Midearthtrainer
Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Padriag
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ORIGINAL: alittleshyone
help a submissive to regain her confidence after having been in a bad relationship before coming to You? Or do you not desire to be involved with someone with such baggage? Just curious.
shy
I start by assessing the situation. The very first thing I want to know is if she is willing to grow beyond her past experiences. Some are too shell shocked or too busy wallowing in self pity to help, they are at a place in their life where I simply cannot reach them regardless of what I do. On those I pass. On the other hand if she seems trying to grow beyond it, willing to try and change, then odds are she can. How I go about helping a submissive regain her confidence is really about teaching trust and changing perceptions. Doing this involves a combination of challenges and reassurances. On the one hand her fears and doubts have to be challenged, she has to be coaxed into facing them or else they'll eventually rule her and she'll never trust. But that has to be done carefully. She also needs to feel safe which means not being aggressive, not pushing boundaries or pushing her into new territory. She needs time to learn to be certain of things she already knows first. I'm also watchful of incorrect perceptions she may have developed. These misperceptions have to also be challenged, again carefully, so that she can learn through experience that her past traumatic experiences are not how things will always be.
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ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence
We've all had failed relationships, we've probably all been hurt, and caused someone else some pain along the way. What we need to know is that there is someone we can count on to accept those things about us, and like us anyway. The fact that someone is willing to try a new relationship despite old wounds means deep down there is still a spark of hope of creating something worthwhile and meaningful. He is someone who saw in me qualities that I could no longer see in myself. I had a lot of love to give, and a sincere need to be with someone who wanted it. Maybe that one you've passed up because they had too much baggage was your diamond in the rough. Sometimes you have to look deeper to see the beauty within.
These are true statements.
For Me, the combination of these two quotes is just the beginning of an evaluation into considering a realtionship. If there is a "diamond in the rough", that I like, then I will take the time to polish it and see how it shines for Me. It is knowing the difference between what a Dom/mme can handle and what should be assisted by professionals, that can make or break a relationship. To attempt it all by yourself, then all you do is add to the baggage, not detract from it.
< Message edited by Midearthtrainer -- 11/18/2006 2:36:13 PM >
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. I personally don't have the time for such an emotionally charged relationship... a person with such 'emotional baggage' as it were, needs a lot of support & attention. I don't have the time for that, nor to I have the inclination to nurse someone into a healthy relationship. Now, I'm not an ogre, I'll help out friends when I can, and I certainly support them when/if they leave a bad relationship, but to meet someone new & try to forge a lasting relationship when they're just out of a nasty one... not a good idea in my book. I may try to be a friendly ear & listen to them... offer advice if asked... but I wouldn't become involved in a relationship with them. 
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