RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (Full Version)

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sapphirepleasure -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:01:53 AM)

I doubt I could go a couple of months without spilling the beans about my 'other interests'!  I had to stop myself a few times last night from mentioning things in passing because it's just so much a part of who I am.  But watching Secretary together is a fun idea. :)



Tikkiee -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:05:33 AM)

I am not going to comment on the response of your friend. I don't know him, so it's not my place to guess at his reasons for his response.
 
However, in regards to your date ( and yes, call it a DATE, there is not shame in that ), I find it beautiful that you can find it within yourself to enjoy anothers company even when the two of you are on different sides of the kink meter [:)] ( I call it that just to seperate the two lifestyles, not to demean one or the other ).
 
I will agree with LA though in that most problems occur when the relationship goes deeper and you then find yourself struggling to let him know about you.
 
Don't let it stop you though from having a good time with him. Just remember that there may come a time to sit down for a heart to heart with him [:)]



DomSA -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:10:27 AM)

My general philosophy for years has been if others don't like what I do, how I dress or carry myself then that is THEIR problem.  There is only one caveat...your actions cannot harm (physically or mentally) a nonconsenting person.  The key is being true to yourself...if you had fun and enjoyed the date/outing/hanging around then anyone else's opinion is just that...an opinion.

As far as you know he may be into the lifestyle and didn't want to "out" himself ona first date.  If you enjoy his company then continue spending time together.  Start slow by jumping up to get drinks for the two of you, defer to his decisions, in general treat him like you would a Dom in public. 

For example...a few weeks ago my sub & I were sailing with her brother & wife.  My sub played "galley wench" fetching drinks, putting together lunch, etc.  It seemed very innocent but we knew better.



darkinshadows -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:10:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective. 

Nope.
Submissive is a verb - it isnt a noun - no matter how many times people try to insist upon it as fact.  Until dictionaries start putting it in as a noun - it will always be a verb.
A noun decribes a person, place or thing.
A verb is a doing word.
Submission is an act, a trait, a behaviour - but it isn't a PPT.
And adjective describes a noun - so a person can be submissive - so can a dog, or a chair.  So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.
 
And personal one at that...[;)]
 
Peace and Rapture




okay, self appointed goddess of the forums... riddle me this, riddle me that... when speaking to people within the Lifestyle, if they say "I am a submissive," did they just, in fact, say, "I am a verb?"  No, they used the word "submissive" in a completely different usage, didn't they...   Now if they say "I enjoy the submissive qualities of my dog," the word submissive is an adjective, describing the word qualities, which again can be an adjective, but in this case is used as a series of things.

CC

Well for one, I don't speak to people 'in the lifestyle'.  I just speak to people.
If people say 'I am a submissive' - Just because a word exists in here, does not change it's use within the english language.  Look in any accepted dictionary (not a BDMS one).  I never said the statement 'I am a submissive' doesn't exist - I simply explained that 'submissive' is not a noun - it is a verb or can be an adjective (as you have already stated).  Part of your information was incorrect... simple as that - no need to get upset and start being snarky.  Just because you want to change the english language, doesn't mean you can.  I am sure in time the word will evolve - just as language does - and the word submissive as a noun will eventually be accepted.  But if you want to bring misinformation onto a forum and someone just gives you a fact, the way you handle it shows far more about you than what the label - or the discussion orignally was.
 
Peace and Rapture



darkinshadows -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:18:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: addisonclarkgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

quote:

submissive is at most times, a noun, but in this case used as an adjective. 

Nope.
Submissive is a verb - it isnt a noun - no matter how many times people try to insist upon it as fact.  Until dictionaries start putting it in as a noun - it will always be a verb.
A noun decribes a person, place or thing.
A verb is a doing word.
Submission is an act, a trait, a behaviour - but it isn't a PPT.
And adjective describes a noun - so a person can be submissive - so can a dog, or a chair.  So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.
 
And personal one at that...[;)]
 
Peace and Rapture

Submissive is a verb???  You can't submissive.  i've never seen anyone submissiving.  It's not a verb.  Submit is a verb. 

A noun does not describe a person, place or thing.  An adjective does that.

 
I never said a noun describes a person erin.  I said an adjective describes a noun.
You can be submissive.  You can act submissivly.  You and feel submissive....These are all doing words.
You can't submissive - but you can be submissive.
 
You are right.  To submit is a verb.
But to be submissive is an adjective.
But it isnt a noun.  I am sure, as I said before - the word will evolve in language to be accepted as a noun because of the usage within BDSM circles, eventually.
 
Peace and Rapture



CreoleCook -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:19:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

I never said the statement 'I am a submissive' doesn't exist - I simply explained that 'submissive' is not a noun - it is a verb or can be an adjective (as you have already stated).  Part of your information was incorrect... simple as that - no need to get upset and start being snarky.  Just because you want to change the english language, doesn't mean you can. 
 
 
WordNet - Cite This Source new!
submissive
adj 1: inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people" [ant: domineering] 2: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent 3: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "slavish devotion to her job ruled her life"; "a slavish yes-man to the party bosses"- S.H.Adams; "she has become submissive and subservient" [syn: slavish, subservient]



WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University
 
Not changing the english language... just showing there is more than one definition of a word, and its usage.
 
As for being "snarky,"  the comment of "self appointed goddess of the forums" is
written below your name, in the column to the left, above the five paddles.
 
CC



darkinshadows -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:25:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

I never said the statement 'I am a submissive' doesn't exist - I simply explained that 'submissive' is not a noun - it is a verb or can be an adjective (as you have already stated).  Part of your information was incorrect... simple as that - no need to get upset and start being snarky.  Just because you want to change the english language, doesn't mean you can. 
 
 
WordNet - Cite This Source new!
submissive
adj 1: inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people" [ant: domineering] 2: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent 3: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "slavish devotion to her job ruled her life"; "a slavish yes-man to the party bosses"- S.H.Adams; "she has become submissive and subservient" [syn: slavish, subservient]



WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University
 
Not changing the english language... just showing there is more than one definition of a word, and its usage.
 
As for being "snarky,"  the comment of "self appointed goddess of the forums" is
written below your name, in the column to the left, above the five paddles.
 
CC



quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook
submissive is at most times, a noun,  CC

Yes, like I said - submissive is an adjective - you said it was a noun.  Thank you for supporting my explaination.  As I said...
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
So, in most cases, submission, like domination is and ad.
 
And if you wasnt being snarky, then I apologise or assuming you were.
 
Peace and Rapture



popeye1250 -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 10:26:06 AM)

Yes, say three "Our Fathers".
LOL, no, of course it's all right!
That's what life is all about, having fun!
On the third date you could bring handcuffs with you and say; "Could you put these on me, they're from Paris, France, they're the newest fashion style."



sapphirepleasure -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 12:53:05 PM)

Update:  I just got an email from him saying he had a lot of fun and would like to get together again this week.  He didn't cap his name, though. :)  Funny how I notice things like that and wonder. ;)

saph



darkinshadows -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 1:23:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

Update:  I just got an email from him saying he had a lot of fun and would like to get together again this week.  He didn't cap his name, though. :)  Funny how I notice things like that and wonder. ;)

saph

That's fantastic sapphire - If nothing else, hes polite and respectful - and you probably have a great friend there.  Date or not - he sounds really good - and if you enjoyed yourself, you will again elsewhere... I will think of you.  All the best!
 
Peace and Rapture



porcelaine -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 2:47:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I don't think I'm 'throwing in the towel', but in the meantime it's nice to have a decent date.

(I was advised not to post this because I would be eaten alive for not knowing whether I am 'in or out' of the lifestyle, but I am just being honest here and this is certainly not an easy place to be in.)

Comments?


Since when are we required to live happily ever after or base our casual dates on the ability to do so? You simply enjoyed someone's company and I would gather this thread wouldn't exist if a part of you didn't feel some twinge of guilt and your friend hadn't opted to exploit that. After all, this person's words would have held no weight if you were really okay with this.

Sometimes it feels like we are living on two different planets. The person you went out with isn't another species. In fact, you don't even know if they are vanilla or not. I really detest that word. It always gives the impression of us and them. I suppose some people need to validate their lifestyle by proving how different they are from the masses. To each his own.

There's something you should keep in mind. If merely being in the company of fellow kinksters was the secret, this website would not exist. Perhaps in our fervor to find mister paddles we've forgotten that the same qualities that we associate to supposedly vanilla unions would definitely apply to ours as well. I would gather those things would hold a high esteem in your head unless you're more concerned with someone that can strike the bullseye while missing the more important areas instead. Free your mind, be yourself, but most of all follow your heart. Good luck.

porcelaine



Estring -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 2:55:57 PM)

You went out with a comedy writer? How could you?[;)]



behindmirrors -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 3:54:44 PM)

Only you can draw the lines of what is "in" and "out" of the lifestyle for you, and only you can determine what works for you in things like this. Who is anyone to say that going out on a vanilla date is a bad thing? Personally, I started in this lifestyle through a vanilla first date that turned into a vanilla relationship and after one night of honest conversation got to be a whole lot more than that. I have never been happier, because not only did we end up being compatible in D/s, and already had trust established between us, but we also had a strong foundation to work from and already knew that we had lots in common outside of that.

I think it's great that you had fun, and that you shouldn't stress about what your friend said. It doesn't change how you feel to do something vanilla every once in a while- in fact, I think it's probably very healthy to do so. Maintaining a connection to what the vanilla world out there has to offer (and we all live in it in some way, like it or not) is a good thing. Do what you need to do and what makes you feel happy.
behindmirrors.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 4:09:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
But watching Secretary together is a fun idea. :)

Actually I always vote for Exit to Eden as a more fun, less intense way to bring it up.



DomSA -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 4:57:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
But watching Secretary together is a fun idea. :)

Actually I always vote for Exit to Eden as a more fun, less intense way to bring it up.


9 1/2 Weeks is definitely a good ice breaker....



popeye1250 -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 5:06:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

Update:  I just got an email from him saying he had a lot of fun and would like to get together again this week.  He didn't cap his name, though. :)  Funny how I notice things like that and wonder. ;)

saph


Sapphire, Bring the HandCuffs!



theRose4U -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/3/2006 11:47:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

Not laying a guilt trip on myself--good reminder, and something I am prone to do. 

I don't think he's jealous, but rather that he's judging me by his own very high standards.  If he can't have what he wants (D/s), he'd rather be alone.  He's totally done with all things vanilla.

But for me, I do know it was healthy and fun.


Maybe I'm just missing who the mysterious "he" is. Why does it freaking matter what other people think? Last time I checked it was your life? You have to be happy with your decisions.
The way that I live my life is that I can personally look myself in the mirror with the decisions I make. I date nilla and have actually found some darn good subs that way. I've searched for subs through this site and other means and been terribly disappointed with the quality of individual I've met. There is something refreshing with "traditional". The idea of slowly getting to know someone without worrying about this person knows my little secret is nice. You can slowly lead into there's this thing that really gets my motor running. As far as the idea that dating nilla makes me indecisive BULLSHIT with an industrial sized BULL. I know who and what I am, I also know that being true to myself means making choices to continue creating my own happiness.



Chloelicious -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/4/2006 2:03:12 AM)

Sapphirepleasure,

I think that no one should trying to tell you what to do and whom with so be yourself and if that guy is a great kind of man, knock yourself!!

When you entered the BDSm world , did you had a "bible" with meeting vanilla person is forbidden? I dont think so , then have a great time and i wish you well with this new relationship

Chloé



bignipples2share -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/4/2006 4:26:01 AM)

I think it's great. I went out with a vanilla guy, a couple of months ago. Turns out he was a switch and very comfortable with himself, I might add. Once we found out about each other, talk about fun talks. Unfortunately, we found out that we weren't going to be compatable with each other at all, but even still...such a sweetie he was.
You just never know where things are going to lead, maybe this person will be the right one for you. One of these times, invite him over and leave out some books on the subject, say on the coffee table, or end table where he's sure to notice them, as you go off to make coffee.

~Big



Level -> RE: Is a Vanilla Date a Sin? (9/4/2006 4:53:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I think in his mind I'm not being true to myself, my slave nature.  Once he gave up vanilla, he made his whole life D/s and never looked back.  For me it's not turning out to be so simple.

saph


Life is terribly short. Find pleasure and love and friendship where you can, and to hell with what others think.



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