RE: That "Why" Question (Full Version)

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BitaTruble -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/19/2006 10:25:20 PM)

quote:



If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?





I used to be very comfortable asking Master 'why' to just about anything. It was a zone in which I still had some control and where I could still set the parameters.

I pretty much came to discover that asking him 'why' entailed an unspoken grab for power.

Why can't you..

Why don't you..

Why did you..

Why should I..

... and so on and so forth.  That said, I pretty much already know 'why' he tells me, commands me, compels me. It's because he can, he wishes it, he wants it, he needs it .. and 'just because he said so' is a mighty fine reason in any event.

Rather than ask Himself 'why', I'm much more likely to ask myself.. 'why not?'

I truly look upon 'why' as being equivalant to 'no, not until I determine that your reasons are valid and sound and that I fully understand them' .. and if I had to do a whole lot of that, I'd say I was with the wrong Master. I didn't jump right in and give up all my 'whys' though.. it's something that I was finally able to let go of after several years together. I honestly can't recall the last time I asked him "why".

Celeste

edited to add: You may be able to ask the mods to move this thread .. it's worthy of General BDSM discussion and it would be a shame if it didn't get the exposure it deserves.



juliaoceania -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/19/2006 10:43:43 PM)

How does one ask the mods to move it?

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles



BitaTruble -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/19/2006 10:53:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

How does one ask the mods to move it?


You could try emailing Mod 1 on the other side. Or, make one of those huge font requests in purple or something.. that usually gets their attention. ::chuckles::

quote:

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles


Why... why..

thank you. [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

Celeste



juliaoceania -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/19/2006 11:22:38 PM)

I reported  it.. so we shall see[:D]

Still thinking



Level -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 4:11:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I guess my questions are as follows:

If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?



I do not mind being asked "why" as long as it's done respectfully.



Level -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 4:13:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

How does one ask the mods to move it?

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles


Or just repost the question to where you want it, shouldn't be a problem.



twicehappy -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 5:08:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


Why can't you..Why don't you..Why did you..Why should I..

... and so on and so forth.  That said, I pretty much already know 'why' he tells me, commands me, compels me. It's because he can, he wishes it, he wants it, he needs it .. and 'just because he said so' is a mighty fine reason in any event.

Rather than ask Himself 'why', I'm much more likely to ask myself.. 'why not?'

I truly look upon 'why' as being equivalant to 'no, not until I determine that your reasons are valid and sound and that I fully understand them' .. and if I had to do a whole lot of that, I'd say I was with the wrong Master.


Perfectly put as usual. I no longer ask these questions myself, they say do, i go do, period. 



Kalira -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 6:43:00 AM)

quote:

If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?

Absolutly. Though, naturally, it is up to him if he wants to tell me a specific reason behind it or not, but I always question things. I have been fortunate in the past that this curiosity was not frowned upon, but instead encouraged; and I am fortunate now that the one I am speaking to now is of the same mindset.



ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 7:32:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?


I don't mind if my property asks me "why". It's appropriate in my relationships, but YMMV.

I may or may not answer them, to my discretion. If I feel it's a situation for them to just do, I will let them know exactly that. I don't repeat myself often, however. They learn when it is OK to ask and when I expect obedience without questions.

Regards,
EO



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 7:32:59 AM)

And, again in theory, most masters CLAIM they want an intelligent slave.  Asking questions, inquistiveness, curiosity, ability and desire to understand complex dynamics are all key hallmarks of being intelligent.

So is knowing when it's appropriate and when it isn't.

Asking why isn't always an attempt at grabbing power- sometimes it can be an attempt to serve better.



CreativeDominant -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 7:41:40 AM)

I think timing and context are essential considerations in this area.

I tend to be like Bita's Him in this...at a certain point, I have to wonder just "why" is what I am saying being questioned so often and that with some submissives, it is an attempt...conscious or not...to upend the table of power. 

The context is important...if I say, as ownedgirlie presented, "Get me my shoes", I don't want to hear "why?".  If I say "bring me the flogger", I don't necesasarily want to hear "why"?  If I tell her I want her to think about the way she said something or to think about her reasoning behind her stance on something, then she has every right to ask me "Why?" and expect an answer.

Timing is important...if I am in the middle of flogging her and I stop flogging and tell her change positions...I don't want to hear "why?".  If we're out with a couple and she is distracted because she has been bothered all day about why I stopped flogging her last night before I had reached my usual endpoint, this would not be the time to ask me "Why did you...?"  When we are alone in an appropriate setting, this would be an appropriate question.  Of course, as noted in other examples here, the answer might be as simple as "Because I can....OR...because I felt like it...Or...etc., etc.,". 



Dnomyar -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 7:47:52 AM)

If your communicating with your sub then there should be no why. Then again if they keep asking why smack their bobble head.



ownedgirlie -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 7:55:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If your communicating with your sub then there should be no why. Then again if they keep asking why smack their bobble head.

No dom is omniscient enough to know virtually all the questions that run through a new submissive's mind, and therefore answer them in basic conversation.  I can't imagine a dom not wanting his/her submissive to be inquisitive enough to want to understand the ways of things.  As some have mentioned, and I agree, after a time, there is little need for "why."  If my bobblehead was smacked every time I wanted to understand a concept or philosophy my Master had so that I could understand him more and therefore serve him better, he and I would not be sharing what we share today.




ToGiveDivine -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:00:08 AM)

Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!



Kalira -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:02:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!


LOL, ok, I actually found this humorous.

My late husband, when he got tired of me asking why all the time, would just get some duct tape and tape my mouth shut [8D] 



juliaoceania -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:08:48 AM)

quote:

Why can't you..

Why don't you..

Why did you..

Why should I..


Some of these why questions are very obviously challenging

There is another type of context I am trying to get at for the "why" questions...

Why do we do things a certain way?
Why do you use this to discipline me?
Why would you rather I not talk to this person?
Why do you want me to not take a promotion?


These why questions would not be to challenge him, they would be to illuminate the reasons he does things the way he does, perhaps so that in the future I can know them without asking, perhaps it can help me process a decision, learn better how to serve, keep myself out of trouble. It can also be a catalyst to dig within myself to better "grok" his answer.

I like what LA says, my submission is not about martyrdom, it is about my growth, his growth, and our growth as an "us" and a "we". I can conceive of a time that why questions may never be asked, but it takes growth, time, and communication to get there.


Just some thoughts....




Mavis -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:09:32 AM)

If i ask why, it's surely so i can evaluate the value or intent of the directive, which is generally a precursor to my deciding my response. 

If i'm asking for intent, that's one thing, it will lead to better service.  but if i'm asking to evaluate value, i might as well just admit i've already decided i'm not liking something and W/we're looking at a will thing.

So before i do it, i have to ask myself first.. "Why ask why?" 



juliaoceania -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:12:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

If i ask why, it's surely so i can evaluate the value or intent of the directive, which is generally a precursor to my deciding my response. 

If i'm asking for intent, that's one thing, it will lead to better service.  but if i'm asking to evaluate value, i might as well just admit i've already decided i'm not liking something and W/we're looking at a will thing.

So before i do it, i have to ask myself first.. "Why ask why?" 


You phrased it better than me, thank you mavis!



Sinergy -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:13:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!


I have to ask, does this qualify as submission or slavery?

Sinergy



onestandingstill -> RE: That "Why" Question (10/20/2006 8:40:12 AM)

Hello All,
For the most part I agree with the OP.
I too am very curious to know the reasoning behind the requests or orders. I want to know why so I don't have to be told again for lack of understanding a point.
My inquisitive nature can indeed require me to want to know the why's of things legitimately.

I feel I should also share that once in a while during scenes I'd be asking questions that could have waited till later.
In really looking at my motivation I found I was often doing it to feel like I still had some part of control over my situation.

I guess in any relationship it's really a balancing act.
Some questions are indeed ask for reasons other than the answer to the question.

Some questions deserve the answers sought, but some also do not deserve answers.
suzanne



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