Suleiman
Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
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::ahem:: speaking for part of the glossy-eyed male subset...
As a guy, I can honestly say that there are a huge number of us who like nothing so much as a woman who knows what she wants and can articulate that desire. These are traits which are inherent in, but not nessesarily limited to, the classic domina*. My wife, for instance, (while she does switch) often prefers to take a submissive role. She is often seen as dominant, however, because she has been able, early on, to tell her partner exactly what she wants, and to correct him or her if they have made a mistake. (This has also given her the label "gods gift to silicon valley", for her patience in breaking virginal geeks and helping them gain a clue, leading to a much happier love life later).
I have actually known young women enter into the fringes of the SM scene (not really as scene players, but sort of the fashion fringe who go to the clubs and wear the clothes) and claim dominant status. I have found, through years of observation, that very frequently the kinkster thing was a phase they went through, but they left that phase with the ability to actually express their sexual desire, and to take control of that sexuality, rather than waiting passively for their lover to take on the active role.
I have commented at least once before, that I am a little bit dense about "signals" because the word "date rape" entered the american lexicon right about the time I was old enough to consider dating. A sexually confidant woman is able to clearly communicate - in WORDS, not fluttering eyelid semaphor and heavy breathing - that she is interested in me. Having had it pounded into my young impressionable head that a person only goes so far without express invitation, and having learned that even suggesting a more intimate option can be considered inappropriate, that ability to communicate is utterly invaluable.
Obviously, my perspective is that of an outsider, but from my observation, I would have to say that yes, being a dominant person does increase your sexual awareness, and it makes you better able to articulate your desires.
Actually, I suppose it helps with some of us guys, too, but for the most part, society demands we be more aggressive in this regard from the beginning. I think that is also part of the appeal, why some men label themselves as submissive or switch, when they're not really interested in the kinky sex at all - some times, a guy just REALLY wants to be told what to do. But now, I seem to be digressing back into the original topic that this thread was meant to veer away from, so I suppose I should stop now.
(wanders off to refill his coffee cup, still mumbling)
(*by the way, I have, in my own little mind, always used domina and dominus to distinguish the sexes, with dominant being the gender neutral that I use when actually corresponding. Jules, you are not alone)
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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.
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