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RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/13/2006 7:25:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

But what is wrong with a submissive trying to seek friends?

I think nothing is wrong with a submissive trying to seek friends.

I do raise an eyebrow at one who is seeking "guidance" from those other than her Master or Dom. It tells me she is not getting adequate guidance from her dominant...a sure fire subtle invitation to others to come in and lend a hand, so to speak. It's all in the wording. Lotsa guys out there sniffing around for the smallest kink in the chain.

You do realize that not everyone's dominant is the person who is most interested in BDSM right? My dominant was completely new to BDSM when he and I first started dating. I do most of the research and learning because it interests me more. He enjoys it, he loves that it makes me happy but he could take it or leave it. I can't so he takes it. What is wrong with that?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/14/2006 6:26:46 PM

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in Master and this girl's relationship, girl is the one interested most as far as physical BDSM, and Master in the mental control and submission; it seems to work out well balanced though, it works for U/us anyway.

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"Beauty is in the eye of the key holder" - my Master <g>

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/14/2006 6:37:48 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

But what is wrong with a submissive trying to seek friends?

quote:

You do realize that not everyone's dominant is the person who is most interested in BDSM right? What is wrong with that?

Slightly snipped so that I can address my actual answers.
The problem is obviously that her Dominant is unhappy with the attention her request has generated. Seeking FRIENDS and seeking GUIDANCE are different. Asking friends for guadance is one thing, but openly asking for guidance is usually misinterpreted. When a Dominant who enjoys the challenge of winning a sub away from someone else (and there are many out there) sees something like that, they interpret it as "I am not completely content with my current situation and might consider you if the offer is right" rather than "I am seeking information in the lifestyle I am now in."
My boy has an open invitation for friends in the lifestyle in his profile. I am fine with it, and I know for a fact he has been contacted by a few people since his collaring. I think I would take issue with his looking for guidance openly, since that is something he should request from me, or at the very least get permission from me to seek elsewhere.

Just my opinion. If the incoming attention is not to the Dominants liking, he should consider having her remove that journal entry and update it to simply looking for friends. That should take the competitive "helping hand" away and the contacts will be more to both their liking.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/14/2006 10:17:50 PM

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I still don't understand why those misunderstandings are the submissive's problem. My profile generates misunderstandings and my dominant is in my user pic. I just tell them firmly and repeatedly that I am taken, firmly devoted and they should look elsewhere. Just because some stupid people read things the wrong way doesn't mean the submissive should have to yank her profile or change it around as long as it states clearly that she is taken and isn't looking.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/14/2006 10:23:48 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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If it is so obviously causing distress for her Dom, then it IS her problem. If your Dominant was upset by the replies you got, even if you were adept at handling them yourself, you wouldnt consider makng a change to your profile to save him the stress?
Personally, I dont see why it is stressing him out so much, since they are only emails. I mean it isnt as if there are other Doms caling at the house and taking his girl out. Personally, I wouldnt worry about a sub I trusted if it were all email. However, since it is obviously a major issue for them, she should try and see if there is something she can do to rectify it.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 11/15/2006 8:48:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

If it is so obviously causing distress for her Dom, then it IS her problem. If your Dominant was upset by the replies you got, even if you were adept at handling them yourself, you wouldnt consider makng a change to your profile to save him the stress?
Personally, I dont see why it is stressing him out so much, since they are only emails. I mean it isnt as if there are other Doms caling at the house and taking his girl out. Personally, I wouldnt worry about a sub I trusted if it were all email. However, since it is obviously a major issue for them, she should try and see if there is something she can do to rectify it.

DV

Honestly it would depend. If my profile only said "I'm looking for friends, dominants or masters hoping to collar me/get freaky need not apply" and my dominant was freaking out over someone e-mailing when I've been clearly rebuffing him, there is a chance I wouldn't change my profile. I would block the users to avoid that conflict but I don't see why the submissive is being held accountable for the stupidity of others and because of that she is supposed to cut off what can be a great resource of information and support from other submissives.

Frankly I see the problem as being that of the other dominants and so does my dominant.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 1:49:45 AM

soothingdesires

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Funny ownedgirlie, but "guidance" was the flag for me as well in reading the post. Such a word could be misconstrued. I also agree it is a direct invitation even if unknowingly on the posters part.

(in reply to Bikaz28)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 12:05:04 PM

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Sir Lighttouch is exactly correct. The ones that show no respect are just wannbe/players not even worthy of a reply. Doing so will fuel them thinking they are getting under your skin. Always be strong.

Dark

(in reply to Lighttouch2000)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 12:12:23 PM

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There is a simple way to deal with these internet predators. Once you have let them know she is owned, block the email.
If they don't get it, thats just TS.
If it's just friendly stuff, why not let her deal with it? Most people are more than capable of steering the direction of a friendship.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to kollin)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 2:52:18 PM

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Anyone who emails /contacts someone ignoring their profile doesnt deserve an answer and their contacts/emails should be ignored. Contacting them is just likely to provoke them into continuing the contact (and they'll probably find the fault is in you not them). I just wouldnt worry about them, they arent worthy of your time or consideration. One of the great features of this forum is the block feature. If ignoring the contacts isn't enough, then just block them. It's as easy as that.

(in reply to susie)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 3:37:48 PM

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no one can steal anything or anyone. We are all adults if the sub chooses to answer the person then its her who must accept the advances or reject them. if she answers then she is inviting the person to talk to her if she is offeneded just block the person.

(in reply to susie)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/11/2006 10:05:08 PM

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

certain psychos take exception to anyone with the unmitigated gall to block them, like how dare! After being blocked these individuals will make 100s of accounts to harass, pester, and mess with a submissive

This isn't just a sub thing. Wackos abound.

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Bikaz28)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 12/12/2006 5:21:27 AM

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From: NYS
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I agree that the term "guide me" could be causing the problem. I would change it to advise, or even better, bounce ideas off of. Saying you seek friends to bounce ideas off of gives a whole different view than seeking guidance. Unfortunately the term guidance may be part of the problem.

But no matter what she does, if she's young and has pics up, then she'll get unsolicited emails. Fact of life. I wrote something a while back about a weird response I had to a situation and got some creep writing me about how my dom is obviously unfit, and I would be perfectly happy if I only moved into his home to serve him and his wife. The part about perfectly happy collared didn't ring any bells with the twit, nor did the strictly monogamous and neither did the not available to relocate.

(in reply to Bikaz28)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/28/2007 10:38:00 PM

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Joined: 8/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

If her sense of owned is the same as your sense of owned....there really isn't anything to worry about. One can't steal that which refuses to be stolen.

I agree

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"The best things cannot be said. The second best are misunderstood." (Joseph Campbell.)

(in reply to mistoferin)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/28/2007 11:16:18 PM

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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Laugh it off and block them, some people are just born stupid.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to kollin)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/29/2007 12:18:33 AM

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I have 2 words for you:

Mail Controls

(in reply to angaothsi)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/29/2007 4:18:40 AM

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As I state on My girls profile. Friendships are good things and those who respect her and respect the fact that she is owned are likely to have that friendship respected by Me in turn.

Sort of implicit that those who don't show that respect can expect little tolerance and swift use of the block feature.

They would be barking up the wrong tree with My girl anyhow. she is the one of the two of us for whom Monogamy is a natural state. I trust her as well as her trusting Me.

But the lack of respect IS mildly irritating.... sort of in the same way as a cockroach is irritating if you see it scuttle across the floor out of the corner of your eye. It isn't able to actualy effect much, it is just irritating that it is there at all.

The main thing it does of course is flag such people as being total flakes who understand nothing about the dynamic, are not suited to D/s and are simply one of the many flotsom and detritus that gathers around such lifestle frequented places here on the net.

Why do I say they are "not suited to D/s"....

because their actions clearly show they lack respect for the dynamic (of others evidently and thus betraying a lack of respect of the nuture of the dynamic, which would include any they might end up as part of).

because their actions show a lack of basic integrity. Therefore a lack of trustworthyness..... and no D/s relationship is going to survive in a healthy way with a dom (lower case in their instance!) who can't be trusted.

and I could go on... but I think folks can see the direction I was heading...

As for what You do about it.... if you can be bothered giving them a 'slap'... a few points to maybe take on board about their behaviour, feel free.... but the rest is simple. BLOCK, DELETE, IGNORE! They aren't worth any more effort than that.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 1/29/2007 4:22:55 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kollin)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/29/2007 4:35:16 AM

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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I guess I am lucky, I have only had one or two people who have gotten out of hand, and then I have let my Master write to them, that ends it everytime. Though I advocate using the block feature I have only done so once. I tried to go read the OP's profile and his girls, but I was unable to find them. The problem very well could be in the wording on her profile. There is nothing wrong with seeking friendship and advice but if one were to do so one would have to be very careful in the way this was presented to avoid giving the impression of seeking something new.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to angaothsi)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/29/2007 4:35:30 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I tried pointing out to them that I would no longer be desirable if I could be so easily bought.

good girl! Exactly.

If My girl 'could' be stolen or bought from My side.... then she wouldn't BE Mine, the dynamic wouldn't be one I wanted and I'd probably already have shown her the door.

So I don't understand anyone getting 'worried' about it (If they are then they seriously need to take a long hard look at the relationship and dynamic they THINK they have!), but certainly IS irritating on occassion. Most girls, if something is overt and offensive will have no problem block,delete, ignoring... but where something is maybe couched in politer terms... they can be a little torn between being iritated at the unwelcome aproach and the fact that they are good girls and are somewhat hardwired to react to politeness... politely. Where as I don't have that reaction... I see through the words to the lack of respect beyond and dump them in the deleted trash pile without a second thought!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: 'Stealing' Subs - 1/29/2007 5:40:35 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

This thread is rather amusing.
A collared submissive should not speaking to other Doms without permission.

(in reply to kollin)

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