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Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 9:25:01 PM

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i have recently joined the public scene, and am happy to say that i love it. i have gone now three times to the Crucible, D.C.'s only BDSM club, and a great one it is....except some of the people.

i have a high preference for tall, slim, slightly muscular men, not more than 10 lbs. over their ideal weight. i am willing to play with others as well, but i don't see any Master of mine to be overweight, because i feel if they cannot take care of themselves, how can i ever trust them to take care of me??

i am 5'4" and now 137 lbs (and slowly losing more, trying to get down to 120). When i have gone to the club or out to a party or any such, yes i like to flaunt my body. i feel i am beautiful, and i want to show everyone how beautiful i am. But i have been told to stop being so vain and flaunting my body by some people, all of them overweight. Is this just their insecurity about their weight, or is there something wrong with me being proud of my small frame?

When did being unhealthily obese become ideal? i'm sorry if i offend, but i find obesity disgusting, and if someone is very obese, i have a hard time being around them, because i find it so repulsive. What is wrong with wanting a healthy, thin body, as long as you aren't skin and bones? i'm tired of being called out for being beautifully thin.

~jewel @}-;---

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 9:32:21 PM

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Do what works for you and let other people worry about their own bodies. Unless you're owned and your master says to stop, it's up to you to decide when and how to display your body.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85

i am 5'4" and now 137 lbs (and slowly losing more, trying to get down to 120). When i have gone to the club or out to a party or any such, yes i like to flaunt my body. i feel i am beautiful, and i want to show everyone how beautiful i am. But i have been told to stop being so vain and flaunting my body by some people, all of them overweight. Is this just their insecurity about their weight, or is there something wrong with me being proud of my small frame?

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 9:37:10 PM

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Flaunting your body, thats fine. I might not be "beautifully thin" but I know I look damn good, and I flaunt mine as well. Someone doesnt like it, I simply tell them not to look. You dont like how I dress, then dont dress like me.
However, and not to be rude, but if you can have your opinion about the overweight people who are telling you NOT to show off, then they are welcome to their opinion about you. Being vain would be rubbing it in their faces that you look better than they do, which if you know how you dress makes them that uncomfortable, it could be construed as what you are doing. If they are friends of yours, you might want to tone it down a bit around them. If they arent friends of yours then who cares what they think?

DV

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 9:48:00 PM

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Motivation is the key

Are you doing it for attention or are you doing simply to be you.

I love hot women but if they are begging for attention, they bore me and are more trouble than they are worth.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 10:00:54 PM

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I'm also the tiny-type- I'm five feet tall and have to fight to keep my weight at or over 100 lbs. Some people are aggrivated by me, too, and I'm amazed at how many people when I'm out and about will come up and insult me passively, or make comments about it. I always wonder what makes me so damn approachable, haha.
It seems like a lot of folks feel like it's alright to be derogatory towards those that they are uncomfortable with, on both sides of the fence. Now, it's my belief that insulting anyone because they either a) aren't your ideal or b) are your ideal and you're jealous of that, is kind of a useless activity in the end. There is always someone who finds a certain body type attractive, regardless of what it is.
Thus, I find the people who I respect and enjoy their company the most attractive people I know. No matter what their actual body type is.
As far as others go, well, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Thank you, Eleanor Roosevelt.

behindmirrors.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 10:59:00 PM

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LOL yes, the scene in DC is majority obese/overweight women and yes you will get knocked down for your youth and your beauty.

But not by everyone, and the long timers for the most part are very welcoming. Get to know the blonde Kellfire and tell her I sent you- if you really do have a nice personality then, you'll be fine after that.

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:01:30 PM

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When I was your age, I had it and I flaunted it... but I did not think that made me better than anyone else, and I did not think others were "disgusting" because they were fat or short, or bald, or skinny and flat.. or 1000 other things. I have always been an exhibitionist, and while I am not skinny by any means, I am still proportionate in a very shapely tall sorta way, and not obese at all.

That being said, I think when I was younger a lot of others were threatened by my overt sexuality of my youth, I think they thought I was high on myself, which I wasn't, but that thought was there because I was a perfectionist about my hair and my clothing and my wieght and my makeup. I would ask you if part of you isn't just a little bit thrilled you "rate" higher on the scale in your head than those around you? I say that because of how you worded the end of your post, which seemed to compare these people in a negative way to yourself. And if you answer that question in your own mind with a "yes" then perhaps that is a little bit of insecurity on your part that is causing that?

I think that exhibitionists have a little bit of attention seeking going on, I am one, and that is my motivation partially. It turns me on to have people look at me and get hot.. it is an ego thing partially. There are elements of it that used to be based on insecurity for me, which the motivation grew from that into something else, but I acknowledge the well from which it sprung because I wanted to know myself.

As far as how people react to you, well if it does not feel bad to be shunned by other women that could have been your friends perhaps, well go the route you are... I will say that many women did not like me until they got to know me when I was your age because they made assumptions about me based upon my short skirts and half shirts...smiles. It usually did not bother me, and it shouldn't have... but if it does bother you then I would do as others suggest and tone it down when appropriate.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:11:49 PM

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Since when do you have the right to say overweight offends you ,
but others dont have the right to say you offend them?
You came on here to get the thumbs up to behave any way
that you want to.
And you know what..
You got it from me..because you are the one who has to live with these people, not I.

~spent lots of summers in Md.~

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a rose is a rose..

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:22:02 PM

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Let me make note that while, yes, i am an exhibitionist of sorts (just discovering this side of me), so yes, i do seek the attention it brings, i don't tell people that i find them disgusting or repulsive. i keep my feelings to myself, so as not to offend. In fact, this post is the first time i've ever made written or verbal acknowledgment of my feelings about being overweight.
Perhaps i do rate myself a little higher in my head than people who are very overweight. To me, it's a matter of health. i am very proud of being healthy, and find it repulsive that people can let themselves get so unhealthy.
i personally feel i don't flaunt my body any more than others do, including large people. i don't like seeing fat naked bodies, but i look the other way.
i think my big problem is that while i look the other way and just avoid what i don't like, they insult me, calling me vain and telling me to stop flaunting my body. i don't tell them what they should do, so why should they tell me? What is the problem people have that they can't just look the other way and let people enjoy who they are?
i agree, DiurnalVampire, that they can have their opinions of me, but do they have to fling them in my face? They aren't friends; they are people at the club. i was verbally and emotionally all through childhood, and to a lesser extent even now (my mother), and their insults hurt me a lot more than they probably realize because of my past. i probably shouldn't care, but it hurts a lot.

Thanks for your responses all. i really am trying to understand this, both their reasons and my feelings.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:34:13 PM

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Have you told these people that their words are causing you this much stress?
Why havnt you?
Make them responsible for their words.

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a rose is a rose..

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:47:22 PM

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From: Indiana
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The only advice I can give you is to not give a crap what anyone else says or thinks. If you feel good about yourself, and want to show your body, then do it. If you aren't being mean and having an attitude with others, then it's their own issues making them react the way they do.

You aren't responsible for anyone but yourself, just leave them to theirs and enjoy as much as possible. When I got out, I dress how I want (or Master tells me), and I feel great about myself, if others don't like it, that's their problem. I am not going to let anyone elses insecurities, mess up my confidence.

Akasha

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/24/2006 11:54:12 PM

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quote:

i'm sorry if i offend, but i find obesity disgusting, and if someone is very obese, i have a hard time being around them, because i find it so repulsive. What is wrong with wanting a healthy, thin body, as long as you aren't skin and bones? i'm tired of being called out for being beautifully thin.
~jewel ****}-;---

It is very inappropriate for anyone to tell you how to be no matter what size you are... It's a free country, and you should dress as much or as little as you want to show yourself off. It is possible you're inviting hateful tude if you are acting hateful/disgusted toward people who aren't slim. M

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 12:18:18 AM

MistressSassy66

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85

Let me make note that while, yes, i am an exhibitionist of sorts (just discovering this side of me), so yes, i do seek the attention it brings, i don't tell people that i find them disgusting or repulsive. i keep my feelings to myself, so as not to offend. In fact, this post is the first time i've ever made written or verbal acknowledgment of my feelings about being overweight.
Perhaps i do rate myself a little higher in my head than people who are very overweight. To me, it's a matter of health. i am very proud of being healthy, and find it repulsive that people can let themselves get so unhealthy.
i personally feel i don't flaunt my body any more than others do, including large people. i don't like seeing fat naked bodies, but i look the other way.
i think my big problem is that while i look the other way and just avoid what i don't like, they insult me, calling me vain and telling me to stop flaunting my body. i don't tell them what they should do, so why should they tell me? What is the problem people have that they can't just look the other way and let people enjoy who they are?
i agree, DiurnalVampire, that they can have their opinions of me, but do they have to fling them in my face? They aren't friends; they are people at the club. i was verbally and emotionally all through childhood, and to a lesser extent even now (my mother), and their insults hurt me a lot more than they probably realize because of my past. i probably shouldn't care, but it hurts a lot.

Thanks for your responses all. i really am trying to understand this, both their reasons and my feelings.

Okay so your upset that the obese people that disgust you are calling you vain.
I would be upset if they were calling Me a bitch .....And why do you care about what the disgusting people think?

Here's a thought...Do you really think they wake up every morning grateful that society judges them for being overweight/obese due to something out of their control.

I have to also agree with the others and say why is okay for you to judge them,and them not you....Perhaps gaining weight would give a thicker skin so comments like being vain bounce off.

I am a full figured Woman and damn proud of it...gotta lil extra padding too and I am damn proud of how good I look at 40.

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http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 12:40:54 AM

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It is hard to offer advice without knowing to what degree you go in flaunting yourself. If you are hearing the same suggestion from multiple people in real time at public events, there may be some validity to their gripe. If it is really a concern try asking others who have seen your behavior. Those who have seen you interact at group/public events would be much more informed and able to advise you than anyone here online.

Master's dorei

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 2:46:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85

i'm tired of being called out for being beautifully thin.

Vanity is very unpleasant, maybe you should concentrate more on improving the inside rather than the outside.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jewel85
But i have been told to stop being so vain and flaunting my body by some people, all of them overweight. Is this just their insecurity about their weight, or is there something wrong with me being proud of my small frame?

You be as proud as you want, but I would suggest that you drop the attitude before someone smacks you in your bratty mouth, as you might find that offends you.

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 3:52:59 AM

ChaOz

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People may be noticing your body language/attitude towards people who are over weight and telling you not to be so... vain. Its ok to find yourself beutiful, people of all sizes do, but if your personal opinions effect how you socialise with others it may be an issue you need to address.

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 4:05:24 AM

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LOL ChaOz - why are you replying to me - its the young 'oh so beautiful one' thats needs telling
xx

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RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 4:25:08 AM

UnvailedPurpose

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Jewel85:
Many forces touch our lives in many different ways every day, some in a very positive manner but the opinions of others belong to them and has nothing at all to do with you. Recognizing their opinions and/or allowing the opinions of others to impact upon you is at best a venture into futility.
Allow me to share with you a thinking, I pump a lot of iron swim and run every day, compete in hand to hand competition as often as time allows and do these things because I like the way my body looks, in fact, I revel in it and it’s byproduct offers challenges and rewards that bring tremendous happiness to me. Certainly, I am vain and indeed, I flaunt both my masculinity and muscularity, I work very hard at maintaining an energetic vibrant affluent outward appearance. Equally, I squander no time where acquiring and maintaining financial security are concerned and flaunt that too. I live my life with gusto confidence and a genuine respect for myself.
What others think of and about me, once again belongs to them and I never allow them to impose their thinking on me.

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 4:37:35 AM

allyC

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Just because you don't verbalize that you find overweight people disgusting and repulsive doesn't mean that you don't come off that way in your body language, facial expressions, and general vibe. Repulsion and disgust are extraordinarily strong reactions - not real easy to mask. I have come in contact with many people who don't have to say a word to me to let me know they see me the same way you would. Words most often aren't necessary in those cases. If whenever a fat person is naked you turn your head and try not to look, that will pretty much say it in itself. If you have those feelings and they are being perceived by others and then at the same time, you are overdoing the "showing off what you've got" thing (even just a little), perhaps it does look vain to these women. A small frame doesn't make someone vain. Vanity makes someone vain. So I guess what you have to ask yourself is, "Am I realy vain?" And then answer yourself honestly. You're the only person who could really know the truth. Well wishes, Cav's ally

(in reply to Jewel85)

RE: Small frame makes me vain? - 10/25/2006 6:32:30 AM

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That is kinda hypocritical by the overweight people.

These obese ppl that say big, bold beautiful yet you cant be skinny.healthy,youthful and pretty.

Those people are jealous because they know you will live to be a healthy age, you can wear and eat whatever you want..

I'd tell those idiots to shut the hell up and give them $5 to go to McDonalds to get some sympathy food.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 10/25/2006 6:34:27 AM >

(in reply to Jewel85)

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