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question about punishment - 10/8/2006 8:41:08 AM

pyrobabe

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

This is a question to all dominates out there... when you are meeting and interviewing sub/slaves on here when do you start punishing them? Here is an example... say you've given a sub/slave an assignment and he didn't complete it so you punish them for not doing it right. Or since you are just interviewing them do you just let it pass with say a warning or what not. Just curious as to when you all start and how you deal with training. It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink... but before you punish them they are all "I will do everything you say and I'll do what ever you want" and my favorite saying so far is "actions speak louder than words." Anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it on this site? When they ask to be trained our first step is to give them chores and if the don't do them they get punished we also tell them the rules and we stick by them and punishment is proveable by webcam, something written on paper etc.... Just curious... thank you all for replying.

Post #: 1

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 8:55:17 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

when you are meeting and interviewing sub/slaves on here when do you start punishing them?

I mean no offense by this because its obvious that your question is legit, but

I would be concerned if someone who was INTERVIEWING me still started to dish out punishments. An interview is just that. An interview. It gives no one the right to dictate punishment onto me.

quote:

It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink.

Perhaps its because they feel the same way. That you do not yet have the right to punish them.

quote:

When they ask to be trained our first step

Asking to be trained and still being in the interview stages are two totally different things.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 2

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:04:16 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I have to admit that when interviewing if a Dom became more demanding than the relationship warranted I simply said good bye and left. I have been in a relationship for several months now and while i have had some punishment up until now our relationship did not dicatate the acceptance of a lot of punishment. Now i am having to work on my sassy "Mash" sense of humor (as in the tv show). Now i get punished and it is deserved because i don't always think before speaking. An example is at the munch the other night the waitress was refilling ice tea. She said to the ice tea drinkers in the group you all are all unsweatened right. I popped up with "Ain't that the truth"! Immediately knew that was not the thing to say right then LOL and several Doms looked at my Dom who gave me that look and laughed saying yep she wrote a big check then. It was funny but probably not the best thing to say and i would say more than one sub/slave is in trouble for snickering. Anyway had we been interviewing for the job i might have been fired then or i might not have accepted that there will be a consequence for my impulsiveness. As it is now i accept whatever He chooses for me. God i am glad He has a sense of humor!!!!!!!

< Message edited by diamonddreamlove -- 10/8/2006 9:05:43 AM >

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 3

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:14:25 AM

Iskander

Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

*chuckle* some people just have no sense of humour...

Iskander..

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 4

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:18:02 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

If you're meeting and interviewing, I'm supposing that these are very early stages of getting to know someone. I'm actually quite curious about the type of assignments you're speaking of in those circumstances, and why give them.

If someone is still at *interviewing* stage I'd find it a bit difficult to understand how they'd already KNOW that they'd* do everything you say and everything you want*.

All the rules, chores and punishments in the world can't replace simply getting to know someone in all contexts not just a D/s one.

agirl

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 5

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:23:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You guys are establishing authority protocols with people you're only interviewing and knowing through online and you wonder why it's not going to a seriouis level?

I put time and energy into giving tasks to my partners ONLY when we've been together a long and serious enough of a time to make some form of mutual commitment to eachother that I feel is solid. Before that, I'm not going to waste my time and energy.

After that, they've agreed to follow my authority and face the consequences of that authority.

Your dom has so many years experience and has had so many subs before- why hasn't he been able to sustain a long term relationship to the point and why does he seem to be going about finding partners in the way that everyone IN serious relationships will say is the WORST way to go about things?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 6

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:27:10 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You guys are establishing authority protocols with people you're only interviewing and knowing through online and you wonder why it's not going to a seriouis level?

I put time and energy into giving tasks to my partners ONLY when we've been together a long and serious enough of a time to make some form of mutual commitment to eachother that I feel is solid. Before that, I'm not going to waste my time and energy.

After that, they've agreed to follow my authority and face the consequences of that authority.

Your dom has so many years experience and has had so many subs before- why hasn't he been able to sustain a long term relationship to the point and why does he seem to be going about finding partners in the way that everyone IN serious relationships will say is the WORST way to go about things?

Nicely said LA

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 9:59:43 AM

Iskander

Posts: 264
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe
It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink...

You're not punishing them hard enough..
Lay the boot in hard...

Iskander...

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 8

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 10:05:41 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iskander

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe
It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink...

You're not punishing them hard enough..
Lay the boot in hard...

Iskander...

/chuckles and shakes head in amusement

Iskander, you can be such an ass at times lol

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to Iskander)

Post #: 9

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 11:17:11 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

When Master was learning me, prior to owning me, prior to even training me, he told me some things he wanted me to write out about myself. I did it, because I also wanted to share that part of me with him. He made it clear that until I was under his formal authority, he had no claims on me, and could make no demands of me. The subject of punishment never came up. If he had requested something of me and I didn't do it, then he would ask what about that task concerned me enough to choose not to do it. He got to know me, and got to know how my mind worked. In this way, he could determine if I was even a good fit for him - certainly if the things he wanted of me troubled me greatly, then it wasn't a good match. If over time I consistently chose not to meet his requests (and they were fairly mild at the time), it would be clear that I wasn't very interested in his authority over me and he would have eventually lost interest. If it appeared that I wasn't interested in him, he would not waste his time pursuing me.

Punishment was never even considered that early in the relationship. There wasn't even a relationship yet. Conversation did, though, and lots of it.

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 10

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 12:16:31 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I don't "punish" in so much as I let them know what they've done that has displeased me...then I take away a privledge. For example, I have daily contact as an important part of my structure. If they miss daily contact, then I don't allow them daily contact for X amount of days. If this means something to them, we are much closer to being a match. If this doesn't have meaning (which you can tell by the fact they blow it off and/or leave), then know we aren't a match and move on. Doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry, sad or hurt, just that now I know.

I start doing this when I start feeling a bond. This differs with different people. I have yet to feel truly bonded to someone I've met online and haven't met in person. So, I supposed until we both have made some commitment to see if the relationship could develop, I don't do it. In the end, we simply cannot force people to do anything, even slaves. They have to decide to do it, in some way. If they don't want to do whatever in order to please me, they're not a match.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 10/8/2006 12:20:21 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 11

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 2:01:09 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(quick reply)

During an interview process there may be some things that are discussed and asked for. If these simple things can not be done, I just do not pursue it. But these things are in the manner of, time to discuss, get to know one another, communication, etc. What type of tasks are you talking about? Information, time to talk, etc? Or are these tasks that would be considered play or control?

I would agree that if it is a form of play or control prior to when that has been established and agreed upon, you may be faced with those who do not want to continue because it's too much too soon.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 12

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 3:45:14 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

If they want to punish me for something that soon.. i would have to bat my eye lashes and say "ooooh baby, are you getting kinky with me????"

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 13

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 4:07:36 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe

This is a question to all dominates out there... when you are meeting and interviewing sub/slaves on here when do you start punishing them? Here is an example... say you've given a sub/slave an assignment and he didn't complete it so you punish them for not doing it right. Or since you are just interviewing them do you just let it pass with say a warning or what not. Just curious as to when you all start and how you deal with training. It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink... but before you punish them they are all "I will do everything you say and I'll do what ever you want" and my favorite saying so far is "actions speak louder than words." Anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it on this site? When they ask to be trained our first step is to give them chores and if the don't do them they get punished we also tell them the rules and we stick by them and punishment is proveable by webcam, something written on paper etc.... Just curious... thank you all for replying.

this slave would first have to ask you what you consider to be the interview stage? Is it far enough in the relationship to assume that another would accept such punishments? Or is it still in the 'getting to know you' stage?

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 14

RE: question about punishment - 10/8/2006 7:42:56 PM

thisishis

Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe

This is a question to all dominates out there... when you are meeting and interviewing sub/slaves on here when do you start punishing them? Here is an example... say you've given a sub/slave an assignment and he didn't complete it so you punish them for not doing it right. Or since you are just interviewing them do you just let it pass with say a warning or what not.

Those who 'interviewed' in my case, understood that they were also being interviewed.
They also either had enough sense to understand on their own, or had it spelled out clearly to them if need be, that i was not *their* property at that point, and that they'd not yet aquired the consent needed to punish and/or anything else which i'd not consented to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe
Just curious as to when you all start and how you deal with training.

my 'training' started the moment i consented to my Master having voiced His decision to own me.... and is a never ending process.

How He dealt with training: By explaining that my opinions are valued and appreciated and i am expected to share them. And by explaining that my sharing them did not mean that He had to comply with them or accept them or make His decisions based on them. It was explained that my opinions would be given concideration and that He would has the final say regarding everything, and all final decision making power.
Also, training includes punishment and disapline. Punishment is never anything that i enjoy. Punishment is not given lightly. Any punishment received is 'well earned'. Both are used as a means for teaching, in their own ways.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe
It been my experience thus far that once you try and punish them... they disappear faster then you can blink... but before you punish them they are all "I will do everything you say and I'll do what ever you want" and my favorite saying so far is "actions speak louder than words."

Not enough info offered here. This is during or after the interview? Before or after they have agreed to be your property (slave/sub pick your own label, of course)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyrobabe
Anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it on this site? When they ask to be trained our first step is to give them chores and if the don't do them they get punished we also tell them the rules and we stick by them and punishment is proveable by webcam, something written on paper etc.... Just curious... thank you all for replying.

Ahh. i see.
Nope. i just don't.
i've never participated in the online M/s stuff. It does nothing for me. i need my M/s to be in the flesh.
It's not my kink & therefore is not a topic of which i'd be willing to discuss here as it's far too likely to ruffle a few feathers and offend those for which is does do something for ....

< Message edited by thisishis -- 10/8/2006 7:52:53 PM >

_____________________________

Sincerely, his

How I'm kept busy these days: http://modelmayhem.com/member.php?id=368120

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 15

RE: question about punishment - 10/10/2006 1:06:48 AM

pyrobabe

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

I always try to get to know the person that I'm talking to thats always the very first step. I think that is the most important step as well as building trust... without trust you can't have any kind of relationship. I know that with every person every step is different, but how long do you stay in the interviewing stage? I guess I'm talking about after you get a good feeling about who they are and such. If they are having a problem with something I usually give them an assignment/advice that involves helping themselves out more then it helps me. If it even has anything to do with me.

So far I've learned that I need to be a little more precise on what stage we are in. I definately don't just start handing out punishments... but I like what MasterFireMaam has to say.

" I don't "punish" in so much as I let them know what they've done that has displeased me...then I take away a privledge. For example, I have daily contact as an important part of my structure. If they miss daily contact, then I don't allow them daily contact for X amount of days. If this means something to them, we are much closer to being a match. If this doesn't have meaning (which you can tell by the fact they blow it off and/or leave), then know we aren't a match and move on. Doesn't mean it doesn't make me angry, sad or hurt, just that now I know."

I haven't tried a daily contact time, but it sounds like a good idea.

I also think this is a great idea from ownedgirlie.

"He made it clear that until I was under his formal authority, he had no claims on me, and could make no demands of me. The subject of punishment never came up. If he had requested something of me and I didn't do it, then he would ask what about that task concerned me enough to choose not to do it. He got to know me, and got to know how my mind worked. In this way, he could determine if I was even a good fit for him - certainly if the things he wanted of me troubled me greatly, then it wasn't a good match. If over time I consistently chose not to meet his requests (and they were fairly mild at the time), it would be clear that I wasn't very interested in his authority over me and he would have eventually lost interest. If it appeared that I wasn't interested in him, he would not waste his time pursuing me. Punishment was never even considered that early in the relationship. There wasn't even a relationship yet. Conversation did, though, and lots of it."

"He made it clear that until I was under his formal authority, he had no claims on me, and could make no demands of me." This is very true... but with this one person I thought we were well passed the interview stage we were talking for 9 months and he did all the assignments... we had him under consideration he was saying he wanted to be trained by me so training started and everything went straight to hell. I don't think he understood what he wanted or enough about the lifestyle and the more I tried to explain the more dense he seem to get. no offense to him if he reads this. He must have claimed 50 times that "all he wanted to do was be at my feet and serve me." That is a quote from him. Though Master and him kinda had a fight... so things start to go bad there... (long story) More or less that is where it started to dissolve between those two i think.

Also from thisishis,

By explaining that my opinions are valued and appreciated and i am expected to share them. And by explaining that my sharing them did not mean that He had to comply with them or accept them or make His decisions based on them. It was explained that my opinions would be given concideration and that He would has the final say regarding everything, and all final decision making power. Also, training includes punishment and disapline. Punishment is never anything that i enjoy. Punishment is not given lightly. Any punishment received is 'well earned'. Both are used as a means for teaching, in their own ways.

Yes, this is very important and expected as well. I was trying to teach the person above this and it just went over there head and kept right on going....

I typically get to know them and give them little assignments that help themselves and if they do them I take that to mean they are serious and then after they do a few and then they don't do an assignment that is when I usually punish them... but I think I'm going to rethink that. What are your thoughts on that approach? If you want to know more about the assignments I'm a positive person so typically the first thing I teach a sub/slave is how to be postive and how to get what you want. I usually teach affirmations and meditation. I try to help them help themselves so if they aren't going to come and live with me they have at least learned something that will help them in the long run... maybe that is a bad approach. Any thoughts?

What i've learned thus far is I need to rethink my approach and be more clear with the other person on where we are at. I think I was kinda forgetting about what its like to be on the other side. This is a good wake up call. Thanks for all your replies and tips more are welcome.

I hope I haven't left anything out and that I've answered everyone's questions... if not please ask again and I will try to reply the best I can.

(in reply to thisishis)

Post #: 16

RE: question about punishment - 10/10/2006 3:20:49 AM

sirrand

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Lucky

We have met you before. Good to forum with you again.

I set slave carol the task of finding other potential slaves, to teach her how hard it is to find an appropriate slave, and to be sure of compatibility with them and us. This method of teaching also mitigates jealousy and envy, since I have made her responsible for teaching the new slaves what is expected of them, by letting her weed through the ones that don’t fit. I am not trying to corner the market on good slaves, because slave carol is defiantly a good one and I doubt I will find a better one, but because we were moving to another country and needed more help running the houses and my businesses we needed more slaves. I could hire out but I prefer having slaves around me. Since slave carol is the alpha slave, as well as all new slave’s Mistress, if they turn out to be more of a pain then a help… well she has to deal with it.

I have had quite a few slaves over the years and they have moved on to lead other lives.
I train them to grow into being Dommes. I stopped having slaves for a while until I met slave carol and realized what I missed about being a Master.

Sir Rand

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: question about punishment - 10/10/2006 2:34:48 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

I give assignments as part of the interview process, the natural consequence of a poorly done or neglected assignment is I stop working from my end until such a time as they resume making effort I feel is worthy of attention.
It's not punishment it's a natural consequence of their lack of seriousness in completeing a basic assignment.

BTW every assignment I give in an interview type situation is designed to tell me if this person is right for me and if I am right for them.
So basicly any failure or sloppyness in effort tells me they are not taking negotiations seriously so why should I?

< Message edited by Archer -- 10/10/2006 2:35:38 PM >

(in reply to sirrand)

Post #: 18

RE: question about punishment - 10/11/2006 3:58:58 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I wouldn't even consider punishing a sub/slave for not doing something you had set them if they were not mine to punish in the first place. I'd say the best you can do is tell the sub you were unhappy with them for not complying with you and saying that if they -were- yours to punish then they would be in trouble.

HalloweenWhite.

(in reply to pyrobabe)

Post #: 19

RE: question about punishment - 10/11/2006 10:27:14 AM

makwa

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline

i don't know for us i am very thankful he took time to get to know me. (we both had time to get to know eachother) he treats and treated me very well. i am his babydoll and he loves me for that. i don't think i would have looked at him the same if he demaded me to behave a certain way. we took time to know what we both wanted and how we felt. i know he is head of house and i am his.

so maybe just a thought take your time ( a few months of meeting) to gain that trust. i mean isn't that part of this life? trust

good luck

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 20

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