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Compromise - 11/6/2006 4:57:04 PM

Dnomyar

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This isnt a perfect world. Even tho we would like to find Mr/Mrs perfect we are not all going to find them. How much should we compromise in a relationship?

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 5:00:17 PM

Kalira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

This isnt a perfect world. Even tho we would like to find Mr/Mrs perfect we are not all going to find them. How much should we compromise in a relationship?

Only as much as you can afford to.

edited to add:

Ok, I guess I could expand on this a bit. A good example is my current relationship. When we were in our early stages of talks, one of the things that we covered was the issue of needles and needle play. Master knows that I have a terrible fear of needles...to the point of incoherent panic. I was lucky in the respect that he does not like to do needle play ( whew ) BUT, he also made it very clear that if the relationship progressed, I WOULD BE pierced ( nipples, clit, etc ).

This was a compromise for us. He compromised in another area that I will not go into, and in return, I accept that I WILL be pierced.

The good thing about this compromise is the fact that he is giving me plenty of time to come to grips with this; to let my mind wrap around the possibilities that this could open up for me.

Now, if he was into needle play, I am not sure that I could have compromised on that.

< Message edited by Kalira -- 11/6/2006 5:21:29 PM >

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 5:09:05 PM

Quivver

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It all depends on how long your shopping list is I'd guess.

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 5:28:56 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Reposted:

I get everything I want because I don't settle :)

People settle when they think they can't really get what they want. I think I've learned that, when it comes to choosing who you spend your life with as an intimate partner, you can get everything you want, and more.

Compromise is a fact of life- compromise means understanding that ideal is not always ideal, that your illusions might not be the best thing for you, and that someone else's immediate needs come before yours to create an ultimately fulfilling relationship together.

Settling however means giving up something important to you, it means not giving yourself what you know you need most.

Settling might be necessary when buying a house- but not for choosing a life partner.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_651324/mpage_1/key_compromise/tm.htm#651340
Do you believe that dominance gives one the right to be selfish?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_580838/mpage_1/key_compromise/tm.htm#580878
compromising on the ds or ms dynamic?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_352315/mpage_1/key_compromise/tm.htm#352318
compromise vs settling

http://www.collarchat.com/m_203433/mpage_1/key_compromise/tm.htm#203443
how far would you compromise?

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 6:40:46 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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And sometimes when one compromises one finds that maybe they have found something they did not know they were looking for until it came their way....:0)...and then again maybe not..~w~....Tempting

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 7:12:25 PM

crouchingtigress

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No way...if anything i like setting the bar higher every day.....i do it for me...you bet i am doing it for "him"

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 7:40:00 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Would you sell yourself for sex?
Would you sell yourself for money?
Would you sell yourself for safety?
Would you sell yourself for love?

Everyone has their price...but how much that price is will differ. Check out the Prostitue Archetype in the Four Archetypes of Survival sometime.

Master Fire

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 7:50:58 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

This isnt a perfect world. Even tho we would like to find Mr/Mrs perfect we are not all going to find them. How much should we compromise in a relationship?

All relationships require compromise. What they do not require is that we compromise ourselves. That is my line.

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 7:58:16 PM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

This isnt a perfect world. Even tho we would like to find Mr/Mrs perfect we are not all going to find them. How much should we compromise in a relationship?

All relationships require compromise. What they do not require is that we compromise ourselves. That is my line.

Oooooo! I SO like that one! Can I borrow it? I borrow quips all the time....

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 8:07:34 PM

juliaoceania

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I should have phrased that... "this is my boundary"... that line I took from a friend that nursed me through a three year relationship I compromised myself for, but I got that line out of it...lol

So please use it! I thought it was wise too. Older women always have the bestest and wisest sayings

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 8:25:12 PM

champagnewishes

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Fulfill your needs always...compromise your wants on occasion.

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 8:36:47 PM

kittensangel

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For me their are couple of things that will not compermise on because of personal feelings about it, and lessons I have learned from life. However when I get to point of talkign serous with someone i go into detail about what can not compermise on for my own comfert. I am happy to explain why. Their only a few of those, as for anything else i am willing to try it.

< Message edited by kittensangel -- 11/6/2006 8:39:16 PM >

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RE: Compromise - 11/6/2006 8:47:31 PM

Sinergy

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Negotiation involves side A giving up certain things so that side B will give up certain things, and vice versa.

This is essentially the nature of a compromise.

I have certain things which are limits for me. I will not compromise.

However, what is good for the goose is good for the gander, and I accept the fact that my partner may also have limits.

The trick is finding somebody where you have a synergy between your limits and their limits, and everybody ends up happy in the relationship.

I dont see compromise as a D/s thing, it is a relationship thing. A workable compromise in a D/s relationship is that one is the D side and the other is the s side.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 4:31:01 AM

Dnomyar

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How can you compromise and not compromise yourself ? Compromising and settling is the same. The thing about putting a question out is that you have to wait to see how it is being precieved by others. It seems that most of us have high expectations from the start. As time passes some are willing to lower their expectations and compromise and settle for little less.

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 4:55:09 AM

heartfeltsub

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Do most people (maybe most is too big a word here), but do most people have some sort of picture in their head of their "ideal" other or others, i would think so, at least some people do. And of those people who have a mental "ideal", there are some who realize that they may not find in one person all the qualities that would reside in their "ideal" person. Do they hope to find their "ideal", i would think so otherwise why would it be their "ideal." The actual question is not does one hope to find his or her "ideal", but rather does one expect to find someone who completely matchs the image we may have built up in our heads? i would think most would not expect to find an exact match to the mental image.

However, even if they don't find an absolute match to their "ideal", there are certain character or physical traits that they are unwilling to compromise on. Depending upon your view point, you may see this as settling, not waiting until the exact match of one's mental image is found, while others see it as not compromising on those traits that are the most important to them and what they are really looking for.

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 4:55:30 AM

gypsygrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How can you compromise and not compromise yourself ? Compromising and settling is the same. The thing about putting a question out is that you have to wait to see how it is being precieved by others. It seems that most of us have high expectations from the start. As time passes some are willing to lower their expectations and compromise and settle for little less.

Well, the way I see it is that there's compromise and then there's compromise. It's one of life's challenges to figure out what I'm doing at any given moment.

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 4:58:57 AM

Kalira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How can you compromise and not compromise yourself ? Compromising and settling is the same. The thing about putting a question out is that you have to wait to see how it is being precieved by others. It seems that most of us have high expectations from the start. As time passes some are willing to lower their expectations and compromise and settle for little less.

I disagree with this Dmomyar. Compromising and settling are not the same, at least not in my eyes.

Compromise is necessary in ANY AND ALL relationships; its a natural part of growth between two people. Compromise is part of negotiation and communication.

Settling means that you are giving up; willing to accept something that in the long run will not make you happy.

I see a huge difference between the two.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
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Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 5:04:12 AM

twicehappy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I get everything I want because I don't settle :)

People settle when they think they can't really get what they want. I think I've learned that, when it comes to choosing who you spend your life with as an intimate partner, you can get everything you want, and more.

Me either!

Settling just does not work out in the long run. Eventually you will long for those things you really want or need.

Compromising on some issues is fine and happens even in vanilla relationships, but never ever settle for less than you want.

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 7:02:55 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How can you compromise and not compromise yourself ? Compromising and settling is the same. The thing about putting a question out is that you have to wait to see how it is being precieved by others. It seems that most of us have high expectations from the start. As time passes some are willing to lower their expectations and compromise and settle for little less.

Dnomyar I think you are trying to make this intangible too black and white when really it is many shades of gray.

I agree with the others that have said that compromise and settling are vastly different. To me compromise is more a reflection of actions and fluid things where settling reflects the person themself in many ways. I understand what you are driving at, I just think it is far more complex.

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RE: Compromise - 11/7/2006 8:47:40 AM

adaddysgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

How can you compromise and not compromise yourself ? Compromising and settling is the same. The thing about putting a question out is that you have to wait to see how it is being precieved by others. It seems that most of us have high expectations from the start. As time passes some are willing to lower their expectations and compromise and settle for little less.

i have had several conversations with my 2 older kids about compromising in a relationship. While i do believe that some amount of compromise may be necessary (depending on the couple).....i have always told my kids not to compromise themselves in the process. By that, i meant, do not give in where your basic values, morals, life goals, character, self-respect, etc, would be undermined. i stand by that concept myself. i can compromise in areas that do not compromise the healthy person i have strived to become.

And i do see the difference between compromise and settling. Someone once asked 'Why not settle? Most do not find the 'perfect' partner anyway.' my only answer was that i have waited a long time for a partner who will enhance my life....i do not feel i deserve anything less....nor will i settle for anything less.

DG

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