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A Question - 8/29/2006 5:57:45 PM

Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
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I am a bit torn between obeying my Master/Husband or following my own heart.

Briefly.. He has fallen ill. 100% wellness is expected but at this time he is weak and needs to remain in the hospital. We have unmentionables in school, I have a job, and he wishes me to stay OUT of the hospital, not take any time out of work, and just take care of things at the house and deal with our unmetionables.

I am usually very obedient to what he wishes, but feel my place is at his side. So my question is for everyone who cares to give me advice, but especially for the Doms...

Do I go with my heart and continue my daily visits, taking the LOA from work that is coming to me, or do I follow his command and worry daily about his health?

This is the first post I have started here so I hope I have worded it correctly.

deltadawn

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Beneath his wings, I can fly.

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 6:20:53 PM

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oh gosh what a tough situation you are in ~hugs~ i say obey His wishes

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 6:23:44 PM

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Let's take this as a non-M/s question. I don't know (nor need to) about your finances, but I might expect that for you to keep going to best handle the responsibilities is sound advice. He is not working, so his (if he has) income is diminished. He is looking at you to cover the bills as you can, and handle the day-to-day responsibilities (the home and the wee ones). He is, in essence, asking you to be the 'strong one' until he can reassume those responsibilities. This might be unfamiliar territory for you.

I see this as sound advice, coming from him. Yes, of course I understand you wish to be at the hospital. Are there not evening hours?

In short, I think his wishes are still best.

Now, how does any of this change since you 'are' in an M/s dynamic?

Not at all. It's just a more direct instruction that he expects you to follow.

(But even not as an order I still think his wishes are best.)

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 6:27:36 PM

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
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Very hard choice to make. In my opinion his wishes are very clear, and it would ease his mind a great deal to know you are taking care of business at home. Perhaps a comprimise, maybe every three days or so a visit. Just a suggestion off the top of my head. Hope all is well for you and his recovery.

LOKI

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"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to liljoy)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 6:33:30 PM

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Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
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I would obey his wishes, but also respectfully request a compromise. As Lokisbrat suggested perhaps visiting a few times a week. However a thought might be he does not want you to see him so unwell. Perhaps as his health improves he will be more able to permit visits.

A question are you able to speak with him on the phone daily? I know for myself I would have a great deal of difficulty not being able to at minimum speak to Master daily. As well I am a critical care Nurse so this would be an almost impossible task for me to follow as I would need to be there to ensure all is being done for Him.

I will send warm thoughts and hope for a speedy recovery

Owned

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~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to LokisBrat)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 7:08:10 PM

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Indeed it sounds as if he is asking you to carry the torch, your family's torch... to not stop the show because he is temporarily stricken ill. Not knowing any of the logistics, distance from your home/work, or to the hospital from either, it's hard not to say his intent was merely to make sure everything stays status quo while he is out of the loop.

Not knowing the nature of the illness, it could be mostly the home life status quo, but partly something related to the illness that may require a change in his life, from what has been, an adjustment, who knows better than you?

I would venture to speculate he was talking to you more as your husband... than as your Master... thinking telephone conversations or less frequent visits would ensure ample time for your carrying the torch to keep the home fires burning.

Realistically, since you are married and have unmentionables in your home, I would not think there would be severe lifestyle repercussions between you for hospital visits by a loving wife, provided the home front is adequately covered as seems to be his wishes.

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"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 7:22:36 PM

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From: Pennsylvania
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I was recently in the hospital (5 days), it was better for me when I did not have visitors. I could nap or read or mindlessly watch tv. I didn't feel like entertaining people. There were a few days when I didn't want anyone bothering me.

I think he is telling you, very specifically, that the best way to serve him now is to take care of the things at home and curtail your visits. I like the idea of visiting a few times a week and perhaps calling him once a day to make sure everything is okay, maybe he will be willing to compromise on this, knowing that you will be comitted to taking care of things at home for him.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NastyDaddy)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 7:46:11 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Who cares about the Ms- the unmentionables need to stay in contact with him, to be reassured that he is still there and that things will be fine. Keeping THEM away is wrong. I don't care if YOU stay out in the hallway every evening, but they should go visit every day for a half hour or so absolutely.

As his legal wife, you also need to go regularly at least to make sure that his medical needs are taken care of and to keep stock of the condition and progress, spoken directly by nurses and doctors and to make an assessment yourself.

I'm not sure if/why that would require you taking a LOA, but simply telling you to stay away is completely impractical, no matter what his pride or insecurities might be saying.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 9:48:52 PM

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I want to thank each of you for your help and your well wishes for his recovery. I have spoken to him on the phone tonight and we have come to a compromise.

His feelings were I was spending way to much time up at the hospital. I am now allowed to visit twice daily. Once before work and once in the evening when the unmentionables can also see him.

I guess I was being too dutiful..smiles.

Thank you all
dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: A Question - 8/29/2006 9:54:59 PM

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From: Jersey
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I would visit him while the kids are in school or with a sitter. Depending on his circumstances or the way he looks, it may not exactly be the best idea for the kids to see their dad that way. I dont know their ages or sensibilities, but sometimes a vision can be hard to let go of, if he's not looking too good right now. They can make him get well cards and maybe you can ask a friend to watch them and run off to visit with him.

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/30/2006 1:23:24 AM

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As a Master in this case, I would want or need my sub to take care of things at home and not focus so much on just me. After all, I would consider it petty to put my needs before the welfare of the family. It's not that I wouldn't want to be visited, but I'd rather know that things are being handled rather that set aside for just my behalf.

Anyways, not being able to have daily visits does not mean you can't have daily phone calls. Checking in and letting him know that everyone made it safely home and has done such and such could make him feel better. As a family, you can make cards, pictures, and such to give him on your weekend visits.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/30/2006 3:51:18 AM

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Dunno if it's just an Aussie thing (I've never travelled overseas) or on a global scale but men generally make the worst patients, most noticeably when it's something serious such as requiring hospital time....

My first guess is that he (as both male and Dom) doesn't like being seen, or at least fussed over, when vulnerable. So I think it's "normal" that he wants his *second in command* taking charge at home rather than being constantly reminded he's not a hundred percent through disrupting your routine, too.

I think you should find a middle ground. Give him a day or two of no visits so he can discover that sharing the mutual misery of other sick strangers isn't a barrel of laughs either! Then I'm sure he'll be far more appreciative of a caring, friendly face visiting him....

It's a similar principle to training a sub; combining punishments with rewards to modify behaviour. Even the most modern hospital is an unpleasant place to be because it's focused on the sick and vulnerable.... Give him a few days solitude to find that out for himself, then go visit; I'll be surprised if his attitude doesn't improve.

Focus.

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 8/31/2006 8:22:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Dunno if it's just an Aussie thing (I've never travelled overseas) or on a global scale but men generally make the worst patients, most noticeably when it's something serious such as requiring hospital time....

My first guess is that he (as both male and Dom) doesn't like being seen, or at least fussed over, when vulnerable. So I think it's "normal" that he wants his *second in command* taking charge at home rather than being constantly reminded he's not a hundred percent through disrupting your routine, too.

I think you should find a middle ground. Give him a day or two of no visits so he can discover that sharing the mutual misery of other sick strangers isn't a barrel of laughs either! Then I'm sure he'll be far more appreciative of a caring, friendly face visiting him....

It's a similar principle to training a sub; combining punishments with rewards to modify behaviour. Even the most modern hospital is an unpleasant place to be because it's focused on the sick and vulnerable.... Give him a few days solitude to find that out for himself, then go visit; I'll be surprised if his attitude doesn't improve.

Focus.

smiles.

You hit the nail dead center !!

He hates being sick, hates not working, and because of this wanted us all to stay home. Though he seems to be feeling better today, the doc has said at least a few more days if not a full week in the hospital.

He did have me sneak him food tonight..lol.

I thank each of you for your words, I was feeling both disobedient in wanting to be there, but also felt I needed to be there to support him. He is a very private man, used to hard work and being the One in charge. Being a patient and receiving orders he does not like from the doctors there has him all .........well not himself.

Thank you for the advice and just for being here. I know I am not one of the regular posters here and the responses made me smile.

deltadawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: A Question - 8/31/2006 8:40:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Dunno if it's just an Aussie thing (I've never travelled overseas) or on a global scale but men generally make the worst patients, most noticeably when it's something serious such as requiring hospital time....

It's not just an Aussie thing Focus.

I recently had knee surgery and the first 2 days I was in no shape to have visitors. It would have been nice if I had someone to come visit after that and also when I was discharged to have someone to help get my things down to my van.
I had to rely on the kindness of a stranger to get my 2 walkers and tub bench down ot my van.

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Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: A Question - 8/31/2006 9:20:42 PM

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Best to honor his wishes, and not add to his stress.

Sick people need less, not more. You DO want him to heal faster, don't you?

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 9/1/2006 2:26:10 AM

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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Why can you not ask if you can do both? Take care of the unmentionables, go to work, take care of things at home, and yet, see him for 15 minutes or so every day?

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Taylore

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 9/1/2006 12:12:58 PM

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From: Louisiana
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you can obey his wishes and follow your heart in spirit. Do as he asks and communicate your desires as well as your understanding of his wishes. Ask him if he would allow you to at least make some time for visitation, and let your presence be known with impromptu cards, etc. Just don't run afoul of his direction.

(in reply to deltadawn)

RE: A Question - 9/1/2006 9:49:29 PM

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From: NYS
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He may also want you to save your leave time for when he is released but not yet able to take care of himself without your help.

For now, visit with the small people for a short interval daily and allow him to rest. He'll be home being a terrible patient soon enough.

(in reply to Pulpsmack)

RE: A Question - 9/3/2006 2:49:44 AM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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The hardest thing a Man can go through is being "infirm" or sick. He can't take care of his family, his obligations, even his own needs. It can be debilitating to a man, even on top of his illness. And to have someone who looks to him for his strength around, when he does not feel strong...well, you get it.
Your place is where he needs you most - whether you agree with it or not.
It sounds like you two came to compromise, and that's good.
It sounds like you have the ability to handle the "unmentionables", your job, the house - and that he trusts you to do so without his guidance. If so, do so - and let him keep as much strength as he needs to heal himself.
He'll come home to you sooner - and stronger.

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: A Question - 9/4/2006 3:05:05 PM

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Joined: 8/17/2006
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Your ultimate duty in love and for the family is to obey him. His directive to you was sound. He is giving you the level of trust you should be proud to have acquired. Follow his order and ... good luck to both of you.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to slave4Darby3d)

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