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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 2:03:55 AM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

However, over time is it commonplace to scale back or completely eliminate the use of safewords as the relationship develops? 

Absolutly not.
 
As time goes on, your Dominant should be able to recognize when you have reached your limit without you having to tell him/her by using a safeword. However, there may be times that you are not in the right headspace and find that you NEED to safeword because of it.
 
Never assume it's ok to eliminate a safeword completly.
 
edited to add:

Mistoferin gave some wonderful advice about knowing your partners, and them knowing you. I agree totally that no word can ever replace the communication and 'the knowing' of each other completly. My ex knew me so well, that he could tell just from my facial expression, the way I held my body, a look in my eyes...whether or not he should continue or not. There were often times with him that I would have flashbacks, and be unable to speak. Yet he knew to stop simply because HE KNEW ME SO WELL. No words could ever take the place of that.

< Message edited by Tikkiee -- 9/1/2006 2:12:20 AM >

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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 2:21:32 AM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

However, over time is it commonplace to scale back or completely eliminate the use of safewords as the relationship develops?

Master and I have been together for 3 years now, and in that time, if I was to think that a safeword was no longer needed, Master would question my sanity :) At the beginning of our relationship, he actually encouraged and forced the use of a safeword from me; he never wanted me to think that by doing so, would make me less a slave. Now, he still encourages me to use one if I feel the need. And here have been times that I have used one. Granted, we do not use words like red or yellow...if I want him to stop, I simply tell him stop please. Master does not like to use gags, so we have never had the issue of inability to speak coming up.

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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 3:30:54 PM   
MissDeb


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline 		My dears ... pardon if I disagree, at least partially.  If your sub is gagged, then hand signals serve as "safewords" ... at least that is My perception.  Additionally, I have seen Dom/mes get so involved in using a single tail, whip, crop  or whatever that their zeal results in permanent damage. Now, if you are a sadist or masochist and prefer your pain in large doses, consentually, that is your business.  But do not bother to stop by a dungeon or scene that I or My fellow Dom/mes would be running or you would be shut down far before physical damage might occur. As a senior Domme, I have even punished Domme's in training for placing their subs in the proximity of possible danger while they were away doing whatever.  Now, you may disagree, that is your perogative ... but I wanted to express another point of view. Madame Jade

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 11:06:07 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDeb

.  Additionally, I have seen Dom/mes get so involved in using a single tail, whip, crop  or whatever that their zeal results in permanent damage. 

That brings up a good point.  What about these dominants who claim to go into "domspace' when flogging and things like that...who the hell pulls them out of it. And does this actually happen?

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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 11:12:08 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		We eliminated the safe word shortly after getting together. Since he never used it, and I worried that he would be more concerned about remembering a word f the tme came to need it, I simply instructed him tot ell me if somehting was wrong.  I dont think asking someone to stop is quite the same as the code word that is supposed to signal that you are ahving difficulty.  As far as I know, most of the dommes that have employed a safe word did so because they didnt want t mistake a "please stop" that wasnt serious for a real request to stop.  Personaly, any time my boy says stop, I do. If there really isnt anything the matter, we can resume, if there is, I attend to it. What I would be more worried abuot is that in a moment of distress, he would forget what his code was, and since I wasnt expecting anything else, I might not know his desire for me to stop was real. I prefer just being told what there is instead of makinga  code for it.

Maybe thats just me.
DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/1/2006 11:39:10 PM   
ready3learn


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone for such a spirited and detailed conversatoin on this topic.  My intent was not to cover ground that had already been covered, instead it was to flesh out an idea that seemed to make sense.

Open, honest communication seems to be the overriding theme though.  Whether certain terms are predefined or not appears to be open to interpretation.

Personally, I would, with the right person, rather not know where the key to the handcuffs lie once trust is established.  I would prefer that She know where the boundaries roughly lie, and begin to push them accordingly.  After all, I would am there for Her, but She should also know and respect where the edges are.  And if by chance something goes horribly wrong, well that's the risk I took.  Like driving on the interstate, I can't worry about that.  If it happens, it happens.

But is that kind of trust realistically possible after one or two meetings?  I would like to think so...but I have always been an idealist.

mike

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/2/2006 5:56:42 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Some people never give them up and others do. Both are common. But since people while spaced can moan and be misread as to whether it's a happy moan or a bad one, and in certain role play the word no is used but ignored, it is helpful then to have a word that wouldn't come about normally. This the color system.

As far as being gagged? There are several options. One is to hold something in your hands that you can drop, or make noise with. Personally, I open and close both hands rapidly if I have a problem, if just one wrist is going numb I tend to open and close it slowly. Most gags don't prevent all noise so you can just grunt three times as a signal also.

(in reply to ready3learn)
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RE: Safeword Usage Over Time - 9/2/2006 7:02:14 AM   
millisande


Posts: 182
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings, to all: Master, Mistresses, switches, subs, slaves, and undecided alike.

I trust Master with my life. Litterally. completely and totally. I still have a safeword, on those occasion when we play. Why? because He is not god. He is a human, capable of making mistakes. do i think He will? nope. has He? nope. but it is possible..

I have never used my safeword... in fact, once, when He tried to force me into it, I set myself up a mental block, refusing to do so... He stills stopped exactly at my limit... right when i had said to myself that if that cat o' nines fell once more, i'd use the safeword, anyway, when i had wanted badly to use it for the last three or four strokes. He knew. I trust Him. that's all there is to it.

With all respect, and in hopes that this is pleasing to the Free,
bina, of Wolf


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