RE: Never Been Collared

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diamonddreamlove -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 7:55:04 PM)
My Dom has been in the life for 16 years and has never collared. He tells me that is because He believes it is a life long committment not to be confused with a lets play collar. He tells me that because i am fairly new to the lifestyle that we must wait a year and that i must experience other Doms before He will offer me the collar. He is concerned that i might not fully understand the implications or the full meaning of the collar. Of course that also means i have to have permission to play with others which He really hates to give. I have to give Him credit tho that as much as He hates to give the permission He will as long as He is either present, knows the other Dom or is certain that the other Dom will not break His toy. I hate needing to play with others because in my own mind i have found my One. But i will play because that is what He has asked me to do to make sure i know what i am getting into. As for accepting a His collar should He offer it well to be honest i adore Him and i am still terrified of the idea because He means forever not just till we get tired of each other.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 8:11:39 PM)
I have given this collar thing much thought and I am of the opinion that I would need to be in the relationship for quite sometime before I would consider accepting a collar for to me it has an equal significance to a wedding ring.Plus to me since I have no intention of remarrying the collar will be my ultimate commitment to my mate...Tempting

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 9:28:09 PM)
No, I've never been collared. I used to think I really wanted to be someday, and equated it with a long-term relationship similar to marriage. It had very romantic connotations for me. In the last year, I've come to feel a bit less interested in the idea of a collar as a symbol of ownership. I'm not sure why. I'm glad I've never fallen for the Velcro collar craze. If, at some point, I meet someone, and we decide we do want to use it as a symbol of our relationship, then it won't have lost it's special meaning.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 9:57:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You know how when you are reading a sentence you expect it to end a certain way, I expected the last couple of lines as "I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment to each other"... I was thinking relationship instead of scene. I guess because for me (and I know everyone has different ideas) it is about the Ds relationship, not the scene, because the scene doesn't live with you everyday. Actually I didn't specify any particular type of relationship. When I say "don't make any serious commitments" I mean to anyone or anything- even to yourself. It's just such a NEW period of exploration, you have no real idea yet what kinks you may or may notl ike, what orientation you may or may not find yourself feeling wholly comfy in, what type of person you may or may not be attracted to, whether you like your social group or not. When a person first enters a sub-culture, there's a huge vacuum suck to get into the sub-culture, gobble it all up and prove yourself worthy to be there. Sadly, this tends to be to the detriment of all involved because when a person first enters something is the WORST time to try and make a commitment to ANYTHING. So my statement was and is- don't make serious commitments when you first get into the scene. ANY kind of commitment.

psykocloud32 -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 10:02:11 PM)
I've never been collared. It's a big step for me and one I'll not enter into lightly. But it is my ultimate goal some day psyko

subinside -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 10:10:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I was wondering how many submissives here have never received a collar (Im talking about a full collar)? If you haven't is it because you are not anxious for one, have never had a power dynamic, or because you are in the process of building one? i have never been collared. Collaring to me is a very serious thing and not something to be entered into lightly.

gretchenS -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 10:44:24 AM)
Nop, never been collared. Even when I'm already involved in a D/s relationship, living 24/7 with my Dom, and wanting the commitment. I guess I'll just have to wait untill it happens, or as some subs say, maybe I should not expect anything in return to make it happened.

perverseangelic -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 11:05:26 AM)
I've never been 'collared' as such, nor given a special collar by my Owner. I wear a collar all the time, both as a symbol and as a fetish, but which collar is totally unimportant to him. He likes me to wear some collar because he and I have both noticed it changes how I act (I'm very symbol oriented). Neither he nor I is really into the semi-traditional "collaring" thing, simply because it doesn't suit our relationship. We -are- getting married in a couple years, though. I imagine someday in the far future we'll feel that some kind of collaring is appropriate, but as of right now, it just doesn't jive with who we are.

soldierfunuk -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 12:54:18 PM)
I am collared. I am proud to be collared by Mistress Angel. I have never been collared and she has never collared before. We have spoken about it and agreed that if we were vanillas we would have fallen deeply in love and married anyway, but because of who we are and what we do a lifelong collar seemed much more appropriate than a marriage. We also agree that in the nilla worls many marrieds take their vows etc for granted so often, whereas we re-read our collaring ceremony and vows at least weekly so things are never taken for granted.

behindmirrors -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 1:47:54 PM)
I have not yet been collared by my Dom, but I am in training to him to earn his collar and under his ownership. We, like many others, also feel that it is an important, big, and lifetime committment, and do not treat it lightly. When he feels I am ready, I know that it will be a special thing for us, and it makes me happy to know that he is thinking of making such a committment with me. We have also talked a bit about marriage, but it, like being collared, is not something either of us is willing to rush into. We figure taking things as they come works for us, and that there should be no pressure there- something as important as a collar or marriage should not be rushed or pushed, but happen when they are right. behindmirrors.

Wildfleurs -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 4:17:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I was wondering how many submissives here have never received a collar (Im talking about a full collar)? If you haven't is it because you are not anxious for one, have never had a power dynamic, or because you are in the process of building one? Personally, I am not in a rush for that level of commitment, and wouldn't mind being never collared at all rather than be collared to the wrong one. I have heard many submissives that have been collared talk about what it means to them, etc, and I was just wondering a little about people like me, those who never have been collared. I've never been collared, I don't view collars very highly (I think they are basically symbols of going steady, like wearing the lettermans jacket) and my owners never felt the need to collar me. Between the piercing and the branding I am pretty thouroughly marked as being his. If he wanted to collar me, he certainly could but its been several years and neither of us feel that need. C~

Mavis -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 4:56:57 PM)
Because of my slightly oddball circumstance of having both a Dom and a Master, i'm often asked if i'm collared. i usualy reply "Do you mean am i happy, contented and motivated to keep improving my relationships indefinately? Yes! Do i wear a thingie around my neck to remind me of that? Erm...Why?" i will say, i don't have my wedding band, and that bothers me to some degree. i wish He'd think to offer it to me again, if only because that would tell me He is back into "display mode" with me, which is an important part of His nature. It's been suggested by many friends that i mention this, but i feel Pride of Ownership should come from something within, not as a response to my wishes. When i've triggered that in Him again, i'll know it was done the old fashioned way, i earned it. i do sometimes wear a two-toned chain anklet that i like to fancy reminds me of service to each, but i wear it more like "dress up earrings" then ascribing much intrinsic value to the symbolism.

gretchenS -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 5:01:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: perverseangelic He likes me to wear some collar because he and I have both noticed it changes how I act (I'm very symbol oriented). I'm not very symbol oriented, but I have to agree with you on this. I've been wearing a pet collar for two years now (not permanent). I can feel the touch (physical and pshychological) of the black leather in my neck and it simply changes my behavior towards my Dom, because I feel commited to him. But due to my work or life in general, is hard for me to wear this collar all the time, as I would like to. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to commit or be easily tamed. A permanent collar would allow me to feel his presence anywhere and anytime, and remind me how I should submit to him.

porcelaine -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 7:50:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I was wondering how many submissives here have never received a collar (Im talking about a full collar)? If you haven't is it because you are not anxious for one, have never had a power dynamic, or because you are in the process of building one? I have never been collared or willing to accept one either. Up until recently the thought never came across my mind. It isn't something I ponder with great depth, but another symbol of the bond shared between two. When the time and situation warrants taking that step, I will give it consideration. As of now, I'm more focused on remaining in the present, than stretching my neck towards a future that is unknown and uncertain. porcelaine

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 7:59:52 PM)
Your collar doesnt have to be around your neck to be a permanent collar. My boy would never be able to get away with wearing something around his neck all the time. Entirely too noticable to everyone, since he has never worn a stitch of jewelry in all his years at school. When I finally do collar him, while I will have his locking colar for home wear, he will be given an appropraite symbol that he can wear all the time that wont raise as many eyebrows. An anklet or bracelt works just as well as long as its symbolism is understood. Not al collars have to adorn your neck after all. Just my 2 cents. DV

juliaoceania -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 9:45:55 PM)
I have mentioned this idea to my Daddy, and we will see if he likes the idea...lol .. a charm bracelet that little charms can be added to as time goes by, symbols of the relationship so it isn't static.. I thought it was a cute idea

popeye1250 -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/22/2006 11:07:25 PM)
I've never owned a Collared slave. Only subs so far. I do agree with many in here though that the people should be involved for a year or so before considering it. I consider a Collar permanent like a marriage. And at that point would consider marriage as well. I saw that Merc n Beth went from being collared to becomming engaged. Good for them! I would want a nice Collar like a nice looking piece of jewelry that would require a special wrench to put on and take off so it would be worn permanently.

gardenbluebird -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/23/2006 6:01:18 AM)
i have never been collared, but i will be soon. i discovered bondage almost two decades ago and bdsm has been a part of my life (off and on and to varying levels) ever since. For various reasons a formal collaring just never happened. Now i am in a wonderful relationship and i am very much looking forward to wearing his collar. i asked a few weeks ago if He was planning on collaring me. He was waiting for me to ask and was delighted that i did. The collar is on order and He is planning a private ceremony and a contract. We have been discussing it, and as usual He is being very careful to make sure that my needs will be met and i will be happy with all aspects of my collaring. i don't view collaring as equivilant to marriage, but it is an important step in a relationship. One that i am very happy to be taking.

zumala -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/23/2006 7:04:33 AM)
Interesting thread, julia. Thanks for starting it. I've never been collared. However, I am married, and for me this is a lifetime commitment. It just happens that I realized I was submissive and hubby realized he wasn't dominant after we were married. That doesn't make our marriage at all less important or precious to either of us. It does, however, mean that if we want to explore and exercise our innate submissiveness, we'll have to find a Dom willing to accept our relationship. We can certainly develop friendship, respect, and affection for a Dom, but we both know that our relationship will come first. I know some Doms want something deeper than we can give. We've already given our deepest commitments to each other. Because of this, we're having a difficult time figuring out what we'd want out of a relationship with a Dom and we're not sure how many Doms might accept us with our limitations. Sticky wicket, eh? zuma

onestandingstill -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/23/2006 7:16:44 AM)
For me though I've worn a collar it was not what I consider a full one. I was collared under a training collar for one year. It was two months after I'd come into BDSM and I had no clue who I was, or what I wanted in the lifestyle overall. To me a training collar was much like a collar of consideration. In vanilla terms I guess it's like the engagement ring before the wedding band. We'd agreed to a one year term for the length of the training contract. That period ended 2/24/06. At the end of a year we were then planning on having a full collaring & branding ceremony when that year was over. Unfortunately in that year we reached a point where I knew this man was not the Dom who's real full collar I could accept. I also in the past year realized while I feel in my heart I have the potential to be a full submissive I have not lived up to that potential. At most I've been only a service oriented, sexual bottom. As the relationship was my first I'm not sure if under the right Dom I can be a full submissive or not. For me to have the full collar I feel I must feel like a full submissive first. If I don't feel I can 100% commit to submitting completely without reservation taking a full real collar would not be possible for me Maybe one day.......................... Suzanne

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