Why is it?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Why is it?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Why is it?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Why is it? - 11/10/2006 4:52:16 AM

23TampaMsub

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

That whenever I get enough courage to approach a Domme on here. More often I am accused of trolling. I know who I am, and do not play games. And my intentions are sincere. Thoughts or advice please.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 5:12:21 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 23TampaMsub

That whenever I get enough courage to approach a Domme on here. More often I am accused of trolling. I know who I am, and do not play games. And my intentions are sincere. Thoughts or advice please.

I think it's because there are sooooo many "trolls" around. And let's be realistic here hon... how do any of us know if someone is legit or just yankin' our chains? I've had many tell me how sincere they are only to disappear a day later... deleted profile and all. Maybe it has something to do with the content of your emails? What do you say to them? How do you approach them?

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 5:19:13 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

When you write someone here, do you read their profile first? If they say they are into gardening, do you ask something about that? Do you read their posts and comment on something they said and why it resonated with you? Because if all you write is "I want to be a real sub" it doesn't show that you are interested in them as a person.

You don't give enough info as to your emails for us to guess.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 5:32:19 AM

23TampaMsub

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

I am a resonably bright guy. I dont just approach a Domme unless I feel there something that I identify with in there profile. I am also very polite and try to follow proper protocol. I am not one of these guys who writes a onoe sentence message hoping to get a response. I make sure that I completely introduce myself. Yet it seems I cant be taken seriously.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 5:52:24 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Can I ask why you feel you are NOT being taken seriously? If it is the lack of response then I wouldn't let that bother you... it seems to be the norm around here to use no responce as a "no thank you" response.

Personally I think you have a well thought out profile, it shows that you have a sense of humor and that you have some idea what it is that you are looking for. Your lists of likes and dislikes etc are not unreasonable or unrealistic. Just be patient and keep on keepin' on... good things come to those that wait.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 6:35:00 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 23TampaMsub

I am a resonably bright guy. I dont just approach a Domme unless I feel there something that I identify with in there profile. I am also very polite and try to follow proper protocol. I am not one of these guys who writes a onoe sentence message hoping to get a response. I make sure that I completely introduce myself. Yet it seems I cant be taken seriously.

Something else to think about is whether the Dommes you are approaching are serious. Many on here are not, so don't always think that it's your fault for not getting a response. Be persistent. It does take time. Perhaps seek out a real time group in your area in addition to your online search.

Best of luck,
Julie

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 6:59:14 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

quote:

ORIGINAL: 23TampaMsub

I am a resonably bright guy. I dont just approach a Domme unless I feel there something that I identify with in there profile. I am also very polite and try to follow proper protocol. I am not one of these guys who writes a onoe sentence message hoping to get a response. I make sure that I completely introduce myself. Yet it seems I cant be taken seriously.

Something else to think about is whether the Dommes you are approaching are serious. Many on here are not, so don't always think that it's your fault for not getting a response. Be persistent. It does take time. Perhaps seek out a real time group in your area in addition to your online search.

Best of luck,
Julie

This is something to think about. When we are ignored we often have two choices that pop out to us.

Something is wrong with me.

Something is wrong with him/her.

Realistically it might be both these or neither. It could simply be our target isn't interested and doesn't know how to say "I'm not interested" without worries (whatever they might be).

To be honest, 23TampaMsub, you haven't written to me so I can't say if what you write is a good approach or not. But then why would you write to me? You're in Florida, right?

That is a problem too in that those you'd like to learn the reasons for lack of interest from are the ones not interested enough to write back or to continue writing. Anyone one of us writing in this thread could get a test message from you and give your our impressions but we aren't the persons you wrote to so we cannot tell you why they have reacted or not reacted as they did.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 7:34:24 AM

balletsissypa

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
Status: offline

i don't mean to bring you down but i am afraid that you may never know WHY with many of the people you write too. It feels like we are on double secret probation sometimes. Someone suggested writing more detailed letters talking about their interests such as gardening. Thats a good idea.......if that Domme is interested in letters like that. i was castigated by one Domme. She said She didn't read my email because it was too long. The problem is we don't know what combination of attributes in a letter will be liked or disliked by the Domme and unfortunately we only get one shot to make a connection. In my experience, if you write a Domme more than once when She has not responded She is put off by the fact that you wrote again (just my experience). In person you have body language and other clues to guide you. Here you do not. My advice to you is to keep tryig and hoping you get it right. Just remember that it is not your fault, its just the nature of trying to communicate online.
lauren

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 11:27:33 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

Amen, to the difficulties of trying to communicate on-line. I've been involved in the internet for 10 years or more, well before there were "smileys" and such, other than those which people invented using commas, semicolons, paretheses, etc. and even with those, it has always been difficult to not interpret or be misinterpreted when communicating over the simplest of subjects! Trying to communicate well enough to begin a possible relationship with another via this kind of medium is even more difficult and more prone to problems!

As others have noted, each will have their own preferences. I know some who absolutely love receiving long emails and others who hate them. I do know that the first 50 words or so of a message can either capture a woman's interest or may cause her to quickly move to the next one. So you may want to focus on how you begin your post. If you can also end it on a strong note that is positive and upbeat, that might also help to inspire a response as well. The former gets them to continue to read, the latter might get them to respond if they liked what they read in-between. I think that was something I learned in a writing class that stuck with me for more than the length of the class.

As a final note, I'll suggest that its my opinion that what you want to do is to start a dialogue. It's not necessary to show that you're everything a Mistress might want in one single post. Taking it in little steps gives both of you an opportunity to learn about each other in smaller bits and pieces without investing too much time in any single message. If you later decide to invest time in writing longer posts, that's a choice you can decide to make at that time. I hope this is helpful to you.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to balletsissypa)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 6:51:13 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 23TampaMsub

That whenever I get enough courage to approach a Domme on here. More often I am accused of trolling. I know who I am, and do not play games. And my intentions are sincere. Thoughts or advice please.

If you're nervous, it's because you're conjuring-up the wrong image of them. Take your mind back to a time when you were in 4th grade and remember them with braces and pony tails watching you play kickball /basketball.

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 11/10/2006 7:21:41 PM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Why is it? - 11/10/2006 7:28:30 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

"Trolling" is an odd word for someone to use, unless you've said something offensive...

--M

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 2:35:41 AM

iced05

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

well i gues u not the one their look for even tho you feel their the one you looking for either u approach proper way rude way if u are stir not the ones their want ....you 're not the want remenber their are master n misteress their pick who their wants not when u want them be your master or misteress ;)

(in reply to Morrigel)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 2:38:39 AM

iced05

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

sorry for misspelled "you 're not the want remenber their are master n misteress their pick who their wants not when u want them be your master or misteress ;) "

"you 're not the ones remenber their are master n misteress their pick who their wants not when u want them be your master or misteress ;) "

(in reply to iced05)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 7:44:57 PM

AlexAussieSub

Posts: 70
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

Subs perspective:

Maybe you could try rewriting your profile. Think of it like advertising. Say you want to make an effective ad for say a car, a good ad would mention some basic things about the car, but would focus on what the customers get out of the car (feeling comfortable, prestige etc.). The analogy of this with writing a profile is that you shouldn't have too many sentences beginning with "I" or about you in general, but about what your readers want. For example you could change "I am completely sincere in my desire to serve" to "Are you after someone who is completely sincere in their desire to serve?".

Also something that all authors, whether they write books or for magazines or newspapers agree on is that the first sentence is the most important. Most newspapers have people who's job it is to just think up headlines. A headline saying "well here's another article" isn't much of a plus. Likewise you can do better than "well here I am again".
You should also be positive in your profile. If a Domme's profile read "I'm begging for a Sub" what would you think? How much success do guys have in the vanilla world when their negative? Even a vanilla girl is only going to get geeks if she just gets around sooking.

I wouldn't really bother with protocol, you're not her Sub until you've signed a contract or been collared or otherwise agreed to be her Sub, and it screams out fantasist/online Sub. Also get out to clubs as well, the internet should only be a secondary way of meeting people.

Hope this helps :),

Alex

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 8:01:35 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Advice: stop approaching Dommes. Instead of trying to approach a Domme, approach a person who happens to be a Domme. Treat everyone as if they are a unique and wonderful individual deserving of respect and basic human dignity. Expect to be treated the same as well!

Understand that each person has unique life situations that will somehow 'ruin' a 'perfect' image. Realize that everyone makes mistakes, or sometimes has busy lives, or sometimes just flakes. Forgive them for these traits. Expect to be forgiven for your own.

fergus

(in reply to AlexAussieSub)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 8:19:29 PM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

Also, it looks as if you've moved to St louis but your profile still says your'e from tampa, so this can get confusing. You might want to make sure your profile says where you are really from. Most Dommes seem to Not want to relocate so they might dimiss you if you're not in they're area and not realize you've moved. You might want to emphasize that even though you're young, you're responsible with whatever vanilla job or position you have, always a good sign. And then in your notes you're writing that you're hoping the Domme will approach you. While that might happen, it's rare, usually the subs do have to approach the Dommes just because there are so many more subs than Dommes. And when there is a connection, follow through with a phone call and an appointment as soon as possible to show that you're serious. Good luck.

(in reply to fergus)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 8:31:12 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If you are being accused of trolling, then maybe you should reexamine how you are presenting yourself. I have gotten very obviously trolling messages, and it is hard to mistake that for an actual interest letter. If you have only heard it once, then I wouldnt worry about it. As to why they arent writing you back at all, its a Domme thing. We hear it all the time and a lot of the answers are the same. If we arent bowled over, we dont answer. Honestly, I know I get too many inquiries to worry about getting back to one I dont see much merit in.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to fergus)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 8:33:01 PM

SissySean

Posts: 376
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline

I have to say, I have gotten responses from most I have dropped a line to. And most sincere also. Not ever having read what you write to them maybe try changing your style. And not to sound rude, although I have been accused of that here lately, you may want to change your picture. I say this because many of the Dommes here tend to be over the age of 25 and honestly, the gang banger look may not appeal to them. Just trying to help.

_____________________________

"I know it hurts too much, I know you're scared. I know you're running out of trust, wishing you were dead. Drown in your misery, you're not alone, come share your tears with me and witness it all go wrong."

Amanda Palmer is HOT!!

(in reply to jdtallfem)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Why is it? - 11/11/2006 9:42:03 PM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

There is an old saying, " "The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons."

That was the first thought that popped into my head when reading your profile because you are constantly proclaiming how you are a "real submissive". I would rather someone show me their nature through actions than tell me.

< Message edited by nikaa -- 11/11/2006 9:44:24 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika

The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.

Wakan Tankan Nici Un

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Why is it? - 11/13/2006 7:40:55 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

As others have pointed out, it may be in the way you approach. Another reason might simply be your profile. There's very little on it except your declaration that you are a real sub looking for a real Mistress. What makes you "real"? What would make her "real"? What do you expect in the relationship? What do you have to offer? Try thinking about those, then rewritting your profile. Also, take another picture. While some of us might think you're cute in it, a lot will think you're simply posing. Take a "normal" head shot without the hoodie with better quality. If you want to keep the fun picture you have right now, put it in as a second or third pic.

Hope this helps.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

Profile

Post #: 20