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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/27/2006 10:54:59 PM

formenteralady

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Joined: 8/4/2006
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I think you've gotten alot of great advice, but let me add my 2cents
Ususaly the guys who have tried to convince me they are female to get some free wanking material or whatever they were trying to do, will pick fake photos of themselves that are porn pictures of a model right before she starts taking off her clothes... You can ususaly kinda tell because they are in a room that looks like a set or a hotel, and thier's maybe 2-5 of them in the same outfit..and they have that skeezy porn look. Most people who are real women and have photos online will have some with varying degres of flattering and unflattering.

Now I myself would do voice verfication with online voice software, but I probably woudln't call someone unless I knew them well and had been talking to them for awhile.

I also REFUSE to even slightly promote "sexy talk" until I have talked to the person on a friendly basis about thier intrests, and just to see if we'll get along/have something incommon in general. Frankly I like people who I can watch a movie and talk to, along with all of the fun play things you get to do, and I find most legit people are the same.

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/27/2006 11:42:40 PM

BlueHnS

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I really don't know what you should ask .. probably things which are relevant and important to you. I'm not trying to be funny I seriously mean that.

I'd stay away from asking things that suggest you would like to be in an immediate online position of servitude such as ....
Are you wearing boots or shoes? May I take them off and rub your feet ? This like of questining is far to presumptious for my liking.

I would much rather have a conversation that play 20 questions. Well thought out questions will lead to such.

I agree with everyone who says dont be pushed into a situation that is uncomfortable simply because you are submissive. Just because you identify as "a" submissive doesn't mean you are automatically willing to be "everyones" submissive.

I hope this was semi coherent enough to help some.

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/21/2007 12:45:37 PM

fieryangel21

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You should never feel uncomfortable asking questions of a potential mistress. Think about it. This is someone who you may potentially share something very intense and special with. You want to know as much about her as you can. You should be able to trust her, and if she says or asks something that makes you uncomfortable speak up. If she's a decent person, she'll respect your honesty. And if it turns out you aren't compatible, it's for the best that you figure that out right away. But anyone who treats you like their slave from the getgo, since you aren't anyone's sub yet, should be considered suspect. Mistress and sub relationships are a mutual choice. She doesn't deserve your respect until she earns it, and vice versa. This requires trust and communication, and asking questions is important. I always want potential subs to ask me plenty of questions, and I would never want them to feel uncomfortable in any way when we first chat. I'll be finding plenty of interesting ways to make them uncomfortable if we decide to take the relationship further.

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/21/2007 2:52:02 PM

LaTigresse

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Ppsssssssttt, the thread is from last year. I think the originator may be long gone.

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/21/2007 3:29:50 PM

planomaid

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Regardless of your gender, of the gender of the dominant you seek, there are few universal rules that apply to everyone.

1) It never hurts to be polite when asking your questions, but never think that you should not or cannot ask questions of a potential partner. There are some questions that should be saved for later in the budding relationship, but if you get shutdown or very odd answers in the beginning, odds are that they are good dominants.

2) Never try to rush things. Ever. It's a bad idea. There isn't an Internet Nanny out there to protect you, so you hvae do that for yourself. Common sense usually suffices for these things, but if you are not sure, try to find someone in the lifestyle (or even out if you can be open or at least circumspect) whose opinion you value and get their take on things. Sometimes having a second set of eyes or ears makes all the difference in the world.

3) If you are ever going to reveal personal information to someone (like a phone number or address) always make sure the other person is willing to AT LEAST do the same, if not more. If they are unwilling you should break things off. If they can't trust you with their information, then you should not trust them with yours.

4) Once you get to a level you and your dominant are comfortable with, you should do some sort of phone or in-person conversation to verify you are each what you professed to be. With any face-to-face meeting, choose a public place to meet.

There are lots more "rules" and suggestions out there on the internet. Do a little searching around to find lists and other suggestions for establishing relationships. As with everything else, adapt what you find to what works for you.

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/21/2007 7:23:53 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mommysgoodgirl

I am a lesbian sub seeking a mistress. I have only been on collarme over a month or so now and I am trying to figure out what would be appropriate questions to ask a mistress without causing her to rule me out right away. When a mistress asks me to show myself on webcam, but she says that she does not have one, is it appropriate to ask for voice verification? It just seems that I have people approaching me and immediately calling me "girl" and demanding that I do this, that, or the other thing, and I start to get concerned that I may really be dealing with a man. Mistresses, do you think it is appropriate for me to ask if a domme is married or single and various questions like that? Should I run if someone asks "girl, what is your attire right now"? I guess what I am wondering is, what questions can I ask that would sound polite and yet give me some reassurance that I am actually chatting with a lady and not man? Thank you in advance for your replies.

It's your right to ask questions. Finding a viable match is not an effortless task and having a list of questions for a potential mistress is not only natural, it's wise. Any legitimate mistress understands it's the nature of the search and will respect your need for information (so long as it's within reason). (I will take a look at your questions if you want.)

Continue to exercise caution in your search, particularly when the "Mistress" wants to get sexual with you before establishing some sort of relationship. Requesting voice verification sooner than later is a good idea but never fully trust who you're talking with until you meet face to face.

< Message edited by MistressDolly -- 8/21/2007 7:24:54 PM >

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RE: questions to ask a potential mistress - 8/22/2007 12:27:48 AM

MaamJay

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You've received all good advice here. Don't take control you haven't agreed to. That's not how reputable Mistresses operate. Think ahead about what sorts of questions you want answered to be comfortable that the person you are talking to is a possible match for you. Also be prepared to answer their questions honestly, don't just try to put yourself in a good light or try to second guess what you think they want to hear. However if their questions are universally about sex and bdsm activities, that would raise a red flag for Me ... as it does if that's all the sub's questions toMe are about too! There shouldn't be any performing involved initially, only when you are confident of whom you are talking to and then, only as you are comfortable. Similarly don't be too quick to offer services, that is very presumptuous. In My book, it's OK to call someone Ma'am respectfully ... after all, I get called that by people in shops! ... but not Mistress until they become YOUR Mistress.

Use VOIP or phone to verify their voice, as LadyEllen has often posted here, it is hardest for males who are either posing as females or transgendering, to imitate female tones and ways of speaking. As LadyHugs pointed out, some of them scrub up rather well, especially with creative photography! Try the search function here to locate LadyEllen's posts or maybe Lucky Albatross will oblige as she so often does!

To give you some ideas, these are the initial questions I usually ask (and comments as to why I ask them):

1. Location ... working down from continent to suburb as appropriate! When talking to people in My former large city, which is substantially divided by a river, north or south of the river was enough to get an idea of how much travel would be required. Also I want to know if a potential sub is potentially relocatable if they live some distance from Me or whether that's out of the question. While I will communicate online with one who can potentially be with Me, I no longer am remotely interested in the whole cyber D/s experience.

2. Do you smoke? Drink alcohol? Take drugs, either prescription or other? It's important for a Domme to know a bit about this ... firstly for a match to their own preferences (My asthma can't cope with even occasional smokers), and secondly, if any play was to occur in the future, a Domme needs to know about your medical history or any chemicals that could impact on what is done. Even knowing what health supplements or apparently minor meds like aspirin you take can be important ... aspirin thins the blood and can promote bruising and bleeding for example.

3. Are you in any sort of relationship at the moment? Very important to know about significant others!

4. Please describe your former relationships in terms of longevity, degree of commitment and sexual experience. I'm interested in seeing if you are a flitter or whether you have been able to sustain at least some relationships for a healthy length of time, I'm not looking for someone who is terrified of any commitment. And I never assume that someone who says they are lesbian (or hetero or whatever!) have ALWAYS been that way or haven't had any other experiences.

5. Do you think you will find sexual attraction for a larger Woman who is x age? For if this doesn't give you some sort of sexual "zing", it's not really worthwhile. I am well aware that a big Woman isn't every one's sexual attractant (just as well or I'd be overrun LOL!). Also, obviously any sexual activity is done with mutual safety and hygiene in mind. I am upfront (hey look at My pic, how can I be otherwise LOL!) about My size and accepting that it may not float everyone's boat. This divulgence from Me often allows others to be honest about their own physique. Don't say you are 30 lb less than you are or 5 years younger etc ... just leads to major disappointment and serious lack of trust if you end up meeting later.

I don't get into discussing specific kinks until after these basics have been covered and I know that it's worth continuing. And I agree that "what are you wearing?" is a very male question! As a Domme, I have copped it a lot from male subs, and when i was on the market as a sub, i copped it from male Doms! It pisses Me off either way.

Another useful trick if swapping pics is to ask the person for a current one and then, later, ask for one from say 5 years ago. Say you are interested in how much they've changed over time. Chances are if they have them readily available it's at least them (though it could be someone very close to them!) It eliminates those who send the model pic and pretend it's them! Never send one of yourself naked or in a compromising pose first off. A simple everyday shot will do.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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