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Najakcharmer -> RE: Why Mistresses are all just about money ! (9/30/2006 5:45:37 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Saint
That being said, why is it that the majority of Dommes I meet who are not a Pro, no sooner meet you, than their hand is in your wallet?
Possibly because you've attracted some gold digger types. Also possibly because the overall infrastructure of this society as a whole tends to keep men in the higher income brackets and women in the lower income brackets. There are exceptions to the rule, and this isn't an excuse for a woman not to seek to better herself to the level of her personal ambition and ability. But overall there does tend to be a social expectation of ":man as primary breadwinner", and women are taught that a man's interest in them and respect for them is measured at least in part by what they are willing to spend on her.
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All I want is a relationship with someone who is respectful, who is driven in their life to better themselves. I am busting my chops to eat healthier, to work out, to not smoke anymore, to get a career going so that I can have more in my life. I am doing all that and sacrificing a great deal to get there. And yet, the need to submit is strong. So why should I want someone who is not willing to sacrifice as much in their life? Why should I want to do all these things for someone, if their lifes ambition is to get promoted another 25 cents per hour at CostCo?
So you are basically seeking a female partner who is in your income bracket and social/professional bracket or higher. There's nothing wrong with having those standards, though it will tend to statistically limit your choice of partners rather significantly.
On the fitness thing, I concur. I would have a very hard time living with a partner who was not committed to maintaining his health and fitness. It's a hard enough job looking out for mine without bad influences in my life. LOL
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I dont want anyones money, I dont want to ride in anyones slipstream, but I sure as hell want someone who is a success story in their life. I want to submit to a strong woman who is Dominant in all areas of her life, not just those areas involving what money I can bring her or what things I can buy for her.
What is a success story? One of my colleagues lives (literally) in a hut and makes a fairly small salary as the primary on site researcher in a national park, but he is one of the most eminent and respected people in the world in his field. In fact in many ways his name is synonymous with the field itself. I would call him a success story from my point of view. You might not, if your values are based on financial rather than academic achievement.
Cultural and media messages bombarding us from childhood lead women to expect a man to be the primary provider. The measure of the love and regard he has for her is in part what he brings home to support the household. This expectation may be not only cultural, but may well have some roots in our biology and evolution. Fighting against those deeply ingrained expectations is definitely a brisk swim upstream.
I can understand where you're coming from, but personally I would be turned off in very short order by a man who was unwilling to share what he had. I am willing to share what I have; if that sentiment is not returned, then it's obvious that he doesn't value or appreciate me and the relationship is not worth pursuing. I don't think I'm a gold digger. I've only had one sub/partner in my life who made more than I did, and income has never been one of my criteria for a relationship other than "please be basically self supporting". I don't judge men based on their income, so it would annoy me to date someone who judged me for my financial success (which is small to moderate) rather than my academic success in a specialty field (which is respectable). I would drop such a person like a hot potato if they expected me to change my career goals to pursue more money and less obscure science, because I care a lot more about the latter than the former. Life is too short to let some man trash my niftiest career opportunities because he thinks I'd be a more worthy person if I brought home a bigger paycheck. [:'(]
I used to be quite adamant about wanting to pay for everything because I was the Domme, but after a bad experience or two I found that I preferred that the dynamic of showing that you value and appreciate the other person by spending money on them works best for me when it goes both ways. The actual dollar value doesn't matter, but I like to have that dynamic expressed and for it to go both ways so that we are both showing we value each other by small gifts, going out to dinner, etc. It feels wrong for me personally at this point not to have that dynamic going both ways, and I would definitely drop a relationship where that wasn't working.
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