1. Meet in a public place.
   
2. Make sure someone knows where you are and, if you change places, where you're going.
   
3. Set up a safe call where you call a friend at a certain time as well as when you get home so that they know you're ok. Beforehand, let them know who you are meeting (you should have a real name before you meet and a decent picture).
4. Make sure you have a contact number for the person you're meeting (most people have cell numbers these days). Call it before meeting to make sure it's the person you're meeting.
5. Don't go somewhere private on the first date.
6. If you feel at all uneasy with the person, follow your gut.
7. The first time you play (or even the first few times), do it in a public setting (meaning at a local group).
8. Don't accept a collar right away and certainly don't move in right away. You wouldn't get engaged within a month's time, usually, nor would you go to live with a boyfriend in a short amount of time either.
9. Really look for someone who is a match for what you want and need. Don't settle. Yes, this will make your search longer. It's worth it in the end.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I know that you will most likely be bombarded by suggestions of Mentors/Protectors and Safewords and Safecalls....to all of that I say...pfffffttttt. There are far too many that want to Protect their way into your pants. Safewords and Safecalls will not help you if you have made a poor decision and find yourself bound and at the hands of a psychopath.

Understand from the beginning that the world of BDSM is really no different than the vanilla world. You are not going to find some supreme group of more honorable, more honest or more trustworthy people here than you will anywhere else. If anything, you will find that this realm, especially where newbies are concerned,  provides fertile ground for predators who are looking for easy prey. Too often new submissives get right in line to volunteer to be someone's victim.

The best way to protect yourself is to use all of the tools you have available. Common sense...keep it finely honed. Don't make quick decisions....make informed ones. Let your head be your guide...not your hormones. LISTEN to your inner voice....if it tells you something is not quite right....don't second guess it. Take your time! Get to know the people you interact with well....before you are naked and bound.

Come on in, the water is fine....but keep in mind that there are as many sharks here as there are on any other beach.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

A ‘safe call’ is defined as a person or persons of you’re choosing who you have entrusted with your personal safety while visiting or meeting a third party. This person (or persons) has access to all of the information in regards to your trip, the person you are meeting, as well as your personal information. This person should live within a practical distance of where you will be staying. You must have complete trust in this person as they will need access to very personal information about yourself and the person/s whom you are meeting. Do not have your safety call chosen for you!
If you have the slightest doubt that a person can not or will not be able to handle the responsibilities of a safe call, DO NOT use them. Being a safe call is NOT a responsibility to be taken lightly. They are responsible for the your personal safety and well being. They may be required at any point in time to drop everything to come to your aid, or give up Saturday night plans with friends to wait by the phone. In a worse case situation, they literally have information which may save your life. Therefore, to put it bluntly, your life may be in their hands. Be honest with yourself and all parties involved. Watch for ‘Red Flags’, which are early signs that you may be putting yourself at risk.


Medical
Medical Documentation-Be prepared to present and ask for medical documentation of state of health. Someone serious about you would be willing to provide this as well. (Example: Have a full check-up and STD check before you leave, ask your doctor to provide the documentation in written form on letterhead and ask the same of your partner. Better to be embarrassed asking for this, than risk your life. Someone who truly cares for you WILL PROVIDE this information. ( If they do not, that is a major red flag. Do not continue.)
Health Insurance-Carry health insurance at all times. You never know when accidents may happen, both in a scene and outside of it. Healthcare can be extremely expensive if you are not covered for the area in which you are staying. Even the most practiced  lifestyler can have accidents.


Personal Information
Photographs-Give your safe call a photo of yourself, and of the person whom you’re meeting. Where possible have your partner’s passport information, driver’s permit info or social security (social insurance) number. (Example: In the event that police or other authorities must be involved it is important you have an up to date photograph to show them. If your partner does not provide this, this is a red flag. Do not continue any further. )
Travel Plans-Give your safe call information on how you are getting there, and a timeline. Make phone calls at each destination so they know where you are at all times (Example: If you are traveling by plane, call before you depart, and when you arrive. Call them when you arrive at your destination. If you are going out for the night to a club, call again and let them know.)
Next of Kin-Give your safe call next of kin information, as well as the number for local police. In case your safe call can not get a hold of you they can inform your next of kin as well as local authorities, having a recent photograph as well as personal information of your partner is a must in these situations.
Customs Agents-When you are traveling, if you must go through customs bring with you a copy of information on who you are going to see, where and how long you will be there. They may call to verify this information. DO NOT tell them you have met this person online. Make up a story if you must. (College room-mate, family etc.) Do not pack items such as toys that you can not easily replace. Remove batteries from your sex toys.  Some items may not be allowed on planes. Go early. You may request that security search your bags privately, or early enough to avoid embarrassment.


Safety First
Public Place-Always meet in a public place, or neutral territory. This gives you a chance to ‘feel them out’ and listen to your instincts. A public place allows for a certain comfort level as well it is much easier to avoid situations which might cause a ‘scene’ and draw attention. Worse case, there are numerous people around to call on for help. For safety reasons, this is a must. (If they refuse this is a red flag, do not continue.)
Instincts-Trust your gut. If it says go, then go. We all have instincts and that ‘gut feeling’ about someone. If your instincts say something isn’t right, it’s best to be safe. I would rather apologize to someone for having to leave, and seeming rude than put myself in a dangerous situation. If your partner truly cares they will understand.
Telephone-Carry a cell phone, even if you have to borrow one, do not depend on someone else’s phone or a public telephone. (Example: If you need to leave quickly, or your safe call must get a hold of you ASAP using someone’s house phone may not be practical. A payphone may not be nearby or you may not have change.)
Code Words/Passwords-Make up code words and specific times you will call or your safe call will call you. Try to personalize this as much as possible so your partner isn’t aware of your code words/passwords. (Example: Safe call will call you three hours after your arrival. They may ask you a question, based on previously agreed on code, your answer tells them your comfort level. “Safe Call- “What colour of dress should I wear on my date tonight?” Red=Come and Get me NOW Yellow=I’m uncomfortable but ok, call me again shortly, Green=Everything is great, no need to worry)
Alternative Accommodations-Set up a secondary place to stay just in case you are not comfortable with your original arrangements. You are not obligated to stay where you are not comfortable. If for any reason you feel you must leave, it is a good idea to have an alternative place to stay.
Panic Kit-Carry a pouch which contains everything you will need in the event of an emergency. Credit cards, travel cheques or cash if you must. Write the name of your safe call down, as well as their address, phone number and directions. Add  any other important information you might need. Remember to plan for the Panic factor. You may blank out, having the info written down helps. (Example: Something unexpected happens, or you must leave quickly, you panic, and can’t remember where to go or who to call. You have the means to get to your safe call or sit in a public place, or perhaps get a hotel room for the night. Even if you blank out and panic in a situation you have all of the information on hand and don’t have to think on the spot)

Sex and Scenes
Obligation-Remember meeting does not obligate you to have sex, or scene. Just because you or your partner have invested time and money in meeting it does not in any way make you obligated to do or be anything for them. This happens more often than we would care to believe. (If you are feeling pressured, this is a red flag, do not continue.)
Scenes-Never do a bondage scene or hard play at the beginning of a relationship. You do not want to be in a situation where either your judgment is impaired or your ability to get to your safe call is impaired. No matter how much you trust them online, offline you should treat the situation as it is in reality. You do not know them, and trust must be earned. ( If they pressure you into hard play, this is a red flag. Do not continue.) (Example: You have been tied to the bed, something goes wrong how do you escape?)
Limits-Have a written set of limits or D.s application. You wouldn’t allow a doctor to operate on you without your medical history. Do not scene with anyone who does not know your limits. What may not be a limit to you, may be a hard limit with me. As well it helps to know what you enjoy and what you don’t. What you have experience with and what you do not. A first meeting is not the time to explore a new kink/fetish/limit.
Be Prepared- In cases where a scene may be possible, remember to either carry your own supplies, or be prepared to buy them. Do NOT use any props or toys that are not your own, or have not been purchased while you are there. Remember to bring items such as condoms, dental dams, lubrication, rubber gloves, or any other such medical saftey item. Even if you do not think a scene may happen, be prepared for it. You do NOT want to use the excuse “well it just happened” later. Be prepared for anything.


Written by: Milady Silvermoon -04/30/04-

quote:

ORIGINAL: Silvermoon

Noah, I don't disagree with you. But let's face it..not everyone has/listens to, common sense. I don't promote meeting people you don't know, and I ESPECIALLY don't promote playing with them or having sex with them. And, in my area, women HAVE gone missing and some have been found. Too late. Overall purpose of that article, think ahead, be as prepared as you can, take responsibility for your safety.

"Be honest with yourself and all parties involved. Watch for ‘Red Flags’, which are early signs that you may be putting yourself at risk. "

People don't always make safe and sane choices. And many people 'jump into things'. If you're going to. It's good advice, Better advice is STAY HOME. But they don't listen now do they?

Smiles

Silver