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HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 3:08:37 AM

SlaveInTheMaking

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline

i looked in the past on some other sites for a female Dom and gave up. then i come here like a month ago and wrote a couple females with and without pics (i had no pic in my profile) and one without a pic wrote me back. we chatted for like 2 weeks and she recently meet me in person and we hung out for a few hours. now she want me to goto a BDSM community thingy or something with her and i gonna have to spend the night at her house cause is kinda far. i dont have any BDSM experience but i have thought about it for many many years but never did it. and she dont seem to be into anything that bad she like minor ass play, corperal punishment, and tickle tourture. i have done reading and take this whole collaring thing very seriously. i think she is a nice person and she is cool and she is beautiful but i feel like wow i am getting close to really getting into the 3 collar phases it seems, and now i am getting scared. this thing that i wanted for so long and now its happening and seems to be happening fast. its really scarey help me guys

Post #: 1

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 3:46:37 AM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Thats normal. You know what it means to lose power and fear it on some level. No problem. Just be honest and tell her that you'll stay but with whatever conditions you feel you need, and that if you doing 'feel it' your going to get a taxi back home etc.

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 2

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 5:51:18 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Going to a play party does not mean you are getting collared. It means you are going to a social event that just so happens to have other people who are kinky there too. If you are nervous, ask her if you can just watch and serve her instead of actively play this first time. It's natural to be nervous the first time but you are probably building it up more in your mind. I bet you will have a great time. If this is what you want, you should do it sometime and you have a great opportunity.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to ChaOz)

Post #: 3

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 5:54:40 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

Going to a play party does not mean you are getting collared. It means you are going to a social event that just so happens to have other people who are kinky there too. If you are nervous, ask her if you can just watch and serve her instead of actively play this first time. It's natural to be nervous the first time but you are probably building it up more in your mind. I bet you will have a great time. If this is what you want, you should do it sometime and you have a great opportunity.

I second this.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 4

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 7:02:33 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

If you're uncomfortable, then get a hotel room instead of staying at her house.
And what is a 3 collar phase? I've never heard of that before.

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 5

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 7:07:43 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I believe he is referring to consideration, training and formal collars. Though there is not one way to do it and not everyone uses those steps.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 6

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 8:12:15 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Explain to HER that you're experiencing some fear over a perceived pressure of collaring too fast. That perception might all be in your head. If it's not and she insists she will push you, you know that she's not a match.

Going to an event with someone doesn't mean you're collared to them. It's like a date. Show a little loyalty to her...dating rules 101 still apply (meaning you don't persue anyone else unless it's agreed that you can, go home with the person you came with unless there's safety issues, etc), but, it doesn't mean you're engaged.

If you're feeling pressure about spending the night, stay in a hotel or in your own room if both of you are staying in the hotel together. Make sure she knows that you're reluctant because of your own fear, NOT because of her. It's ok to not want to move too fast. In fact, seeing it is a nice change from sub frenzy.

Look at WHY you're feeling fear and try to work through it. Be patient with yourself...if you're not ready, you're not ready. Only, have the integrity to tell her that if you feel it's true...don't just disappear. Doing this will put you heads above most other male submissives.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 7

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 8:25:14 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

i would be agreeing with the above mentioned advice except that the OP's profile seems really paranoid to me.

Master's dorei

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 8

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 9:58:28 AM

SlaveInTheMaking

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline

She has been into this for over 15 years and i dont mind letting her flog my back or something in private without bondage for a "reality check". but when i first went and hung out with her and when we was done hanging and about to head our own ways and i went to shake her hand but she made me kiss her a couple times

. but now i think i more worried about what she will try to maybe make me do because i havent had sex since i was with my ex and that was a few years ago. i feel that if we was to have sex would be like a higher level of comittment from that point on and it seems a little fast for me. how can i tell a Dom no but not seem like i am still serious about this because i am and she is beautiful but i am just like wow.

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 9

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 10:00:18 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

You talk to her. Express, respectfully, your concerns and need to take it slowly.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 10

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 11:29:55 AM

Siona

Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

She can't "make" you do anything you don't want to do.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 11

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 11:48:39 AM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

Talk to her or if you don't think you would be able to get everything out try a hand written letter. Communicate everything with her and you will find that you have been worrying your little head off over nothing.

(in reply to Siona)

Post #: 12

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/25/2006 6:13:52 PM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

Definitely talk it out with her. You might be suprised. Especially on a first "play date" like that, she might just want to spank you, not have sex with you anyway, lol.

(in reply to shadevarr)

Post #: 13

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 3:41:45 AM

SlaveInTheMaking

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline

heh

(in reply to jdtallfem)

Post #: 14

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 7:44:17 PM

SlaveInTheMaking

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline

yea well i tried talking to her i and i guess she got offended or somethign cause she said how i should be greatful that she choose me to talk to out of all the people that have contacted her and now she dont wanna talk to me no more

guess its back to the old drawning thankyou for your replys

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 15

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 7:50:37 PM

sissifytoserve

Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

Don't feel bad bro.

Domme females feel they have an "Edge" on males as there are less female dominants than male subs.

You are better off alone if she can't relant at all or give you some time to think about things.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 10/26/2006 7:51:18 PM >

_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 16

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 7:53:38 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveInTheMaking

yea well i tried talking to her i and i guess she got offended or somethign cause she said how i should be greatful that she choose me to talk to out of all the people that have contacted her and now she dont wanna talk to me no more

guess its back to the old drawning thankyou for your replys

At first I thought you were making a mountain out of a mole hill....but if that is honestly what she said after you tried to honestly talk to her....you are the one coming out ahead....You don't need someone that won't give your feelings proper consideration. I know it's a bummer...I've been there, done that.....but trust me...it's best.

good luck to you sweetie

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to SlaveInTheMaking)

Post #: 17

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 8:01:25 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

Domme females feel...

Can you please stop lumping in all dommes into one category that is entirely negative? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

To the OP: Keep plugging...if someone treats you like that for expressing an understandable mild case of the jitters for a brand new experience, you are better off without 'em.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 18

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 8:10:08 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

Don't feel bad bro.

Domme females feel they have an "Edge" on males as there are less female dominants than male subs.

You are better off alone if she can't relant at all or give you some time to think about things.

Is this to be countered with sub males feel they have to bring this same arguemnt up every time some Domme rejects someone for whatever reason?

Some Dominants think too much of themselves, and when someone voices an objection to how fast they have deicded to take things, they have a sour grapes response. I didnt really want you serving me anyway, you were lucky I gave you the time of day. This goes for Dom men as well as Domme women.

Some subs do the same, they dont like what they hear and they say they didnt realy want to serve.

All I can offer is that from the getgo you might want to specifically state that you wish to take things slowly. Maybe if that is on the table right off, there wont be a problem. And communication has to be from the very beginning. Good luck finding another person, this one didnt sound like much of a match.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sissifytoserve)

Post #: 19

RE: HELP! i am getting cold feet - 10/26/2006 8:18:49 PM

sissifytoserve

Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Is this to be countered with sub males feel they have to bring this same arguemnt up every time some Domme rejects someone for whatever reason?

DV

Its the TRUTH. I brought it up.

WHO else did..and if so..big deal.

Would you like me to dig up every time a domme says a male isn't "sub enough"...or "complains too much"...etc..etc......

But never mind when the shoes on the other foot...right?

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 10/26/2006 8:37:03 PM >

_____________________________

A great mind must be androgynous
Samuel Coleridge

The uniting of the feminine and the masculine is the highest form of human development Carl Jung

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 20

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