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sublizzie -> RE: no hands (9/2/2006 11:37:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NurseKitty
This struck a chord with me. I'm new to the lifestyle and although I was presented with a collar in July I'm constantly struggling with the question of whether or not I've earned it. Since I'm not a 'naturally born submissive' nothing comes easy for me. Sir, who is born to Dominate, feels it's the job of the submissive to make life easier for their Dom/me. When I'm really trying to be ubersubmissive, I'm constantly trying to anticipate what he might need, try to take care of every single little detail I can find, be it from making breakfast to picking up the ball of cat fur from the couch where He'll be sitting. Just this morning he got up from the breakfast table to refill his coffee and I was halfway to tears because I didn't think to check his cup before he got low enough for a refill. He would've gotten his own anyhow; he wanted me to sit still long enough to enjoy my own breakfast (which I had by that point lost my appetite for so it went in the garbage).
I imagine, considering my insecurities in my own ability to be a good enough submissive deserving of Sir's love and devotion and collar, since about the only thing I think I can do well is attending to his needs, to be forced to not would present an issue for me. There are plenty of times when Sir will do something for himself even though I'm there and would gladly do it for him, were he to ask. Little things, like closing a window or popping a DVD in the player, things like that which are difficult to predict. He doesn't expect me to be his service slave. But I've noticed the longer we're together the more satisfaction I get out of things like this, esp. if I get to something before he does. I truly don't know what would happen were he to essentially prevent me from serving him, if I were forced to see him taking care of things himself.
This is truly a much more profound thought than it seems at first glance.
It is difficult to be a service-oriented submissive with a Dominant who does NOT want their needs to be anticipated. I am trying to unlearn immediately doing for someone else because it is the exact opposite of what one of the Dominants I know wants from me. It is like having my hands in mitts and tied behind my back when I am with that particular Dominant. It's frustrating not to *do* and just to *be*, but that's what they want, so that is what I work to give them. Luckily they feed my need to serve just often enough that I don't go crazy when I'm around them.
{edited for danged typos}
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