RE: Long distance relationships

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RE: Long distance relationships - 11/22/2005 8:48:01 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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The only long distance relationship I've ever had that was successful in any sense with with a slave who lived in NJ and traveled once every two weeks to my place in Manhattan NYC -- he'd come on Thursday late afternoon and leave early Sunday. He worked as my domestic, my mule, my escort, my toy and indeed as my friend who'd watch television with me and just make me laugh.

That required a lot of travel and commitment from him after I agreed to see him -- luckily we had mass transit out there so he didn't have to drive or take a plane.

I think that a long distance relationship can work fine but I frankly would require any submissive in training to me to cover their own travel expenses and make that steady committment. Once here they would stay at my place and eat my food. But even getting to that point would require some serious time and money committments on his/her part.

I often wonder why someone would be willing in invest such time and money especially when you only have known each other online. The above mentioned slave actually came to a munch or two in NYC so we met that way after online -- he never expected anything but he regularly traveled to serve me.

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(in reply to slavespirit41)

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RE: Long distance relationships - 11/22/2005 8:51:09 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I have had long distance relationships that worked out very well, but "work" is the key word. There are all sorts of relationships in bdsm, certainly, but since we seem to be talking about the romantic variety......

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is only true in theory. Absence makes the fantasy get bigger, is closer to the truth. When the *only* times you get together the result is a lot of hot playing, that subconscious link is made between seeing that other person, and WOW. That can make "normal" life that much more difficult to adapt to.

There are ways around that----I remember watching the football game on my tv, while he was watching the same game, hundreds of miles away.....not the same as sitting on the couch next to him, but I still got to share in the excitement, and share the disappointment of his home team losing by a field goal. Small things can keep the connection real.

Ms F

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: Long distance relationships - 11/22/2005 8:59:02 AM

GentileDomNY

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/20/2005
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LDR can be great, but they are a totally different thing than local relationships, more like a very special form of friendships that will never be anything other than that. Because of career mobility, I've developed a lot of experience with that, They can be excellent special friendships, very special, but never anything close to filling a day to day need.
Let me offer 2 specific examples.
One is someone I worked with about 28 years ago, and we had an evolving casual relationship over about 2 years. A corporate change sent us in different directions with about 6 months notice, and the stress of that 6 months brought us closer. She was engaged to someone else, and shortly after we both moved both the guy she was engaged to and her grandmother whom she was close to died, and she came to me for support. We are about 14-16 hrs drive apart. We'd correspond or have a long phone conversation a few times a year (pre-email), and see each other occasionally, sometimes 2-3 times a year and sometimes once every 2 years, and usually it would just be talking over a long lunch in a quiet place, but occasionally it would be a few days. When she was about to get married, she came to visit me. When her father died, I went to see her. When she was trying to decide on a career change, she came to visit me. When Her mother died, she came to visit me, When she learned she had cancer, I went to see her. When her husband died, she came to visit me. We are very special friends. That kind of LTR can work.
The other extreme is someone who is constantly needy. She was a nurse who worked 3p-11p regularly, but usually got home closer to 1. I worked a routine 9-5. We lived about 30 minutes apart, the opposite direction from my work. Whenever she had a particularly stressful or disturbing shift, she wanted someone to come over. She'd call at 1, it would be 6-7 before you'd leave, and a push to get to work. This would be 2-3 times a week in addition to anything that was normal or planned. It was just too much, and could only be resolved by her getting a different job. If a different job wasn't an option, then it would simply be an impossible situation.
I've had the experience of someone who was litterally next door, and that can be more of a strain then a substantial distance.
Some of my best experiences have been with people who were 2-3 hours away, which was possibly a function of my unique geography. Write now all of my long-term friends are at very substantial distances, and I've simply accepted that that it pretty much the end of everything beyond a form of special friendship. I would't write off someone because they aren't just down the street, but understand that with distance comes a fundamentally different dynamic to the relationship, which may or may not be satisfying to you..

(in reply to slavespirit41)

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