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Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information request - 9/3/2006 6:19:49 PM

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I would very much like some feedback on the term I often read in profiles or Dominants speak of that is when a Dominant says "they can be strict". I am having a difficult time decifying this term coming from the vanilla world towards this one. I understand much of this is to the individual however I would appreciate a general universal understanding of how this 'strict' is applied within the D/s dynamic.

I would very much appreciate the 'Dominants" perspective on this please. Thank You very much in advance

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 9/3/2006 6:42:00 PM >

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 6:26:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

I would very much like some feedback on the term I often read in profiles or Dominants speak of that is when a Dominant says "they can be strict". I am having a difficult time decifying this term coming from the vanilla world towards this one. I understand much of this is to the individual however I would appreciate a general universal understanding of how this 'strict' is applied within the D/s dynamic.

I don't think there's a universal application to the term. You would be wise to inquire what their interpretation of strictness means. For one dominant it may involve a moderate level of control and restriction, another might be far more engaging about both. In a general sense I would imagine they are trying to imply that they are not overtly permissive or may be more akin to a disciplinarian per se. But again, it is always better to ask than to make an inaccurate assumption.

porcelaine

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 6:39:42 PM

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porcelaine, thanks for your input, i am researching and trying to formulate a universal understanding of this. Being new to the D/s dynamic, I look for points of reference that are good for me........... I understand extremes but there is still a point of what is rational for moi, and for that research and feedback is necessary from more that one source, and I do ask the individual Dominant/s.

(in reply to porcelaine)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 7:14:33 PM

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for me...

strict: stringently enforced
(which is actually a definition found in a typical dictionary)

example--- What is expected & what the repercussion would be for failure to comply is explained upfront & before we walk away from the conversation it is understood without any uncertainty what is expected. This agreement is strictly enforced & when I refer to myself as being strict this is what I mean. This is not to be confused with the severity of reprimand.

edited to add: don't frustrate yourself trying to universally define anything in this... there simply will NEVER be a singular, universally recognized definition for anything in this. Trust me, I've been involved for over 20 yrs from underground, to in the scene, to in the community, to being called a plethora of other things... new people come in, new ideas mix with old & new methods of determining standards is an ever evolving process.

Best thing you can do is define what things mean to you so that when you are communicating with others you are able to express what it all means to you. Be ready to receive their own understandings & in a best case scenario... you both walk away from the conversation on the same page.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 9/3/2006 7:27:03 PM >

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 7:37:07 PM

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The answer is really to ask each person what "strict" means. Alas, too few people use language precisely. I generally ask correspondents, BDSM and otherwise, about any word that they treat with importance. So, for personals, I ask people to tell me what words they use for self-description and descriptions of their desires mean.

I've been described as "strict," in vanilla life and in BDSM, because I make agreements and I honor them. Ideally, I want others to do the same. So, if you and I agree that you will, say, write "I am an orange eggplant" thirty times and deliver the lines to me by 6pm Thursday, you should do it. People frequently break their contracts, though, so that agreement generally has a second half; if you don't do it, including if you do it late, or if you do it poorly, some bad thing happens to you. I don't dishonor my agreements readily, so I don't accept many excuses. "I had a busy week" doesn't work, because you should have planned better, including not agreeing to an assignment that you couldn't do. I'm not nuts, though--if your mother dies, you can get out of your commitment to write about your orange eggplanthood.

Monica

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 11:18:58 PM

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Reposted:
Quite honestly most often its used as an empty buzzword- it sounds nice, gets attention, but doesn't really say anything.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_340675/mpage_1/key_strict/tm.htm#340965
What do you mean when you say you are strict?

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(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 11:22:47 PM

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I agree with mp072004 in terms of being 'strict'. To me it means that I expect something to be followed to the letter and spirit of the command. Oddly, to me this means even going above what I require is in violation of that. But of course doing more than commanded is better than doing less. Many times it is the exactness of the fufillment that I like so I strive to make that point clear.

< Message edited by SavageEu -- 9/3/2006 11:23:38 PM >

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 11:48:26 PM

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From my personal perspective, it means I will call a sub on not doing as she agreed to.

Every time.

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/3/2006 11:49:03 PM

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Thank You A/all for the responses, i will check back tomorrow ......... but the feedback so far has been informative.

(in reply to SavageEu)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 1:34:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

I would very much like some feedback on the term I often read in profiles or Dominants speak of that is when a Dominant says "they can be strict". I am having a difficult time decifying this term coming from the vanilla world towards this one. I understand much of this is to the individual however I would appreciate a general universal understanding of how this 'strict' is applied within the D/s dynamic.

I would very much appreciate the 'Dominants" perspective on this please. Thank You very much in advance

I've met self described 'strict' doms and had a chuckle. I've met doms that call themselves 'strict' and said 'hey not for me'. It's all relative.

Play. Play safe, unless you don't want to of course.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 3:57:53 AM

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As LA has stated, it's mostly a buzz-word. All those years ago, I had it in my very first profile as it seemed like something a Dom should state - wearing the uniform, so to speak....

The written media is limited in presenting oneself via a profile but now that I've matured, it seems a silly thing to say. I know how to take charge of my girl in r/l and doubtless I'm often strict with her, esp if she's got a bit of attitude, but to now have it in my profile would make me feel pathetic and insecure. Roaring aloud and beating one's chest via buzz-words etc is for the "young turks" - I'm wayyy past that!

Hmmmm, at least I hope so.... Haven't actually read my profile in yonks - better go check before some wag catches me out with my own words.... lol

Focus.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 4:38:07 AM

LeatherLord2003

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I have to be honest, (only way I know to be anyways), I went and read my profile to see if I used the word strict... and I did in this context.... Then I asked myself what I meant...exactly.... What I meant was this, I would do what ever was most effective for the person I am with. If that meant a leather strap leaving welts, then that is what it would be, if it meant making sure that she knows I am disappointed, that she has not pleased, ( which most often is the most effective, she would beg for the strap instead of having to endure me not being pleased), then that is what it would be.. Bottom line is, she would feel it one way or the other and know she would not want to revisit it again. So like the others that have posted, I believe it varies from person to person on both sides of the coin, but bottom line strict for me is, I will stand true to my word.

< Message edited by LeatherLord2003 -- 9/4/2006 4:54:18 AM >

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 12:03:45 PM

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Ok it may be a buzz word to some, that is relative to the individuals and I am not concerned if it is buzzed out or not. For the ones that use it and have explained their use of it, I thank You each. You have given me insight and that is what the inquiry was about.

Thank You once again.

(in reply to LeatherLord2003)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 4:55:33 PM

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When I read strict, what I hear is that he doesn't care if you're late because you had a flat tire, if you have to cancel because of a sick family member etc. It seems, as Focus said, to be used more by new doms who are trying to talk the talk.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/4/2006 7:25:49 PM

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Celeste, i have seen many Dominants that have been in the lifestyle for 10, 15 + years use this term still. I would never go so far as to assume that they don't. And personally I don't care who does and who doesn't, I am rather more interested in what and how it is applied by 'Dominants/Masters' in the D/s dynamic that do use it (as per the initial inquiry). I do thank you for your input though.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 9/4/2006 7:28:22 PM >

(in reply to Celeste43)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/5/2006 3:58:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

Celeste, i have seen many Dominants that have been in the lifestyle for 10, 15 + years use this term still. I would never go so far as to assume that they don't. And personally I don't care who does and who doesn't, I am rather more interested in what and how it is applied by 'Dominants/Masters' in the D/s dynamic that do use it (as per the initial inquiry). I do thank you for your input though.

Well this is quite different to your OP....!?!

I'm certainly not the only one who got side-tracked by your mention of "strict" in a context of *profiles*, which is where my reply was founded, but it seems that's now totally inconsequential...? Indeed, you don't even care who does or doesn't.... lol

"Strict" in a relationship sense is a matter of what level of behaviour and performance a Dom will accept from his sub. If she's bratty and I don't put a stop to it A), I'm hardly being strict with her and B), the brattiness will only get worse and we'll both end up miserable!

If I give my girl a task to perform, it's secondary whether she achieves the set goal or not. What I'm really looking for is how hard she tries to succeed, which is an insight to her general attitude and determination. But I'll push her anyway, occasionally even drive her to tears, because I want her trying her best to please me despite it being an inbuilt sub need anyway....

But I think it mostly applies to the general nature of the everyday D/s dynamic.... Those doms who aren't "strict" can expect the boundaries to get pushed more often by their sub and it isn't the sub's fault. It's up to said dom to decide what he'll tolerate and almost all will say they're strict - especially the newbies putting up a profile.... But I think those with more experience and confidence know it doesn't need to be said; that actions speak louder than words....

And it doesn't take a genius to act overly strict to the point of just being an arsehole; indeed, that's more the realm of the clueless! There never seems to be much room between dynamic extremes, dammit!

Focus.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/5/2006 7:21:44 AM

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Well focus.. I see you ridiculing people that use the word "strict", and how you are above all that. I hear you. Good for you. But I do not see you with a sub. So I am curious how your approach is any better than theirs?

Incidentally, I do use the word strict. Now, I am not seeking. I do not want anyone from online. Not now. Not ever. But I do have a profile to describe who I am and strict is one of my characteristics. I set out a list of expectations and I expect My sub to follow them, no excuses. If she does not, I will discipline accordingly. I am firm, but fair. I am a man of My word, I expect My sub to be a woman of hers. Zero tolerance. So, in that way I am strict.

Am I puffing out My chest? No. Why? Because I do not give a shit what you or anyone else thinks. See My sig. I put the words in there that I felt best describes Me, and if you like it, contact Me and we can become friends. If not, there are plenty of other people to talk to.

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(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/5/2006 7:29:55 AM

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I had trouble with this term when I first joined this site...smiles... I thought perhaps you might want to see some of the responses I got when I asked the same question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_340675/mpage_1/key_strict/tm.htm#340675

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(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/5/2006 5:52:39 PM

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OMG Focus, yes the orginal post is the same inquiry as the second. However. trying to maintain 'focus' on the original inquiry is: For those Dominants that use the word strict how do they apply it in their D/s relationship. The inquiries are the same different wording prehaps.

The question was asked, I requested perspective from Dominants/Masters that use the term and their application of it so to speak; I did NOT nor did I request a bunch of opinions thrown in as matter of factly statements. Hence, if a Dominant uses the term or not it is irrelevant (reverting away from the opinions of those that seem to have an opinion). I requested information from those that do........ how simple is that.

Now with that out of the way, focus on the question at hand please. I did not request a bunch of opinions.

Thank You Everyone that responded to the question, it has come clearer to me.

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 9/5/2006 6:09:06 PM >

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RE: Dominant's application of 'strict' - Information re... - 9/6/2006 4:59:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Well focus.. I see you ridiculing people that use the word "strict", and how you are above all that.

Well kenin.. My post was mostly personal opinion and partly unabashed generalisation - NOT aimed to ridicule any individual, not even subtly or covertly. And I didn't say I was above it, I said I'd moved passed it - big difference!

quote:

But I do not see you with a sub.

You're in Canada, I'm in Oz - so (surprise, surprise) I don't see you with a sub, either!

quote:

Incidentally, I do use the word strict. Now, I am not seeking. I do not want anyone from online. Not now. Not ever.

So you're saying those who use the word "strict" in their profile are the "real-lifers" of BDSM?

quote:

But I do have a profile to describe who I am and strict is one of my characteristics.

I'll wager "strict" is a characteristic of almost every Dom/me.

quote:

Am I puffing out My chest? No. Why? Because I do not give a shit what you or anyone else thinks. See My sig. I put the words in there that I felt best describes Me, and if you like it, contact Me and we can become friends. If not, there are plenty of other people to talk to.

Best for last....
For someone who apparently doesn't give a shit about what I think (and just about everything else), I sure got under your skin without even trying.... Lol, of course you've got "strict" in your profile!

Focus.

(in reply to SirKenin)

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