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RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/18/2006 2:05:29 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
With DCS and I, the priority is on BEING TOGETHER.  And by “being” I mean that in the most basic literal as well as the highest vibratory spiritual way.  Whatever we happen to BE is secondary to that.  Whatever the energy/emotions/moods are flowing, we simply flow with them. 



You've said some pretty amazing things in the past LA....but I have to say, this tops them all.  I sometimes wonder if people get so caught up with the "how" we do it, they lose sight of the "why" we do it.


< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 11/18/2006 2:06:52 AM >


_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/18/2006 6:24:10 AM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline
starshinedowned,

Let me make it clear, that in no way was I trying to change your opinion or way of thinking. You have a right to your personal opinion, as flawed as it may be. You even have a right to express that opinion the way you wish. However, when you publicly express a flawed or out right wrong opinion as fact people will call you on it.
 
Furthermore, stating your attack on a person's life choices as an opinion does not change the fact that that is what you are doing and in my opinion that action says ALOT about your human nature.

< Message edited by nikaa -- 11/18/2006 6:25:05 AM >


_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/18/2006 7:20:20 AM   
Code99


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
It is only the dynamic Y/you both choose that matters.
                                                          MsD

_____________________________

D.L.H

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/18/2006 3:22:23 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
I read this response, in either here or literotica, unfortunately, ive lost who wrote it, suffice to say, these are not my words, but they are my thoughts, on how we change as people.
How we do things, is irrelevant, why we do them is. I firmly believe, that a mercurial myriad of styles co-exhist in me also.

Every now and then, when that fleeting thought passes through my mind, that I may want to go back to Switching instead of Domming, I consider making a new profile.
And then I think to myself… well, that would actually be kind of dumb and a lot of work for me.

I see it as a matter of courage. I need to have the courage to say "Even though my past 600 posts have been a strong stance on what I am as a Dominant, I am willing to admit and accept change."

For the most part, I live an extremely flexible life, and lifestyle. Those who enter my circle, need to be willing to accept that.
I’ll give damn near anything a whirl. I was a sub, a slave, a Switch, a Domme. I did Pro-Domming, lecturing, created munch groups, and organized events. I’ve "dropped out" of the lifestyle for 2 years at a time. I’ve been a teacher, a writer, a waitress. I’ve worked in the judicial system. I’ve been booked in the judicial system. I’ve been a delinquent, and an A+ student. I’ve been homeless, college educated, a battered woman, and a spokesperson.
If someone happens to meet me during one phase of my life, they need to understand and grasp the concept that there is more to me than what they see in front of them. The ones who "get it" stick around. The ones who want to hold on to the fantasy that what they are currently seeing is all I’ve ever been and all I’ll ever be, tend to wash away rather quickly.

The boy currently in my life met me when I was 25 pounds lighter, Pro-Domming for good money, trying to start up my own vanilla business, and heading back to graduate school. He watched me learn new things about myself and make a decision to give up wealth for morals. He’s been there the whole time as my plans for graduate school went down the drain. He’s watched me suffer health problems to the point that there are days I barely make it out of bed, I vomit in my sleep, and I have zero inclination to ever pick up a flogger again. He’s learned about my past achievements, some unbelievable. He’s learned my past mistakes, some unforgivable.
And he’s stuck by my side.

I can look back at people who met me during my "good times" and once the bad times hit, they were no where to be found. Once they learned of my past mistakes, they saw me in a different light. I’ve met submissives who can’t swallow the concept that I’ve been victimized. I’ve met Dominants who couldn’t swallow the concept that I’ve been a leader.
I’ve really found that people who want to fit me in a box based on what I’ve said in the past, or written in the past, or done in the past, get very frustrated when they realize there is no box, and they quickly go about their way.
The people who take the time to get to know the core of who I am, usually stick around for the long haul. At worst, they might view me as a little bit flaky when it comes to trying new things.
But they are the ones who really know me best. They are there through thick and thin. They are flexible to the changes that come and go in life.
And that’s what I’m looking for in relationships. Not someone who judged me based on some articles I wrote.

If anyone recognises this piece, please inform me of who the author is.
littleone

(in reply to Code99)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/18/2006 5:47:25 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
Like what? You would care what others think of your relationship? Be happy that youre happy. Ignore the rest of us please. xoxo Sophia

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/20/2006 8:49:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes
You've said some pretty amazing things in the past LA....but I have to say, this tops them all.  I sometimes wonder if people get so caught up with the "how" we do it, they lose sight of the "why" we do it.

Thanks Champagne, I really appreciate it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/20/2006 8:57:52 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I was thinking today that a lot of people get the impression that because DCS and I are so casual and comfortable with switching between eachother, that a lot of people form the misperception that we aren’t “serious” or “deep” with our dynamic.

It’s an understandable misperception and I don’t know that I can really say/type anything to be persuasive enough to the contrary.  I know it’s condescending to say “If you’re a switch, you get it” but I know even some switches get this misperception and plenty of non-switches don’t.  It’s more of “If you get it, you get it” type of thing.

With DCS and I, the priority is on BEING TOGETHER.  And by “being” I mean that in the most basic literal as well as the highest vibratory spiritual way.  Whatever we happen to BE is secondary to that.  Whatever the energy/emotions/moods are flowing, we simply flow with them. 

The energy is still intense, and we are devoted to eachother.  When I am his mistress, he is my boy- as much as any non-switching relationship would be.  And the same is true when I wear his collar.

We are utterly devoted to eachother.  How we happen to express that devotion is an expression of the moment.  In the way that a couple can be deeply connected and intimate by sharing the Sunday paper in their PJs on the couch just as much as they can with cuffs and knives and masks and tears.

I never thought I’d be very comfortable calling myself “a dominant.”  But then I never thought I’d be very comfortable calling myself a “woman” and dressing in women’s pretty clothes either.  But now I feel more MYSELF than ever before.  If people make the misperception that I am confused or less “serious” because who I am is expressed differently from the traditional ways…I can only hope they learn to feel the energy, not rely on their former standards.


A lot of people see my girl and I as very casual...and sometimes assume she is the Master. We laugh and cut up...and she walks on step ahead to the left of me. This put me in the "classic" position of a slave in reference to her. To us, that's their stuff, not ours.

Isn't it nice that sometimes, we can have moment of true clarity about our lives? We are simply Real and capably of being just who we are.

Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
"...Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you..."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful."When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt...It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 10:38:12 AM   
Lieren


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Rather sky dive and put this girls life in the hands of a person thats a instructor and does it everyday versus a person that had a few lessons and occassionally does it for fun but feels that qualifys them to call themselves a instructor.



And that line right there is why I shy away from most BDSM environments.

I like the switches here... I think I'll hang around for a while :)

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 12:25:56 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline
We'll be glad to have ya! *grin*

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to Lieren)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 12:50:12 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

Like what? You would care what others think of your relationship? Be happy that youre happy. Ignore the rest of us please. xoxo Sophia


Um.. huh?

Like what?? What?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 12:56:25 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
I will  say this.. I've never seen a switch that didn't eventually settle into one or the other roles.  And I'll be so bold as to ad that bisexuals eventually do show a preference. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 1:04:20 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
Hey Lotus. ~smiling~ I agree.

I am bisexual and preferred women for awhile ... but I think it was the newness of the differences in the experience. I much prefer men and have not sought out a female partner in a great number of years, although it makes for good fantasies. Interestingly, I am never dominant with men and would only be submissive with women if a Dom ordered it to be so.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 1:22:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I will  say this.. I've never seen a switch that didn't eventually settle into one or the other roles.

How long are you defining "eventually"?  I know a few who are well over their decade mark and still going strong.

quote:

And I'll be so bold as to ad that bisexuals eventually do show a preference. 

Preference is meaningless in this case.  They still ARE a bisexual.  I could prefer being a slave 99 relationships out of 100- I'd still consider myself a switch.  I know a slave who considers herself a lesbian, and yet has a male master and greatly enjoys sex with him.  She considers that one exception to prove her rule.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 1:25:24 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
I will  say this.. I've never seen a switch that didn't eventually settle into one or the other roles.

How long are you defining "eventually"?  I know a few who are well over their decade mark and still going strong.

quote:

And I'll be so bold as to ad that bisexuals eventually do show a preference. 

Preference is meaningless in this case.  They still ARE a bisexual.  I could prefer being a slave 99 relationships out of 100- I'd still consider myself a switch.  I know a slave who considers herself a lesbian, and yet has a male master and greatly enjoys sex with him.  She considers that one exception to prove her rule.


Well what can I say.. you are just 'One Stop Shopping", aren't cha? :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 2:09:52 PM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
Well, this little thread has wandered all over...
But back to the point, I feel for you LA.  The longer I spend in the lifestyle the harder it is to expalin "what I am" to other people.  Heck you are one of the folks who made me realize that the standard definitions some people use just don't work in my life. 

I am a switch, to some that means pser, opportunist, faker, or unsure.  And that's all without changing roles inside a relationship LoL.  I can see where you are gonna have trouble with people pigeonholing or marginalizing you.

BUT... if somebody doesn't get you, then they are probably not gonna be in a relationship with you anyway.  So stay true to your relationship(s) and follow your energy you dominant little browncoat slave you!

N

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 2:44:02 PM   
angharad


Posts: 229
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline
I absolutely love the rabbit and horse extract.  Thank you for posting it. 

LA I'm with all the other folks who say enjoy what you have.  You have the sense to appreciate it and not let it get boxed up and labelled. If it's not broke it dont need fixing.  Some people just have to tamper.....

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 3:23:58 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I was thinking today that a lot of people get the impression that because DCS and I are so casual and comfortable with switching between eachother, that a lot of people form the misperception that we aren’t “serious” or “deep” with our dynamic.

It’s an understandable misperception and I don’t know that I can really say/type anything to be persuasive enough to the contrary.  I know it’s condescending to say “If you’re a switch, you get it” but I know even some switches get this misperception and plenty of non-switches don’t.  It’s more of “If you get it, you get it” type of thing.

With DCS and I, the priority is on BEING TOGETHER.  And by “being” I mean that in the most basic literal as well as the highest vibratory spiritual way.  Whatever we happen to BE is secondary to that.  Whatever the energy/emotions/moods are flowing, we simply flow with them. 

The energy is still intense, and we are devoted to eachother.  When I am his mistress, he is my boy- as much as any non-switching relationship would be.  And the same is true when I wear his collar.

We are utterly devoted to eachother.  How we happen to express that devotion is an expression of the moment.  In the way that a couple can be deeply connected and intimate by sharing the Sunday paper in their PJs on the couch just as much as they can with cuffs and knives and masks and tears.

I never thought I’d be very comfortable calling myself “a dominant.”  But then I never thought I’d be very comfortable calling myself a “woman” and dressing in women’s pretty clothes either.  But now I feel more MYSELF than ever before.  If people make the misperception that I am confused or less “serious” because who I am is expressed differently from the traditional ways…I can only hope they learn to feel the energy, not rely on their former standards.


I read through both pages and thought about not posting because well.. I'm not a switch.  But I get where starshine is coming from, although I think linguistically the way she expresses it for me is a bit difficult to completely understand.  But from my perspective I feel that if the energy is shifting to different dynamics then the amount of time and energy that can be put into one dynamic is not as much as if you have one dynamic.  If you have a couple that is going from mommy/little boy to male dom/female submissive to pony girl/trainer there is a finite amount of time and energy that can be expended towards those dynamics.  If a couple were just  male dom/female submissive theres also just a finite amount of time or energy, but all things being equal their time and energy will be more than the couple thats going between multiple dynamics. 

It doesn't mean they can't be devoted emotionally to each other it also doesn't mean they can't be committed or serious about their relationship, but I can't really see how they'd be serious or committed about the dynamic if the energy is constantly shifting.  For some people (myself included) if the energy is constantly shifting then it means that perhaps the dynamic isn't that serious.  I don't think people have to be serious (or focused) about their dynamic to be in the BDSM scene, however I don't think I'd internally or personally consider someone slave if the energy was constantly shifting within the dynamic where they were not always a slave to the person (at the risk of repeating myself I mean that if someone is able to of their own violition shift out of the place of being someones slave to being over them then I cannot consider them a slave).

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 3:35:36 PM   
Lieren


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:


ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
I read through both pages and thought about not posting because well.. I'm not a switch.  But I get where starshine is coming from, although I think linguistically the way she expresses it for me is a bit difficult to completely understand.  But from my perspective I feel that if the energy is shifting to different dynamics then the amount of time and energy that can be put into one dynamic is not as much as if you have one dynamic.  If you have a couple that is going from mommy/little boy to male dom/female submissive to pony girl/trainer there is a finite amount of time and energy that can be expended towards those dynamics.  If a couple were just  male dom/female submissive theres also just a finite amount of time or energy, but all things being equal their time and energy will be more than the couple thats going between multiple dynamics. 

It doesn't mean they can't be devoted emotionally to each other it also doesn't mean they can't be committed or serious about their relationship, but I can't really see how they'd be serious or committed about the dynamic if the energy is constantly shifting.  For some people (myself included) if the energy is constantly shifting then it means that perhaps the dynamic isn't that serious.  I don't think people have to be serious (or focused) about their dynamic to be in the BDSM scene, however I don't think I'd internally or personally consider someone slave if the energy was constantly shifting within the dynamic where they were not always a slave to the person (at the risk of repeating myself I mean that if someone is able to of their own violition shift out of the place of being someones slave to being over them then I cannot consider them a slave).


I wonder, have you spent as much time and energy deciding whether you'll consider African Americans who are very light brown, black?  Your post had an awful lot of references to other people... it's so much less offensive when you stick to I statements.  I wonder, do you realize that when you wander away from I statements you sound as if you're saying that people who do it differently than you do don't have it right?  I wasn't aware of your status as the person who made the final decision about what's "enough" or "more".

No flame intended, but I know you sure as hell offended me.

Lieren

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 3:45:41 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lieren

I wonder, have you spent as much time and energy deciding whether you'll consider African Americans who are very light brown, black?  Your post had an awful lot of references to other people... it's so much less offensive when you stick to I statements.  I wonder, do you realize that when you wander away from I statements you sound as if you're saying that people who do it differently than you do don't have it right?  I wasn't aware of your status as the person who made the final decision about what's "enough" or "more".

No flame intended, but I know you sure as hell offended me.

Lieren



It would be nice if you disagreed with me that you actually stuck to the substance.  To quote my own post in terms of the number of times I made *I statements*:

I read through both pages and thought about not posting because well.. I'm not a switch....
But I get where starshine is coming from, although I think linguistically the way she expresses it ....
But from my perspective I feel....
I can't really see how they'd be....
For some people (myself included)....
I don't think people have to be serious....
I don't think I'd internally or personally consider....
I mean that if someone is able to of their own violition shift out of the place of being someones slave to being over them then I cannot consider them a slave....

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to Lieren)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Seriousness in Switching - 11/21/2006 4:19:25 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline
I also have been irritated at people who think that switching is somehow less than having only one orientation.  All my life I have been accused of not choosing sides and been told that I can't be ________ and _________ together.  Pretty much if there is a middle ground, I'm in it.  I am bisexual, Christian AND Wiccan, and BDSM was one of the few areas I thought I was purely one thing.  Of course many of my posts have dealt with the exciting world of discovering that I'm a switch and I couldn't be happier.  Why do peope want to make us choose one thing over another when there are so many exciting philosophies and sensations to experience.  I guess most people just can't wrap their heads around the validity of anyone else's paradigm.  There are many things that I have learned more about and discovered that they weren't for me, but I can't imagine telling anyone else that they can't do or believe them, or even that there way was somehow less than mine.  I do get that people who play casually versus people who have a LTR with their partner(s) are having a different experience, but all of our experiences are valid expresions of who we are, as long as they feel right to us.  Don't we have enough of the vanilla world telling us we are wrong?  Do we really need to fight with each other too?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 40
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