is just sex, and Master uses me however HE needs too. if its hard and rough, or if its just straight to the point, or if it's all kissy, cuddly, lovely, dovey.. i just enjoy being pleasing to Him. i don't see anyway as being betta or worse. i do have my own preferences, i think everybody does, but for me, they are irrelivent.
 
Other people will disagree i am sure. but like i said i'm just talking for me.
 
with Respect,
 
shiv.
-x-



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