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Serving "sometime" - 1/20/2004 5:05:19 AM

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Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
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I got this message this morning in my email from a Dominant.... I just wanted to share not only the questions but my responses..I'd love to get some feedback?

*****So if you are not a slave or a submissive, but you like to serve, how is that different? I sense from your profile that it is a matter of time, that you like to serve only some of the time.

BTW, I like that you are traditional. I take that to mean you like the traditional relationship, not one were the woman would wear the pants in the family, if you know what I mean.*****

Sir,

"Serving" is NOT something one commits to doing like "painting nails". It is a way of living, of always being available to act and do for a person, no matter what the request, it is always putting them first. And in that context, i willserve the One i am with for the rest of my life in anyway He deems desireable. < Period >. Serving "sometime" isn't even possible, as i am female ALL of the time.

And no Sir, Women should NEVER be the head of the House and wear the pants... Unless the Man of the house can't/doesn't handle His responsibilities, then we are forced to take care of the responsibilities that they shrug off. So, while women need to be more aware of who and what they are, Men in this world need to step up to the plate.

Just my thoughts

l.

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RE: Serving "sometime" - 1/20/2004 2:26:25 PM

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Maso, I went to your profile to read what the "Dom" was responding to. From what I can see, your post points out the difference between someone like you who has really thought things out and knows who she is, and someone like the " Dom" who didn't get what you were saying in your profile, and probably never will. Just my observation.

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 1/21/2004 9:51:31 AM

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I agree

Funny , I just started a new discussion with the same thoughts.

William

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 1/21/2004 12:29:18 PM

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Hmmm, I'm just curious to know what "traditional" means to you....what does it mean when you say a man should wear the pants in the family? I'm not challenging your value in any way, just wondering what it looks like in more detail, if you don't mind defining...

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 1/26/2004 3:52:02 PM

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quote:

Hmmm, I'm just curious to know what "traditional" means to you....what does it mean when you say a man should wear the pants in the family? I'm not challenging your value in any way, just wondering what it looks like in more detail, if you don't mind defining...

To me the term traditional means the female does everything in and around the house. Completely takes care of EVERYTHING. Like it was...when we were a young country. The way we all look back at our traditions.

However, I was not the one who started this thread.

(in reply to PDXSpice)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 2/6/2004 11:00:01 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I guess if its ok in your household for the woman to never be in charge, never make the decisions.

But to say never, as in No place under any authority should a woman be the dominant? I would strongly disagree.

Although, Perhaps Maso is right, and women are incapable of such an act - Perhaps all the women I have seen as dominants are merely deviants malfunctioning from the norm and should go back to traditional lifestyles.

But if thats the case then the simple idea that I like it when they do, makes me feel as if I'm the deviant and what I believe is wrong.

But having a woman hold me by a leashe and order me around - it just feels so GOOD! Whats the devation in making someone feel good?

Now I'm fully capable of taking care of a household, providing income and giving authority, its just not my prefrence, not my kink.

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/6/2004 3:49:25 PM

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I am in complete charge of two households. Complete charge of a growing business. Also a career. Yet, when at home he is in charge. Make sense?

In my opinion we all need balance in our lives. No matter what sex the Dominant is they cannot be in total control at every moment in their lives. We are all human. We all have bad days as well as good days. A good submissive will also be able to stand up and take charge when the Dominant needs them to. Let's just hope they don't have to that often.

(in reply to ScottGriggs)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/6/2004 6:22:00 PM

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quote:

And no Sir, Women should NEVER be the head of the House and wear the pants... Unless the Man of the house can't/doesn't handle His responsibilities, then we are forced to take care of the responsibilities that they shrug off. So, while women need to be more aware of who and what they are, Men in this world need to step up to the plate.

You hit it right on the head. So many submissives are "forced" into taking on responsibilities because their dominants do not carry, often, even their "fair share" of them. Masters who understand the word responsibility are not that easy to find. I am not talking about 24/7 constant domination. What I am saying is that there are a lot of people claiming to be a Master or Mistress who are not even in control of their own lives. What is scary is that even after years of knowing someone in a relationship, you often don't realize the issues until you live in the same house. I recommend long relationships with a trial live in period before making serious commitments to "24/7".

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(in reply to masokissed)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/6/2004 6:23:07 PM

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From: CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

In my opinion we all need balance in our lives. No matter what sex the Dominant is they cannot be in total control at every moment in their lives. We are all human. We all have bad days as well as good days. A good submissive will also be able to stand up and take charge when the Dominant needs them to. Let's just hope they don't have to that often.

Oh I so agree with that. Having experienced that myself.

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(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/7/2004 5:50:04 PM

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quote:

And no Sir, Women should NEVER be the head of the House and wear the pants... Unless the Man of the house can't/doesn't handle His responsibilities, then we are forced to take care of the responsibilities that they shrug off. So, while women need to be more aware of who and what they are, Men in this world need to step up to the plate.

I assume you want comments even from those you clearly insulted.

Listen, masokissed, I'm a guy who likes to be tied up. I like doing things for a woman. ("Things" like the laundry and other sexual things.

) I am alivend can handle myself, but I guess not "wearing the pants" means I'm a bum.

I'll read the other replies now and bet you aren't alone in that assumption.

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RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/7/2004 7:09:55 PM

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Hello,

I hope nobody thinks that I seek a submit simply because I am too lazy to paint my own house.

Sinergy

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 5:31:09 AM

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From: Brisbane, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire
No matter what sex the Dominant is they cannot be in total control at every moment in their lives.

And sometimes the dominant will delegate responsibility, and will put the submissive sort in charge of certain things, such as finances, cooking, etc.

Some big, bad, mean dominant people also have their submissive sort make actual, binding, choices!

I don't see being submissive or being slave as abdicating all responsibility.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 6:43:05 AM

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quote:

And sometimes the dominant will delegate responsibility, and will put the submissive sort in charge of certain things, such as finances, cooking, etc.

I personally dont care to micromanage. It gets to be really draining, at least to me. Some people thrive on it, more power to you. When someone is serving me I like them to take some initiative when it comes to doing certain things that will please me without just sitting around and waiting for me to tell them to go do something all the time.

To the original poster who feels that women need to learn who and what they are. Just because you feel a certain way it doesnt mean that all people should feel the same way or feel comfortable or natural in the same situations. What you may think is totally abnormal for you may not be for someone else. I happen to be a female dominant. My life is a constant journey of self-awareness and I feel that being dominant is who I am and where I feel most comfortable. And no, I am not just saying this and secretly hoping for some man to throw me down and tie me up and make me 'feel like a woman' contrary to the beliefs of some who feel that all women are really slaves.

I respect your right to an opinion and I am not going to write an epic on the subject but you may want to consider being more open minded on the subject.

(in reply to kiki blue)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 6:55:32 AM

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~for me......... the Doms that i interact with.. prefer me to be independent and self suffient in my day to day life, i offer more to them, when i am a thinking rational person on my own first... *grins* nothing better i'm told, then reducing the thinking, intelligent, confident person to a writhing mass of sodden girl flesh....................... this occurs BECAUSE i am a thinking intelligent person who knows who i am first.. and then offers that to someone else... *grins* otherwise, i would just be a jellyfish

i believe, one must be a well balanced well rounded individual in order to engage in a D/s relationship ..... this means even if one is not very good at something, they still know how to do it.. i hate balancing the checkbook..but i can do it.... as far as assigned jobs.. in relationships, regardless of how we define them, we have them.... one person emptys the dishwasher, another loads it...

Perhaps the question is not, who wears the pants in the family.... its how fast are you willing to take them off for the other person? and what is your motivation for doing so..

[as far as men stepping up to the plate, and women never being the head of the household, sometimes in posts, one finds a statement that is so opposite of anything i can even relate to, that it does not add anything to the discussion to go on about it..i find that that statement is that way for me...

mely

(in reply to ModeratorOne)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 8:26:37 AM

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Maso, may I congratulate you on your fine understanding of the necessities of a working D/s relationship. You really seem to have the proper head on your shoulders. Again, in my mind it all goes back to playing our genetic roles with the male as the Dominant and provider and the female as the submissive and server. I don't believe in forcing a submissive to work or to pretend in an outside world to be something she is not, so long as she has her place under her Masters hand. Both players in the game must know their parts very well and must live out those parts without compromise, with understanding and only evolving in the responsibilities and expectations between them.

Not looking for a debate from others this time around, we've already been through that and this is a direct comment to Maso.

(in reply to melycious)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 9:17:14 AM

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afmvdp,

All that fine debate got removed by the moderators because of a bitch-slapping, ass-kissing, name-calling flame war on the other thread.

Are you sure you don't want to discuss your views with other people, afmvdp? Not everyone is a flamer. Or does no compromise between players extend to board interaction, too?

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to afmvdp)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 9:36:27 AM

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From: Santiago, Chile
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ModeratorOne

To the original poster who feels that women need to learn who and what they are. Just because you feel a certain way it doesnt mean that all people should feel the same way or feel comfortable or natural in the same situations. What you may think is totally abnormal for you may not be for someone else. I happen to be a female dominant. My life is a constant journey of self-awareness and I feel that being dominant is who I am and where I feel most comfortable. And no, I am not just saying this and secretly hoping for some man to throw me down and tie me up and make me 'feel like a woman' contrary to the beliefs of some who feel that all women are really slaves.

Not to pick nits, but when I read masokissed's post, I didn't see her suggesting her way was the -only- way. It seemed very much like she was expressing an opinion. The people who have seemed to respond to her thread clearly don't agree with the opinion such as yourself or iwillserveu - but I don't see how that makes her opinion less valid? Obviously there's room for tolerance, without having to slap fifty disclaimers all over the post to say "THIS IS JUST MY OPINION IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THATS OK."

And, of course, this is just my opinion.

Stephan

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(in reply to ModeratorOne)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 1:01:41 PM

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quote:

Not to pick nits, but when I read masokissed's post, I didn't see her suggesting her way was the -only- way.

quote:

Serving "sometime" isn't even possible, as i am female ALL of the time.

And no Sir, Women should NEVER be the head of the House and wear the pants... Unless the Man of the house can't/doesn't handle His responsibilities, then we are forced to take care of the responsibilities that they shrug off. So, while women need to be more aware of who and what they are, Men in this world need to step up to the plate.

I may be mistaken in how I read this, but the first line I quoted seems to imply that she is serving because she is female and feels its a females place to serve. I personally disagree with those views and thats fine.

"Women should NEVER be the head of the house and wear the pants" along with the rest seems pretty expressive to me that she feels all women should be submissive to men.

I have no problem with people having differing opinions, often times it causes me to reevaluate my own stance on certain things and keeps me thinking. I certainly dont think that just because someones opinion is different from mine it is any less a valid one, but using words like 'NEVER' imply to me, that to her, anything other than male dominance and female submission is 'wrong'.

As far as the disclaimers go... I slap on extra disclaimers because I am a mod and dont post under any other name. When I post my personal opinion on certain subjects I want to make it as clear as possible that these are my personal views and not necessarily the views of collarme.com nor will you get banned for disagreeing with me or anything like that. Some people may feel uncomfortable disagreeing with a mod (publically at least) and I want to make people feel as comfortable as they can posting their views whether they are in sync with mine or not and that it will have no bearings on how I moderate the forum.

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 3:51:26 PM

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Hello,

Both of my former submissives, if left to their own devices, could successfully burn water and have to have a cookbook to make toast.

I have not had any classical training, but cooking is a passion of mine and people tell me that some of the things I cook are sublime.

Defrosting cream cheese to make another rasberry lo-carb slow bake cheesecake tomorrow.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to ModeratorOne)

RE: Serving "sometime" - 7/13/2004 4:39:50 PM

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quote:

Defrosting cream cheese to make another rasberry lo-carb slow bake cheesecake tomorrow

I still want the recipe!

(in reply to Sinergy)

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