Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Cynical assumptions.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cynical assumptions. Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:38:27 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Okay, I understand. I know there are many nuts out there.

Re Switches: I've known Switches that have hard time defining what Switches really are. In my case, being one is all still in the realm of my own head, although from my own fantasies, I gather it is a distinct possibility I am one.

Because although I think I am 90% submissive, and being with a male Dominant as a submissive is where my real world experiences lay, I consistently also (though much less often) think about Dommeing (sp?) male submissives, and how satisfying that would maybe be  to try. But - I've never actually done that (yet). I wonder where I would fall on a 'spectrum of "Switchiness" as far as this thread is concerned...? 


What activities do you want to switch during?

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:40:23 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		> I cynically assume the worst of everything, because I am cynical by nature

It is very hard to live with someone like this.   You are always
on the defensive with them.  They take every suggestion
as a criticism, and assume everything you say is an attack 
directed at them.  It is tough when someone who should
know better can't trust you, no matter how many times
you have come through for them.  Few people are ablee
to measure-up with someone who only sees half-empty
glasses, is always looking for ulterior motives, and
always suspects the worst.  This routine gets stale very
fast.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:42:45 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> I cynically assume the worst of everything, because I am cynical by nature

It is very hard to live with someone like this.   You are always
on the defensive with them.  They take every suggestion
as a criticism, and assume everything you say is an attack 
directed at them.  It is tough when someone who should
know better can't trust you, no matter how many times
you have come through for them.  Few people are ablee
to measure-up with someone who only sees half-empty
glasses, is always looking for ulterior motives, and
always suspects the worst.  This routine gets stale very
fast.


You are making another assumption, based on your own cynicism.

I am cynical until someone proves themselves, then I trust them. They just have to keep thier word consistently, and not be all over the map.

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:45:04 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Not really wanting to get into this particular argument, however your last word made me wonder something Homestead, and that is this. Is there ever an end of the other person having to prove him or herself or does that distrust and cynicism come back again even after they have consistently kept their word for a period of time (6 months, a year, 2 years, etc.)?

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:45:50 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Homestead: I don't want to Switch in the middle of a scene with a male Dominant, if that's what you mean. I don't think I'd want to switch in the middle of a scene, even if I could - it might be  too much of a "mood wrecker" for us both.

I want to maybe try using a strap or spanking or a belt - something like that, with a male submissive sometime. Nothing really sadistic. Things Dommes do to male submissives along that line. I also just plain like the idea of being powerful in that way, in terms mostly of being emotionally needed, I think.

I can have very emotionally satisfying interactions with male Dominants (I already have) but - face it, sometimes they don't really need you all that much, if you're a submissive. And if they do, my impression is that some of them may rarely say so. It would ruin the whole "mystique", I am guessing, for some of them.  Feel free to correct me if you think I am wrong. I suppose it all depends on the relationship of the two people involved, regardless of the label attached to it.

But - the inherent nature of Dominant-submissive, in my view, is that although they may both really need eachother, the submissive is the one who verbalizes this most often. I can be extremely "needy", but I also want to feel appreciated. Some Dominants do this well, and some seem to feel their view of how to express dominance excludes it almost altogether. But, my impression is that male submissives just know how to do this (of course this is conjecture, as I've not been with any yet). Please don't anybody flame me for this comment, I am mostly thinking out loud..and trying to sort out how I really feel about this. It isn't (despite what it might appear to be) a slam to male Dominants, because I see many around here all the time I think are probably great people.  

Even if I do find this to be true, occasionally, I still think I am 90-95% submissive by nature, and that is probably not going to change (but I am not ruling it out entirely). 

*The more I learn about bdsm, the more I sometimes think I am going to spend the rest of my life in a state of blissful, interesting (and hopefully not too dangerous, just adventurous) confusion.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/1/2006 7:05:47 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:48:30 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		mnottertail: You are not a cynic, you are a realist. Cynics don't have your light-hearted, yet biting, sense of humor. At least I don't think so - I see them as much more depressing to be around (and you are definitely not that).


- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/1/2006 6:49:07 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:49:10 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		> Someone who put down everything would confuse me.
> Which, if I WERE looking would put me off.  To my way
> of thinking, it comes off as "anything will do"   Which
> makes the motivations questionable to me.
 
This is the exact reason why a switch might have two
profiles, so as not to confuse the easily confused. 
 
Just because someone is a switch does NOT mean
anything or anyone will do.
 
There is nothing dishonest about not putting everything
in your profile.  You have no obligation to tell a stranger
everything in a profile. 
 

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:50:10 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Not really wanting to get into this particular argument, however your last word made me wonder something Homestead, and that is this. Is there ever an end of the other person having to prove him or herself or does that distrust and cynicism come back again even after they have consistently kept their word for a period of time (6 months, a year, 2 years, etc.)?


No, it goes away for  people I trust, and who have the fortitude not to engage in drama and other such idiocy. I'm very loyal to someone who makes me feel at peace.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:51:32 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> Someone who put down everything would confuse me.
> Which, if I WERE looking would put me off.  To my way
> of thinking, it comes off as "anything will do"   Which
> makes the motivations questionable to me.
 
This is the exact reason why a switch might have two
profiles, so as not to confuse the easily confused. 
 
Just because someone is a switch does NOT mean
anything or anyone will do.
 
There is nothing dishonest about not putting everything
in your profile.  You have no obligation to tell a stranger
everything in a profile. 
 


And a stranger has not obligation to accept someone who omits things.

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:54:30 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I don't want to Switch in the middle of a scene with a male Dominant, if that's what you mean. I don't think I'd want to switch in the middle of a scene, even if I could - it might be  too much of a "mood wrecker" for me.

I want to maybe try using a strap or spanking or a belt - something like that, with a male submissive sometime. Nothing really sadistic. Things Dommes do to male submissives along that line. I also just plain like the idea of being powerful in that way, in terms mostly of being emotionally needed, I think.

I can have very emotionally satisfying interactions with male Dominants (I already have) but - face it, sometimes they don't really need you all that much, if you're a submissive. And if they do, my impression is that some of them may rarely say so. It would ruin the whole "mystique", I am guessing, for some of them.  Feel free to correct me if you think I am wrong. I suppose it all depends on the relationship of the tow people involved, regradless of the label attached to it. But - the inhernet nature of Dominant-submissive, in my view, is that although they may both really need eachother, the submissive is the one who verbalizes this most often.

Even if I do find this to be true, occasionally, I still think I am 90-95% submissive by nature, and that is probably not going to change (but I am not ruling it out entirely). 

- Susan 


I've had girls who liked doing sensation play from the top, but not with me. My classical feeling of a switch is one who changes roles, not practices. I've been in poly situations in the past where I had girls top each other for my amusement. They were still subservient to me.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:54:36 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for answering my question. Because if it keeps coming back up, etc. then i would have be forced to do something that i really didn't want to do, which was to agree with Whip, as i disagree with most everything he writes. But to have to keep battling against that cynicism and proving oneself over and over again for years on end would get to be very tiring and eventually probably would destroy any possiblity of a relationship.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 6:58:10 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Thank you for answering my question. Because if it keeps coming back up, etc. then i would have be forced to do something that i really didn't want to do, which was to agree with Whip, as i disagree with most everything he writes. But to have to keep battling against that cynicism and proving oneself over and over again for years on end would get to be very tiring and eventually probably would destroy any possiblity of a relationship.


My general attitude is that many people are flakey, inconsistent and selfish. It's the nature of the beast, and I am proven correct time after time in this. My cynicism is reserved for people at large, not my proven intimates.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:01:44 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I was wondering Whip, when your religion gets underway and you have many converts, what strategy do you plan to employ as to control this One True Wayishness that exists in ALL groups, since it is you that developed the religion, do you plan on mapping the One True Way for those who plan on following you? Just curious...


You should read the full-description of my religion.  It would answer all your
questions.  I managed a hotel for ten years. My employees would be able
to answer your question.  I let every employee be themself. I let employees
drink on the job, and use drugs so long as it did not effect their work.  I let 
employees listen to whatever music they liked.  I let employees work when
they like.   Some employee wanted to work alone, others wanted to work
with helpers.   I did my best to accomadate every employee.  I just cared
about loyalty, results, enthusiasm, dedication, and friendliness.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:02:13 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Homestead: I added more to my comment (if you want to re-read it). I am talking about switching roles, not simply "topping" or "bottoming".

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:04:45 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

quote:

ORIGINAL: mountainpet
I don't understand why this is a problem.  If lesbians don't want to get involved with men, or with bisexual women, don't they have this right?  It seems to me that the category of "switch" was created for those people who can play in either role- so if I'm looking for such a person, I would look in the switch category.  If I'm looking for a dominant, then I might not want someone who is submissive. 

 
Some switches are never submissive.  

Just because a guy can be submissive for a short
period of time, does not mean he can't be dominant 
24 / 7.    If you are looking for a dominant, you do
yourself a disservice by ruling out every male
switch.   You are the reason why some male
switch may have two profiles.  Because if they
just had one one profile, subs would think they
can't be dominant, and dommes would think they
can't be submissive.
 
Thank you for illustrating my point.
 


I would not want a dominant that switches. I would be pissed if someone lied to me about this. I do consider it a lie, and if you have to lie to get some "action" that just isn't fair. Don't waste my time. I have reasons for feeling this way, it is nothing personal against switches. I do not date bisexuals either for the same reason. I do not want a partner that I cannot satisfy all of their needs, and it IS dishonest to misrepresent oneself to get them to talk to you... it isn't fair.

If you say on your profile that you switch at times even though you marked it "dom" or "sub" that is a different thing.. but to wait until someone contacts you back and you have dialogue with them is starting a relationship under false pretenses... it is the same as waiting to tell someone you are married. The reason I looked for a mate on an alternative dating site was for the honesty of stating what we are into, this whole way of doing things negates that...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:07:15 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Homestead: I added more to my comment (if you want to re-read it). I am talking about switching roles, not simply "topping" or "bottoming".

- Susan


I'm not really big on emotional dependency, I feel smothered by it.  I'd advise you to work out your issues over your ex BEFORE trying this susan. It can go down some extremely weird paths if you enter into Domination in the wrong frame of mind.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:10:19 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		> You are making a quite a damn few assumptions yourself
 
Yet, you don't name one.
 
> as well as using faulty logic
 
Yet, you fail to cite a single example.
 
 > sweeping generalizations
 
A lot of "sweeping generalizations" are true.
 
> and mis-definitions.
 
Maybe, but we will never know since you 
don't cite one.  
 
You blow a lot smoke, but add nothing of substance.

> Pray, tell me, is there anyone of principle that you didn't
> seek to piss off in this post?

FHky, when did you stop beating your wife?

(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:12:37 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		WTH why do you ask questions if you are always right, and everyone else can only be wrong?

(unless they validate you)

< Message edited by Homestead -- 9/1/2006 7:13:21 AM >

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:13:33 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Why are you accusing a member of this board of wife beating, which is a crime?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Cynical assumptions. - 9/1/2006 7:15:30 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Why are you accusing a member of this board of wife beating, which is a crime?


He's using a rhetorical catch 22 statement julie. No matter how you answer,it makes you look bad. yes,or no.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cynical assumptions. Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125