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Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 9:05:30 AM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

I've asked this somewhere else but I suspect it will be buried so I am staring a new thread, to explore the topic with the community, so We might share views.

What does D/s in public involve, and how might it be done or seen?
Because We all know the basement/bedroom variety D/s is NOT in the mall.

XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

Post #: 1

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 9:20:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Just like anything else. Ds isn't about the act. Walking around can be a Ds act- who walks where, why, who waits for whom, lowering eyes as you walk...whatever you want.

What matters is the motivation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 2

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 9:33:20 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Just like anything else. Ds isn't about the act. Walking around can be a Ds act- who walks where, why, who waits for whom, lowering eyes as you walk...whatever you want.

What matters is the motivation.

Yep

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 10:02:09 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Every so often somebody posts a fantasy of being tied up naked in the back seat of the car parked in the mall while their partner goes shopping. That's public for me. As is kneeling at his feet in a restaurant or saying Yes Master loudly enough for the people at the next table to overhear. There seems to be a strong element of exhibitionism combined with the thrill of maybe getting caught. There also seems to be a fair bit of hostility there that you would push your sexuality on others nonconsensually.

Walking with him at the grocery store and asking if he wants steak or chicken for tonight's dinner can be D/s also, but not done to involve the public at large.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 4

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 11:39:11 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Hmm, well for me it depends on the defanition of "Public" I am always submissive to him, doesnt matter where we are, who we are with, only difference is in how it is shown. There are places specifically designed for open D/s behaviour, clubs, play partys, events and the like....there it is not subtle in the slightest, then there is things for day to day life, going out for a drink, walking down the street etc, and I'm still submissive, just not so obviously so, it shows in the way I speak to him, the way I look at him, I've been told it's blatent to anyone that knows in the way I glow if he praises me, it's little things, getting his chair, hanging up his coat, fetching his drink, just everyday acts of service that are non offensive to anyone and just generally slip by unnoticed in a vanilla world.
I guess the main thing that makes it always that way is the feeling inside me that I know I am his, however I act reflects on him because of that and so I always, with awareness or not seem to behave in a way that would reflect well on him.
I hope that makes sense and i didn't totally miss the OP's point!

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 5

Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 7:02:54 PM

subsue6

Posts: 48
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

"Public" can range from the subtle (verbal domination, control and abuse) to the more extreme, which almost always takes place in more secluded or "safe" locations, e.g., private clubs or beaches with just a few selected viewers.
I have been in involved with 2 dommes who liked to use me (and other sub women) in "public" places.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 6

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 7:06:42 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Just like anything else. Ds isn't about the act. Walking around can be a Ds act- who walks where, why, who waits for whom, lowering eyes as you walk...whatever you want.

What matters is the motivation.

Once again L.A. hits the nail on the head.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 7:15:21 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

I've asked this somewhere else but I suspect it will be buried so I am staring a new thread, to explore the topic with the community, so We might share views.

What does D/s in public involve, and how might it be done or seen?
Because We all know the basement/bedroom variety D/s is NOT in the mall.

XxoxX

Emphasis Mine...

I did not address this in the last thread when you brought this up, but I will now.
It really bothers Me that you throw around the term *D/s* as if it is about the BDSM activites we enjoy in scenes. This is the typical shorthand that confuses so many newbies. They say they are into D/s when all they are really into is the kink.
My slave can and will carry My packages, and even My purse if I so choose, and that is in the mall!
D/s is the dynamic that drives the relationship. The scene activities are an extra and are usually only performed in private or in an appropiate setting, or with a discretion that does not infringe upon the vanillas around them in a public space.
D/s can and does happen 24/7.
BDSM does not.

Edited for emphasis

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/23/2006 7:16:31 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 8

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 7:19:02 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Publicly for us, we stay very subtle. Angel and I have no desire for the entire community to know what we do behind closed doors, or outside of them. He will wear what I tell him to, which might include panties under his clothes even if we are going to a mall where he might have to try on clothes in the dressing room. He opens doors and pulls out chairs, he cals me Maam when it wont seem inappropriate and we have a collection of motions and gestures which we both understand to have specific meanings. Therefore, I can give a command without everyone knowing, and it can be carried out without causing questions. It has worked well eith us, but it is al quite public. He is into humiliation in public, but we have yet to delve into that venue becasue of the possibility of being outted in our area. (well, his area soon to be our area).

my 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 9

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 9:10:01 PM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

Ok so everyone is in agreement - D/s - Domination and submission is about attitude, cariage, presentation and demeanor - It's not about shackels and implements ... heels and pink panties.
So where and how does this differentiation between public vanilla and private d/s - happen?
It's about attitude, it's about demeanor, it's about presentation - and it can and does happen everyday around everyone all the time, agreed upon or not.
The day people are walking slaves down the main drag mostly naked and on a leash - Or riding them in full pony gear ... The world will have accepted us, and these comments make sense regarding such delineation and desire - Until then all we're arguing is shades of vanilla and enforcing a leather perception on them.

Wake up, it's time to make our own standards; it's time we found the leather perceptions without the vanilla coatings, or would that be too much to ask?
XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 10

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/23/2006 9:20:09 PM

Sekhemet

Posts: 127
Joined: 7/10/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

Also in keeping with the comment about subjecting the poor vanillas to Our sexuality - excuse Me but I find their sexuality disgusting and I am subjected to it all the time and all over the place. Are the Same Sex couples also "subjecting the poor vanillas to exposure," or are they exempt from this ... hideous abuse perpetrated upon society, by whom - US?
Right ... ok. D/s is in the same boat as that was 20 years ago, the only difference is they got acceptance in the past 20 years, and we're still hiding in closets looking for it in dust piles, and among ourselves. THEY took the world on by the horns and they won ... They dominated, we submit ... How cute.
I don't need to be asked for consent from people who are kissing, and oddly they never ask the entire room if it's ok to do it, if anyone might be offended ... or if it's immoral. Why are you so scared to do something you claim you consider to be alright?

I'm not attacking anyone - I'm simply suggesting; Perhaps it's time the hand was forced and that accpetance was demanded on the part of a community who likes to profess a higher intelligence than the norm, while cowering in community closets, filled with like minded souls.
These two worlds overlap, and the lines are only drawn and instilled where chosen and one side or the other enforces it - The same as with all worlds and communities. Their world - is ours, and until they say we are NOT welcome in it - here have a space - it is the only world we have, skirting the outside of it doesn't change the fact we're still fully within it.

XxoxX

_____________________________

http://www.sinpages.com
Where fetish and desire are explored

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 11

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 5:00:15 AM

SirLordTrainer

Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline

In the years Ive been involved in the scene, ''Public D/s'' which is also referred to as 'public play' means that which is done at a club, fetish event or private playparty in front of others.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 12

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 5:25:19 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

You hit upon the great secret of D/s M/s...we live like every other couple. We pay bills, we raise kids, we go to work, we have deadlines, we watch TV, we play board games, we clean house, we have stress, and sometimes relationship problems. The only rea; differance is we have clear (hopefully) rules of engagement, there is no power struggle the lines are clearly drawn.

There is no line between public or private, at least not in this house and many of the relationships I have witnessed. We are who we are no big flap about it, no shouting from the rooftops.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 13

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 6:37:35 AM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

..... then there is things for day to day life, going out for a drink, walking down the street etc, and I'm still submissive, just not so obviously so, it shows in the way I speak to him, the way I look at him, I've been told it's blatent to anyone that knows in the way I glow if he praises me, it's little things, getting his chair, hanging up his coat, fetching his drink, just everyday acts of service that are non offensive to anyone and just generally slip by unnoticed in a vanilla world.
I guess the main thing that makes it always that way is the feeling inside me that I know I am his, however I act reflects on him because of that and so I always, with awareness or not seem to behave in a way that would reflect well on him.
I hope that makes sense and i didn't totally miss the OP's point!

I like this answer... why?
Because it fits the submissive mind frame, whether in public or in private.
I was thinking about the other thread I made and then have been digesting this one.
Kindess, manners and just plain curtesy or "decorum" is NOT ommon... inmy expereince. We might have been brought up in a Cleave type of envronment and have laerned how to behave cause father knows best.... but waht about the miriads of families with no mom or dad, foster homes who have NO CLUEE as to waht is perope in publc or not proper.
30 years ago women acted like the gentler sex and men acted like the stronger sex..in their roles, but NOT today. Men DONT open doors for their dates. I see it all the time !!

So what is public D/s... I think amaidiamond has speken well.

Public BDSM is doing the fetish stuff on a sub, wearing fetish wear == where not really apropriate, givng blow jobs as "innocently" as possible whenever/wherever, calling someone "Lord Poohba" or "bitch"....

So what about all those teenagers who with fetish gear stand out in the front of their schools or in the malls and literaly maul over each other as they thrust and grind in front of all who see, in total disgust? Absolutely no manners... not only in public but probably never taught at home either.

_____________________________

BEHIND EVERY GREAT WOMAN...
...is a butt she can learn to love.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 14

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 6:44:11 AM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

Emphasis Mine...

I did not address this in the last thread when you brought this up, but I will now.
D/s is the dynamic that drives the relationship. The scene activities are an extra and are usually only performed in private or in an appropiate setting, or with a discretion that does not infringe upon the vanillas around them in a public space.
D/s can and does happen 24/7.
BDSM does not.

Edited for emphasis

I FULLY agree Dusty. Tis why I think so many newbies put on their profile "i want vanilla while in public and D/s in private"
And when asked to clarifiy, dont know what to say.
We FAIL to differientate between the two.

_____________________________

BEHIND EVERY GREAT WOMAN...
...is a butt she can learn to love.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 15

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 6:46:26 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

Hmm, well for me it depends on the defanition of "Public" I am always submissive to him, doesnt matter where we are, who we are with, only difference is in how it is shown. There are places specifically designed for open D/s behaviour, clubs, play partys, events and the like....there it is not subtle in the slightest, then there is things for day to day life, going out for a drink, walking down the street etc, and I'm still submissive, just not so obviously so, it shows in the way I speak to him, the way I look at him, I've been told it's blatent to anyone that knows in the way I glow if he praises me, it's little things, getting his chair, hanging up his coat, fetching his drink, just everyday acts of service that are non offensive to anyone and just generally slip by unnoticed in a vanilla world.
I guess the main thing that makes it always that way is the feeling inside me that I know I am his, however I act reflects on him because of that and so I always, with awareness or not seem to behave in a way that would reflect well on him.
I hope that makes sense and i didn't totally miss the OP's point!

*nod* Well said, amaidiamond!

This is very much how My Lord and I express our dynamic in the "vanilla" public. Acts of service that might mean next to nothing to others reinforce our decision to live 24/7. I walk slightly behind him and to the right, always holding his hand. He opens doors for me.

At play parties it's a bit different. We don't have a lot of protocol as of yet, but a situation like that makes it acceptable for me to kneel and rest my head on his knees if I so desire, which is another behavior that shows our dynamic in a much more obvious way.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 16

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 7:23:52 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

Also in keeping with the comment about subjecting the poor vanillas to Our sexuality - excuse Me but I find their sexuality disgusting and I am subjected to it all the time and all over the place. Are the Same Sex couples also "subjecting the poor vanillas to exposure," or are they exempt from this ... hideous abuse perpetrated upon society, by whom - US?
Right ... ok. D/s is in the same boat as that was 20 years ago, the only difference is they got acceptance in the past 20 years, and we're still hiding in closets looking for it in dust piles, and among ourselves. THEY took the world on by the horns and they won ... They dominated, we submit ... How cute.
I don't need to be asked for consent from people who are kissing, and oddly they never ask the entire room if it's ok to do it, if anyone might be offended ... or if it's immoral. Why are you so scared to do something you claim you consider to be alright?

I'm not attacking anyone - I'm simply suggesting; Perhaps it's time the hand was forced and that accpetance was demanded on the part of a community who likes to profess a higher intelligence than the norm, while cowering in community closets, filled with like minded souls.
These two worlds overlap, and the lines are only drawn and instilled where chosen and one side or the other enforces it - The same as with all worlds and communities. Their world - is ours, and until they say we are NOT welcome in it - here have a space - it is the only world we have, skirting the outside of it doesn't change the fact we're still fully within it.

XxoxX

There is a big difference between same gender couples holding hands and kissing in public and us putting on pony gear and having tails stuck out our asses for the world to enjoy at the mall. There is a big difference between a D/s couple sharing their dynamic through their relationship interactions and taking out your whip and displaying all the BDSM games we play.

I guess I have to wonder why it is so important to you that society as a whole accepts what you do to get your rocks off? I have never seen anyone in society deny any D/s couple the right to Dominate or submit to their partner. I dont think they look at us any stranger than they would any same gender couple. Most of the time, they dont even know that is what they are seeing and it isnt that we are really hiding it. If you want them to not make a big deal out of what it is we do.. then why make a big deal out of what it is that we do?

just my few thoughts...

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 17

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 7:42:17 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

I've asked this somewhere else but I suspect it will be buried so I am staring a new thread, to explore the topic with the community, so We might share views.

What does D/s in public involve, and how might it be done or seen?
Because We all know the basement/bedroom variety D/s is NOT in the mall.

XxoxX

I am always dominant when with a submissive who knows me, whether they be my submissive or one that I've known for awhile. For me, this does not include public displays of BDSM behavior. That is play and in my case, except for very subtle and slight things, it is for clubs where there are other like-minded people or private settings.

But D/s is my way of interacting with my partners. The level varies from what some would describe as an almost old-fashioned way of dealing with a woman...holding the door for her, holding her chair, walking on the outside of the sidewalk (this is "basic" level for me: I do this for my daughters, my female cousins, vanilla women I am out and about with)...to the highest level when with the woman who was my last submissive...all that was just stated plus giving orders, walking beside me but wanting to keep her eyes down when addressing me, etc..

As LA said, it all depends on the motivation of the interacting partners. It also depends on the intent of the interacting partners AND what is understood about the motivation and the intent by the other partner.

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 18

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 7:42:30 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

As I don't find anything *disgusting* about vanilla sexuality or D/s sexuality ( whatever each of them are) it doesn't bother me at all.

I didn't expose my sexuality to *the public*, prior to being a slave, why would I now? I don't need *acceptance* of that kind. I wasn't *in a closet* when I was a vanilla wife.....and I'm not now..........I'm not edified by snogging, groping couples, vanilla or otherwise........so I'm unlikely to be flaunting my preferences, whatever they may be.

People have different preferences on the things they consider *private* and it's nothing to do with me.

I don't see it as a *vanilla* world .....It's THE world.

agirl

(in reply to Sekhemet)

Post #: 19

RE: Public D/s - what is it? - 10/24/2006 7:57:39 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sekhemet

Also in keeping with the comment about subjecting the poor vanillas to Our sexuality - excuse Me but I find their sexuality disgusting and I am subjected to it all the time and all over the place. Are the Same Sex couples also "subjecting the poor vanillas to exposure," or are they exempt from this ... hideous abuse perpetrated upon society, by whom - US?
Right ... ok. D/s is in the same boat as that was 20 years ago, the only difference is they got acceptance in the past 20 years, and we're still hiding in closets looking for it in dust piles, and among ourselves. THEY took the world on by the horns and they won ... They dominated, we submit ... How cute.
I don't need to be asked for consent from people who are kissing, and oddly they never ask the entire room if it's ok to do it, if anyone might be offended ... or if it's immoral. Why are you so scared to do something you claim you consider to be alright?

I'm not attacking anyone - I'm simply suggesting; Perhaps it's time the hand was forced and that accpetance was demanded on the part of a community who likes to profess a higher intelligence than the norm, while cowering in community closets, filled with like minded souls.
These two worlds overlap, and the lines are only drawn and instilled where chosen and one side or the other enforces it - The same as with all worlds and communities. Their world - is ours, and until they say we are NOT welcome in it - here have a space - it is the only world we have, skirting the outside of it doesn't change the fact we're still fully within it.

XxoxX

There is a big difference between same gender couples holding hands and kissing in public and us putting on pony gear and having tails stuck out our asses for the world to enjoy at the mall. There is a big difference between a D/s couple sharing their dynamic through their relationship interactions and taking out your whip and displaying all the BDSM games we play.

I guess I have to wonder why it is so important to you that society as a whole accepts what you do to get your rocks off? I have never seen anyone in society deny any D/s couple the right to Dominate or submit to their partner. I dont think they look at us any stranger than they would any same gender couple. Most of the time, they dont even know that is what they are seeing and it isnt that we are really hiding it. If you want them to not make a big deal out of what it is we do.. then why make a big deal out of what it is that we do?

just my few thoughts...

Nicely said Red.

I agree totally.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 20

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